Anything But Conventional
by kyla713
Summary: Edward Cullen is an Army brat, who has his entire life planned out perfectly, and can't wait to get out of this utterly dull town of Forks, WA. But then a whirlwind in the form of Bella Swan enters his life..AU/AH,some OOC
1. Friday Night Rituals

**Hi there. I am not new to the fan fiction world, but I am new to this particular world of it. This is my first Twilight story, and I want to thank my wonderful beta, americnxidiot, whose help on this story has been absolutely invaluable! This story may seem to start off slow, but I promise it picks up, so please bear with me! Thanks so much!**

****8/28/09: This is a revised version of the original chapter. I will be continuing to post revised, polished copies of each chapter as I have them ready. :)**

**Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. All characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to the respective author. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. **

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**Chapter 1: Friday Night Rituals**

**_Bella POV_**

Another Friday night, and once again Alice was dragging me out to meet up with the guys again. In truth, I knew exactly what was going on in that pixie brain of hers. Both she and Jasper, with no small amount of encouragement from Emmett, had been trying to set me up with Edward for months. It didn't matter how many times we tried to make it clear to them that we are _just_ friends. Besides, Edward did not _date_. He was more of a "love 'em and leave 'em" kind of guy; took care of the itch and ditched the scratcher. That would only make for an awkward situation between us. I was not about to risk losing my best friend for a quick roll in the sack, and _definitely_ not the way I planned to lose my virginity.

Did I find Edward attractive? I might have been his best friend, but hell, I was still a member of the female populace. However, he didn't look at me that way, and I could understand why. I certainly was _not_ the most attractive girl in Forks. I was at the receiving end of a few smiles and flirtatious gestures from guys like Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley, but that was about the extent of it. Moreover, as if that wasn't enough, there was my police chief father's strict 'no dating until you're sixteen' ordinance. September really could not come fast enough.

Nevertheless, none of it made the slightest bit of difference to Alice. She insisted that Edward and I were destined to be together and we should just wake up and smell the proverbial coffee. The only reasons I still agreed to the ridiculous Friday night rituals was because one, there was a chance it would eventually help Alice realize that he and I were much better suited as friends. Two, it got my father off my back about staying in the house too much. And three, it gave me time with Edward outside of school.

Between you, me and the fly on the wall, I was head over heels in love with my best friend. Though I would be damned before I would admit that to anyone; especially Alice, who I knew would use it as incentive to try even harder. But I could remember the day I met Edward Cullen like it was yesterday. Every detail, every sight, every smell…

It was seven months before. I had just moved to Forks, WA, with my dad, Charlie, who had decided the crime rate of Phoenix had just gotten too high for him and he was offered the post of police chief up here in the disgustingly boring town. To say I was unhappy would be an understatement. I was a city girl to the core and I loved Phoenix. I missed my friends, my house and, of course, not only was I starting in a new school in a new town – I was starting _high school_ as a _freshman,_ in a new school in a new town. Then there was the added bonus of it being _such_ a small town, where everyone knew everybody else and the family trees probably didn't fork much. Honestly, with a population of just over 3,000, how much variety could there really be? So, I would feel like even more of an outsider. _Perfect._

I had gotten up early that morning, after a nearly sleepless night. I'd heard my dad leave for work around four and knew I had a few hours to kill. So I took my time showering and getting dressed in my simple jeans and a t-shirt ensemble, and making myself an extravagant breakfast of Froot Loops and OJ and working on my latest sketch as I ate.

I groaned as soon as I stepped out the front door to walk to my bus stop. Cold and drizzle; the two things I hated most, and all at once, I was even _more_ homesick. Standing at the bus stop under the silent stares of the locals did not help to ease my anxiety and the rumbling of the school bus making its way down the road sounded like harps of heaven to me. I could retreat to the back of the large vehicle and hide behind my sketchbook. However, the feeling of relief was short-lived as I stepped inside, only to find even more stares. I ducked my head slightly as I made my way down the aisle, where luckily, the seat in the very back was empty and I slid in.

I settled into my drawing, distracting myself from the murmurs and giggles surrounding me. Sure, I knew I was plain and ordinary, and being the daughter of a police officer never exactly ranked high on the popularity scale, but I could never accustom myself to the constant scrutiny.

I had become so engrossed in my drawing that startled slightly by the slight shift of weight on the seat beside me. I glanced over to find a petite girl staring down at my drawing. Her appearance struck me as odd; not at _all_ what I had expected from such a small town. Even with her pixie-like haircut, she was undeniably striking and feminine. I had never thought it was possible for anyone to make my 5'4" frame look gigantic, but this girl was lucky if she broke 5'.

"Wow, how do you do that?" Her voice broke me out of my analysis and I could feel the blush coming over my cheeks. Fortunately, her attention was on my drawing and she had not seemed to notice my close observation of her.

"Do what?" I replied, realizing that I hadn't responded when she looked up at me.

She had a kind smile and an extremely friendly disposition, apparently unafraid to walk up to a complete stranger and uncaring to the stares surrounding me. She met my gaze and giggled softly, pointing to my sketchbook. "This. I mean, even on a bouncing bus, the details are still amazing. Who is it?"

My eyes lowered to the paper and were met with a familiar, yet still so distant face—one that was a constant in my artwork but also still tugged at my heart. I glanced back up to the girl's waiting face and I shrugged slightly. "It's my mother," I answered and then my eyes fell back to the paper. I did not discuss my mother with anyone, even Charlie. One thing that I had learned from my father was the less you said, the less you thought; a technique that had benefited me immensely.

"She's pretty," she answered with another charming smile and then held out her hand. "I'm Alice, by the way. Alice Brandon. And you're Isabella Swan, right? The new police chief's daughter?"

Well, if there was ever any question as to my identity before, there certainly wasn't any longer. Even more eyes turned to face me and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, but shook her hand politely. "Just Bella, actually," I corrected her with a slight shake of my head. I hated my given name. It made me sound like I belonged inside some Disney movie, a princess waiting for her prince; and I was far from _that_. "It's nice to meet you."

Alice laughed softly, a light sound that seemed to suit her dainty appearance, as she shifted more in the seat to face me. "Believe me, I know the feeling. My parents cursed me as well. '_Mary Alice'_? Who names their children after nuns anyway?"

I could not refrain from chuckling faintly in amusement. Her energy and enthusiasm were contagious, even to someone as morose as I was. She was the kind of person you couldn't help but like instantly, and if you tried, you would fail miserably. Fortunately, she wasn't the quiet type either, which suited me fine. I was able to get in about three words through the entire bus ride to school.

Once we arrived however, Alice insisted on introducing me to her friends, even though I really had not intended to make myself so known. But she assured me it was a small group of people and that they would just 'love me'.

To be perfectly clear, there was nothing about that day that would have given me any indication that there was anything different or extraordinary about it. No funny feelings, planets out of alignment or anything ridiculous like that. Just an ordinary day of a high school freshman. But as we walked toward the park behind to the school, I was somehow able to ignore the excited squeal of the girl beside me as _he_ came into my view. His bronze hair gave off a slight glow from the morning sun that had actually broken through the clouds and rain for a moment, his head turning toward us and exhaling a drag from a cigarette as we approached. Just then, something happened to me that had never happened before.

My breath hitched in my throat and my heart started racing at the sight of a guy.

He waited a moment for me to say something, but when all I seemed to be able to manage was continuing to stare at him, his brow knitted together. "Do I have something on my face?" he asked sarcastically, and then began to chuckle when I looked away in embarrassment.

Alice rolled her eyes from her perch around her boyfriend, Jasper's, waist. She was so tiny; it was probably no effort at all for him to hold her there with her legs wrapped around him. "Edward, you must excuse my friend here. Seems the cat has a good hold on that tongue of hers," she said with a giggle as I decided that ignoring her, or at least trying to, was my best option. "This is Bella Swan, by the way."

Edward chuckled softly as his eyes returned to me, giving me a brief perusal. I was still speechless as I looked over at him again. He was good-looking; I would give him that. He appeared to be about 6' tall, slender, but well built. Long legs that seemed to go on for days and the most gorgeous pair of green eyes I had ever seen. Of course, not that I'd spent a whole lot of time 'checking out boys'. I was every father's dream—straight A student, more content to stay home in my room with a good book or my sketchpad than to go out partying and getting into trouble with my friends. Whatever friends I actually managed to acquire, that is. I was painfully shy for the most part and never particularly made an effort to be social. Or to chase after boys as most of my classmates seemed to be obsessed over. Even if my father did not have his strict ordinance about dating, I was never especially interested.

After a moment of extended silence, Alice smirked, watching the two of us gaze at each other and turning to look at Jasper, who appeared to find this amusing as well. "Seems the cat's got his tongue as well," she said in a chortling tone, leaning in to kiss his neck as a group of girls walked by, glaring at her in jealousy. According to Alice, he and his best friend, Edward, were the bad boy juniors that every female member of the student body desired.

Edward never took his eyes off me, but a crooked smile tugged at his lips as he licked them. "Nah, I think it's still right over there on that tongue," he replied teasingly, pointing to my mouth with a laugh.

Unable to resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him both defiantly and symbolically, I narrowed my eyes at him and then turned quickly to storm away from the laughing faction. I was hardly ever so bold but I also had my moments of temper, and I _never _appreciated being humiliated.

I heard Edward's laughter behind me and it only served to fuel my anger as I continued to walk away, refusing to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.

"Wow, she's a little firecracker, isn't she?" he commented briefly to the other two before he jogged up behind me. I heard his footsteps, and as my luck would have it, my tendency for clumsiness at the _most_ inopportune moments decided to rear its ugly head just then. My foot hit a patch of slick mud and I landed flat on my ass. _Classic, Bella, _I mentally grumbled as I shook my head with a huff and started to push myself off the ground. When I felt a hand on my elbow, I slowly turned my head to find the source, only meet those green eyes again. For the second time, I was rendering me speechless until his voice broke me out of that reverie.

"Hey, are you all right?" he asked in a sincere tone with that soft velvet voice of his, sending me into yet another reverie. _How could a voice that beautiful belong to a man?_ My silence seemed to inspire the soft chuckle that escaped his smooth lips and my gaze reverted to a glare. "Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. May I start again?" he asked but received no answer. I simply folded my arms over my chest and continued staring at him. What had gotten into me? I swore Charlie must have sprinkled something in the OJ that morning to drag me out of my glum mood. "Hi, I'm Edward Cullen."

My eyes shot down to his extended hand and then looked back up at him without returning the gesture.

"So I've heard," I snapped back angrily, pulling my arms around me tighter. The sun had disappeared behind the clouds again, taking with it its warmth and it was once again cold and raw. "And if you think I'm just going to stand around here to be the butt of some hot shot junior's jokes, you are sadly mistaken. I have better and far more interesting things to do with my day. Such as go to class. So now, if you will excuse me, I need to leave. You reek."

**x-x-x**

"Ow! Alice, that's still attached, you know!" I exclaimed, feeling a sharp pain shoot along my scalp as she twisted my hair. Sometimes I swore I was more of a fashion doll for her than anything else. She always had some new exciting look that she wanted to try with my hair and a new top she had designed that she just _had_ to try out on me. That particular night, it was a dark blue, v-cut midriff top that showed far too much skin for my liking. My low-riders only seemed to increase the effect, which was probably her intention.

"Oh stop complaining and hold still!" Alice scolded me with narrowed eyes and then returned to her meticulous endeavor with my hair. After what seemed like an eternity, she stepped back to examine her handiwork, and I heard her giggle excitedly. "All right, you officially look smoking hot! Now let's get out of here, the guys are probably wondering what the heck is taking us so long."

I sighed and reluctantly stood up, examining myself briefly in the mirror above my dresser. I had to admit, Alice worked wonders, even with someone as plain as I was, but I still didn't see the point in getting all dolled up for a simple night at the movies with friends. Grabbing my purse, I followed her down to her newly acquired, bright yellow Porsche — as if she needed something so extravagant to draw attention to herself.

**_Edward POV_**

I glanced at my watch one more time and sighed. _This is one good reason to never date_, I mused. There had to be an unwritten rule somewhere that women are required to be at least ten minutes late for everything, and the movie was starting in about fifteen. I knew why Jasper and Alice insisted on dragging me out every Friday. It wasn't exactly as if they had ever been inconspicuous about their intentions.

I adored Bella to the depths of my being and she was my best friend. We knew each other inside and out, and I could talk to her about anything. Well, _almost _anything. If there were one girl I could picture myself being in an actual relationship with, it would be her. She was so perfect in so many ways, even with her flaws. My parents and brother loved her as if she was part of the family, but she deserved so much better than me. She seemed so rooted here in Forks with her father, Alice and my own family. Our plans for the future did not exactly mesh.

It wasn't as if it would be difficult at all for her to attract someone decent; someone good for _her_. Once Chief Swan actually allowed her to grow up some and be a teenager, and of course, Bella herself began taking notice of the plethora of guys around her who really wanted her. The boy's locker room for gym was _not_ the most comfortable place to be in the day she started at Forks High, and the fact that I had been one of the few people to have had the pleasure of talking to her had only made it worse. 'What is she like?'… 'Did you get her number?'… 'Another notch in your bedpost, Cullen?' The effect that last comment had on me should have been a clear indication that Bella was no ordinary girl. Mr. Schmidt had to pry my fists from Newton's shirt after I pinned him against the lockers. Normally, I would have just laughed it off or completely agreed; but she was different and I knew that from almost the first moment I laid eyes on her.

**x-x-x**

_Yet another day in this purgatory_, I thought to myself as I sat in my car in the school parking lot. _Only two more years of this crap._

The summer had flown by too fast, as it too often did and once again, we were back. My brother, Emmett, had already bounded out of the car to go flirt with the group of stuck-up, anorexic cheerleaders. Jasper and I got out and headed to the park before school to have a smoke and meet up with his new flavor of the week, Alice. Actually, I couldn't really say that, since he rarely actually _dated _someone, and she wasn't exactly '_new_' anymore. They had been dating for the entire summer by then and it didn't appear to be fizzling out anytime soon. More power to him; I couldn't handle it.

It wasn't that I didn't like Alice. She was just a little high strung for my tastes–whatever my tastes actually were. I was truly beginning to believe that I didn't have a particular taste, since none of the female population there actually appealed to me. Especially that Stanley girl; she grated on my damn nerves. Her pathetic attempts at being seductive and her high-pitched '_Hi Edward_' weren't the _only_ grounds for my lack of appetite at lunch, but it was high up on the list. From the moment my father was transferred to Washington from Alaska three years before, I had been counting down the days until graduation. The only people I could stand to be around outside my family were Jasper, and for the moment, Alice. Everyone else there annoyed me with their simple, small town mentality and complete lack of intelligence.

I looked up from taking a drag of my Marlboro as I heard that familiar, _Notebook_ worthy '_squee_!', and that was the first time I saw her. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds for a moment and I swore that I was staring at an angel. She was without a doubt one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life, with the sun showing the red highlights in her chestnut hair that held a delicate scent of coconut when she flicked it over her shoulder. She was petite; I guessed that she only stood about 5'4". As she came closer, those deep chocolate eyes of hers never left mine, and the depth of them took me aback, as if I could gaze right into her soul.

I heard Alice introduce her as Bella Swan. _Figures_, I chuckled to myself. _This stunning creature _would_ be a police officer's daughter_. Literal jailbait; probably armed with pepper spray and her father's Louisville Slugger leaning meticulously beside the front door, right beside the shotgun. Yet, I still couldn't take my eyes off her.

I waited for her to say something, _anything._ Just to hear if her voice was as magnificent as the rest of her. I supposed I also wanted to discover if she was going to be any different from the rest of the bumbling idiots at that school, who seemed to think that a pretty face and a nice rack were the only things that a guy paid attention to. She never said a word, though. _Great, so you _are _another one of _those, I thought as she continued to stare at me, and in classic fashion, I decided to hide my discomfort from the all-too-frequent scenario behind cockiness.

Then—dumbass male that I was, even after _obviously_ embarrassing her– I made the mistake teasing her. Perhaps I was peculiar, but I considered her reaction intriguing and adorable, rather than childish. _Did she _really_ just… stick her tongue out at me?_

"Wow, she's a little firecracker isn't she?" I joked to Jasper and Alice but never took my eyes off her retreating form. I definitely wanted to know the girl better. I jogged to catch up to her but didn't quite make it before I witnessed her slipping and falling right on that cute little ass. And I'd admit, that was exactly where my eyes had been right before she fell.

But that didn't mean that my parents hadn't raised me to be a gentleman and I made my way to her as quickly as I could without risking my own fall, gently taking her elbow to steady her. She looked up at me when I asked her if she was all right, and once again, I got lost in those beautiful brown eyes, a chuckle escaping me at the extended silence between us as I helped her off the ground. I tried to apologize and introduce myself but her expression changed again, and she folded her arms over her chest defiantly.

I swore, if it was possible to fall in love on the spot, I would have done it right there.

She did not shrink away or become intimidated or giggly in my presence. Instead, she became sassy and actually told me I stunk! I followed her eyes to the cigarette I still had between my fingers and laughed, but when I looked back up, I found that she was walking away from me again. I decided at that moment that I _needed_ to know this girl better. She was fascinating. I tossed my cigarette down to the ground and stomped it out with my foot; maybe I would even consider quitting.

I caught up to her again and met her gait so I could talk to her as we walked toward the school. "So you just moved here, right? Are you a junior, too?"

"You're quick, aren't you?" Her sass came back into play and I couldn't help but chuckle in amusement, but then her jaw tightened slightly and she seemed very uncomfortable.

"No, I'm a freshman," she replied abruptly in a softer voice and then continued to walk without so much as a sideways glance in my direction.

I found myself staring at her incredulously. "How old are you?" I asked, unable to mask the astonishment in my voice. I never would have imagined someone so young and so new to the high school environment to have so much self-confidence and spunk.

She did not disappoint me, sighing heavily with an irritated groan and still refusing to look at me. "Young enough to be too young for you, old enough to know that I'm not interested in _anything_ you have to offer. What, am I applying for a job?" she growled between her teeth, finally looking over to me.

I held up his hands in surrender, but I could not erase the smile from my face.

"Hold the fire!" I chuckled and then let my hands fall as we both came to a stop. "Bella, is it? I only asked because you just don't strike me as one of the typical freshmen around here."

"Well, forgive me if I don't bite my lip and swoon because I have been fortunate enough to be graced with your attention," Bella retorted sarcastically with a narrowed gaze at me, followed by an eye roll. She continued to glare at me for a moment and then sighed, looking away. "I'm fifteen."

I was astounded; she did not appear fifteen at all. Even though her heavy coat disguised her figure slightly, her features seemed far more mature than her young age. Yet, her physical appearance was not the first aspect that struck me. Her eyes held a wisdom beyond her years and she spoke with more gumption and confidence than I had ever seen in even adult women. She was not afraid to speak her mind and had a sarcastic wit that truly amused me.

"Well, whatever secret ingredient they have in the water down there in Phoenix could seriously help the girls up here." I watched her eyes begin to narrow at me again and I shook my head. _Smooth move, Cullen._ "All right, that came out completely wrong. I didn't mean looks wise… I mean… not that there's anything wrong with your looks. I… shit…"

I found myself wondering what the hell was wrong with me? I _never_ became tongue-tied over a girl and certainly never succeeded so thoroughly with inserting my foot into my mouth before. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to collect myself before I managed to get thigh high. When I looked back at her, I was surprised to see not only was she was still standing there but also had the hint of a smirk on her face, sending me reeling with the innocent way she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"Maybe we really _should _start again," she said suddenly with yet another adorable gesture of wrinkling her nose as she spoke. This girl was going to be the death of me. "Hi, I'm Bella Swan."

I smiled at her extended hand and then touched it with my own and we both laughed as a static shock zapped between us as we touched. I met her eyes again with a genuine smile and shook her hand. "It's very nice to meet you, Bella Swan. I'm Edward Cullen."

**x-x-x**

A small hand waving in front of me pulled me from my memories and I turned my head to the source and smiled.

"Earth to Edward, come back to us," Bella chuckled, leaning in to wrap her arms around my waist. As I hugged her back, I noticed that Alice, Emmett and his new girlfriend, Rosalie had joined us as well. I honestly never could understand my brother's taste in the phony, peroxide blonde pinup girls—to each their own.

We finally walked into the theater, while Emmett stayed out to spoil his runway queen with anything her heart desired from the concession stand. My brother may have _acted_ like the big tough jock at school but when it came to his girlfriends, he had a heart of gold and placed each of them on pedestals, treating them like princesses. Very much like our father—a military man to his soul, having been in the Army since right after graduation, but there wasn't a woman in the world more loved and appreciated than my mother.

We were in the theater for less than five minutes when Alice announced that she wanted some popcorn for the movie, insisting that Jasper come with her. Bella stood to go with them but they assured her they would grab her something and told us to save the seats. She shrugged her shoulders casually and leaned her head against my arm. As the trailers began to roll, Alice and Jasper still hadn't returned and Emmett and Rosalie never made an appearance at all. Bella began stealing glances over to the door and when the movie actually began, I heard her chuckle and she leaned over to my ear. "I think it's safe to say we've been set up."

I glanced to the two empty seats on her left, as well as the two on my right, and I shook my head. "They are never going to give up, are they?" I said as calmly as possible, making a mental note to strangle the three culprits at the earliest convenience.

Bella was silent for a moment and when I looked over at her, she was staring directly at me, those beautiful doe eyes lightly illuminated by the screen. "Well, there is one way to get them to lay off," she said softly, still holding my gaze. I felt her hand slide through the crook of my arm until it rested in my palm. Our fingers laced together until I enveloped her tiny hand in mine. "We could give this date thing a try and when it doesn't work out, we can tell them to leave us alone. And we can go back to life as usual."

I tried to keep the hurt expression from my face with the words 'when it doesn't work out', and it helped knowing that it was true. We were far better off as friends, exactly the way we always were, and I wasn't going to risk losing her. She was as necessary in my life as air and water; I could and would not live without her. I smiled at her and nodded in agreement with her plan, and with the hushing noises from the people behind us, turned back to the movie.


	2. Deep Dark Secrets

**Chapter 2: Deep Dark Secrets**

_Bella POV_

The shrill ring of my cell on my bedside table woke me up from a sound sleep and I immediately looked at my clock. 7:30. _What the hell?_ I closed my eyes, knowing there was no need to look at the caller ID since only one person on this planet was stupid enough to call me at this hour; or maybe just that brave.

"Is anyone dead or bleeding profusely, Tinkerbell? Because if not, somebody certainly _will _be soon." I mumbled into the phone groggily, pulling my thick comforter over my head to block out any offending daylight threatening to blind me. Even though as usual, the sky was grey and bleak. Then as my mind drifted closer to consciousness, the night before flashed to my memory and I couldn't help but snarl slightly. "Or rather, make that three certain 'someones' who conveniently disappeared last night after dragging me and Edward out of our houses. Completely against our will, I might add."

A shameless giggle came from the other end. "Oh come on Bella, it couldn't have been _that_ bad. And I am going to completely ignore the fact that you called me that so that you will come downstairs and let me in. I've got Starbucks." Alice sang in a melodic tone.

I groaned and swung my legs out of bed, my feet thudding loudly on the floor in my discontent. "That will buy you five minutes to explain yourself, missy!" I conceded as I stormed down the stairs and flung open the front door to see her chipper smiling face. I snapped my phone closed at the same time she did and narrowed my eyes as I took the coffee she was now holding out and took a sip. "Caramel Macchiato buys you ten. Now would you mind telling me what the fuck you were thinking last night, Alice?" I paused as Alice's eyes widened when she heard me drop the f-bomb. She followed me quietly into the living room and I rolled my own eyes. "Charlie's already gone fishing for the day. So spill."

She settled herself on the couch and I curled up in the corner of it, pulling a blanket over me. Even April was too damn cold here.

"Bella, you and Edward are so damn blind, we're all about to invest in long white canes for you both. He is crazy about you and, deny it as you may, don't think I haven't seen the way you look at him. You guys weren't taking our suggestions so we gave you a violent push."

I growled softly, taking another sip of my coffee before finally daring to look over at her. "You know, _normal_ people would take that as a hint that we just weren't interested in dating each other. How many times do we have to tell all of you that Edward and I are perfectly happy as friends and we do not want to destroy something _so _good by doing something _so_ stupid as trying to date? Dating leads to sex and sex changes everything, thus effectively ruining my friendship with Edward. Therefore…"

Alice's tiny hands came up in front of her as she laughed at my rant. "Alright Socrates, with your thuses and therefores. Deny it if you feel you must but one day, both of you are going to wake up and realize that you have wasted a lot of precious time. And I really hope that happens before it's too late." She smiled then, taking a sip of her own drink. "So what _did _happen last night after we left?"

I sighed heavily as I ran my index finger along the rim lid of the cup. I really was not up to talking about it; as it was both the best and worst night of my life. However, I knew that Alice wouldn't give up until I gave her a full play by play of the evening. "Well, once we became aware of the fact that we had been tricked into an impromptu date." I paused to glare at her but her grin never disappeared. "We decided to give it a shot and _have_ a date…."

_The night before…_

Out of the million times or so that I had actually held Edward's hand, this time felt so much different. Usually it was because my hand was cold, or one of us was comforting the other for some reason or another. Or just because we damn well felt like it because we were just _that_ close. But this… this was almost intimate. I stared at our entwined fingers throughout most of the movie, but only to avoid having to look at Edward's face; not entirely wanting to know what I would see there. Leaning against his shoulder made it all the more believable for me to feign being asleep when the houselights began to come on as the credits began to roll.

Edward brushed my cheek lightly with his thumb to 'wake me up' but never let go of my hand. "Come on, firecracker. I know the movie was bad, but it's all over now. I swear."

I smiled softly at him; he'd been calling me that since the day that we met. I stood with him and gave a dramatic stretch, keeping up with the 'waking up' ploy. "What'd I miss?"

Edward ran his hand through his hair and appeared to have an almost nervous expression on his face. It quickly dissipated and he shrugged with that quirky crooked smile of his. "I honestly have no idea. I couldn't bring myself to pay attention. I was actually thinking of something completely different."

I released my hand from his, sliding it around the crook of his elbow and smiling up at him as we walked out of the theaters. "Oh yea? And what might that have been?"

He furrowed his brow teasingly and laughed as he looked down at me. "What? I have to tell you every little thought that goes through my head?"

I gasped at him in fake appall and yanked my hand off his arm, storming away with my arms folded over my chest. "Fine, be that way, Mr. Cullen! With all your little secrets."

I felt comfortable having these teasing arguments with him. It was fun and familiar, and certainly took my mind off the bigger picture of this evening; something that was my idea in the first place.

Actually, no. It was _not_ my idea originally, and I'd make damn sure to give Alice a thorough reaming in the morning. But it was my own selfishness that made this evening into what it was. I _wanted_ this date with Edward, even if it was only for show. For just one night, I wanted to be the girl on his arm and not just his 'buddy'.

I laughed when he came up behind me and grabbed me into a mock headlock.

"Silly Bella," he laughed and then comfortably rested his arm around my shoulders and I took the opportunity to wrap mine around his waist. Why whatever higher power there was had decided to torment me this way, I would never know. This gorgeous Adonis beside me is, and would always be. nothing more than one of my very best friends. Every girl at school seemed to think that it was so incredible to be me, to be able to be so close to this perfection; but they were so wrong. It was pure torture at times.

Like for instance… _now_. So close and yet still so far away.

"I'll tell you later. I don't know about you, but I'm starving. And since this is a date, I can take you out for dinner, right? Since we already got that horrid movie part out of the way."

"Eh, sure why not." I tried to respond in a nonchalant tone, but then he caught the ticklish part of my neck with his fingers and then shot off toward his car. "Oh that is it, Cullen! You have _had_ it!"

Edward laughed as he made it to the driver's side of his car and got in. "What are you gonna do, Swan? It's a long walk to your house, you know."

I got to the passenger side and tried opening the door, only to find it still locked. I glared in the window with my hands on my hips. "Edward, open the door."

He laughed and shook his head, cracking the window slightly and then folded his arms over his own chest mimicking me. "No way, you just might inflict bodily harm on me."

I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and jut out my bottom lip in a pout. "Please Edward?" I simpered and batted my eyes at him dramatically. I watched him try to restrain laughter for a moment until he finally broke down and got out of the car, walking around to stand beside me. "What are you doing?"

Edward smiled at me and unlocked the door. "This _is_ a date right? I'm being a gentleman." I stared at him in confusion until he opened the door and gestured inside with his hand. "Your chariot awaits, m'lady."

I laughed, shaking my head and then sighed exaggeratedly.

"Well thank you, kind sir," I replied in my best Southern Belle manner, and then lowered into the seat. Through my façade, I had butterflies doing cartwheels in my stomach and the thought of actually consuming food did not exactly help to quell them. I rode in silence with him, neither of us seemingly sure of what to say.

That ended when he pulled up in front of a small diner type restaurant, and I looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. "Oh Edward, you charmer. You really shouldn't have."

Edward laughed at my sarcasm and then shrugged. "Well, I would have taken you out for a fine French meal, but that's strictly second date territory," he replied with a wink.

"Like you would know," I shot back, punching him lightly in the arm.

"Touché, Miss Swan," he chuckled and got out of the car, meeting me in front since I refused to wait for him to come around and open it for me. He casually draped his arm over my shoulders again as we walked toward the door. "Actually, you're the only girl I've ever brought here, so you _should_ feel special."

I felt the blush spreading across my cheeks and I lowered my head, hoping that my hair would help shield me from him noticing. Either he hadn't or he was simply being nice, because he never mentioned it as we walked inside and sat down. Before we could utter a single word the server came to the table and I looked up, instantly clenching my teeth.

_Lauren Mallory. _

It was a well-known fact at Forks High that she had been one of Edward's little "itch scratchers" some time ago and she herself made no secret of her dislike for me, due to my closeness to him.

"Hey cutie, got your nachos," she said in that annoyingly sultry voice she tried to pull off whenever she was around him, running her finger along his jaw line as she set them down in the center of the table. She didn't seem to take the hint when Edward jerked his head away from her touch, resting her hand on his shoulder instead as she looked over at me. "Who's your friend tonight, honey."

Edward brought his hand up to cover hers on his shoulder, and sharply removed her hold on him. "Lauren, you know very well that it's Bella."

Lauren feigned a gasp and shook her head. "Oh wow, I didn't even recognize you, Bella. You look… nice," she almost sneered, giving me the once over with her eyes.

"Thanks," I retorted sarcastically and then rolled my eyes to look away from her.

I felt Edward's hand rest on my knee underneath the table and I looked over at him, meeting his smile. He winked at me, flickering his eyes to the table and then back to me. I somehow managed to restrain my laughter, knowing I could read his eyes pretty well by now. I brought my hand up to reach across the table, his growing smile confirming that I had read him accurately and taking my hand in his. "Edward, sweetie. Would you mind ordering for me? You know what I like." I gave my best seductive smirk and winked at him.

Edward kept his eyes on me and gave me a soft smile. "Sure. Lauren, I'll have my usual, and Bella will have the same."

My feeling of triumph was just about complete as I could almost see Lauren turning a mixture of lobster red in fury, and green with envy. And it was finished off as she muttered a confirmation and turned to head back to the kitchen. I pressed my lips together to stifle a snicker and then leaned across the table slightly. "What _is_ your 'usual'? Should I be scared?" I whispered, only to be met with his laughter.

"Don't worry. It's just a cheeseburger, medium rare and they make the _best_ seasoned curly fries in the world here. And a chocolate milkshake," he replied with a smirk, popping a nacho in his mouth.

"Okay, how have you not had a heart attack, yet? Does _anything_ green even exist in your diet?" I scolded him jokingly as I had with my father on many occasions. Charlie was another meat and potatoes guy, who swore all other vegetables were blasphemous.

I grabbed a nacho as well and dipped it into the cheese. "You do realize that come Monday morning, it will be 'common knowledge' that we're screwing, right?"

Edward got that crooked smile on his face again and shrugged. "Well, you'll have one up on Lauren then," he replied casually, wiggling his eyebrows before eating another chip.

I coughed as I tried to swallow the chip in my mouth as he said this, needing a drink of my water before I could even attempt to reply. "But… I thought… I mean, everyone said…"

Edward shook his head and then laughed softly. "Honestly, Bella. Do you really believe _everything_ you hear? _She _said we did. I just never exactly contested it. I'm a little more selective than that. I kissed her at a party about a year ago, and I drove her home. But as many times as _that_ car has been around the block, I really don't want to take a ride in it." He shook his head again as he pointed at the kitchen door through which she had retreated.

"Oh," was my brilliant response, nervously taking another small bite off a chip.

"So, now that you know one of _my_ deep dark secrets. Tell me something that I don't know about you," Edward said suddenly, leaning forward on his arms and looking at me intently.

I looked up at him abruptly and then chuckled uneasily. "Edward, really. What _don't_ you know about me? I tell you pretty much everything."

"Oh come on, everyone has little skeletons in their closet that no one knows. Little quirks. Like for instance, I know you're not the most graceful person in the world, but everyone knows that," he replied, laughing as I kicked him under the table. "But what about at home. Like uh… let me think. Do you snore?"

I snorted a laugh, covering my mouth with my hand as he continued staring at me expectantly so I shook my head. "No. At least not that I know of. But I _do_ talk in my sleep."

"Really?" Edward replied with raised eyebrows and leaned back in the seat as Lauren brought out our order. Fortunately, she was moving more hastily now, and before long we were alone at the table again. "So what was the most embarrassing thing you ever said?"

"Edward!" I whined but he wouldn't relent. Instead the irritating smirk I had a serious love-hate relationship with appeared on his face, and I sighed. "Well, it wouldn't be called 'talking in my _sleep_' if I knew everything I said. But it was the way my dad found out about my first kiss."

Edward's eyes widened and he started to laugh. "You've got to be kidding me."

I was midway through chewing a fry, which I must admit he wasn't exaggerating about. They had just enough spice on them to give them a nice kick without burning your mouth off. For a girl born and raised in the southwest, I had a surprisingly low tolerance for spicy food. I shook my head as I responded. "No, it was this kid named Riley Morgan in the fifth grade. It was actually really kinda disgusting. He did it on a dare, but he also tried to shove his tongue down my throat and I bit it. I suppose I said as much while I was sleeping and my father happened to be checking on me at the time. He took me to school the next day and insisted on seeing this kid. Needless to say, between my father's threats and my 'violence', no guy has dared to kiss me since."

Edward sat staring at me in shock and then all of a sudden burst out laughing. I looked around the diner nervously and was relieved to see that there were only two other people there. Nonetheless, I felt my face burning in multiple shades of crimson and I hissed at him to shut up. He pressed his fingers to his lips trying to contain his laughter and was finally able to manage it. "I'm sorry, I just feel bad for the poor kid."

I smiled uncomfortably and began eating my meal in silence. There were just some things I kept private and for good reason. Deep down, I knew Edward wasn't really laughing _at_ me, at least not in a way that was meant to be hurtful; but it hurt just the same. I tried not to show it but apparently, I really wasn't a very good actress; as I had been told numerous times. He reached across the table to brush my arm with his fingertip and I felt that sudden jolt run through me again that I felt anytime he touched me unexpectedly. I had learned to brace myself for it when I was paying attention to his movements. I raised my eyes up to look at his and his smile was apologetic. It was one of those times when there was no exchange of words needed for an apology to be given and accepted. "So now it's your turn. Tell me something _I_ don't know and it needs to be equally embarrassing."

Edward smiled and shook his head, but waited until his mouth was empty to respond. "I already told you. Later," He answered and I must have appeared as confused as I was. A soft chuckle escaped his lip and I watched his tongue slip out slightly to lick them. "Remember? I told you I would explain what I was thinking about during the movie. It's actually something I kind of need to show you. So I'm going to take you to my house after this."

I raised my eyebrow at him and sat back crossing my arms. "I've been to your house before, Edward. What could you possibly have to show me that I haven't already seen?" I asked challengingly.

"_That_, Ms. Swan, remains to be seen, but I'll give you a hint. It's in my room which is one thing you _haven't _seen." That devilish smirk appeared on his face, and I instantly became nervous.

**x-x-x**

"Oh my god!" Alice exclaimed with wide eyes, dropping her coffee on the floor which fortunately was not carpeted. I rose to grab one of the kitchen towels to clean up the mess and to find her expression unchanged when I returned. "You _did_ have sex with him, didn't you!"


	3. Your Something 'Embarrassing'

**Chapter 3: Your Something 'Embarrassing'**

**_Edward POV_**

I had hardly slept since I drove Bella home last night, spending a majority of it at my desk writing. When I heard my father leave for the hospital around four, I knew I should at least attempt to get some sleep. Otherwise there was no way that I would be able to get through the day in the garage without causing myself or someone else serious injury. In addition, I needed my energy to confront my brother about his involvement with the events of the previous night.

I groaned at my mother's light tapping on my door at eight, followed by her voice telling me that Emmett and Jasper were waiting for me outside. I really didn't feel like working on that hunk of junk of my brother's today, but I had more mechanical skill in my pinky than he did in his entire anatomy. I proved that earlier this school year when I rebuilt and restored the 1978 gold Trans-am that now sat in my driveway. Not that Emmett didn't know what he was doing; I was just better.

Eventually, I rolled out of bed and casually made my way to the shower. _They can both wait after what they pulled last night, _I thought bitterly to myself. I tried not to think about it too much until I was face to face with them. They needed to explain what the hell they were thinking.

Twenty-five minutes later, I walked outside to meet up with two very annoyed faces and I grinned as I pulled my pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of my flannel shirt. _Bella's not around today_, I made the excuse to myself and indulged myself in my one vice. "Morning. How goes it, guys?"

Emmett was exchanging glances with Jasper as they leaned against the hood of his car, both looking at their watches in sync with each other before looking back to me. _Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber. This is going to be a fun day._ "Late night last night, Edward?" he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at me and even coaxing a smirk out of Jasper as well.

My expression turned serious as I exhaled my drag, raising an eyebrow. "Last night. You _really_ want to talk about last night?" I asked in a tight angry tone and then walked over to them, placing my cigarette between my lips and then swatting them both hard on the side of the head simultaneously. "You _ever_ try anything like that again, next time it will be fists to the fellas, got it?"

Both pairs of eyes locked on me in shock, rubbing their hands over the individual sites of impact as I turned to head over to the garage. "What? What'd we do?" Emmett asked with that typical clueless stupidity that gave us men _all _a bad name.

I ran my hand through my still damp hair as I looked back at them from my stance at the front of the car. "Don't play coy or stupid with me, Emmett. You know damn well what I'm talking about."

Jasper came up beside me, leaning his hand on the hood to prevent me from opening it. "Edward, even if we didn't know you as well as we do, it's very obvious that you like Bella in a more than friendly way. What's the harm of a date?"

"Because it can ruin _everything, _Jasper! If she ever speaks to me again after last night, I will consider myself very fortunate," I snarled at him, as memories from the night before came rushing back to me. I knew I was being overly dramatic, but I was fucking tired of them trying to set us up. Sure, they knew how I felt about Bella, but they also knew my reasons for keeping things the way they were. And until last night, I thought they at least halfway respected said reasons.

Emmett leapt over to sit on the hood as I shoved Jasper's hand away, taking another long drag off my cigarette. I meant to begin working on the car, but he glared at me when I rolled my eyes. "What did you do to her? Brother or not, I will kick your ass if you did _anything_ to harm even one little hair on her…"

"Emmett, _shut up_. You know me better than that," I snapped, but then sighed heavily as Jasper sat on the other side of me and I knew they weren't going to leave me alone about the details. I turned around and leaned back to sit between them and shook my head. "You two are worse than women, you know that? After the movie you two bailed on, we went out to dinner. And then I brought her back here."

_The night before…_

I led Bella into the house and took her hand, leading her upstairs to my room. She glanced around with a look of amazement on her face. "What?" I asked, actually feeling nervous for the first time about having a girl in my room, probably because this was unfamiliar territory. This was Bella, and she wasn't here for the same reason as other girls had been.

Bella licked her lips gently before taking the lower one between her teeth. "And you wonder why I don't let you come into my house. As if the rest of your house isn't intimidating enough. My room is a broom closet compared to this." She said with an embarrassed chuckle, and then her jaw dropped slightly as her eyes caught my wall with the shelves of CDs. "Wow. You have _so _much music. How do you find time for it all?"

"I don't," I replied and smiled when she gave me a perplexed look. "Different music for different moods, just like everyone else. But that's not what I wanted you to see." I took her hand and walked her over to the bed, almost amused by the nervous look on her face. "Just sit down."

I watched her sit, and then walked across the room and pulled the dust cover off my electric organ by the window. I heard a small gasp behind me, looking back to her and saw that it appeared as if she was about to cry. Then the most breathtaking smile broke across her face and her eyes met mine. "_This_ is your embarrassing 'something I don't know'? You play the piano?" Her brow knitted together as her head shook. "I really don't see how _that's_ embarrassing."

I laughed and then pulled the bench out to sit down, switching it on the piano. "Try being an eighteen year old guy and tell people that you can play the piano. You'll see things just a little differently," I replied, looking over my shoulder at her. She still had that smile on her face and she looked so beautiful. I wanted nothing more than to walk over there, throw all caution to the wind and kiss her until we were both breathless, to feel her body writhe under mine on my bed. I had to look away before I allowed my thoughts to travel any further. I had to remind myself… this was Bella, one of my best friends, one of the few women in this world I needed to keep my distance from in that way so I could keep her in my life in the long run. I cleared my throat as I brought my hands to the keys, changing my train of thought. "Actually, only my family knows that I play. But that's not the _only_ thing that would be deemed embarrassing."

I heard her rise up off the bed and walk toward me, stopping behind me and resting her hands on my shoulders.

"So what's the embarrassing part? Do you suck or something?" she teased, squeezing gently but then hugged me around my shoulders and rested her chin on one. "I would love to hear you play."

I smiled nervously and rolled my eyes. "Brat," I jested and I immediately began playing "Clair de Lune". Through the course of the song, she never uttered a sound but gradually moved to sit beside me on the bench, and I could feel her eyes following my fingers closely. As it came to an end, I glanced over to see her wiping a tear that had escaped down her cheek. I turned toward her, confused as to why she was crying. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"That was beautiful." She gave a sad smile and looked over to me, seemingly assessing me with her eyes. "My mother and I used to listen to that when I was little."

I was surprised that she brought up the topic of her mother of her own free will. One thing I had learned about Bella from the very beginning was that her mother was a mystery to everyone outside of her and her father, and they both preferred to keep it that way. And by her silence that followed, I knew she wasn't going to say anymore on the topic, so I gave her a small smile and nudged her gently with my elbow. "So do you want to know the other embarrassing part of this?"

Her smile became lighter as she nodded her head and I returned my hands to the keys. Another soft melody came streaming out of the instrument, a piece that I could play with my eyes closed now after all these years. Her forehead creased in confusion as she looked over at me again, and I glanced over to her. "What is this? It's so… I don't have the words. But I don't understand. What's so embarrassing?"

I continued to play and looked back down to the keys away from her gaze before I could respond. "This is my mother's song," I replied after taking a deep breath, and continued to effortlessly play the familiar melody. "I wrote it for her when I was seven."

I heard Bella's breath hitch but I took a moment before I looked back over to her. I was almost afraid to see her reaction but when my eyes met hers, the only emotion I found there was awe. She opened her mouth to speak several times, but didn't seem able to utter a word for several minutes and for once I began to doubt my gauging of her thoughts and emotions. She was _my_ mystery at this moment.

Then she took a deep breath and the smile returned to her face.

"You wrote this?" she asked in disbelief and I nodded, halting my fingers on the keys. "Why'd you stop?"

I sighed and then stood up without saying another word, walking over to my desk. Opening the drawer, I pulled out a thick three ring binder and set it on top. She cautiously rose from the bench to walk over to me, and I opened the binder and turned page after page of hand-written sheet music.

"The reason people think I'm so 'anti-social' and never really see me out and about anywhere is because of this. This is my guilty indulgence that others have speculated as numerous other things like a secret drug problem or something." I laughed slightly at the ridiculousness of those rumors circulated about me over the course of the last couple of years but I kept flipping pages and she continued looking on curiously. "This is what I do. This is what I'm thinking about whenever I seem to space out suddenly. I'm hearing these in my head. So tonight, while we were at the movies…"

"You were composing." Bella finished the statement for me, never taking her eyes off the book. She was silent for several minutes again, as she stepped in front of me and began thumbing through the pages. Her head shook slightly as her eyes ran over the contents of each page, and she bit her lip. "Edward, this is incredible. That you have all this in your head and that you wrote something as beautiful as that when you were _seven_? Shouldn't you be at some special school for prodigies or something?"

I laughed with her at her last statement and shrugged. "Well, my mother thought about it at one time, honestly. Not too long after I wrote _that_ actually," I replied, pointing to the keyboard and then shook my head. "But it wasn't really practical with my dad getting transferred ever few years with the Army, and something like a boarding school never particularly appealed to me. Besides, I would rather just be normal. Well… however normal I _can_ be."

She laughed distractedly and began to slow her turning of the pages, running her index finger over the dates at the bottom of the page. "You've written a lot lately."

_Trust Bella to be that observant_.

In fact, in the last several months, I had actually been more inspired than I had been for years before and it was usually because of her. A smile or one of her infamous falls or even just her presence at times was enough to cause the stirrings of my brain to run rampant. Tonight, it was the scent of her hair while she was leaning on my shoulder in the theater. This was my outlet, my one deeper connection to her that I could have without threatening anything between us. The only response I could muster, without my voice giving away how uneasy this was making me, was a nod.

Bella flipped the back cover closed and let out a soft sigh. "Edward, do you remember what you were 'composing' tonight?" she asked in a faint tone and I hummed an affirmation. Melodies like the one that ran through my head tonight never truly left my memory, writing them out had just become a habit. When she turned around to face me again, she looked up at me with misty eyes and she took both my hands in hers, studying my face for a moment. Then she squeezed my hands gently and gave me a playful sort of smile. "Will you play it for me?"

I smiled in return and nodded, walking with her back to the keyboard. "Sure. Just remember that it's not done yet, and I'm certainly no Mozart or Beethoven."

She nodded to placate me but her smile told me that she thought I was being utterly ridiculous. My nerves were bundled in the pit of my stomach, as if she would be able to read directly into me with every note I played. I truthfully had only thought as far as telling her about my little passion in life. I didn't think she would ask to hear it, but when she looked at me like that, I could deny her nothing. So I inhaled deeply and began playing the slow and gentle harmony of keys as I felt her eyes return to my hands. This piece felt just as pure and sacred as my mother's did. It was entirely Bella; one I would hear forever when I would think of this night. The one night that Bella was mine, something more than just a friend. Once this night was over, this song would be all I had left to hold onto because we would return to just being friends, the way it _should_ be. Part of me wanted to tell her now of what my plans were, why things were the way that they were between us. How much I would love for there to be something more; but the other part of me was too selfish. I wanted her in my life too badly to push her away.

The more my thoughts ran, the more notes were added to the end of my mental composition from earlier, picking up speed with the anxiety and confusion running through me. Again having her so closer, yet she might just as well be thousands of miles away. I forced my hands to slow to a stop and let my them fall into my lap. "That's all I have so far," I lied, staring down at my feet; afraid my features would give away the raging war I was fighting inside of me. I caught a glimpse of her hand moving over to cover mine on my knee and I squeezed her fingertips gently before I stood up. "I should probably get you home before Charlie sends out the search party."

Bella chuckled softly and stood up in front of me. "Yea, he probably would too. But Edward," she said in a gentle voice, reaching out for my hand again. "I had a really good time tonight. Even if we _were_ completely swindled into this 'date', you're actually pretty good at it. You should try it again sometime."

I laughed as she tugged my hand gently but I made the mistake of looking her directly in the eyes. My hand moved up to brush her cheek gently with the backs of my fingers and I felt a smirk appear on my lips. "There's something else I want to show you."

Bella looked at me quizzically but followed me over to the window. I pulled the curtain aside to look down, and placed my hand on top of the ladder that rested against the back of the house, right outside my back window.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed and then covered her mouth to suppress a laugh. "I thought the girls at school were joking! You _actually_ have a ladder going up to your window? You really are a man-whore, aren't you?"

"Well, you're going to be sixteen soon and with that, I'm sure your license will be following not long after," I replied as she continued to bite her lip to restrain laughter. "I want you to feel free to use it, anytime."

**x-x-x**

"You said _what_?" Emmett and Jasper exclaimed in unison and I pushed off the car and took a few steps away, running my hands through my hair.

Emmett came to stand next to me and turned me around with his hand on my shoulder. "You invited her to your _bedroom_?"

Jasper continued to stare at me from the car. "Dude, you play the piano?"

**_Bella POV_**

"Oh my god! You _did_ have sex with him, didn't you!"

I groaned as I walked back into the kitchen to toss the towel in the sink with Alice hot on my heels. "You know, you're the one who woke me up at this god awful hour to get the scoop on what happened last night. Are you going to sit there and be judgmental or are you going to listen, because I'll go back to bed right now," I snapped, folding my arms over my chest while Alice made the motion of zipping her lips. "Well, we went to his room and he played the piano for me…"

"Edward plays the _piano_?" Alice exclaimed with wide eyes.

"You know what, forget it," I snapped, storming past her and walking upstairs to my room and climbing back into bed.

"Sorry!" Alice apologized as she followed me up the stairs and jumped on the foot of my bed. "You have my solemn oath that I will not utter a single word until you're done."

I flipped the comforter down off my face, glancing down to find her giving me the Girl Scout honor hand gesture. I sighed and sat up. "Fine, yes he plays the piano, but I swear to god, if you tell anyone, I'll kill you before he does. So anyway, he was playing for me and then we were talking after. And he _actually_ has a pussy ladder! I thought it was a joke! But he told me that once I got my license, I could use it whenever I wanted."

I found it amusing to watch her eyes widen and her lips pressed together tightly, fighting to comment. She actually didn't utter more than a slight whimper and I had to admit, I was impressed; particularly considering this _was_ Alice.

_The night before cont'_

I stared at him speechless for a moment, as I felt the nerves bundle in the pit of my stomach again. Did he actually just extend me an invitation to his bed at my leisure? I let out a nervous chuckle and shook my head. "Edward… I uh... hmmm.."

His eyes widened and then he slapped his forehead. "Shit, I didn't mean it like that, Bella. What I meant was… you know how you told me that sometimes you have nightmares and you can't get back to sleep? Or you know, when you and your dad get into an argument or whatever. Maybe hiding from Alice and her insufferable impulse shopping habit." He chuckled, leaning his forehead against mine and I laughed. "You always have a place to go. No matter what time it is or what I'm doing, I'm always here if you need me."

Touched by the sentiment beside myself, I slid my arms around his waist and hugged him gently and in that small space in time, I was in heaven. His arms encircled me and held me against him, the room completely silent except for the soft sound of the rain falling outside the window. I wanted to stay there for as long would be allowed but I knew my time was up when his hands ran up and down my back in a brisk manner. So I pulled away slowly and I shrugged jokingly. "Well, what about your _other_ nighttime visitors? I love ya, Cullen. But I _really_ don't want to know you, or whichever member of the female student body you choose for the night, _that_ well."

Edward sighed dramatically and wrapped his arm around my waist as we began walking out of the room. "Oh well, that still gives me a few months to get it out of my system then." He laughed as I jabbed his side roughly with my knuckles and we made our way out to the car.

Once we pulled up to my house, I looked over to him but he was already getting out of the car. Almost too quickly he appeared on my side, opening the door for me. I got out and we walked toward the house, stopping just outside my front door. Even though this wasn't a _real_ date, it still had that real date, end of the evening awkwardness about it. "I really did have a good time tonight, Edward. And thank you, for the music… and the invitation."

I smiled at him but his face was strangely serious and contemplative as he stared at me. For a moment, I actually didn't know if he was looking _at_ me or _through_ me. Just as goose bumps began to rise on my skin he began to speak in a voice I'd never heard before. It was soft but deep, and so help me, extremely sexy. I felt my knees threatening to give out beneath me. "There's one more thing I want to do."

His eyes met mine as his hand came up to cup my jaw, and I believe that is when I stopped breathing. Yet I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes in anticipation of what he was about to do because I couldn't actually believe this was happening. Did I actually fall asleep in the theater and this had all been some sort of vivid dream? It seemed I would know in a moment as his face moved closer to mine, I would know by the feel of his lips. As many times as I had dreamt of this moment, I could easily make the distinction between living, breathing Edward's lips that had brushed my forehead and cheek hundreds of times and my dream Edward's lips that had touched everywhere else.

I took a sharp intake of breath as they actually made contact with mine, and only then, did I close my eyes and hold back the tears that were welling. _Of all the times to pick to be a **girl**, Isabella_, I scolded myself. This wasn't my dream Edward. The lips were too soft, too warm… but they were on mine. And this wasn't the frenzied needy kiss I always dreamed about. It was sweet and gentle, and so perfect and I'd be damned if I was going to waste it. So I began kissing him back, still keeping it just as he began it; never wanting to tarnish this moment in my memory with rashness.

All too soon he pulled away and looked down at me. "That's what your first kiss should have been," he whispered softly with a smile, brushing a stray tendril of loosened hair behind my ear. "No dares, no biting and no threats. And hopefully something that will make you want to do it again sometime, instead of horrifying you."

I laughed softly and wrapped my arms around him, rising up on my toes since it somehow made me feel closer to him. "Thank you, Edward. I love ya, you know that?" I whispered, double meanings behind all my words. That was without a doubt the most amazing kiss I could have ever imagined, even in my wildest fantasies. And for better or worse, it made me love him even more when I really didn't think that was possible.

"Love ya too, shortie," he replied with a soft laugh.

"Had to ruin the moment, didn't you?" I replied, pulling away from him and slapping his stomach with the back of my hand but I was laughing, happy. This was me and Edward, the way it always was; the best of friends. "You and me, Monday morning, royal ass kickings. Right?"

"You got it," Edward replied with that wink that made me giggle every time and then walked back to his car. I waved to him one more time before he got in and then walked into the house. As I closed the door, I leaned back against it, letting out a heavy sigh.

My love life was doomed for the rest of eternity. My first date was the most incredible, wonderful night of my life, but it was with Edward. Nothing and no one would ever compare to this. How could they?

I glanced over at Alice and my jaw dropped. "Holy shit, Alice. Are you _crying_?"

Alice quickly brushed the tears off her cheeks and shook her head, but then sighed as another one fell and betrayed her. "Bella, were you listening to yourself? The way you described that kiss…" she whimpered again, placing her hand over her heart. "I was ready to go kick his ass earlier, and now I just wanna go over there and kiss him myself!"

"Alice!" I gasped with a laugh and shook my head. "Yea, Edward is a great kisser, probably the best kiss I will ever have in my life. But that means _nothing_. We are friends and we are staying that way."

Alice reached up, grabbing one of my pillows from the head of my bed and placed it over her face. "Oh my god, you two are so _stupid_!" she screamed into it and then let it fall into her lap with an almost tranquil look on her face. "There, now that I've gotten that out of my system. Wake up!" she yelled again, grabbing my upper arms and shaking me roughly.

"You are amazingly strong for such a small person, you know that?" I retorted, rubbing my arms with my hands once she let go, certain that was going to leave bruises.

Alice folded her arms over her chest defiantly. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do. And don't make me use it again! I will beat you both senseless one of these days if you don't figure all this out!"


	4. Black Knee Length Dress

**Chapter 4: Black Knee Length Dress**

**_Bella POV_**

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months after that night. Edward and I seemed to be able to return to our normal routine, as if that night had never happened but the fact was, it _did _happen. And now I was more confused than ever, not to mention the increase in my already too vivid dreams since that kiss. It made it even harder to know that my longing for him would never be filled. I had never been more thankful for my years of practice with hiding my emotions from living with Charlie.

On the bright side, Alice and Jasper had eased up on their ambitions to bring Edward and me together. Summer was right around the corner, and I was intent on enjoying it as much as possible. Even though Edward had informed me that he was going away for a few weeks to visit friends of his in Alaska, I was sure that Alice would not allow me to be lonely for long. Or give me a chance to torment myself all summer with these thoughts that hadn't stopped battering my mind since that night.

However, Emmett's graduation was not something I had looked forward to and I just couldn't bring myself to gather the enthusiasm I would need for tonight. Not to say I wasn't excited for Emmett, but this was also the last night I would see Edward before he left. There hadn't been a single day this year that he hadn't been a part of in some way. Even if it was just a phone call or a text.

And in Charlie's words from this morning, I 'looked like someone had just run over my dog with an eighteen wheeler'.

I heard a horn honk outside and I sighed, giving myself a once over in the mirror. My attire probably wasn't up to Alice's standards, but it certainly fit my mood. All black, like one in mourning. A black knee-length dress with a slightly billowy skirt, with my favorite black flats. Yes I'll admit, I am a drama princess but the queen crown goes to Alice, hands down.

It wasn't only the absence of Edward over the coming weeks that had my spirits down. I was going to miss Emmett's habit of sneaking up behind me to poke my sides in the hallway, just to make me yelp in the middle of a crowded hall. Or his obnoxious tapping on the edge of my sketchpad at lunch with his mantra of "Am I annoying you yet? Am I annoying you yet?" Most people like that would have annoyed the living shit out of me, but with Emmett, it was like the big brother I never had and it was so difficult to be or stay mad at him.

A knock rapped on my door. "Bells? Alice is here, you're going to be late," Charlie's voice echoed through my door.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll be right down," I answered as I grabbed my little black purse, checked my hair and make-up one more time in the mirror and headed down the stairs. "Bye, Dad! I'll see you-oof…"

Charlie came running around the corner from the kitchen to find me muttering under my breath as I held onto the banister with one hand and my ankle in the other. "You alright?" he asked, barely able to restrain a chuckle.

I sighed, shaking my head with a soft laugh of my own. "Yea, you know me. Can't even walk out my front door without the potential for major catastrophe. I just caught my foot."

Charlie held my arm as I hobbled down the last two steps and gave me an awkward sort of smile. He and I never were the most expressive of people, particularly with each other; but I could always tell when he was battling with his emotions since I didn't acquire my blushing problem from my mother. "You uh… you look beautiful, Bella. Have fun tonight, but remember. No drinking or boys. You call me if you need a ride home."

"Yea, I know, Dad," I groaned in typical teenage fashion. I had heard this speech so many times I swore I could have saved him the trouble and recited it myself every time I stepped out of the house. Being on the police force didn't exactly give him the most open mind on normal teenage behaviors. "I'm going over Alice's after the ceremony. I promise, I'll be good." He nodded in understanding and then we stood there in awkward silence for another moment until I heard the horn honk outside again. "I should go. Don't want to be late. I'll see you tomorrow, Dad."

I scurried past him and out the front door, grateful for anything that granted me an escape from that uncomfortable silence, only to meet Alice's anxious and frustrated gaze from behind the wheel of her extremely ostentatious car, as if she _needed_ any more help drawing attention to herself. When I got to the car, her pursed lips made it evident that she was restraining commentary on my apparel. "Trip over thin air again, Bella? I swear, we are looking into that padded room for you," she chuckled, having seen me limping slightly toward the car.

I laughed uncomfortably in return as I adjusted my skirt. "You're the one who bought me the four inch heels for tonight, which you will notice I am _not_ wearing. I'm dangerous enough in bare feet, on _flat_ surfaces. There's no way I could handle the stairs in the auditorium."

The haughty huff from the driver's seat caused me to emit the first heartfelt giggle I'd felt all day. Then I looked over at her and the giggle turned into an all out laugh. She was making what I called her 'bird face', her lips scrunched together so tightly that her mouth almost came to a point. "Well, I also didn't expect you to dress like you were going to a funeral rather than a graduation either."

I looked down at my dress, picking at it self-consciously with my fingertips and shrugging. "I just don't have an extensive wardrobe, particularly in the 'dressy' category. I hate dresses and skirts, Alice. You know that."

"Well _that_¸ my fashion challenged friend, is something that is going to change this summer," Alice grinned triumphantly, bouncing lightly in her seat. "You are going to learn the fine art of shopping, _and_ the benefits of showing a little skin once in a while. Although I must admit, despite the color, we might all need to play bouncers around you tonight. I don't think I've seen that much leg on you in…"

"_Alice!_" I interrupted her as I felt the blood pool in my face as she laughed and pulled into the high school parking lot. She parked a few spaces down from Edward's car and the moment I spotted him, I thanked heavens that I was still sitting in the car. Something so simple as a white button down, black slacks and a black tie, and this guy looked like he was ready for the runway. And knowing Edward, he probably had _just_ rolled out of bed.

_Jerk_.

"Gaaaaaddamn, Bells!" Emmett shouted as I stepped out of the car.

Edward's head turned at that moment to look at me for the first time. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn he was gaping at me. Suddenly, my view of him was obstructed as Emmett barreled toward me and lifted me into his arms in a tight bear hug. "Emmett. Lungs. Require. Oxygen," I croaked as he spun me around.

Emmett laughed as he set me down and then looked over to Edward. "Get a load of Bella Bear, bro!"

Edward chuckled softly at Emmett's own nickname for me, never taking his eyes off me as he walked toward us. "Hey gorgeous, don't I know you from somewhere?" he joked and pulled me into his arms, laughing as I smacked his shoulder playfully but my hold tightened around him while I absorbed the feel and smell of him. _Enjoy it while you can, Bella_, I told myself silently, and luckily, he didn't seem in any rush to pull away from me either.

But as fate-also known as Alice Brandon- would have it, our moment was broken by her loud 'Ahem!' We both chuckled uncomfortably, pulling away from each other and he took my hand as we began our walk into the school. "You don't look half bad yourself, hot stuff," I said softly, nudging him gently with my shoulder.

The entire graduation ceremony was the sweetest heaven and the most brutal hell. Edward and I sat side by side, but never touched again. Even afterward, he seemed to keep a slight distance from me and I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. But I kept on my poker face and continued carrying on conversations with Alice and Rosalie.

Then it was time for the after-party at First Beach in La Push. Despite my promise to my father, I was one of the first to hit the keg. I wanted to drown out everything; the bittersweet feeling of Emmett's graduation, the despair over Edward's impending departure for Alaska, and most importantly, his extreme shift in mood today. In the past nine months, I had never felt as distant from him as I had this evening. And now, he wouldn't even look at me.

What had I done- or not done- to make him so damn distant from me today? Especially since he was leaving tomorrow and wouldn't be seeing me for weeks, I would have thought that he would want to spend _some_ time with me tonight. Yet, I was the only one he was ignoring. He stood there laughing and talking animatedly with Emmett and Jasper, and even Alice and Rose at times, seemingly oblivious to my existence. I felt angry tears burning my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. I never thought it would be possible for me to be as angry with Edward as I was at that moment but he was hurting me intentionally, and it was completely uncalled for.

After quickly chugging down three beers, I staggered over to the bonfire to sit down and lose my thoughts in the flames. A pair of arms shot out to catch me as I stumbled and prevented me from falling directly into the flame. "You alright there?"

I turned my head toward the unfamiliar voice and found myself gazing up at my russet-skinned savior. I felt the alcohol coursing through my body and released all of my inhibitions. Edward Cullen was not the only man on the planet; I was going to have fun. "Yea, I'm… fine," I replied in a staggered voice. My flirting skills needed some serious work, but the beauty of this guy in front of me was awe-inspiring. He was no Edward, but his silky black hair that was nearly as long as mine and his beautiful white smile certainly compensated for anything he might have been lacking. "I'm Bella, by the way."

His smile widened as I held my hand out to him, and wrapping his warm one around mine. "Nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Jacob," he replied in a soft voice and then suddenly began rubbing the back of my hand. "Your hands are freezing!"

I gazed down at our hands, finding the feel of his touch and radiating warmth soothing. Just as I brought my eyes back up to him to respond, I felt an arm come tightly around my waist, almost knocking me off balance.

"Are you lost, Black?"

**_Edward POV_**

The moment I saw her in that parking lot tonight, Bella had simply taken my breath away. I knew she would dress up for Emmett's graduation, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. And when I held her against me, I never wanted to let go.

The last few months between us have been the longest of my life and were a big part of why I was going to Alaska for a few weeks this summer. I needed to get away to attempt to clear my head and try to refocus my life, and as much as it pained me, I needed time away from Bella. Every time I looked at her now, all I could think of was that kiss we shared on her front porch that night. It was the single most breathtaking moment of my life. As if they had been specifically sculpted for each other, her lips melded to mine and I felt my body soar when she kissed me back.

Since then, that fact had been my own personal torment. It was only natural for her to respond to a kiss. That was the normal thing to do, wasn't it? It wasn't as if we didn't know each other and I knew she trusted me. I, on the other hand, wanted to stay on that porch kissing her forever. Like with any forbidden fruit, it left me hungry for more. Every time I saw her, I wanted to sweep her into my arms and kiss her senseless. I hoped that by separating myself from her, it would give me the space I needed to get back to the way I was before that night. I would always love Bella; there was no doubt about that. Which was all the more reason for me to go. I couldn't lose the most important person in my world because these intense emotions wouldn't go away.

However, after seeing her tonight… I didn't want to leave. That was a problem. So I made a conscious decision at the ceremony. As soon as I let go of her hand, I made sure that would be the last time that I touched her tonight. I knew it had to be done, even with as much as it pained me to see that look in her eyes when she realized what I was doing.

Or else I would never leave.

That all came to a screeching halt the moment I saw _him_ touching her from across the beach. I felt my blood begin to boil and my legs began to move of their own volition toward them. I knew that Bella was already three sheets to the wind, having kept a discreet eye on her all night, having never known her to be a drinker. And seeing Jacob Black talking her up? All I could think was _Not her, you ass_. This is why I hated coming to the reservation. Black and his asshole friends had no respect and there was no way I was letting him put his filthy hands on her.

I heard footfalls on either side of me and I did not have to look to know that Jasper and Emmett were right on my tail. I hooked my arm around Bella's waist the moment I reached her and shot him a menacing look. "Are you lost, Black?"

The cocky lowlife had the audacity to smirk at me, but at least he was smart enough to let go of Bella's hand. "Well well, if it isn't the Cullen boys. And Whitlock," he chuckled in response and then brought his gaze back to me. "I could be asking the same thing of you all, since it is _my_ rez you guys are on. But I suppose that would be completely inhospitable of me, and _my_ father raised me not to be rude."

I could feel Bella's confused stare on me without looking down to her, and my hold tightened on her as Jacob undressed her with his eyes. "Come on, Bella. Let's go," I said in a tight tone, sneering at Jacob and pulling her along with me.

"No!" she yelled as she struggled in my arms and roughly shoved my arm from around her waist. She spun around on me so fast that I was surprised that she didn't fall over considering her state of intoxication. "Who are you to tell me who I can or cannot talk to? I was just thanking this nice young man for catching me before I became kindling!"

My eyes widened at the venomous tone of Bella's voice. She was _actually _angry with me, something I had not seen since the day we met; but this was different. This wasn't annoyance because I had embarrassed her. This was blind fury. "Bells, come on…"

Her hand roughly meeting my face cut me off mid statement. "_Don't _call me that and _don't _tell me what to do," she snarled through clenched teeth, fixing me with an enraged glare.

"Bella, sweetheart, he's right," Jasper said in his notorious calm demeanor as Emmett remained frighteningly silent on my other side. "You don't want to be here."

I watched Bella as her eyes flickered angrily between the three of us and she scoffed in annoyance. "Great. So now, I have all three of you ganging up on me. Why can't you all just leave me the hell _alone_!" she snapped, storming past us and running unstably down the beach.

Jacob shook his head at me with a sarcastic chuckle. "Still have a way with the ladies, eh, Cullen? I wasn't hitting on your girlfriend, by the way. She almost fell into the fire while you were busy over there, ignoring her."

"She's not my…" I retorted quickly but stopped short, closing my eyes. As much as I hated to admit that Jacob was right, he was. Though I'd be damned if I acknowledged it to his face, so I instead turned my attention back to the more important subject at hand. _Bella._

I quickly turned on my heel and began jogging down the beach after her. "Bella! Bella, stop!" I called after her, watching her stagger unevenly on the sand.

"Leave me alone, Edward!" she yelled back over her shoulder but kept walking.

I finally caught up to her and gently grabbed her arm to stop her, but she still wouldn't face me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I just…"

"Sorry for _what,_ Edward?" she snapped, turning on me quickly again and glaring up at me with tear-filled eyes. "So, now I'm _finally_ worthy of your attention because some guy started talking to me? Why don't you just go back to blowing me off? You were doing a _great_ job of it earlier!"

I sighed heavily as she yanked her arm away from me and began storming away again. "Listen to me. I'm sorry about that, alright? I just have a lot on my mind right now but Jacob Black is not the best person for you to be around. He doesn't exactly have the best reputation when it comes to girls."

Bella turned back toward me, waved her arms out carelessly and swayed slightly in her drunkenness. "So maybe I _need_ to get laid, Edward! Everyone is always saying how uptight I am, maybe getting laid might relieve some tension!" she spoke loudly with a sarcastic smirk on her face. I had never seen Bella so ornery before and it took me completely by surprise. "I'm almost sixteen and I'm still a virgin. Hell, that's practically unheard of these days. There are even girls popping out kids by my age. But if I want to go out and fuck the whole of Forks, who are you to tell me I can't?"

I was about to respond when she suddenly folded onto the sand in front of me, burying her face in her hands. Sobs began wracking through her tiny frame, and I gently ran my hand over her hair. When she raised her hand, I half expected her to smack mine away.

Instead she grabbed a fistful of my pant leg and gently tugged at it, urging me to join her on the sand. I quickly obliged, kneeling down beside her and was barely on the ground when she thrust herself against my chest. She curled against me like a frightened child And I cradled her gently in my arms as her tears soaked through my shirt.

"Why, Edward?" Bella asked suddenly in a shaky sob as her hand clutched my shirt tightly, but she never elaborated more than that. Even when I asked her and continued crying until she passed out against me.

I sat there holding her for who knows how long, staring out at the water and rocking her gently in her sleep. An internal battle raged within me between what I wanted and what I needed, and neither side showed any sign of relenting. The part of me that wanted to stay here in Forks with Bella fought just as hard as the part of me that needed to get away for my own sanity. Having her so close all the time yet still so unreachable was taking its toll on me.

The party began breaking up behind us and I heard Emmett calling for me from down the beach. I lifted Bella into my arms and she never stirred. _Note to self: Never let Bella drink again_. My brother was chuckling as I approached him with an unconscious Bella, but one look from me halted that. He opened my car door for me to set Bella inside and then quickly retreated to his own car.

As I drove her to Alice's house, she began whimpering softly in her sleep, almost as if she were having a nightmare. I reached over and placed my hand over hers, rubbing my thumb in soothing circles over the back of her hand. So much of this girl was still such a mystery to me, and I wanted to know more. I _always_ wanted to learn more about her. I knew from our conversations that she frequently had nightmares, but could never persuade her to talk about it. That was the only subject that she completely shut off from me, and I couldn't figure out what could be so bad that she felt she couldn't talk to me about it.

Alice peeked out the door as she heard my car pull in and hurried out to meet me. I stepped out and walked around the car. "Are your parents awake?" I asked her before even opening Bella's door. The last thing she needed was for this to get back to her father; she'd never be allowed out of the house again.

Alice quickly shook her head. "They are sound asleep, courtesy of Prince Ambien," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

I nodded and opened the door to lift Bella out of the car. We entered Alice's house and I carried her down the hall to the guest bedroom and set her down on the bed. I heard her whimper quietly as I began to take her shoes off, causing my gaze to move to her face.

"Edward," she murmured and whimpered again, softer this time. I pulled the comforter over her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Don't leave me."

I pulled away slightly to look at her sleeping face as the words passed softly over her lips, her features twisted almost painfully. I brushed her hair away from her face and leaned down to her ear. "I have to, or I'll ruin everything. I love you, Firecracker."

I heard her sigh softly as I kissed her temple, and then I turned from the bed to leave. I paused at the door to check on her one more time. A small smile hinted at her lips for a moment, and I turned to leave before it disappeared. That was exactly how I wanted to remember her.


	5. Avoidance

**Chapter 5: Avoidance**

**_Bella POV_**

When I woke up that morning, I made myself a solemn vow never to touch another drop of alcohol as long as I lived. Not only did I feel like I'd been run over by a train, but I could only remember fuzzy details of the night before. And my friends were certainly no help, since they were almost as bad off as I was. There was only one thing I did remember however.

_Edward._

That part of the evening came rushing back to me when I checked my phone and saw that I had a new text message from him:

_Bella, I'm about to board but I wanted to say bye first. I'm so sorry about last night, hope you'll forgive me. See you in a few weeks. –E_

"Damn it!" I cursed out loud when I saw that the message had come in two hours previous which meant he was already long gone. Now I had to wait until he landed and called me.

_If_ he called me.

The look on his face at the graduation and on the beach was something I never in a thousand years would have imagined coming from Edward; directed at me anyway. And even though he had apologized in the text, there was still no explanation as to what brought it on in the first place.

I waited for the remainder of that day and still… nothing from Edward. More days passed and I began to worry. He didn't answer my texts and all of my calls went to voicemail. Was he avoiding me? And if so, why? I intended to get my answers.

Alice and I had been invited over for the fourth of July at the Cullen's. If anyone would know what was going on with Edward, surely it would be his brother. So when we arrived, I immediately began hunting him down and eventually found him out back by the grill.

"Hey, Bella Bear! What's up, girl?" Emmett exclaimed as I approached him, pulling me into his warm embrace. I gave a small laugh as I hugged him back, suddenly reminded of how much I had missed him over the last few weeks. Alice had kept me so busy; I'd hardly had time to do much else besides sleep.

And of course, think of Edward.

As soon as he set my feet back on the ground and turned back to the grill, I bit my lip nervously. I didn't want to appear as desperate for information about Edward as I actually was. "Well, you know, never a dull moment with Alice around. I'm beginning to feel slightly bad for Jasper, being neglected all the time."

"Are you kidding me?" Emmett laughed in his booming fashion, and turned to look over at me. "I should be thanking you! With Edward gone up north for the summer, I didn't think my car would get done before I head up to UW in September. But with Jasper around, I have a shot."

"You _still _haven't finished that car?" I laughed and shook my head, while silently thanking him for broaching the topic of Edward so I wouldn't have to. I sat down on the picnic table beside the grill and looked down at my hands in my lap. "So… how _is _Edward?"

After a moment of silence, I chanced a look up at Emmett and saw an expression I couldn't decipher before he seemingly plastered a smile on his face. "He's fine, Bells. I told him you were coming over today. He says hi and he misses you."

I breathed out a disbelieving laugh as my eyes fell down to my lap. "Never know it from my end," I replied softly, suddenly wishing I had never asked. Knowing that he could pass messages through his brother but couldn't take the time to even answer a text message was almost worse than not knowing at all. "You know, it's not like I'm the one who's taken off to no man's land and pretending that my best friend doesn't exist."

I kept my eyes in my lap, but I felt his presence move in front of me to sit on the other side of me on the table. He let out a heavy sigh and was quiet for a moment before I finally heard him speak again, softer than I had ever heard it. "It's not like that, Bella. He's just busy catching up with our old friends up there, and he also feels bad about what happened the night before he left. I think he might be afraid that you're still angry with him."

I scoffed and shook my head, looking up to force back angry tears that were forming. "And completely ignoring me is supposed to make me _less_ angry? That's how this all started in the first place! He pushed me away and completely ignored me _all_ night, Emmett. And then I didn't even get to say goodbye before he left and…"

"Wait," Emmett interrupted me abruptly, causing me to stop short and look over at him. He analyzed my face for a moment and then glanced around the yard to see that everyone else was still inside helping Esme and then brought his gaze back to me. "So you're not mad at him for going alpha male on the beach?"

I felt my brow knitting together in confusion and shook my head. "What are you talking about? All I remember from that night is Edward _completely_ blowing me off for reasons I have yet to figure out. I don't even remember going back to Alice's that night. And then I wake up, and Edward's gone and all I got was a text message saying 'sorry see you in a few weeks'."

Emmett sighed heavily and folded his hands in front of him. "Look, it's not really my place to say anything. But you were pretty wasted that night, and Edward saw you talking to that Jacob Black kid. There's some bad blood between him and Edward and he was only trying to protect you."

"Jacob Black," I replied softly with a nod. The name sounded familiar to me, though I couldn't place it. I had heard it before, long before the night at the beach, so I stored the name in my mental catalog. I had a feeling I was going to need it in the near future.

"_But_ if it's any consolation," Emmett interrupted my thoughts nudging my elbow with his, and I looked over at him. "You have a great right hook on you when you're pissed. Shocked the hell out of Edward and I think he may have even gotten on the plane with the welt still visible."

I gasped as he began to laugh and I shook my head. "Emmett, that's not funny! I hit him?" I exclaimed loudly, even catching the attention of Alice and Rosalie who were just coming outside. Sure, I had slapped and punched Edward in jest in the past, but never out of anger and certainly never with the intent to hurt or mark him. Then again, I never remembered being as angry as I was with Edward that night, the parts of it that I could remember anyway. And it seemed that I was missing out on more than a few significant details and that bothered me to my core.

"Bells, he's a big boy. Hell, it was probably even good for him," Emmett replied with a smile with his arm around my shoulders, hugging me gently against him before standing up to return to the grill.

I remained at the table biting my lip and sinking deep into thought. Things still weren't completely adding up for me. Even if Edward _was_ still thinking that I was mad at him, why would he not want to talk to me and sort it out? Avoiding me was going to solve nothing.

Alice and Rosalie joined me, with Esme scolding us to get our butts off the table. We all lowered on the bench and I tried to keep up with the conversation, but soon enough I got the all too familiar huff from Alice. I looked over and she was sitting beside me with her arms folded over her chest, glaring at me scornfully. "You haven't been listening to a thing I've been saying, have you?"

I smiled embarrassedly and shook my head, inciting a small growl from her. "Sorry, Al. I just have a lot on my mind and I zoned. What were you saying?"

Alice sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. "I was _saying_," she emphasized for effect, and I heard Rosalie laugh from my other side. Rose and I really had not had the chance- or the inclination really- to bond at all in the time she'd been with Emmett. That was Alice's forte, not mine. She rubbed me the wrong way, but I was cordial because she was Emmett's girlfriend. "That while you were out here breaking the girl code by associating with a _guy_, Rose, Esme and myself were inside talking about Edward's coming home party. Huge cookout, pool party…"

"They don't have a pool," I pointed out hastily, gesturing my hand to the yard. "Kinda required to have such a party."

Alice brought her hand up behind me and gave me a swift thwack on the back of the head. "No shit, Sherlock, you don't say! This is where refraining from visits to la-la land pay off. Esme convinced Carlisle to install a pool while Edward was away to surprise him when he gets back. Guess Edward really misses the swim team."

"And the Speedos!" Emmett's voice hooted from over by the grill, sending all three of us into giggles. Though I could feel my face beginning to burn as I found myself actually trying to form a mental picture of it.

"So, we were thinking, if you and Edward would get your heads out of your asses before then, it might actually be a fun way to wrap up the summer," Alice finished, giving me a pointed look.

"Edward and I do _not _have our heads up our… wait, wrap up the _summer_?" I asked, my brow furrowing. There was still two months before school started up again. "He's going to be back in another week or so, isn't he?"

"Oh," Alice replied uncomfortably, biting her lip as she glanced over at Rosalie. "I thought Emmett would have told you but Edward isn't coming back until the week before school starts. He's helping Tanya's father build an addition onto their house up there…"

Alice kept talking but I was no longer listening as I felt my stomach drop out. Was _this_ why he was dodging my attempts to contact him, knowing how upset I would be when I found out? I wouldn't imagine why Edward would keep something this important from me though, even if I _did_ get upset. "Excuse me," I whispered as I rose from the table quickly and walked across the yard. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and for once, I really didn't care. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Edward. He and I were going to have this out _now_.

I heard the phone click as it answered and my heart soared, but it quickly plummeted as the voice I was waiting for was not the one that greeted me. It wasn't that soft velvet smooth voice I had missed so much. It was unmistakably a groggy but very feminine voice. "Hello?"

I stammered awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to say; this was something I had not prepared myself for at all. "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number," I said quickly, trying to will away the image in my head.

"Are you looking for Edward? He's right here," the voice replied and I heard the distinctive sound of a mattress creaking under shifting weight. "Sweetie? Phone for you."

_Sweetie?_ A woman answering his phone from bed, and from the sounds of it, not all that far away from him? My throat tightened and my breath stalled. "Hello?" his voice groaned sleepily from the other end, but I couldn't form the words. "Hello?"

I quickly flipped my phone closed before I could even utter a single word. I hadn't thought it was possible for my heart to plummet any further, but somehow it managed. I didn't know what to think or feel anymore. He went up there to be with his ex, Tanya. Why hadn't I put two and two together before this? Alaska… his first girlfriend… his _first_. Oh yes, I'd heard _all_ about Tanya; definitely more than I cared to.

I had to get out of there; this was too much to take. Granted, Edward didn't owe me a damn thing but this hurt worse than him ignoring me. It felt almost like a betrayal of sorts. I was supposedly one of his best friends, but he couldn't be honest about this? I walked over to Alice and her face fell at the look on my face. "I'm not feeling very well, Alice. I'm think I'm gonna go home."

"Are you alright?" Alice asked in a concerned voice and I sighed heavily, looking down. "Let me just get my keys and tell Jasper, and I'll take you home."

"Don't be silly. I'll just call Charlie and have him come pick me up. There's no need for both of us to go," I replied quickly as I shook my head. "I monopolize enough of your time. Spend some time with Jasper."

Alice acquired an almost guilty look, and glanced over at Jasper briefly and then brought her eyes back to me. "You sure? I mean, we have all day after all."

"Absolutely. Charlie's off today anyway, so it won't be any problem. I just kinda need to be alone for a bit," I replied sadly, and from the look in Alice's eyes it seemed she understood more than even I could grasp. "I'll call you tomorrow."

I slowly began walking away toward the house and called Charlie after explaining my "situation" to Esme. The ride home with him was quiet as usual, until we were almost there and a new thought struck me. "Dad, how far is it to La Push?"

Charlie looked over at me questioningly, raising an eyebrow. "About ten, maybe fifteen miles. Why?"

"Nothing," I replied casually, shrugging my shoulders and staring into my lap. After a moment of pondering, I took a deep breath and turned my gaze back to him. "Would you mind taking me there?"

"Thought you weren't feeling well?" Charlie challenged and cast me a sideways look before returning his attention back to the road. "Why, what's in La Push?"

"Someone I need to talk to," I replied flatly and shook my head. "Really, Dad, I'm alright. I just needed to get away from the Cullens' house. Was just a little weird without Edward there and all."

If Charlie caught my lie, he never showed it and silently drove me to La Push. As we were pulling up to the beach, I asked him to pull over as I spotted a group of bronzed skinned young men. One of them had to know this Jacob Black. "Thanks, I'll call you later."

Charlie took my arm before I could get out of the car, giving me the 'dad look' I knew all too well. "You have your pepperspray?" he asked firmly, eyeing the same group of boys.

I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes. "Yea, Dad," I scoffed and pulled it out of my purse to show him, shoving it back in before I got out of the car. As he drove away, I began thinking about how well thought out this plan was _not_. The only things I knew about this Jacob was that he lived in La Push, and Edward didn't want me anywhere near him. This, in my state of mind at that moment, gave me even more reason to move forward with my plan.

I walked toward the group and cleared my throat behind one of them. "Excuse me?" I said softly and felt myself blush furiously as he turned around to look at me curiously. "I was just wondering if any of you knew where I could find Jacob Black?"

"Actually I do," the young man, who seemed to tower a head or two above me, replied with a smile. "You're looking at him."

I blush increased as I realized how idiotic I must seem to him. _You had to pick **this**_ _one to question, didn't you, Bella?_ I took a deep breath trying to hold onto the last shred of dignity I could muster. "Hi, I don't know if you remember me. But we met a few weeks ago, at a beach party?"

His smile increased to reveal one of the most illuminating smiles I had ever seen. "I remember very well… Bella," he replied, and my eyes widened. I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or not that he remembered me. "Though I must admit I'm surprised you do. What can I do for you?"

I was finding it most difficult to understand what it was about him that caused such seething hatred from Edward. He was friendly and polite, and there was a comfort he exuded that I couldn't quite comprehend, but I was beginning to notice that it was contagious. "Actually, I _don't_ remember much about that night. And I was hoping that's where you could help me."


	6. You Haven't Fooled Me

**Chapter 6: You Haven't Fooled Me**

**_Edward POV_**

The opening riff to "Welcome to the Jungle" stirred me slightly out of a deep slumber, but I had become so accustomed to letting it ring over the last few weeks that I never lifted my head from the pillow. I knew I would have hell to pay when I got back to Forks at the end of the summer; now even more so once Emmett told her that I wasn't coming home next week. Not only would the money that I was earning this summer from Tanya's father be a nice buffer in my bank account that didn't come from my parents, it would also give me the distraction I needed and came all this way to find. I needed to get Bella out of my head in any form other than friendship.

I thought I was imagining things when I heard another voice in my room answering my phone. Then I heard her speak to me and my head shot up as she touched my shoulder, which I instantly regretted due to the already present pounding in my head. I reached my hand over my shoulder to take the phone she was handing me; I couldn't ignore the phone call now since it was already confirmed that I was here. "Hello?" I answered with my voice still groggy from sleep and the long night behind me. I could hear distant voices in the background, but she never spoke. "Hello? B-…"

But the line went dead.

I buried my face in the pillow, letting out a loud groan and tossing my phone onto the floor. "Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!" I yelled loudly, thrusting my face against the pillow repeatedly until my head began to object. "Why did you answer my phone, Tanya?"

I turned my head to look at her as she leaned toward me and kissed my shoulder. "I didn't think you heard it. I'm sorry, sweetie..."

"_Don't_. Call me that," I said coldly and sat up, grabbing my pants from the floor and pulling them on. There was only one person in the world I allowed to call me such an endearment, other than my mother. I gazed at her as I buttoned my pants and her look of shock and hurt made me feel a little guilty. I had never spoken to her like that, but just imagining what Bella must be thinking right now was bothering me and I I tried calming my voice some before speaking again. "Tanya, haven't you noticed that is the one ring tone I've been avoiding for weeks now? I am still not ready to talk to her yet. And now, the first thing she hears is a _woman _answering my phone?"

Tanya held the sheet tightly to her chest, refusing to meet my eyes. "So that was Bella," she replied as a statement more than a question. I nodded my head and looked down at the floor, and then heard her shift in the bed to stand up. "I don't get it, Edward. You say you love this girl, but you won't talk to her. You come over two thousand miles just to get away from her. And if you two are such close friends, a woman answering your phone shouldn't be _that_ big of a shock to her."

My eyes met hers again quickly, as she stood there in one of my t-shirts. I really couldn't be angry at her for that, but she meant it to sting. "I don't flaunt it in front of her face like that, Tanya! I have a bit more respect for her than that. And I've told you from the beginning that this was all very complex."

"Why did you come here, Edward?" Tanya asked suddenly with her arms folded over her chest, appearing to be holding back tears.

I sighed heavily and waved my arms out to the side. "I told you why I came here, Tanya. Things between Bella and I…"

"No, Edward," she cut me off, shaking her head. "Why did you come _here_? To _me_."

I stood and pondered that silently for a moment and let out a heavy sigh. I guess I knew exactly why I came here in the first place and looking at Tanya right now was evidence that I was right. The look on her face when I had to leave Alaska was unbearable, much like the one she was giving me now. And I never wanted to see that look on Bella's face when I had to leave her behind too.

Tanya laughed sadly and looked down. "It was all to get over her, wasn't it?" she asked and my face must have given me away because she sat down at the end of the bed. I realized I was bracing myself for a reaction that wasn't going to come, because I was in the wrong room with the wrong girl. Tanya wasn't Bella, my firecracker. I tried to speak but Tanya shook her head. "Don't. I know what you're going to say, Edward. And don't. It's not your fault that I fooled myself into thinking that maybe you might have missed me."

I walked over to sit next to her and placed my hand over hers on her lap. I realized then that I selfishly had never really considered the effect this was eventually going to have on Tanya. We didn't break up because we stopped caring for each other after all. It was young love, it was first love; but it was still love. "I _have _missed you, Tanya. I think about you all the time," I replied, trying to reassure her that she wasn't _just_ a distraction.

"I know you have, Edward," Tanya replied softly and tried to smile, lacing her fingers with mine. "Just not the same way I've missed you. Your heart isn't mine anymore."

I gently kissed the inside of her arm as she brought her free hand up to sweep the hair from my forehead. This was exactly what made me fall in love with Tanya in the first place at the tender age of fifteen. She was quite possibly the most caring and compassionate person I had ever met, even in the midst of her own pain.

"I've known you for so long, Edward," she began again, tracing her fingers over my cheekbones but the look in her eyes had changed. They now seemed so distant while she was looking right at me. "In some ways, you are still that same sweet twelve year old boy I met on the playground that day when Mike LeGrange tripped me and I split my lip. Everyone else laughed, but not you. Not _my_ Edward. The same Edward I loved and will always love. But something _has_ changed in you at the same time and I think I've known that all along. This isn't you, darlin'. All this sleeping around and never just one girl. And now there's this girl who has captured you the same way I did but you're pushing her away. You're going to lose her, Edward."

Her hand rested along my jaw and her eyes bore into mine. I shook my head as I brought my hand up to hold it against my face and I shook my head. "I can't leave her behind, Tanya. You and I both know that the long distance thing doesn't work, and it's not even fair to ask her to do that anyway. She's _fifteen_ years old!"

"So were we," Tanya pointed out and brought her other hand up to my face to hold it firmly between her palms. "And if I thought there was any chance that you would ever come back, I couldn't think of anyone more worth waiting for. You can't play the tough macho guy with _me_, Edward Cullen. I knew the pre-pubescent you. No one changes _that_ much and you're _really _not that good of an actor anyway. You may have fooled them, but you haven't fooled me."

Tanya continued to stare into my eyes for a moment and then slowly leaned forward to brush a soft kiss on my lips. It was so tender and gentle, unlike any kiss we had ever shared before; but it was also missing the passion it once held. As she pulled away, she smiled at me and ran her hand over my hair.

"You have to fight for her, Edward. If you love her this much, then that's not something you find every day," she said as she gently caressed my cheek, before standing up and kissing my forehead. "You need to tell her and you need to _show_ her. But first…" She walked away from me and bent down to pick up my phone, and handed it to me. "You need to call her and fix the friendship."

I sighed, looking down at my phone. "I don't know, Tanya. I really don't think she's going to want to…"

Tanya placed her hands on her hips sassily and pursed her lips at me, so out of character for her that I couldn't help but laugh. "Are you going to be a chicken shit, Edward? Because if you are, then you don't deserve her. And I'd like to think there's still more of _my_ Edward in you than that."

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my skull as she turned on her heel and quickly left my room but the vibration of the phone in my hand brought my attention back. I flipped it open to see a text had just come in, sighing as I looked at the sender and the message.

_What the hell did you do to her, bro? Get your ass back to Forks so I can beat it!_

A shower and a cup of coffee later, I found myself pacing the floor of my room and staring at my phone. I honestly had no idea what I could possibly say to make things right between us again. _'Hi Bella, I've been up here banging my ex-girlfriend in an attempt to get over you'_ just didn't have that 'forgive me' ring to it.

"Well you're never going to get anywhere just staring at the phone, stupid," I grumbled to myself, flipping open my phone and dialing Bella's number.

Voicemail.

I closed my phone and shook my head. I had no idea what to say to _her_, let alone the empty space of a voicemail. I really wouldn't blame her in the slightest if she was the one who was now avoiding _my_ calls. Since the day we met, we had never gone more than a day without contacting each other in some way, and now it had been over three weeks since I had last spoken to her. She didn't deserve this; she had done nothing wrong. Somehow, it seemed that I was managing to hurt every woman in my life to some degree. First Bella, then my mother when I told her I wasn't coming home until the end of summer, then Bella again and now Tanya. What the hell was wrong with me? I opened my phone again and began typing a text to Bella. I was going to leave the decision to her whether or not she wanted to speak to me.

_Bella, sorry about this AM… really think we should talk. Plz call when u can. Promise I'll answer. _

I hit send and then sat down on my bed, resuming the blank stare at my phone. I had nothing better to do that day since Tanya's parents had gone away for the holiday weekend, and I heard Tanya's car leave about a half hour earlier. And the longer I sat there staring at the black screen, waiting for it to light up with a call; the more I began to fear that Tanya was right; that I was losing her. The exact opposite of the reason I came up here.

Life without Bella was hell. No matter how much I tried to drown myself in Tanya over the last few weeks, that was the only constant. I missed Bella, and so many times, I wanted to pick up that phone and call her. But I knew the moment I heard her voice, the only emotion that would run through me would be my desire to go home and see her. My heart already ached from missing her so terribly. Hearing her voice was only bound to stir the emotions I was trying so hard to dim. However, losing her completely was out of the question.

At some point in the evening, I must have dozed off. Before I knew it, I was being woken once again by that familiar tune and vibration on my stomach. I briefly glanced at the time; it was almost midnight, which made it almost one in the morning in Forks. What the hell was she doing up at this hour?

"Bella?" I said softly into the phone, but all I could hear was her soft breathing on the other end. "Bella, I know you're there, I can hear you biting your lip."

That remark rewarded me with a soft laugh, but she still made no attempt to speak. I had never known Bella to be at a complete loss of what to say, especially to me. I didn't call her 'Firecracker' for nothing. For a while there was nothing more than her breathing and then I heard her sniffle, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. She was crying… because of me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I began, still trying to think of what to say to her but crying women rendered me weak. There was nothing more heartbreaking than the sight or sound of a woman crying. Except for this. _This_ girl crying was something I never wanted to see or hear again after that night on the beach.

"Well," I heard her voice for the first time and it sounded different. Drawn out, tired, sad. Not _my_ Bella. "You wanted to talk. So talk."

"Bella, it's one in the morning, you should be…"

"Don't _tell_ me what time it is, and don't tell me that I should be in bed," she snapped angrily in a rough whisper. There she was; there was my Bella. "You're lucky I'm even calling you at all. I've been battling it out all day. I can't think of anything I have done to deserve this, Edward. You, my best friend, taking off to no man's land and pretending that I don't exist. You ignore my messages, my phone calls and I find out from _Alice_ that you're not coming back until the end of summer. And _then_, I call you to ask you about it and I was _so _happy when I heard the phone pick up. But it wasn't you. Tell me, Edward. What part of all that are you actually sorry for? Ignoring me? Making me feel like shit? Or lying to me?"

I didn't even bother interrupting her. She had every right in the world to lash out at me, and I deserved every bit of it. The pain and anger in her voice nearly broke me. "All of it, Bella. I've been an ass and I know I shouldn't have taken it out on you this way. I had to sort some things out, but I never lied to you."

"Bullshit!" she spat in a venomous hiss. It took me by surprise because even the night at the beach did not compare to the daggers in her voice now. It caused my gut to tighten nervously for fear that I may have pushed her too far. "Last time I checked, 'I'm going to visit some friends' did not translate into 'I'm going to Alaska to screw my ex-girlfriend and ignore my best friend'. And why the hell was she answering _your_ phone from _your_ bed? Or was it her bed last night?"

"Bella, stop please," I pleaded with her, pinching the bridge of my nose. I heard her exhale exasperatedly, but obviously resigning to let me speak. "I never meant for Tanya to pick up the phone. I told you a long time ago, I would never flaunt this in your face. But I didn't lie to you, Bella. She _is _my friend and I never meant things to happen between us again. But she is also helping me through some things. I needed to sort out my head."

"And you had to go to _Alaska _for that?" Bella exclaimed in a harsh whisper, sounding like she was struggling to stay quiet, probably to keep from waking a sleeping Charlie. "What, because I don't sleep with you, you couldn't sort that out here with me? Dammit Edward! I'm not trying to cut you off from your other friends, and I know how much you hate Forks, but that didn't mean that you had to completely cut _me_ out. I don't care if you fuck the hell out of her all damn summer! But when I call to talk to my best friend, I really don't want to hear a post coital _female_ voice answer the phone! And beyond that, do you have _any_ idea how much it hurt to hear that you weren't coming home in the next week or so from someone _else_? You're enjoying your time with Tanya, fine I don't care. But have the common courtesy for _everyone_ who's been waiting for you, not just a select few. You've obviously made it quite clear who and what's important to you."

"That's not true, Bella! Don't even go there!" I exclaimed as I shot off the bed and began to pace. Her statement triggered a chord in me; she thought she wasn't important to me. I didn't know whether to be angry at her for being ridiculous, or angry at myself for allowing this feeling of hers to manifest in the first place. But how many times had I told her how much she meant to me? And she could dismiss all that so quickly? "Maybe I chose a wrong way of going about it, but I knew my decision would upset you. It took me two weeks to even tell my mother. But never _ever_ think that you are not important to me, Bella. You don't need to be burdened with my problems, you have enough in your own life. I just needed to get away or I was going to snap. And that's the last thing I ever want you to see."

She was actually quiet for another moment, and I thought that she had possibly fallen asleep. But I heard her take a slow intake of breath and blow it out in a steady, controlled manner. "You've hurt me, Edward. In so many ways. The way you treated me after Emmett's graduation and since, I think I have every right to hang up this phone right now and never speak to you again," she replied in a frighteningly calm voice, to the point that I was afraid that she was actually going to follow through. But after several of the longest seconds of my life, she still hadn't. "But I'm not going to. I can't. I wouldn't be this upset if I didn't care about you and need you so damn much. I need my best friend, Edward."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know I was wrong, and I swear I'll make it up to you when I get back," I replied earnestly, far more relieved than I deserved to be.

"But so help me, I _will_ follow through if you _ever_ do anything like this to me again. I'm not a throw rug you can just wipe your feet on," she replied firmly, sounding as if she had just instantly bounced back from the verge of tears again. "But for now, I love ya, Cullen. And I really need to get some sleep. Can we talk tomorrow?"

I chuckled softly and sat back down on the bed. "Yea, we can talk tomorrow. I love ya too, Swan. Sleep well."

I heard her yawn at the other end and the shuffle of fabric, as if she just laid her head on her pillow with the phone still to her ear. "Just make sure _you_ answer the phone."

"I will, I promise. Goodnight, Bells," I whispered softly.

"Goodnight, Edward," she whispered back and the phone beeped to signal the end of the call.

I closed my eyes, lying back on the bed and then opening them to stare at the ceiling. My mind was racing at all the ways that conversation could have gone, and didn't. And it gave me hope that everything really was going to be alright. Once I was sure of that, I was going to take Tanya's advice and go back and tell her how I felt. She deserved to know the truth, and I would drive myself insane with the 'woulda, coulda, shoulda's' for the rest of my life if I didn't.

She was worth that chance.


	7. Welcome Back

**Chapter 7: Welcome Back**

**_Edward POV_**

As the summer passed, things between Bella and I got progressively better. We talked on an almost daily basis, just before we went to bed at night. She said she slept better when she was able to say goodnight to me, so I tried to call as often as I could. And now I was on a plane heading back to Forks, surprisingly excited to return to a place I despised so much. But then again, I had good reason for that.

I was going to tell Bella that I loved her.

I had a plan in place, and I was just hoping for the best. I would go home and spend some time with my family, and then I would take her out to that diner again where we went on our not-so-date. Then at the first given opportunity, I would say that I had something I wanted to tell her. I had been thinking about this for weeks, ever since Tanya and I had discussed my "date" with Bella. She dissected and analyzed every minute detail of that evening. She insisted that I finish composing that piece of music for Bella, saying how "romantic" it was. _Women._

But then came the issue of the kiss.

I tried to explain to her that it was just a friendly kiss, but she would hear none of that. So I described it to her, moment by moment; from contact until I pull away. I'd thought about that kiss so many times since it happened, but never really looked into it as deeply as Tanya had made me. Bella's lips were soft, and if I closed my eyes, I could still feel them against mine. It had taken a moment, but she responded and just as tenderly as I was kissing her. By the time I finished at the break of the kiss, I looked over at Tanya and she was crying. She then smacked me in the head and told me that I was _such _an idiot, and left the room. Then the next day she told me that if I didn't tell Bella how I felt, then she was going to do it for me and make it far more embarrassing than any bumbling I could manage.

And somehow, I didn't doubt that.

As the captain announced our impending descent into Seattle, I felt a thrill rush through me. I was getting closer and closer to my Bella, and she would be waiting for me at my parents' house as she promised last night before we got off the phone. I checked my watch what seemed like minutes later, when in fact only seconds had passed.

When we finally taxied and debarked, I rushed through the airport as quickly as I could to get to the security checkpoint. The line was moving slowly but it seemed to come to a dead stop when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Edward!"

I looked up and saw her face, a smile spreading across my face so wide it almost hurt.

My beautiful Bella.

So much more radiant than when I left her almost three months ago. The ravishing smile that lit up her eyes, the way she bit her lip to contain her excitement and the blush that covered her cheeks in the effort. I took my eyes off of her as little as possible all the way through the metal detectors and once I was, she ran for me. I held out my arms and she eagerly jumped into them with a force that almost knocked me over; hugging me tightly.

"Oh my god," she chuckled, though I could hear the tears in her voice. "You're actually here."

"I should be saying the same thing," I countered with a laugh, holding her against me. I hadn't realized exactly how much I had missed her until I had her in my arms. I pulled away to see her face and she wiped a tear away quickly with her hand. "Do I look that horrible? Thought you were going to be waiting at my parents' house?"

Bella brought her hands to the sides of my face, her eyes scanning it rapidly as if learning every angle of my features again. "I couldn't wait that long. Your dad is down in the car, I told him I wanted to come get you."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, kissing her hair and her arm came around my waist as we began to walk through baggage claim. I had missed this closeness with her, even before I left. Things were so awkward before I left and that distance between us had affected us both deeply. And now, we were back to as were should be. "So I was thinking that tonight, maybe we could go out somewhere, just you and me. I really have missed you."

"I've missed you too, and I would really like that, Edward," Bella replied and then a pained look came over her face and she bit her lip. "But, I kinda have plans tonight. Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Plans? Charlie?" I asked in confusion, but also feeling my heart sink at the thought of spending my first night home without Bella there.

"Um, not exactly," Bella responded anxiously and tried to distract me by pointing to the descending luggage now making it's way down to the conveyor belt toward us. "But I'll be around for most of the day anyway."

"What's going on tonight?" I pressed, still not turning to watch for my luggage. Her body language was exuding far too much unease for it to be anything good but she didn't answer and kept avoiding my gaze to look at the passing luggage. "Bella?"

She sighed heavily and turned to look at me. "Look, I know you just got home and everything and I feel really bad. But I was invited to go out tonight to a party, and I said I would go."

"With whom?" I replied curiously, not remembering Alice mentioning anything outside of the gathering at my house going on tonight so it couldn't have been her. And when Bella looked away and folded her arms over her chest defiantly, I asked again. "Who are you going with, Bella?"

"Who are you, my father? Am I not allowed to have any friends outside of our immediate circle?" she snapped as she looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "Let's just discuss this later, alright?"

"What's wrong with now?" I urged, as I grabbed my first suitcase before it got too far out of my reach and brought my eyes back to her. "Why are you avoiding the topic? And you didn't mention this last night on the phone at all."

"I'm _not _avoiding the topic, Edward. I just would rather discuss it later in private, rather than in a middle of a crowded airport, if you don't mind," Bella replied tensely and watched me as I grabbed my last bag. "Come on, your father is waiting."

_Why the hell was she acting so strangely all of a sudden_, I wondered as I followed behind her through the airport and out the doors where my father was waiting outside the car. A smile came over his face and he pulled me into a hug as I approached him.

"Hi Dad," I laughed, patting him on the back before pulling away to toss my bags in the trunk, my eyes finding their way back to Bella. It was like night and day between the girl who leapt into my arms inside and the girl now getting into the car without so much as a glance in my direction; and it made me supremely uneasy.

Her mood shifted yet again when we arrived at my parents' house, almost bouncing with enthusiasm. She never left my side for more than a moment while I greeted my family and friends, shared in my excitement when my parents surprised me with the huge indoor pool they had built for me in a building behind the house, and hugged onto my arm as we sat talking with Emmett, Alice and Rosalie. I couldn't make heads or tails of her behavior, except that she was hiding something and I was going to find out just what that was.

Once Jasper arrived after work and successfully distracted Alice, I took Bella's hand without a word and led her into the house and up into the privacy of my room. It was time for answers. "Alright, we're in private. What is going on?"

Bella kept her eyes locked on me silently for a moment and then let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, Edward. I'm going to First Beach tonight, I have a date."

_I have a date._ Those words echoed in my head repeatedly as I felt my stomach drop out, as if they were the only words that had come out of her mouth. But I took a deep breath to collect myself and shook my head. "First Beach? As in _La Push_ First Beach?"

"Do you know of another one?" Bella retorted sarcastically and placed her hands on her hips. "Yes, I'm going to La Push tonight."

"With who?" I asked stiffly and she rolled her eyes, trying to move past me. I stepped in front of the door and folded my arms over my chest. "Tell me!"

"Jacob Black!" she yelled at me, her brown orbs darkening and glaring at me. "Now I'm going to be late if I don't leave soon."

My eyes widened and I shook my head at her, unable to believe the name that just came out of her mouth. "There is no way you are going out with Jacob Black. And what about your father and his 'no dating until you're sixteen' stipulation? Last I checked, that's still a few weeks away!"

"For beginners, you say one word to Charlie about this, and I will never speak to you again, Edward Cullen. That is, after I'm done beating your ass!" she growled with her finger pointed at me. "And second. Seriously, who the hell do you think you are? You leave me here all summer, and I'm just supposed to sit around with my thumb up my ass, anticipating your return? Forgive me if I missed that memo! I figured it was about time for me to go out there and start being a _kid_ for the first time in my life. Have some friends, make some mistakes and damn it, just have a life, for crying out loud. And one that didn't center around Forks."

"You could have hung out with Alice," I snapped back, waving my arms out. "Or, for the love of god, anyone but Jacob Black!"

"Well, Alice has a life outside of _me_, Edward. Remember that guy she's dating that happens to be your best friend?" I quipped back sarcastically with a raised brow. "And I know all about the history between you and Jacob, and honestly, you just need to let it go. Jacob was the only person who would talk to me about the night of the graduation and what happened. Because I was so wasted, I couldn't remember. And do you remember why that was, Edward? Oh yea, _you _were ignoring me for no damn reason!"

I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Bella, I don't want to fight with you, I really don't. I just really think that you should reconsider this? Jacob Black is…"

"Not who I have the date with," she interrupted me, her voice slightly calmer. My hand fell and I looked back at her as she was making her way over to me. "I'm… not interested in Jake that way. He's a buddy. I was kinda buddy-less this summer, since someone decided to go off building houses."

I couldn't help but laugh when she poked my chest with her finger jokingly, but it quickly died. I just couldn't believe that everything I had been planning to do and say tonight got blown out of the water by one little phrase.

_I have a date._

"You don't have to worry about me, Edward. I'm a big girl," Bella broke me out of my thought and I looked into her eyes. "And as far as Jacob goes. I know she was your girlfriend, but _she's_ the one that spread her legs; he just happened to be the one between them. And he's really gotten me through this summer."

I closed my eyes as she spoke, not really wanting to a reminder of what stirred this hatred for Jacob Black in me. But beyond that, Kelly was the past; Bella was my present. And once again, he was coming in-between me and the most important thing in my life. I never should have gone to Alaska this summer but if I hadn't gone, I would have never had the wake up call I needed from Tanya. It all came too late either way. I cleared my throat without opening my eyes to speak. "So who do you have a date with?"

"James Dunlevy," she replied casually as she walked over and sat on my bed.

My eyes shot open and my head shot up to look at her, and immediately began shaking my head. "Oh no no no, there is no way. He is _way_ too old for you."

"Alright, here we go again, _dad_," Bella snapped with the sarcasm returning to her voice. "He's eighteen, so what? I can have an eighteen year old best friend, but I can't have an eighteen year old boyfriend?"

"Whoa whoa, _boyfriend_? When did you meet this guy? And why didn't you mention him at all to me?" I began bombarding her with questions, as she stared at me in disbelief.

"Hold on, Tonto," Bella replied, holding up her hands and shaking her head. "I just started talking to him a week or two ago and he asked me to the party this morning. It's just a date."

"_Just_ a date? With a guy you just met? What do you even know about him?" I asked, praying that she would soon come to her senses, and call the whole thing off. Now I was _really_ regretting leaving for Alaska this summer. She would have stayed safe in Forks, away from Jacob and definitely away from James. I didn't know him personally, but I know _of_ him. _Women and their 'bad boys'_. I felt the urge to roll my eyes.

Bella bit her lip in feigned concentration and then looked to me. "I know I'm young and inexperienced, but isn't that what _dating _is for? To get to know someone better?"

"Oh is _that_ what this is about? Inexperience? Is it _really _that horrible to be a virgin, Bella, that you're in such a rush to dispose of it?"

_Bella POV_

I stared at him wide eyed for countless seconds. I laughed uncomfortably, unable to look him in the eye anymore and started shaking my head. "What are you talking about, Edward? This has nothing to do with… my… virginity," I replied in a muffled voice. Talking about these things with him about his actions was one thing but when my sexuality came to topic, it was an entirely different ball game. I felt the heat spread over my cheeks and I hugged my arms tightly around me. "I just want to go out and have fun, and… be a _teenager_. I'm so tired of having to play the mini-adult role all the time. Everyone has such high expectations of me and I'm tired of being sweet, compliant little Bella. I've been taking care of me and my dad since I was five years old, Edward. When do _I_ get to be a kid?"

But that was only part of the truth. I had felt so empty all summer, even once I began talking to Edward again. And the last two weeks had been the hardest, although he had no way of knowing that. Just the absence of his presence in my life made me ache in ways that I had never experienced. The only times I had been able to dull that for a while this summer was the time I spent with Jake, though I felt no form of attraction to him whatsoever, and the time I had spent talking to James.

James was nice looking, funny and sweet and also had that bad boy appeal that I found so attractive in Edward. Although he couldn't be more different from Edward in every other way, which worked out perfectly for me. I needed as much of a distraction from Edward as I could get, so that these feelings, whatever they were, would stop. This summer made it very clear to me what his type of girl was, and it certainly wasn't me. As much as James was everything Edward wasn't, Tanya was everything _I_ wasn't. She was a tall leggy blonde with blue eyes, a smooth complexion and a perfect set of pouty lips. Not to mention what other endowments she had that I didn't. I was kidding myself if I ever allowed myself to believe that Edward would ever desire someone like me if he could have someone like that at his whim.

I heard him walk toward me as I stared at the floor and the bed shifted slightly beside me. His arm came around my shoulders and pulled me to him and I slid my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his chest. "I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all, Bella," he said softly, kissing my hair gently. "You're right. You _do_ deserve to be a kid. Just be careful, alright? I only want you to be happy, that's all I've ever wanted."

I looked up at him to meet his eyes and I gave him a soft smile. "I know, Edward. And I will be careful," I replied and gave him one last gentle squeeze before standing up. "Just don't worry about me. He's not going to make me do anything I don't want to, and I am certainly not ready for _that_. Not with someone I hardly know, that's for sure. And there will be plenty of people there with me, okay?"

He chuckled softly and stood up, pulling me back into his arms. "Don't be afraid to call if he gets out of line."

I laughed and playfully slapped his back. "God I've missed you," I replied and pulled away to look up at him and placed my hand on his face. "He'll never be good enough for me in your eyes, will he?"

I turned to leave the room, and just as I stepped outside the door, I heard him mutter a statement so softly I'm sure I wasn't meant to hear it.

"No one ever _will_ be."


	8. The Fairytale Life

**Chapter 8: The Fairytale Life**

**_Bella POV _**

"_No one ever **will** be."_

What the hell was that all about? Sure, he didn't go _entirely _caveman on me; just normal overprotective Edward. But honestly, did he never expect me to date? That the only men in my life would be him and my dad? All of this weighed on my mind during the drive to La Push with Jake.

"You're really quiet over there. Are you alright, Bells?" Jake said suddenly, pulling me abruptly from my thoughts. I smiled and nodded, trying to not let on on that anything was bothering me at all. Jake had been gracious enough to pick me up today to save me the trouble of bold-faced lying to my father about who I was attending the party with. My dad liked Jake, and liked it even more that we were simply good buddies. Like me and Edward. "I guess I expected you to be a little livelier with all you've been going on about Cullen coming home for the last two weeks now."

I chuckled embarrassedly and shrugged my shoulders. "It was good to see him. I missed him so much, but he just seemed… strange. Something was off about him and I couldn't put my finger on it," I replied somewhat abstractedly, picking lightly at the new jeans I had bought in Port Angeles with Alice last week when we went shopping for school clothes. They were a little pricey, but I couldn't argue with her. They fit me well, and were comfortable; can't get much better than that. After a moment of continued silence, I looked over to Jacob and he had a small amused smirk on his face. "I'm sure it's just that he's been away for so long, I'm not as attuned to him as I was before."

"Or maybe that you missed him more than you should?" Jake replied with a chuckle, wiggling his eyebrows at me and laughing out loud when I punched him in the arm. "Come on, Bells. It's _so_ damn obvious. I don't know why you're even bothering with this date with Captain Pigtail tonight."

I rolled my eyes and flicked his tied off hair that continued well down his back. "You're not one to be making cracks there, hairboy."

"Hey! This is a _pony_tail, get it right!" Jake laughed, holding his finger up.

"And the difference is, smartass?" I countered, folding my arms over my chest and turning in my seat slightly toward him.

"They're longer with more substance," Jake grinned wickedly, casting me a sideways glance.

"Pigs are cute!"

"They squeal like girls!"

"They don't leave huge piles of shit everywhere!"

"Nah, they just roll in it."

"No one makes them their bitch and forces them to lug fat asses and heavy equipment everywhere."

"Of course not! Then they'd be too tough to eat. Bacon yummm."

"_Ugh_! Jake, that's it, I'm becoming a vegetarian," I huffed and turned in my seat, and looked out the window.

"In all seriousness, Bella. Why _are_ you doing this? I know it's not because your feelings for Cullen have changed," Jake replied in a calm soft voice and my eyes returned to my lap. In the last few weeks that I had spent with Jake, we had talked about so much and shared our concerns, fears and our deepest hearts' desires. He was the first person I ever felt comfortable with talking about my affection for Edward. He didn't judge me or, until now, try to force my hand in anything. In fact, he never really even brought it up until now. "Come on, you can't still think that you're not good enough."

"As a matter of fact, Jacob. I'm really not. I'm not his type, and you of _all_ people should know this," I snapped somewhat coldly, and although I instantly felt bad, I kept my eyes out the window. It hurt me to know that the first guy I had ever been attracted to in any way looked at me as just a buddy. At times, I even wondered if I was no more than a little sister in his eyes. His behavior tonight almost felt like it. An overprotective brother just realizing his baby sister has suddenly grown up right in front of him.

"Come on, B. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? If the guy _doesn't _see that you're a total hottie, he's blind or needs his head examined or _something_. Either that, or he's just a plain moron," Jake chuckled and gave me one of his infectious smiles. I was beginning to wonder if anything I did would ever be enough to make Jacob angry. Goodness knows I've pissed off Edward too many times to count and we were as close as you can get without being in involved. "Oh look, here comes the douche bag now."

I heard Jake grumble slightly from the driver's seat as we came to a stop in the parking lot, and I smiled slightly as I saw James walking toward the car as we approached. "You promised to be nice, Jacob," I said through my smile, my lips not moving at all.

"I will if he is," Jake replied in the same manner and we both stepped out of the car.

James' lips made an O as he walked up to me, whistling slightly. "Damn babe, look at you, huh?" he said with a Cheshire smile and lifted me into his arms, my feet leaving the ground. I giggled softly until he put me back down and draped his arm lazily across my shoulders. "Hey Jake, thanks for bringing her out."

"Uh huh," was all Jake managed to utter before walking away.

I slid my arm around James' waist and we walked together onto the beach, meeting up with some of his friends, and I swore I had never felt more out of place. The only thing any of us had in common was James. It wasn't like hanging out with Jake and his friends, and definitely nothing like being with Edward and my friends in Forks. But I had to move past Edward and whatever these feelings were that I held for him, and realize that we were only ever meant to be good friends.

"You alright, babe?" James asked me suddenly when apparently I remained quiet for too long, since everyone was staring at me.

I felt my cheeks flush but I managed a smile and nodded. "Yea, I'm fine. I think I'm just gonna go grab a Coke or something," I replied and began to move away.

James held tight to my shoulders and looked to his friends. "I'm gonna go take my girl to get a drink. Later," he said and when I tried to protest, not wanting to tear him away from his friends; he gave me a smile and kissed my temple. "I see them every day. We're supposed to be having a date, right?"

I blushed more deeply and bit my lip with a nod as we came to a cooler full of ice and cans of soda. After we both grabbed one, he took my hand and we walked to the far end of the beach and sat along the edge of the water. I slipped off my shoes so I could feel the cool water wash up over my feet. We talked more freely now that we were away from the crowd, and he really was a sweet guy. Very polite and considerate with one minor exception. I _despised_ being called 'babe', but I let it slide because of all of his other wonderful qualities.

When the sun began to set, we sat silently and watched it go down into the water. The first shiver that ran through me caused him to remove his leather jacket and wrap it around my shoulders. I felt like a girl in the fifties, giddy because she was wearing her boyfriend's letterman jacket and they were that much closer to 'going steady'. All I needed was his class ring and I was golden.

Music started behind us and there were torches lighting up along the beach. James looked to me and smiled. "Need another?" he asked, pointing to my now empty can of Coke and I nodded.

As I stood, I slid my arms inside the sleeves of his jacket, feeling like an idiot for not remembering my own. James simply chuckled and wrapped his arm around me, rubbing my arm briskly in an attempt to warm me, and suddenly my mind wasn't in the moment anymore.

Edward always did that, as I frequently chilled easily here after living in Phoenix for so long. However, there was always so much more comfort in the gesture when it was Edward. A warmth beyond the physical aspect. That same warmth I felt when his arms came around me at the airport, in his bedroom; anytime I was in his arms.

But that was _exactly_ why I was here tonight and I needed to keep reminding myself of that. James saw me in a way that Edward never would.

Before I could stop myself, I yawned and covered my mouth with the back of my hand. I was exhausted since I hadn't slept well the night before in anticipation of Edward coming home and seeing him.

"Hmm, maybe I should take you home," James said in a concerned voice.

But before I could answer, Jake was at my side. "I'll take care of that," he retorted, startling me slightly with his sudden presence. James looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but Jake simply smiled. "Wouldn't want to make the Chief suspicious by a strange guy bringing his little girl home, now would we? Come on, Bells."

"I'll be there in a sec," I called back to him as he headed for the car. I turned back to look at James as I shrugged off his jacket and handed it back to him. "I had a really good time tonight. Thank you for asking me."

James draped his jacket over one arm, and took my hand with the other as we walked together over to Jake's car. "I had a great time tonight too, Bella. I really hope we can do it again sometime."

I bit my lip to suppress a grin as we stopped by the passenger door. "Would that be a discreet way of asking me for a second date?" I teased lightly with chuckle, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

James' eyes twinkled as he laughed and licked his bottom lip while he nodded. "Yea, I guess it is. I really like you, Bella," he said softly, releasing my hand and bringing his up to brush my cheek gently. "You really are amazing."

I felt my throat tighten almost uncomfortably as his hand came to rest on the side of my neck gently and his face moved slowly toward mine. I closed my eyes just seconds before his lips came into gentle contact with mine, but it was not at all what I was expecting. He wasn't a horrible kisser like my first kiss; he was actually quite a good kisser. His lips were soft and gentle against mine but my heart didn't start racing, my toes didn't curl and it didn't spark the same desire deep inside of me that Edward's kiss had. When it ended, I didn't feel like I wanted to cry. I simply nodded and said goodnight, settling into Jake's car.

All the way home, my mind was once again far off somewhere on the other side of Forks; where I _should_ have been tonight. After months of waiting, Edward was finally home and I had been in La Push. What a way to welcome him home. Suddenly I began missing him all over again and I pulled my phone out of my pocket to text him.

_I really have missed you this summer. Are we on for tomorrow?_

I hit send and sighed heavily, glancing over at Jake when I heard him chuckling softly. "You've got it _so_ bad," he laughed and shook his head.

I looked down into the center console and found a stray bottle cap in the cup holder, and picked it up and chucked it at his head. "Shut up, Jacob. I was just telling him goodnight."

"Sure sure, keep telling yourself that," Jake replied with that grin still in place, irritating the crap out of me all the way home.

**_Edward POV_**

I couldn't concentrate on anything tonight. Everything seemed so wrong and out of place without Bella there. She was the main thing I was looking forward to coming back to; and the one thing missing tonight.

As soon as everyone had gone for the night, only leaving my parents and brother there, I decided to go out to the pool. I had to admit, I was absolutely floored at what my parents had done for me while I was gone, and I couldn't help but wonder how much of it was my mother's idea to keep me in Forks. My dad would be retiring at the end of this year from the Army after twenty-five years of service and they had decided that this was where they were going to settle for good. But the one thing that might have had a chance of keeping me in this place I despised was off on a date tonight; proving Tanya's theories completely null and void.

I dove into the water and as I pushed my body as hard as I could, to work muscles long forgotten, I began to think that maybe it was better this way. She was far too young and innocent to be dragged into this world I was creating for myself, and I shouldn't be so selfish as to want to subject her to that. She deserved the fairytale life; the perfect man, the perfect wedding, the house with the 2.5 children.

Nothing resembling anything I could give her.

But that didn't stop me from wanting it; from wanting her. And the jealousy I felt pulsing through my body all night was nothing like anything I had ever felt before. Was he touching her? Holding her hand? Did he notice the very faint gold flecks in her otherwise dark chocolate eyes? The small birthmark behind her right ear? Was he making her laugh? Was he kissing her goodnight, feeling those full soft lips…

_Dammit Cullen, stop tormenting yourself like this_, I mentally scolded as I pulled myself up the ladder and out of the pool, grabbing my towel to dry off. I looked down at my phone as I was drying off my hair and saw that I had received a message while I was swimming. I opened it and a smile instantly came to my lips.

_I really have missed you this summer. Are we on for tomorrow?_

I chuckled softly, and just like that, all my cares and worries seemed to subside momentarily. I would always have my Bella, no matter what or in what form and I swore to remind myself at least once every day that that was the most important thing to remember.

_I've missed you too. I'll see you tomorrow morning, I'll bring breakfast. Sleep well, firecracker._


	9. Moody and a Little Emotional

**Chapter 9: Moody and a Little Emotional**

**_Edward POV_**

Unlike last summer, this past one dragged on endlessly apart from the final week before school. I tried to spend as much time with Bella as I could to make up for the time we spent apart. But between her time in La Push with Black and her new budding relationship, most of our time was spent in the evenings on her porch talking until Charlie came out to tell her it was time to turn in for the night; the worst part of every day for me.

Fortunately, school started soon enough and even though she told me that James would be picking her up for school now, I still looked forward to her arrival everyday. But the days got progressively more frustrating as he found the need to attach himself to her hip every possible second. Before school, in the hallway between classes, at lunch, after school; it seemed unending. The only time I had Bella all to myself lately was in the fortunate happenstance of a shared study hall in the library third period. And it was the one time where Bella was still _my_ Bella, my firecracker. We made a habit of passing notes to see who could make the other one make noise first, and nine times out of ten, it was me who made the first noise. I had already gotten one detention for it and we were barely into our second week of school, but it was entirely worth it for the note that caused the snort.

_So how goes the status of the pussy ladder? Still in service, or has it lost its luster and retired?_

With her sixteenth birthday right around the corner, I don't know why I hadn't expected something like that after the offer I had extended to her once she got her license. But honestly, sex wasn't all that appealing to me lately. I had learned this summer that burying myself in other women-no pun intended-did not solve anything for me; and that was thousands of miles away from Bella. Now I saw her everyday, surrounded by her scent for a solid hour; and no other girl in this entire school held the appeal for me that she did.

And today, surprisingly, the growth wasn't attached to her as we walked to her locker before study hall.

"So what time should I pick you up tomorrow for your party?" I asked her, leaning on the locker beside hers.

As expected, she groaned and rolled her eyes as she grabbed her Trig book out of the locker. "Edward, can't I just blow it off? I really just want to spend the day cocooned in my bed. And it's _my_ birthday. Shouldn't the birthday girl get her wish?"

I tapped the tip of her nose with my finger and shook my head. "Nice try, Bella. But not gonna happen. Besides, do you_ really_ want to go toe to toe with the pissed off pixie? She's been planning this all summer."

"I'd love to be given the option of taking my chances, but obviously that's not going to happen. So I guess whenever," she shrugged and shut her locker roughly, but as she turned to walk with me down the hall, someone shoved past her and knocked her into me while her purse slid off her shoulder and onto the floor. "Why don't you watch where you're going, asswipe!"

As soon as I steadied her on her feet, I bent down to start helping her collect the contents of her purse that were scattered on the floor. The first thing that caught my eye, besides the tampon that I wasn't touching with a ten foot golden pole, was a circular pink compact. I picked it up and gazed at it for a moment before standing up and looking down at her as she gathered everything else into her purse. I didn't need to be a brain surgeon to know what it was.

"Um, Bella? What the fuck is this?" I asked tensely, between my fingertips.

I watched her stand up, looking at the object in my hand as she pulled her purse strap back onto her shoulder and shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a pack of birth control pills, what does it look like?" she replied in casual annoyance and reached out to grab it from my hand.

I pulled it out of her reach just before she made contact and my eyebrows rose. Beyond that, I felt my blood begin to boil. "Excuse me, it's what?"

Just then, I saw the leech sneak up behind her, slink his arm around her waist from behind and kiss her cheek. "Hey babe, sorry I'm late. Whatcha got there Cullen?"

"You should know, they belong to _your_ girlfriend," I seethed with a glare that, if I had my way, would have him six feet under centuries ago.

Bella's eyes widened, snatching them from my hand and shoving them into her purse. "Thanks a lot, Edward," she growled through her teeth, her jaw clenched tightly.

"Well, that's always good to know," James replied and I had to look away before I knocked his teeth out as he began kissing her neck.

_Get the hell away from her, you fucking slimeball, _I growled mentally as I felt the circulation in my fingers still in my clenched fists, and the veins pulsing roughly in my neck. They hadn't even been together a full month yet and she was already on birth control. It made my stomach turn at the thought of those filthy hands touching something so beautiful and pure, let alone…

"You're gonna be late for class, James," I heard Bella's voice break the silence and turned just in time to watch her remove his arm from around her, sending him on his way down the hall. She seemed almost annoyed with him, but then again, it could just be her annoyance with me transferring onto him.

Or just wishful thinking on my part.

She then grabbed my arm roughly to start making our way to the library, her eyes narrowed. "I could fucking kill you," she hissed just as we were coming to the door of the library, leaving me no window for response.

We settled into our chairs at the table just as the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. As I was digging my Calc book out of my bag, I caught sight of her hand in my peripheral vision shoving a piece of paper in my direction. I slipped it off the table and onto my lap to open it.

_What the fuck is wrong with you? Could you have possibly drawn any more attention to me out there in the hallway?_

I reached back to grab my pen from my back pocket and settled onto the table to respond.

_Are you having sex with him?_

Her eyes widened and I heard her gasp softly, shooting her gaze over to me briefly before turning back to respond.

_What?_

_Don't play dumb, Bella. Are you having sex with James? _

I shoved the note back to her angrily, my stomach tightening in anticipation of the reply. I tried to concentrate on the calculus problem in front of me, but I might as well have been staring at blank paper for all the sense it was making to my scrambled mind. I knew that someday _someone_ would be with her in that way; touch her in ways I could only imagine. _Just not him_. I begged with everything in me for it not to be someone as vile as him. It should be someone who would love and appreciate her, not take that innocence away from her in some casual act of sexual release.

The folded paper appeared back in my vision on top of my assignment and I carefully unfolded it, bracing myself for the reply.

_Not that it's any_ _of your business, but of course not! _

The relief was short-lived as I hurriedly wrote down my next concern.

_Then why are you on the pill, you barely know the guy! _

_I've been on it for almost two years, Edward!_

My eyes widened and I looked over to her in shock. The librarian cleared her throat and we both looked down at the table. _Two years?_ I couldn't even formulate a reply to that right away. She had always come across to me as innocent not only in body, but when it got right down to the root of it all, in her mind too. She would make jokes about my sex life and would never seriously discuss any thought of exploring that avenue for herself; but on the pill since she was fourteen? To say that was surprising to me would be a supreme understatement.

And then the next obvious question popped into my mind.

_Does Charlie know about this? Doubt he would approve if you aren't even supposed to be dating yet. _

I watched her roll her eyes and jut her chin out slightly as she read, and then leaned over the table again to respond.

_Charlie was the one that had me put on them, butthead!_

I was so shocked by her statement, I couldn't even laugh. And I instead jotted down a quick '_What?_'

Bella bit her lip to restrain a laugh and shook her head. She grabbed a new piece of paper and began to write again, taking much longer this time.

_Edward, seriously do you think I'm a fucking skank or something? I just met the guy. Don't you think I have better things on my mind than that? Sex is the last thing on my mind. I saw a psychologist a couple of years ago, because, in case you haven't noticed, I tend to be a little moody and overly emotional at times. Well, over the period of a few months, she started to notice that the closer it came time to 'that time of the month', the more emotional and down I was. And she suggested to Charlie that I might be experiencing something called Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and that it might be a good idea for me to go on the pill to regulate my hormones. That's all. _

I read the note over carefully, occasionally glancing up to my Calc book for show. I had been unfortunate enough to catch several extremely nauseating cafeteria discussions about this particular 'disorder', so I knew vaguely what it was. But anything surrounding 'that time of the month'; the less I knew the better. Unless of course one was late, but that was hardly a concern of mine these days.

_Well I'd hate to see you off your meds then._

I joked, trying to lighten the mood between us that I had so obviously intensified unnecessarily. She read the note and I stared down at my book again, fighting back a smirk until I felt her pinch the side of my thigh roughly and it broke through. She scribbled furiously for a moment and then shoved the paper back across to me.

_Yuck it up, smartass. You men are assholes, you know that? That's exactly what Jake said too._

As much as I personally despised Jacob Black, I had decided not to make anything more complicated for her as long as he kept it strictly on a friendly level. She seemed really happy whenever she came back from La Push and her smile was something I never tired of. So if he kept it on her beautiful face, who was I to complain?

The bell rang to end class and I realized that I had been so caught up in my thoughts and passing notes with Bella, I hadn't gotten a single Calc problem finished. That meant more time after school, running boring numbers through my head, but it was worth it to have the peace of mind that my worst fears had not been realized. Yet…

**_Bella POV_**

All through lunch following that study hall, I was still a little tense. I could hardly believe what had just transpired the period before in the library. It was such a ridiculous reaction for Edward to have over something as simple as my being on the pill. And what did it matter anyway? Once again, this overprotective brother routine. For once, I wish he would stop, and just be my friend.

If I couldn't have him in any other way than this, I at least would like my best friend instead of this overzealous protector, going ballistic on me over being on the pill. Alice was the exact polar opposite of Edward. She was encouraging me to 'get it over with already'; my own personal sexual cheerleader. Rose and I still had not made much progress toward being friends, and she thought I was a prude.

Was it so damn difficult for everyone to understand that I don't want it to be just _any_one I share myself with? Call me old fashioned, but I wanted it to be special. I wanted something more than just 'get it over with'; I thought at least Edward would understand me that much.

"So, you coming to the game tonight, babe?" James shook me out of my thoughts when he abruptly sat beside me and tugged me gently toward him with his arm around my waist.

The game. Tonight. I completely forgot; what kind of girlfriend was I? "Hey Alice, you wanna go to the game with me tonight?" I called across the table to her, immersed as she was in her own little world with Jasper. I rolled my straw wrapper between my palms and then flicked it toward her, watching it bounce off the back of her head. "Hey, little spritelette! Football. You game tonight?"

Alice's face scrunched slightly and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Bells. I kinda have plans with Jazz tonight. He's got a gig up in Seattle."

"Oh, wow. That's incredible, Jasper," I smiled encouragingly, truly excited for him. Jasper was an amazing guitarist, and I knew this was a big deal for him. There was no way I was going to steal his 'muse' away from him, as he so fondly referred to Alice.

My eyes then moved around the table, passing right by Rose. Emmett had to work tonight, I knew that much. And there was no way I was going to place either of us in that uncomfortable situation. Which left… Edward.

"Bella, you know I can't stand football," Edward groaned as I gave him my best pouty face. He owed me big time after the study hall incident, and he knew it.

I heard a loud snort from the other side of me, and my head spun to see James laughing. "Oh come on, Eddie. What man who calls himself a man doesn't like football?"

I closed my eyes, half-expecting Edward to snap, but when I turned my head slowly to look at him… he was calm. Too calm. That was _infinitely_ worse.

He leaned forward on the table, looking thoughtful for a moment and then glanced over at James. "Oh I don't know, the ones who use their heads for something other than battering rams?"

"Oooooh. Never took you for a brainiac, Cullen," James taunted Edward and I knew this was going nowhere good very fast. "Guess we can't have you messing up that pretty boy hair. You know that's how you get all the chicks hot and bothered."

Edward started stabbing the tray lightly with his fork and shaking his head. I leaned toward him and ran my fingers through his hair gently. "Girls really like your hair, Edward? Thought that was just me," I teased lightly, trying to get him to smile.

But he reacted in a way I never would have expected. He startled the entire table, including me, by shoving his chair back roughly and screeching it across the linoleum. The sound echoed through the entire cafeteria and he stood perfectly still for a moment looking down at the table, before grabbing his tray roughly and met my eyes. "Consider yourself to have a ride."

I watched him stalk out of the cafeteria angrily and thrust the doors leading outside open roughly. In all the time I had known him, I had never seen him as uptight as he had been today and I would be lying if I said it didn't worry me. I stood up from the table without a word, following his path outside and stopping suddenly at a sight I hadn't seen in almost a year.

Edward was smoking a cigarette.

I walked toward him slowly and it took him a moment to detect my presence. When he did, he looked over at me and then quickly away again and sighed.

I stopped right beside him and watched endless emotions crossing his face so fast, I wasn't sure I could identify them all. "Edward, what's going on?" I asked, running my hand gently up and down his arm.

Edward cleared his throat softly and shook his head. "Nothing, I… sorry, I know this bothers you. I'll pick you up after school."

He began to walk away and I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "No, talk to me! What is going on with you, Edward?" I looked up at him flabbergasted and shook my head. "First you completely over react about my pills and now you are blowing a completely harmless comment out of proportion. This isn't like you. I don't understand why you're so upset over something that is obviously true, and…"

"How many times do I need to say it? Because I don't flaunt it in your face, Bella!" Edward replied sharply, but not raising his voice to loud. "I never have and I am most certainly not going to start now that it's not even a valid topic."

I felt my face go lax and I'm sure the gaze I was giving him was very blank. I had seen Edward angry many times, but this wasn't angry. I wasn't sure what this was, and to be honest, it frightened me a little because I didn't know what to expect from him next. He looked at me long enough to speak, and then quickly turned away again. I placed my hand on his cheek after he exhaled the drag he had just taken and pulled him gently back to face me. "Edward? Relax, okay? I know you don't. But that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about the ladder, or know about…"

"Bella," Edward interrupted me, this time not moving his eyes from me. "That's not me anymore, alright? Look, a lot has changed this summer. Some things that I really haven't had time to talk to you about. And now certainly isn't the time. But the only reason that ladder is still there is because of the offer I made to you, to use it anytime you needed me. That's it."

I watched his face in amazement and saw nothing but pure sincerity in his features. Edward was almost as obvious as I was when he was lying and a part of me was flying high at his words and I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. _This _was the Edward I loved. Not the womanizer, or the wisecracking tough guy. _My_ Edward.

He hugged me back for a moment before pulling away and kissing my forehead, brushing his thumb lightly on my cheek with a weak smile. "I'll see you after school," he said softly and then turned to walk toward his car, taking a last drag of his cigarette and flicking it aside. I was too numb at that moment to move, or to even begin to wonder why he was leaving in the middle of the day.

**_James POV_**

I watched Bella leave behind Cullen without a word or even a glance in my direction and I stood up to follow her. The relationship she had with him never quite sat well with me. She would get these far off looks when she talked to him, or even about him and it was going to stop. She was _my_ girl, not his.

But then why was she following him? Wasn't _he_ the one being the over-reacting prick about this?

As I rounded the corner of the building, I got my answers; standing there, watching her interaction with him. Too close, too intimate to just be 'friends', and this needed to stop. My fists clenched tighter when she held him and he kissed her forehead. What was it about Edward Fucking Cullen? This pretty boy that made every woman and her sister weak at the knees?

Well this was one girl he wasn't going to get…


	10. Bella's Bday

**Chapter 10: Bella's Bday**

**_Bella POV_**

Whoever said time flies only when you're having fun had to be a masochist. The last few weeks have flown by and leading up to the day I dreaded most out of the entire year… my birthday. Alice had naturally insisted on throwing me a Sweet 16 party at the Cullens', though I could see very little 'sweet' about it. It was just another year in my opinion. But as soon as she got Edward to assist her in convincing me, she knew it was a done deal.

Edward came to pick me up that morning and I could see his facial expression all the way from the porch. His raised eyebrow and amused smile gracing his lips spoke volumes. He was actually laughing by the time I climbed into the passenger seat with a pout on my face and my arms folded defiantly over my chest. "Bella, seriously. You're sixteen not six. But then again a six year old actually looks _forward_ to birthday parties and presents," he said as he backed out of my driveway.

I kept my eyes down in my lap and shook my head. I knew I was tempting fate by dressing and acting this way, especially with the Chief of the Fashion Police waiting to pounce me at the first given opportunity; but I really didn't care. I had worn my most tattered set of sweats and the oldest pair of sneakers I could find. I saw nothing worth celebrating today. "I don't like having things bought for me, nor do I like being the center of attention, Edward. You know that."

His hand appeared in my line of vision as he reached over, gently squeezing my knee and I brought my eyes up to look at him. "It's really not that bad, firecracker. And if it makes you feel any better, I didn't spend anything on your birthday present. Can't promise as much about the rest of them though."

I looked over at him and the crooked smirk that screamed 'I know something you don't know' was there, and I wanted to smack it off him. I dug my fingernails into the back of his hand and smiled sweetly. "Edward… sweetie… why do I get the feeling that you're hiding something from me?"

Edward pulled his hand away, laughing and shaking it out. There were four very distinct crescent shaped marks on the back. "Down kitty," he chuckled and patted me on top of the head, causing me to narrow my eyes at him. "Whatever would give you the impression that I was hiding something from you?" he chuckled with another sly grin and I huffed, folding my arms over my chest again.

I was at least glad to see that Edward was in better spirits than he was yesterday, but aside from my birthday, I had so many other things weighing on my mind. The most prominent at the moment was what happened at the game the night before. Edward had taken me to the game as promised, though it was obvious that he was not overly happy about being there.

When we arrived, I noticed a new cheerleader I had never seen before hovering around James. She was tall and statuesque, with a thick shiny mass of curly red hair. And from Rosalie's facial expression as she approached us, she was not popular with the head cheerleader.

"I don't know why you're wasting you time with him, Bella," she snapped slightly as she passed and I really couldn't make heads or tails of her comment. Was that meant to be an insult, that I didn't deserve someone like him? Or was it disgust for the fresh face that was obviously flirting with my boyfriend?

My boyfriend.

Somehow my relationship with James did not feel as I imagined one would. He kissed me and my skin tingled, but not in a good way. We'd made out on my couch the other day before Charlie got home, and I was actually grateful when I heard the crunching of gravel announcing his arrival. Not that I wasn't attracted at all to James, or that he was a bad kisser but I wasn't feeling that lust and desire I had been expecting with a guy I was actually dating; though he'd made no secret of his for me.

I guess I was also the kind of person that needed my space from time to time, and to not have someone hovering or hanging on me constantly. Edward understood this, as did Jake. Why couldn't James?

But seeing that girl so close to him sparked something in me I hadn't felt before with him; that old familiar friend. Jealousy. I simply tried to brush it off when James saw me in the stands, smiling and waving at me as he moved away from the leggy redhead to join his teammates. Edward growled slightly beside me, but that was just Edward-always protective of me.

After the game, we left to head back to the school to meet the bus and once again I noticed this redhead standing a little too close to James for my liking. I thanked Edward for the ride and then made my way over to James, who moved quickly away from the girl as he saw me approach.

"Hey babe, didn't see you there," he said, walking over to me and wrapping his arm around me. "I was just talking about you with Victoria here."

I placed a smile on my face that to an oblivious guy, would be a friendly greeting. To a fellow female, it was a look of warning. _He's taken, back off bitch._ I slid my arm around his waist and hugged against his side. "Come on, James. It's Friday and my curfew isn't until eleven."

He took my devilish smile as an invite as I had intended, and I gave one last glance to this Victoria before we headed to his car.

"Hey, you okay?" Edward asked, snapping me back to present. "You look… a little pale all of a sudden."

I looked up to see that we had already arrived at his house and I pasted a smile on my face and nodded. "Yea, just… long night last night, that's all. Let's get this over with."

Edward laughed softly as we got out of the car and began walking toward the house, his arm draped over my shoulder.

Walking in the front door, I couldn't help but again notice the elaborate difference between the Cullen house and my own. My house was clean but cozily cluttered, exemplifying Charlie and I perfectly. We had never needed much, and being raised on a policeman's salary, we were comfortable but enjoyed the simple things. In comparison, the Cullens had Army insignias and antique military rifles in the wide-open expanse of the entryway of their home, leaving no doubt that Carlisle ran a tight military household. Whereas the wooden sign by the coat rack that read 'Kiss my bass, I'd rather be fishing' right beside Charlie's leather bomber jacket and gun holster left no question that mine was a policeman's home.

When we entered the front room, as expected, Alice gave me the once over but surprisingly said nothing. Probably because my eyes lit up as my egaze landed on one of the least expected occupants in the room.

"Dad? I thought you had to work?" I gasped, and for the first time in years, I walked up and hugged my dad tightly and he surprised me by hugging me back, in this room full of people. PDA had never been our forte, even as parent and child; and it moved me almost to tears.

Charlie pulled away slowly with a smile and patted my face, his cheeks slightly tinted pink. "And miss my little girl's big day?" he replied with a nervous smile. I could tell this was far from easy for Charlie and the fact that he was putting in all this effort meant so much to me. Especially today. "I pulled a few favors at the station, and I'm working tonight instead."

I gave him a grateful smile and put the comfortable physical distance between us. "Thanks, Dad."

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," Esme said softly as she walked up to me to hug me, followed closely by Carlisle and Emmett. Leaving the final two in the room for last; Alice and Rosalie.

Alice glanced at Rose and shook her head, getting an affirming nod from her. They both stalked toward me, each taking an elbow and pulling me backward toward the stairs. "Excuse us, the birthday girl shall return," Alice called out from the hall.

The entire room laughed and the last sight I caught was Edward giving me an annoying smile and wink.

_Oh, he was going to pay for this later._

When we got upstairs, we immediately entered Edward's bedroom, where a pair of jeans and a navy blue sweater, both with tags still on laid on his bed, and a pair of black heeled boots set on the floor beside it. I immediately placed my hands on my hips angrily. "He _swore_ he didn't spend money!"

"This isn't from Edward, we're just borrowing his room," Alice quipped as she closed the door and pulled me across the room. "We knew you were gonna do this, so we came prepared."

"We?" I asked, shooting a brief glance over to Rosalie and returned to Alice.

"The outfit is from me, the boots are from Rose. It's also a bribe," Alice replied with a devilish grin. "So what happened after the game last night?"

I watched them both sit on the bed and I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt discussing this in front of picture perfect Rosalie, but I also knew Alice wouldn't give up. "Look, I tried, alright? But it just felt…. weird. I mean, his hand was up my skirt and when he touched me… _there_," I shifted uncomfortably, and saw Rose rolled her eyes.

"It's ok to say crotch," she stated with a shrug.

I felt my face flush. I knew that Rosalie thought that I was a complete prude, but I had never been touched this way by a guy. And making these comments was not helping any. "Anyway, when he touched me, it… it didn't feel good. And then he actually put his finger inside me, and it kinda… felt like I was having an exam. And I just didn't want to after that."

Alice sighed, standing up to move toward me and lifting my sweatshirt over my head swiftly. I quickly covered my bra with my arms and Alice chuckled. "You ain't got nothing we don't have, darlin'."

"Yea I know, that's the problem," I mumbled, nodding toward both of their chests. Rose was naturally the epitome of the buxom blonde, and Alice, for someone so small, was better endowed than I was.

"That's why they invented push-up bras, Bella," Rose chuckled, and I looked over at her. She was actually smiling; something that was very rare for Rosalie. Though I was positive it was at my expense.

"So, anyway," Alice interjected, cutting the tag off the shirt. "Were you at least wet? Because it's not going to work if he doesn't slick you up first." My eyes widened as she pulled the shirt over my head. I found it unbelievable that they could both talk so casually about something that completely mortified me. "Come on, Bella, lighten up. Were you at least turned on?"

I sighed and shook my head. "No, not really," I replied in a dejected tone, looking down at the floor. "I think… maybe I'm broken or something. Because he _really_ really wants it. I mean he was... ready to go. And I felt bad, and I couldn't just let him go like that, so I…"

Alice popped up just as she was about to remove my sweatpants, her eyes wide. "Oh my god! You got him off?"

I took an uncomfortable breath and I shrugged, my eyes flickering nervously around the room.

"Hand or mouth," Rosalie asked anxiously with a smirk, intently listening now.

"Both," I murmured softly, fiddling with my fingers. I had never 'gone down' on a guy before and I could honestly say that I wouldn't mind if I never had to again. It felt weird, and it tasted horrible. I had to brush my teeth three times when I got home to get the taste out of my mouth.

Alice squealed lightly and clapped her hands. "Progress!" she giggled and hugged me.

"I don't know that it's going to last too long though," I said and she pulled away quickly with a questioning look on her face. "Look, he just really doesn't _do_ anything for me. And I just can't see anything more happening with him. I'm not even really sure I like _being_ with him. And now that he knows about the pill, I know he's only going to get more persistent about having sex. And I just don't want to."

"But…" Alice was about to say, but surprisingly, Rosalie cut her off.

"Alice, if she doesn't want the guy, she shouldn't force herself to be with him," she stated in a calm voice, and both Alice's eyes and mine shot to her in shock. Never would I have imagined Rosalie of all people being an advocate for my virginity or the preservation of it.

"Alice, do you know what he _did_ last night?" I started, as my recollection of the night before kicked in, and Alice shook her head. "Alright, we went out for pizza after the game. Not _only_ did he order pepperoni-which he should know I can't stand- but when the waitress brought my drink, I opened my straw and started to flag her down again. James asked what the problem was, and I told him I don't like those kinds of straws, they need to be bendy. He actually said 'What the fuck, Bella? It's a straw! Want it bendy? Here…', and he bent my straw."

Alice gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth. "No he didn't!" she exclaimed and I could tell she was mocking me, while Rosalie sat there completely confused. "You know you're psychotic about that, right? I don't know why Edward insists on enabling your OCD behavior."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Alice never could understand my quirky tick, whereas Edward thought it was endearing that I had just one little 'insane thing' about me. I jumped quickly as Alice tugged on the leg of my sweatpants and yanked them off. "It's just… when it happens, I want it to be with someone who _knows _me and I can know for certain that it's because he cares about me and not just because he's a horny teenager."

"Honestly Bella, you should just break up with him. You could do so much better, and he certainly wouldn't be lonely for long with the likes of that new skank Victoria around. I am telling you, something is going on there. But come on, it's your birthday party and you're going to be hot," Rosalie said with a smile, and pushed me down to sit on the bed as soon as I got the jeans on, starting to shove my feet into the boots.

"Rose, I _really_ don't do heels," I said with a slight groan but I didn't cause as much a fuss as I normally would, since it seemed that she was genuinely trying to be nice to me. And she was helping to remove Alice from my back.

"Well, you do now," she replied in her typical domineering tone.

Well, it was nice while it lasted. I swear this girl is bipolar or schizophrenic at times.

They each took one of my hands and dragged me out of the bedroom and toward the stairs. Just as we got to the bottom, I spotted Carlisle by the front window and his voice broke Edward's perusal of me.

"Edward, it's time," he said simply and let go of the curtain.

"Yes, sir," he replied and made his way over to me and place his hands over my eyes. "Chief Swan?"

I felt what I could easily discern as my father's hand closing around mine, and both men began guiding me toward the front door. "What is going on?" I asked nervously; they both knew I _hated _surprises, but they both only chuckled. "Come on you guys, you know I ha.."

My speech cut off as Edward's hands dropped from over my eyes and I opened them to reveal the last thing I was expecting.

"Jake?" I gasped excitedly and walked over to him quickly, throwing my arms around his neck and he swept me into a bear hug. "Oh this is the best gift ever."

Jacob laughed and set me back down on my feet, and shook his head. "Wow, Bells. I could have saved myself a _whole _lot of time if I knew you were _that_ easy to please."

Everyone began snickering and I looked around in confusion. "Umm, would someone mind filling me in on the joke?"

Charlie came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked to him and he had a hint of a smirk on his face; very similar to the smirk I'd seen on Edward's face earlier. But it didn't quell my confusion at all. "Bella, your present is _behind_ Jacob," he replied and nodded his head in Jacob's direction.

I furrowed my brow in confusion and looked back at Jake, but there was nothing behind him… except…

And my throat froze and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. The black 1969 Mustang I have wanted ever since I was seven years old when Charlie took me to that car show that I had pitched a colossal fit about; until the moment I saw that car. And it was just as perfect and pristine as it would be if it were brand new.

"This?" I asked, pointing to the car as I looked back to my dad, and his smile widened as he nodded. "Oh my god. Dad, you really shouldn't have. I mean, it couldn't have been cheap, and I don't even have my license yet, and…"

Charlie brought his hand up to cover my mouth the way he used to when I was very little and I would talk incessantly; and it almost made me want to cry all over again. I hadn't experienced this much affection in one day from my dad in over ten years. Ever since….

"I've been planning this for years now," Charlie replied simply, squeezing my chin lightly between his fingers. "And besides, Jacob here helped out quite a lot."

"And let me tell you," Jacob added with a laugh, shaking his head. "It wasn't easy for _any _of us to keep this secret. But it's got a fresh paint job, reupholstered interior and a brand spanking new engine, which Captain and Mrs. Cullen so graciously donated to our cause. All it needs is a licensed Bella behind the wheel."

I was speechless. So I simply hugged Jake and then Charlie again. And then of course, I had to thank the Cullens. They had always been so wonderful to me from the moment I met them, and Esme had even joked on several occasions that I was like the daughter she never had but always wanted. But still; I didn't even want to think of how much this gift had cost them.

"Alright now that we've had our Full House bonding moment," Emmett called out as I was wrapped in Carlisle's embrace. Leave it to Emmett to bring an abrupt end to any emotional moment, and I had to laugh to myself. "Let's get to the food, I'm starving."

"Emmett," Esme scolded softly, looking over at him from Carlisle's side.

He grinned devilishly until Carlisle gave him the 'dad look' that no one dared contend with, and it quickly disappeared with a soft 'Sorry, sir'. The respect these two sons had for their father was both incredible and admirable, and it never ceased to amaze me.

We all moved inside and made our way to the large kitchen, where a buffet worthy lunch was set out on the long island in the middle of the room. I smiled in thanks to Esme, and grabbed a can of coke.

"Oh hold on!" Edward exclaimed from beside me and ran over to one of the kitchen drawers and back to me, popping a straw into my soda. "There ya go."

I smiled at Edward, as Alice and Rose both stared at the bendy straw now sticking up from the mouth of the can. "You know me so well. You know, I told James last night that I only liked bendy straws, and you know what he did? He _bent the straw_!"

"What's he got a death wish?" Edward replied with a shake of his head and the small hint of a smile. I gave Alice my best 'who's crazy now' look, while she returned with a grin and quirked eyebrow.

Lunch passed quickly and even Jake and Edward were carrying on a conversation, which I now believed trumped every other present I could have possibly received that day; to not have to divide myself between two of the most important men in my life. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

And then came time for the presents, and I internally groaned. Fortunately, I had received most of the gifts earlier, and from the looks of it, I only had to endure Jasper's, Emmett's and… Edward's.

Jasper's was very simple and very practical, and that's why I adored him so much. I opened the envelope and read the poem inside the card.

"_If you don't dream big, what's the use of dreaming? _

_If you don't have faith, why even try? _

_You only have to look at the stars always gleaming, _

_To know you were meant to reach for the sky. _

_It only takes a hope that is worth believing, _

_Live like its here and know it to be true. _

_Leave your heart open to the prospect of receiving, _

_And everything you dream of will soon come to you. _

_Happy 16th" _

I smiled at the sweet sentiment and opened the smaller envelope inside, which held a $50 gift card to Borders. I leaned over and kissed his cheek, thanking him before moving on to Emmett's present. And knowing Emmett, I was understandably a little nervous.

He placed the heavy box in my lap and I pursed my lips at him, trying to appear angry. But he only laughed at me and told me to open it. I opened his card, and rolled my eyes as I read it. "You're 16 today - Celebrate! Go Crazy! (inside) oops, forgot you were already there. Well you can still celebrate!" I laughed slightly as Rosalie smacked him in the head, but it couldn't have been _more_ Emmett. I peeled off the wrapping paper and opened the box, and the soft smell of honeysuckle wafted toward me; Relaxing Aromatherapy candles with a note taped to the box. "If these don't work, I'm getting a refund!"

I laughed softly and shook my head. Emmett had always teased me about my frequent crankiness, so this gift didn't surprise me; nor did the message. I hugged him in thanks, and then Edward came to join me on the couch and handed me something that appeared to be wrapped in a vintage ladies' handkerchief bunched together and tied with a soft pink ribbon. I gently loosened it and the fabric fell to the sides to reveal a blank cd, with his beautiful script writing on top. "Happy Sweet 16, Firecracker. Love, Edward".

"What's this?" I asked him softly, holding it up as I looked at him.

"Well, you had me stumped when you said I couldn't spend any money on you for your birthday," Edward replied with a smile and shrugged. "So I made you a cd with songs that made me think of you."

I bit my lip with a chuckle; this was something entirely Edward. Very sweet and simple, but also very personal. "Can I play it?" I questioned curiously, wondering exactly what he had put on there; hoping it wasn't anything overly personal.

"Sure," he nodded and took the cd from my hands, getting up to pop it into the stereo. Before I knew it, Charlie and I were both chuckling as the first song came on.

"Firecracker" by Josh Turner.

Everyone else looked at us as if we were insane, since we were the only ones in the room who actually listened to country music. Though I knew the title of the song was the only thing that really related to me and Edward; it still made me smile.

Shortly thereafter, Charlie announced that he had to leave to get ready for work. I was actually a little sad to see my father go, since today was the first time in years that I had actually felt really close to my dad; felt like his little girl again. I excused myself to walk him out to his car and before opening his door, he turned to look at me.

"I uh, I have something else for you," he said nervously before he reached across the car and into the glove box, and pulling out a pink envelope and handing it to me. "Happy Birthday, Bella."

I took the envelope gently out of his hand, and slowly opened it. Went I pulled up the card inside, I watched something fall out of it and onto the ground. Charlie chuckled and I crouched down to pick up the gas card that had fallen out. "Dad, you already gave me a car," I started, but he hushed me with his own unique 'dad look' that was far less stern than Carlisle's; but the message was just as clear. I smiled and looked down to the card and saw a vintage picture of a little girl with pigtails on either side of her head, blowing bubbles from a dripping wand. The tears started forming then, but I couldn't fight them back anymore as soon as I opened it and read the inside.

_Happy Birthday to the daughter who will never grow old in my mind...I love you. Love, Dad._

I knew today was going to be a big-and difficult- day for us both; but I honestly had never expected anything even close to what today had been. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist and he hugged me gently in return, kissing the top of my head; again, just like when I was a little girl. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, sweetheart," he replied softly and then cleared his throat, rubbing his hands along my arms and giving me a smile. Sentiment was difficult for Charlie, I knew this; so I wasn't hurt by it. "I've uh… gotta head to the station. You behave for the Cullens alright?"

"I will, Dad. Goodnight," I replied with a teasing 'annoyed teenager' look and closed his door behind him as he got in the car, waving as he drove away down the driveway.

I walked back into the house, but froze immediately.

_That song_ was playing.

Something only Edward knew about, but I couldn't force the tears back, even with an entire room watching me expectantly. The soft melody floated through the air, and I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of here.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice from behind me, but I didn't stop as I ran up the stairs for his bedroom and slammed the door behind me.


	11. Bella's Bday con't

**WARNING: There is some sensitive matter ahead, concerning Bella's mother! You have been warned, and please know that I tried to handle it as sensitively as possible. If anyone is offended, I apologize in advance!**

**Chapter 11: Bella's Bday con't**

**_Edward POV_**

I watched the tears well up in her eyes and then she disappeared up the stairs. That was _not_ the reaction I was expecting. I excused myself from the room and followed her up the stairs toward my room, hearing the door slam. Even though it was my room, I still felt the need to knock. "Bella? You alright?" I called through the door but all I could hear were her muffled sobs. I walked in and saw her lying down on my bed, with her face buried in my pillow. I closed the door and walked over to the bed, sitting down beside her and rubbing her back. "I'm sorry, was it the CD? I thought you liked that song."

She was completely still for a moment until I saw her hand slip out from beneath the pillow to reach out behind her for mine. I gently took it and she finally rolled onto her side and then pulled me down to lay next to her. If it wasn't for the heartbreaking look on her face, I might have some difficulty complying, but everything about her screamed that all she needed right now was Edward, her best friend. Not Edward, the hormonal teenager who was madly in love with his best friend but couldn't fess up to his own feelings for her, and who wanted to throw all caution to the wind and make her his. I mentally smacked myself for even thinking about that now and lowered down onto the bed next to her, and she immediately curled into my side.

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head, holding her for several silent minutes as she cried into my shirt. She had told me the night of our 'date' that Clair de Lune reminded her of her mother, but I didn't think that it would upset her like this. "Bella, I really am sorry if that upset you. It wasn't my intention."

"I know." Her soft voice cut me off before I could continue as she drew tiny patterns on my chest with her index finger. "I love the CD, really. It meant a lot to me, because you really put some thought into it, and every song was absolutely perfect. Even the last one. It's not you, Edward, it's me. It's been a rough few weeks for me."

She laid there silently for a moment as I stroked her hair gently with my hand. Just as I was about to say something, I heard her pull in a deep intake of breath, tilting her head slightly to look up at me. "I can trust you, can't I?"

My brow furrowed as I looked down into her eyes, but was met with such a sudden childlike innocence in their depths that I immediately relaxed my features. This was a Bella I never saw; the completely open and vulnerable shadow of a scared little girl. My embrace tightened on her slightly, instantly wanting to protect and shield her from whatever it was that was causing this pain in her eyes; to make it disappear and bring my Bella back. My firecracker. "Of course you can, Bella. You can _always _trust me. What's wrong?"

She seemed to search my eyes for a moment before obviously deciding that I was sincere, and tilted her head back down. "I've never talked about this to anyone, not even Charlie. It's just too painful, for both of us. But this year… it has been particularly hard. This past July was ten years since my mother passed away."

And just like that, I felt like the world's most colossal asshole. Even though I had no way of knowing exactly when, I knew her mother had died when she was five. I should have been here for her. As if she could read my mind, she hugged herself tighter to me and shook her head slightly.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. Just trying to explain why I've been so crazy lately," she said softly and took a deep breath. "You remember yesterday when I told you that I had been seeing a psychologist a few years ago?"

I hummed an affirmation, but she still took a moment to continue. I could tell this was something she was struggling with, so I allowed her to take her time. She was entrusting me with something that was obviously so important to her, I wasn't going to rush her.

"Charlie began to worry about me, because I just suddenly shut down. My grades started slipping and I rarely left my room except to go to school. And I started drawing…a lot. Always my mother. So he took me to this psychologist to help me open up and talk about what happened with my mother, and I never did. I just eventually ended up putting on my happy face and pretending that everything was okay. I stopped drawing my mom, got my grades up and everything was fine," she started and I watched her as her eyes filled up with tears again, spilling over onto my shirt. "But _I_ wasn't fine, Edward. How could I be?"

She didn't seem to actually be asking me the question; more throwing the inquiry out into thin air. I had no idea what to say, so I thought it best to say nothing at all. She suddenly sat up and took my hand in hers; resuming the patterns she was drawing on my chest on the back of my hand.

"I really have _never_ told anyone about this, Edward. And even now, it's so hard. Because I don't want pity, just understanding. And that seems so damn hard to come by," she said with an almost angry voice, but then her face softened some. "It's bad enough when you're five years old and your dad drops you off for your first day of school, and everyone asks you 'Where's your mom?'. And then you have to say she's dead. I didn't want to find out what those looks would be like if I told anyone that she did it to herself."

I tried to school my shocked expression at her admission, not wanting her to clam up again. The mixture of emotions coming over her face right now was evidence enough that she really needed to get this out and finally lighten the heavy burden that had been laid on her as such a young child.

Her eyes looked up at the ceiling, seemingly to force back more tears. "I found her that morning. My dad hadn't gotten home from work yet, he worked the night shifts back then. I crawled into bed with her like I always did," her lip began to tremble and I sat up, lacing our fingers together and giving her hand a gentle squeeze, urging her to continue. "Don't pity me, Edward! Do _not _fucking pity me!"

She attempted to move away from me, but I wouldn't let go of her hand and pulled her back into my arms. She punched my chest halfheartedly through her sobs, her entire body trembling. I knew she wasn't really angry with _me_, so I just let her vent and cry. "It's not pity, Bella. It's being a friend and a shoulder."

Her fists ceased on my chest and her arms slid around my waist again, hugging herself tightly against me. "I thought she was sleeping. Just sleeping. But I said 'morning mommy', and she didn't even stir. She was so cold. I tried pulling more blankets over her, but she still didn't move. I shook her, and still nothing. My dad came running up the stairs when he came home because I was screaming at her to wake up. I don't know how long my dad held me that day after he picked me up off the bed," she paused and looked up at me, shaking her head. "Charlie wasn't always the way he is now, and neither was I. He used to read stories to me every night before he left for work. On his days off, we used to sit in his recliner and watch TV until we fell asleep. He took me to my first baseball game when I was three down in Tucson for a spring training game, and I have this picture in my room," she smiled as she recalled this seemingly happy memory for her. "Of me on my dad's shoulders, baseball hat on my head, and a hotdog ten times the size of my hand in one and one of those little flags in the other. I love that picture, because it reminds me everyday of how much Charlie has always loved me, whether he shows it or not."

Her eyes grew sad and I could tell the topic was going to change again. Her lip began trembling again and her chin dipped down slightly. "The night before… it happened, my mom and I were down in the living room and we were listening to Debussy. Not that it was anything extraordinary in itself, because we both loved Clair de Lune, among others. But she kept playing that piece over and over, telling me that she loved me and how beautiful I was. And that's the last memory I have of my mother, until I watched them rolled her out of the house in a body bag. I screamed at them to bring her back. I screamed at my dad, and told him I hated him because he wouldn't make them. I hurt him so badly, Edward."

"You were a little girl, Bella," I tried to soothe her, even though her story was tearing at my heart to the point where I was restraining tears. It hurt me to think that she had been bottling this up and holding it in for ten years, shouldering the entire world without once asking for help. If possible, it only made me admire and love her more. "You were a little girl experiencing something no child should ever have to endure. And I doubt very much that your father resents you at all for it."

"He doesn't, and that's the hardest part I think," she replied quietly and shook her head. "The night of the funeral, he and his friend Waylon were down in the kitchen talking. They thought I was in bed, but I couldn't sleep. My father was angry, but not at me…"

_10 years earlier…_

**_Bella POV_**

"How could she have been so damn selfish, Waylon?" I heard my dad say and I heard the clink of the beer can setting down on the table. "Leaving me is one thing but how could she do this to Bella?"

"Charlie, she wasn't in her right mind, you have to know that. She loved Bella as much as you do, and she loved you too," Waylon tried to console my dad, but I heard him scoff angrily. "It's still fresh now, but someday you'll see that."

"Yea, she loved me so much that she tells me that we got married too young and had Bella too soon? How is that telling me that she had any love in her for me or our little girl?" I heard him growl and I hugged my arms around my legs as I curled up where I sat at the top of the stairs. My dad had always been a very calm and loving man, never so much as raising his voice at my mother or me. Only once had he even gotten stern with me; when I climbed out of my bedroom window one night and was walking on the roof right past my parents' window. Even then, he just hugged me tightly.

I heard my dad's voice crack a little as he continued to speak. "And how could she have left that letter right where Bells could find it? What is she had seen that? She knew Bella always came to climb in bed with her in the morning and wait for me to come home," he said, and I couldn't tell if he was going to start yelling or crying, because I had never heard either of the two before. But it was certainly one option or the other right now. "I love her so much, Waylon. She and Bella are everything to me, my whole life. Everything I've done has been for them. Why wasn't that enough? Why does my baby have to grow up not knowing what a wonderful woman her mother was? I know this shouldn't make me angry. I know that's the wrong emotion. But I am. It wasn't like she got sick and died, that I could forgive. She took herself away from us, and I am so damn angry with her for doing that to me and even worse, to our little girl. I can't understand it, how could she possibly expect a five year old girl to understand why Mommy did this?"

All went silent for a moment, and it gave me a moment to try to comprehend with my five-year-old brain what had just transpired. Daddy was angry at Mommy for going away. At the time I couldn't understand; and wouldn't for some years to come.

"Shit I'm sorry, Waylon. I just don't know what to do now. Every night this week, I've heard Bella crying and talking in her sleep, and it kills me to just lay there and listen. Then she starts screaming for her mom, and I'm the only one there to pick up the pieces that Renee left behind. I feel like a little part of me is dying right along with her, when I have to look into that little tear-stained face and see all the pain and fear there. And I'm not the one she's calling for. She needs her mother, and that's the one thing I can't do for her."

Tears were streaming down my face as I heard my dad pour his heart out, and even in my young immature mind, I instantly felt guilty for the things I had said and the way I had been treating him for the last couple of days. I'd been so mad at him, hurting so much from missing my mom that I had completely overlooked that he was hurting too. I had been very typically five, but my dad didn't deserve that.

I stood up, tiptoeing back to bed and climbing in. "Daddy!" I yelled out, not entirely faking the sob that was emitting from me. "Daddy!"

I heard the chair scrape across the wood floor of the kitchen and the quick heavy footsteps on the stairs until he was at my door. And I will never, even if I live to be a hundred, forget that image. He stood there looking completely disheveled, his tie loosened and shirt unbuttoned at the top, and when he made his way over to me, there was the distinct scent of his favorite beer. Mom always hated it when he would drink beer, but I didn't mind the smell. It was part of the scent that reminded me of my dad. Aftershave, leather and a trace of beer.

I wrapped my tiny arms around his neck and climbed into his lap, hugging him tightly. I felt him kiss my temple and rock me gently. "It's ok, Bella. Daddy's here."

"Daddy?" I said softly, leaning my head on his shoulder and he hummed in response. "I miss Mommy."

"I know you do, honey. I do too," he replied softly in a sincere voice. "But everything is going to be okay. We'll take care of each other, alright?"

"Okay," I said in a soft tone, snuggling into his arms. "I love you, Daddy. I'll take good care of you, I promise." I felt a tear drop onto my arm from his eyes and I looked up at him, placing my hand on his face as I saw the trails down his cheeks that the tears had left. "No more tears, Daddy. We'll be okay."

"I love you so much, Bells," he replied, hugging me tightly me and then kissing my forehead gently before laying me back down in my bed.

_Present_

**_Edward POV_**

She was so distant as she described that night to me, having sat up on the bed in the process. And by the end of it, I had tears in my own eyes. What had once been such a loving and affectionate relationship between father and daughter had somehow morphed into what it was today, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. What I had seen in the driveway tonight when she was saying goodbye to her dad seemed a lot like what she had just been describing to me. But then, just as quickly, it had reverted right back to that comfortable distance. "Your dad's quite a guy."

That invoked a small smile and she nodded her head. "He really is. I decided that night, after hearing all that pain in my dad's voice that I wasn't going to let him feel that way anymore. But he had his own way of dealing, and I guess that's what kinda set us apart. He went around the house that day and took down every picture of my mom he could find, except the one on his bedside table. He didn't want to be reminded, and I didn't want to forget," she replied, the sad tone returning to her voice. "I guess it put some distance between us. But it doesn't mean I love my dad any less, or vice versa. He just needed someone to take care of him after my mom died. I just… I still miss her so much it hurts. And thinking about her makes it hurt more."

Her tears began to flow again, and I brushed her cheek with my fingertips. "Bella baby, come here," I said softly, holding my arms out for her.

She looked at me with a gaze I had never seen before throwing herself against me, knocking me back slightly and wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. I hugged her and gently stroked her hair as she cuddled against my chest. "You don't know how good it feels to finally tell someone all this. Thank you, Edward."

I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. "You don't ever need to thank me for being here. I'll always be here for you. Let me be here for you."

I watched as she bit her lip gently and pulled away to look at me. She seemed to be deep in thought for a moment before she took a deep breath and finally spoke. "Do you think your parents would mind if I stayed in here with you tonight? I just really don't want to be alone."

My heart began racing automatically at the thought of being in here all night alone with Bella; feeling her so close and smelling her all around me as I slept. But I wouldn't deny her out of selfishness. She needed me to be her comfort and security tonight. "It'll be fine. You go ahead and get changed, and I'll go down and tell everyone you're alright." She nodded as I stood up and kissed her forehead before I left.

After telling everyone that Bella was fine and Jacob finally left, I sat down and quickly told my parents about what was going on. That Bella just needed a friend tonight because she was upset about her mom, and I was just going to make sure she was alright. They agreed and appeared to trust me completely when it came to Bella.

When I got back upstairs, Bella was already under the covers with her eyes closed and her soft mahogany hair spread across my pillows. I quietly grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and went to the bathroom to change. As I went to sit down on the couch in my room, I heard her call out my name softly. Her back was facing me, so I couldn't tell if she was awake or not. As I started walking toward the bed, she rolled over to look at me.

"Please, just lay here with me," she asked gently with a sad, tired look in her eyes. I climbed into the bed with her and slid my arm around her shoulders, looking down at her. She held my hand between us, but held my gaze. Those beautiful brown depths I could get lost in forever. My eyes fell to her lips, wanting so badly to brush them with my own. My face began moving toward hers, but then my conscience got the better of me. That would be wrong; she didn't belong to me that way. She belonged to someone else. So I instead pressed my lips gently against her forehead instead.

"Get some sleep, sweet Bella," I whispered and she smiled, turning over and pulling my arm around her shoulders to lock herself in my embrace. Her hand ran along my arm for a while, gradually slowing before coming to a stop.

Today had been a long day-for both of us-but also a very significant day as well. She had shown me implicitly her immense trust in me, something that I alone held. It didn't matter anymore whether I ever won her heart, or shared her bed. I had something infinitely better right here. She would always be _my_ Bella in this way. And I decided right then and there that whatever she needed from me, whatever she wanted was hers. Even if it was only just her friend.

I heard her release a soft shuddering sigh, relaxing more against my arm and I thought she had fallen asleep finally. As I tried to move to head over to the couch, I heard her voice. "Edward…"

I looked back toward her, but she hadn't moved. I tilted my head slightly around her to try to see her face, to see if her eyes were open, but her breaths were still coming slow and measured. Perhaps I only imagined it.

Then she moaned softly and turned over, cuddling against my chest in her sleep and her lips formed a small smile.

"Edward…"

**!**


	12. Awakenings

**Chapter 12: Awakenings**

**_Bella POV_**

I had never slept so calmly and peacefully as I did that night with Edward. And when I opened my eyes to see him still there and sleeping, with his arms still around me; I had also never felt more content. I stared at his lips and my mind drifted back to the night before. His face had been so close to mine and I thought for a moment that he was going to kiss me, and with everything in me, I wanted him to. When he only kissed my forehead, I tried my best to hide my disappointment.

But I knew my Edward better than that. If for no other reason, he wouldn't kiss me for the same reason I wouldn't kiss him. _James_. I couldn't help but wonder if things had been different last night, if there were no James; would it have turned out differently? Would I have felt the pure heaven of his lips against mine again as I had that night that now seemed like forever ago? The kiss that even the most passionate one from James could never hold a candle to? One I would never forget as long as I lived…

My thoughts were broken as he rolled toward me in the bed and eventually opened his eyes to look at me. A lazy smile graced his lips, his eyes still barely more than slits as he gazed at me. "Morning," he mumbled in what had to be the sexiest morning voice I had ever heard. So deep and gravelly that if I wasn't already lying down, I might have ended up this way regardless. His face was so close to mine that our noses were brushing together, and he brought his hand up to brush my hair out of my face. "How'd you sleep?"

If anyone were to walk into this room and see us like this, I would swear they would think something other than what was actually going on here. I felt so comfortable in this close intimate bubble with him, and I never wanted to leave it. The moment I moved, it would burst and I wasn't ready for that. His hand cupped my face and he rested his forehead against mine, and without even thinking about it, I slid my arm around his waist. "Better than I have in years. Thank you for staying, Edward."

I felt his finger come to my lips and I closed my eyes to will myself not to kiss it. I didn't know where these strong sudden urges were coming from; far stronger than anything I had ever felt before. It was wonderful and confusing and heart wrenching all at once. Because he was here, but he wasn't mine. What _was_ 'mine' was in California for the weekend-on my birthday. "What did I tell you last night? You never need to thank me for being here for you."

I smiled at his words and I hugged myself against him, enjoying this time for as long as I could. "Yea well, next time I'm remembering to bring a blanket because you're a cover hog," I joked, trying to lighten the situation.

"Next time?" he replied and my eyes flashed open again, looking up at him. He had an amused smirk on his face and his eyes were actually dancing for the first time in I couldn't remember _how_ long. It was such a beautiful thing to see again. "You're already planning a next time?"

I smirked and tilted my chin up more. "Well you know, my dad is taking me for my license test Monday, and I _might_ even pass. So who knows? Maybe I'll just be taking you up on your offer."

Both of our smiles slowly wavered and we stared into each other's eyes. That one look from him stirred so much inside me; the room soon became overwhelmingly stifling with the electricity in the air. I had to break it before it went too far.

"Charlie is going to be coming to get me when he gets off duty, so I better get dressed," I said softly as I pushed myself up to climb over him. We moved at the same time, and between the tangle of sheets and legs, I felt something brush up against my thigh. I hoped beyond hope that it was just my imagination, but as I raised my eyes to take in the expression on his face, something told me it wasn't.

_Holy crap!_ I thought to myself, and swallowed hard. I had tried so relentlessly never to think of him in that way, though it rarely worked. But now I didn't know if I could keep myself from thinking about it.

I was quite literally saved by the bell when I heard Charlie's horn outside. "I'll uhh… I'll just pick my clothes up at some point."

Edward merely nodded his head as I continued to climb over him and he got out of bed as well, following me downstairs to walk me to the door. "Um, Bella?" he called from behind me, carrying my ringing purse over to me.

My phone and my purse; I had completely forgotten about that. I pulled my phone out and looked down. _Dad_.

"Hi Dad, I'm on my way out now… bye." I closed my phone and the display read 47 missed calls. _Obsessed much?_, I thought to myself, knowing no one would call me that many times except for James. And everyone else had been here last night. I rolled my eyes, looking up at Edward and smiling nervously at him. "I'll call you later or something?"

He gave me an odd sort of smirk and nodded, giving me a gentle hug. I walked out to the car and waved to him once in the doorway before climbing in.

Being in the car with Charlie didn't help to ease my nerves at all; if anything, it kept them on edge. After the long, soul-bearing talk I'd had with Edward last night, I felt somewhat awkward around my dad right now. Why is it that in ten years, I couldn't talk about this with the one person who could possibly understand what I was going through? I couldn't even talk with all the shrinks and grievance counselors I had been forced to endure. But one night, one moment in one song was all it took for me to lay my trust in Edward's hands and open up fully to him. No one had ever been able to break down my walls and see the deepest depths of my soul. And I'd never wanted anyone to… until last night.

"Did you have fun last night?" Charlie said suddenly, almost seeming as uncomfortable as I felt.

I looked over to him briefly and then nodded as my eyes fell back into my lap. "Yea, it was great. You know… for a party," I said with a small chuckle, but then I sighed. Talking about the way things used to be with my dad had made my heart ache slightly for what we once had. I knew the death of my mom had affected him in a way I couldn't even begin to imagine. Such a sudden lifestyle change; his whole life had been uprooted as he was abruptly thrust into single parenthood. My heart went out to him as I thought about this for the first time in my life. I'd been so focused on the effect losing my mom had on me, I'd hardly thought about him at all. But now wasn't the time to talk to him about this and thank him for doing everything he had for me. Monday… after my test, we would have some father daughter time.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I looked down, cringing slightly. _James_. I really didn't feel ready for this. I silenced the ring and stared out the side window, my mind drifting back to Edward and that wonderful dream I had last night. I was still smiling to myself when we pulled up to the house and walked in. His warmth and scent had infused into me last night to create, by far, the most vivid dream I had ever had of Edward. We were in a cabin somewhere, sitting on a couch and drinking wine. His arm was around me as we stared at the crackling fireplace. I even remembered the scent, that deep musky smell of burning cedar. I looked up at him and whispered 'I love you', and I felt my chest swell as he returned the sentiment and pressed his lips softly to mine. The passion increased slowly with the kiss until he set his wine down, taking mine and doing the same. He scooped me into his arms effortlessly and carried me into a bedroom and set me down on a large pine four-poster bed. 'Bella baby,' he whispered as his lips pressed against mine again...

_Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz._

I wanted to flush the damn phone down the toilet. I silenced it again and bit my lip. 'Bella baby'. He'd said that to me last night. He'd called me many things over the last year, but never 'baby'. Just the thought of it sent shivers down my spine, even if he didn't mean anything by it. Just the sound of it on his lips and directed at me was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. And I could help but smile as I played it over and over again in my mind.

_Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz._

I groaned in aggravation. Every pleasant thought I had today had been interrupted by this damn phone. I flipped it open with my jaw clenched. "What?" I exclaimed in a tight, annoyed tone.

I heard James sarcastic huff of a chuckle on the other end, and the sound made me cringe. "Well, that's some way to greet your boyfriend who you have completely ignored for nearly twenty four hours. Where the hell have you been?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled angrily. "I was at my party at the Cullens', James. You know that."

"Sure, but what were you doing with Cullen that you couldn't answer your damn phone?" he snapped angrily and my blood boiled. He'd been increasingly jealous of any time I spent with Edward over the last couple of weeks. However, after the emotional night I'd had last night, and amazing yet confusingly awkward morning so far, I was really in no frame of mind to be logical. I was happy, but still very confused and conflicted. I had no idea where these strong emotions toward Edward were suddenly emerging from, even though I knew that they had always partially been present. But this morning, laying in his arms in his bed, even though it was completely innocent, was more intimate than anything I had ever experienced. I didn't feel as strange as I thought it would, lying there in the arms of my best friend. "Did you hear me, Bella? What were you and Cullen doing?"

His loud screech into the phone broke me out of my reverie, igniting my anger again. "Nothing! We were having a party to celebrate my birthday and that was it! Why are you being such a jealous prick?" I sneered, trying to keep my voice down so as not to wake my hopefully sleeping father.

"Gee, I don't know, Bella. Maybe because I didn't want you going there in the first place?" he yelled, his anger seeming to reach new heights. "Don't you think it's a little inappropriate to be spending the night at a guy's house, _without _your boyfriend present? There are already enough rumors going around about you and Cullen, and you're not going to make an ass out of me."

"No, James. You do a fine job of that all by yourself," I retorted, feeling a new surge of empowerment inside me. I had never really had the nerve to defend myself, the courage to go toe-to-toe with him. It felt good. "Maybe I wouldn't have _been_ at another guy's house without my boyfriend, if said _boyfriend_ hadn't decided that this weekend would be a good time to go surfing in California! On my birthday of all days."

"You know I had no choice, babe," James replied, his voice calming a little.

"No James, that's where you're wrong. You _always_ have a choice," I snarled into the phone as I grabbed a danish out of the fridge and tossed it into the microwave. "Edward and I have been friends for over a year now, and close as we may be, we are not like _that_. You know, it's not like you don't have a rumor mill going around about you and that cheerleader. So should _I_ start questioning you about _that_?"

"Even if I _was_ doing something with Victoria, it would be completely justified," he snarled, his anger rising again. "Maybe if you'd put out…"

"Yea well unlike you, I don't have a one track brain," I hissed, ripping the drawer open and reaching in for a fork, when one of the tongs caught the edge of a plastic wrapper. I paused as I watched the entire bag of straws from the drawer scattered across the kitchen floor.

"Shit," I whispered and crouched down to start picking them up. But as soon as I took one in my hand, for a moment nothing existed in the world. Not James screaming in my ear… not the beeping of the microwave… nothing but that blue pinstriped… bendy straw…

…'_What the fuck, Bella? It's a straw! Want it bendy? Here…', and he bent my straw._

_...When it happens, I want it to be with someone who knows me and I can know for certain that it's because he cares about me and not just because he's a horny teenager._

…"_Oh hold on!" Edward exclaimed from beside me and ran over to one of the kitchen drawers and back to me, and popped a straw into my soda. "There ya go."_

…_you know what he did? He bent the straw!_

…_What's he got a death wish?"_

…_I don't know why Edward insists on enabling your OCD behavior…_

The words from last night rang through my head, as the tip of my finger bent and released the straw repeatedly in my hand.

_Edward._

Edward had brought the package over last month and put them in the drawer. I remember looking at him and smiling and he had just smirked back at me, shrugging his shoulders before walking into the living room. He always did things like that. Small things. Considerate things. He was always taking care of me. He had brought me a new package every month since he discovered my obsession with bendy straws. He used to say it was to prevent a battle when Charlie inevitably forgot and came home with the straight ones.

_I want it to be with someone who knows me…_

_You know me so well…_

_What's he got a death wish?"_

_I want it to be with someone who knows me…_

_Edward insists on enabling your OCD behavior…_

_I want it to be with someone who knows me…_

**_You know me so well…_**

And it was then that it hit me. All it had taken was something as ridiculous as a bendy straw for me to figure it out. That's it! Why I opened up so freely last night, when no one else had ever been able to break through. No one else could ever earn my trust enough. Why every touch of James' repulsed me. Why no matter how hard I tried, he just didn't do anything for me. I didn't want anyone else… because nobody else was Edward.

I was never _meant_ to get over Edward Cullen.

"Bella!" James yelled into the phone, snapping me back to the moment. "Dammit, will you answer me when I…"

"It's over," I said simply in a very distant voice, my eyes still focused on the straw.

"What? What the hell are you talking about, Bella. Are you high or something?" James screeched into my ear, but I didn't even flinch.

I was still elsewhere. In a bright room with a wall of windows, under a black velour comforter with the arms of the man I loved with all my heart around me.

"I've actually never been thinking more clearly. We're done. Go ahead and fuck Victoria, have a blast," I replied with a smile on my face. And even when he retorted that he already had because he 'had to get it somewhere', I was still unaffected. I knew what this whole morning was all about now, and what I needed to do. And who _I_ needed. And it certainly wasn't the voice on the other end of this phone. "Goodbye James."

With that, I snapped the phone closed, and I instantly felt lighter, freer. I giggled lightly at the realization and couldn't stop as I picked up all the straws. I had been such an idiot for not seeing this sooner. All I could hope was that the look in his eyes this morning and the electricity between us was not misinterpreted or one-sided. There was only one way to find out. I just had to figure out how to go about it.

**_Edward POV_**

First of all, morning wood… never a comfortable thing. I had tried so hard to keep enough space between our bodies the morning in the bed that she wouldn't notice and just enjoy that quiet, peaceful moment with her. But when she moved to get out of the bed, in an attempt to avoid contact, I put myself right in the line of contact with her thigh. Which naturally, only served to worsen my condition.

Not only was her body touching mine in a _very_ intimate way, but also her thigh against my erection was the most intense pleasure I had ever felt in my entire life without actually having sex. But I swore to myself that I would be what she needed me to be, and this was certainly not it. We just stared at each other for a moment before we heard the sound of Charlie's horn outside.

As we got downstairs, the sound of a cell phone ringing caught my attention and I glanced over to the couch to see that Bella was about to walk out the door without her purse. I grabbed it quickly and ran it out to her, our eyes making contact one more time before she got into the car. I returned her wave before she lowered into the car and then she was gone. I groaned softly as I closed the front door and leaned back against it; my painful erection making itself clearly known. I had to get rid of it, or I would never hear the end of it from anyone still in this house.

I ran back up the stairs-fortunately unnoticed-and into the bathroom. I undressed and stepped into the shower, turning it as cold as my body could tolerate. But it didn't ease it like it usually did. With the thoughts and even the scent of Bella still fresh, my problem was only increasing.

Her thigh pressed against me, even for such a short moment… I slowly began stroking myself at the thought. Without stopping my movements, I reached back and turned the knob to bring the water up to as hot as I could tolerate, and then rested my palm against the wall in front of me. I closed my eyes and pictured the only face that appealed to me, the one that made my body sing. Even the thought of holding her in my arms last night, watching her sleep was enough. And then… hearing her almost moan my name in the middle of the night. I allowed myself to believe just for a moment right now that she had been dreaming of me in the same way I had dreamed of her nearly every night for the last year. Her small petite frame writhing beneath mine, a sheen of sweat from our passionate embrace being the only separator between us. I could smell her, feel her, taste her. Her lips pressed against mine, her tiny fingers in my hair, her tight wet folds enclosing around my….

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as my release came in a sudden explosive rush, leaving me panting heavily as each wave came over me more urgent than the one before. It had been a long time since I came this hard, and never had it made me feel this light-headed, and oddly satiated. As my hand came to a stop, I dropped down to my knees as I struggled to regain my breath and orientation. My head was spinning in a way I had never experienced before. If that was the closest I ever came to making love to Bella Swan, I could still die a happy man.

_Making love?_

That brought my consciousness back to me. Since when did I ever phrase it like that? It's sex. It's fucking.

Obviously unless your name is Bella Swan.

"God this is going to be a long year," I muttered to myself, and pushed myself up to finish my shower.


	13. Trepidation

**Chapter 13: Trepidation**

**_Bella POV_**

I could hardly sleep that night from the anticipation of what Monday would bring. Coupled with the fact that I had spent the entire day breaking down and analyzing every thought and feeling I had ever had about or toward Edward Cullen, it was no wonder I was still awake. I had known for a long time that my feelings for Edward were more than simply platonic, and that I was in my own way, in love with him. But it wasn't until yesterday that the full weight of it all came crashing down on me, hitting me like a freight train.

I suppose in the back of my mind, I was afraid to be in love with Edward; the fear of losing him being the foremost reason. The fear of rejection was also a factor that weighed heavily on me and I firmly believed that a 'no' from him in particular would be impossible to bear. I was terrified of only being good enough for a buddy because, let's face it, he's Edward Cullen and he could have any girl he wanted. Why would he want to settle for someone as inexperienced and ordinary as me?

And buried somewhere in the back of my mind; my parents. Not that I blame my father in any way for what happened to my mother; far from it. But my mother's death was the catalyst of my low self-esteem, and it was something that I still battled with today. I was old enough now to realize that my mom was not mentally well, but I couldn't understand how I could not have been enough incentive for her to fight. Also, there was once a time when my mother and father thought that they were just as in love with each other as I was with Edward. They had gotten married straight out of high school when my mother found out that she was pregnant with me. But even though I was still very young at the time of her death, I couldn't remember my parents ever being really affectionate with each other. There was no doubt in my mind that my father loved my mother to the ends of the earth. I could still see it to this day, when he would occasionally tell me that I remind him so much of my mother, his face sad and worn. And I heard it in his voice that day in the kitchen; all that anger and hurt, all sprung from his supreme love for this woman. But I couldn't help but wonder at times if my mother didn't feel the same. If over time, the love had faded and all she had left were the remains of a long diminished lust.

Honestly, I had always feared how much of my mother I actually had in me. What would happen if I actually got Edward, only to put him through the same hell that my father went through?

No! I was stronger than that. I had made the decision yesterday that I was going to find a way to tell Edward; to take a chance and put all my fears behind me. Like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play, right?

But today, I had bigger things on my mind; I was going for my driving test this morning. If all went well, by this afternoon I could climb behind the wheel of my black beauty in the driveway and allow true independence to overtake me. I had already felt a sense of lightness and freedom since breaking up with James the day before. I hadn't realized exactly how constricted I had felt with him until he was no longer a part of my life.

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard my phone ringing and I quickly wrapped a towel around myself, running to my room. _Edward_, I read with a smile. "Hey," I breathed out, panting slightly from rushing and the heat of the shower.

"Morning," I heard him reply with a slight chuckle in his voice. "You're not out of breath because you're nervous, are you?"

I laughed as I grabbed another towel and began squeezing my hair out. "No, I just stepped out of the shower. And I was rushing to get a towel around myself to catch it before you hung up."

I heard a joking gasp as the other end. "Isabella Swan, are you talking to me on the phone naked? That's kinda kinky, don't you think?"

"Edward!" I shrieked but couldn't contain my laughter as his increased, rolling my eyes but the heat flooding my cheeks could not be ignored. Edward joked around about many things; but nothing like this before. "No, you pig. I'm in a towel."

"Towels don't count as clothing, Bella," he replied, as I heard the dinging of his car in the background as he got in and put the key in the ignition. "Anything that can fall to the floor in a millisecond on its own accord is _not_ clothes." He went silent for a moment and it sounded as if he took a long shaky breath before continuing to speak. "So, I just wanted to give you a call before I got to school and wish you good luck."

And just like that, _my_ Edward was back. It made me both smile and ache all at once. I loved the sweet, gentle side of Edward, don't get me wrong. But just the thought that he might have been _actually _thinking about me in that way; talking on the phone with him with nothing more than a towel around me caused a burning deep inside me.

_Snap out of it, Bella_, I scolded myself. The time would come for me to continue on that train of thought, but not now. I had to focus. "Thanks, Edward. So will I see you after school?"

"What, no leech today?" he sneered slightly, and I knew he meant James.

I silently slapped my forehead. _Shit!_ I completely forgot to tell him about what happened yesterday. I didn't even _call _him after I left the house so quickly yesterday morning. "Uh, no actually. But I'll explain after school. I really gotta go get ready or I'm going to miss my appointment."

"You'll do great, Firecracker. Text me when you're done," Edward said with a smile in his voice and instantly, I felt reassured. His faith in me was a lot more encouraging than my own. I agreed and we said goodbye; leaving me with ten minutes to get ready.

"Come on, Bells. They'll just give the appointment to the next person," Charlie called up the stairs, as I was throwing my hair up into a ponytail.

Surprising even myself, I got down the stairs in one piece without even a single stumble. Both Charlie and I chuckled softly as we headed out the door, but something was off about my dad's face. But I had to remember that taking your child for their driver's license was a huge milestone for any parent; kind of realizing that your baby isn't a baby anymore.

As we came to the end of our street, I heard him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked even more troubled now, and I began to worry. "Dad? Are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine," he responded quickly, nodding his head. Another silent moment passed before he spoke again. "Actually Isabella, there is something I've been meaning to talk to you about for some time now."

My stomach tightened and I bit my lip nervously. He _never_ called me 'Isabella' unless it was something important, or I was in deep trouble. "O-okay. What's up?"

Charlie's hands tightly gripped the steering wheel, and it even looked like he was sweating slightly. "I uh.. I heard you talking on the phone yesterday. And I was wondering if there was something you wanted to tell me."

_Crap, I knew it. _"It's nothing, really, Dad. Just some guy made me mad and…"

"Bella, I'm a father, but I'm not deaf, dumb or blind," he replied, giving me the hint of a smile, so obviously I wasn't going to get _too_ intense of a lecture. "I've noticed that the young Cullen boy has quite a smile for you as well."

"Dad…" I laughed nervously, shaking my head. "Edward and I are _just_ friends. And the guy yesterday... I'm sorry about that. I just…"

"I know you're growing up, Bells, as hard as it is for me to accept at times. But giving you that car on Saturday made me do a lot of thinking," he replied softly, in a tone that nearly broke my heart. "If you get your license today, that's going to mean more independence and times where I can't always protect you. I'm just hoping that you'll be the sensible girl I know you are, and use that independence wisely."

"Of course I will, Dad. But what does this have to do with Edward?" I asked before I could stop myself. Was I _asking _for a lecture? I should have just let it lie, agreed with him and went about our day.

"Well," Charlie began as he cleared his throat and then swallowed hard. "Edward… seems to be quite a nice young man. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen have done well with him, and the older boy. And I know you're starting to notice boys and all, and…"

My eyes widened and I covered my face with my hands.

_Oh no, not the sex talk. Dear God in heaven, please not the sex talk._

"You see, Bella," he started nervously. _Yup, it's the sex talk._ _Please kill me now. _"There's a flower, and there's a seed. And the seed needs water… oh and dirt, something about dirt. And you need to feed it. The flower, not the dirt."

"Dad!" I whined as I shrunk down into the seat, trying to hide my face more and feeling as if it were on fire. "Are you _seriously_ going to have the sex talk with me?"

"Well, this is important. You are coming to an age when… certain things might seem like a good idea at the time. But," he continued and he sounded as nervous as I was completely _mortified_. "Bella, I just want to make sure that you know what boys...well, I don't want you using your flower...or letting his...I just don't want you doing any gardening at all."

"Dad, honestly, this isn't necessary. Really, I…" I tried to cut him off.

"Oh, and bees, there's something about bees in there...and I think a bird. But what the hell birds have to do with this...I think the bird takes the seed, and the bees… definitely don't want any bees stinging you… Look I'm missing my point...Maybe I should just have Mrs. Cullen talk to you about this."

"Seriously, Dad! I'm fine!" I exclaimed, lowering my hands from my face and looking over to him with wide eyes. "I know all about the birds and the bees and the seeds and the flowers. Along with the sperm and egg, and the penis and vagina."

I watched the blush spread over my dad's face, and I instantly felt a little guilty for my outburst. I knew he was trying so hard to be a good father, and I was acting like a spoiled brat. I started to apologize, but he shook his head as we pulled into the parking lot. "Look, Bella. I know you're a smart girl. I just hope you make the right decisions, and don't do anything that you may someday regret. I don't want you to ruin your life…"

"Like Mom said she did," I replied, looking at him and shook my head as his bent down. I reached my hand over and placed it on his shoulder. "Dad, I loved Mom and I know you did too. But I _wasn't_ a mistake, and neither were you. I couldn't have asked for a better dad."

He looked over at me with a soft smile and brought his hand up to cover mine on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. And it was one of those moments where no words needed to be exchanged between us; we already knew what was being said. He could see the truth in my eyes, that I meant every word. And I could see the love and concern he had for me, mixed with the sadness of watching his little girl taking her next step toward adulthood. I missed my mom, but she left me with an incredible dad. He leaned over, kissing my forehead gently and letting go of my hand. "Come on, we don't want to be late."

And just like that; conversation over.

The road test was nerve-wracking. The female cop in the passenger seat reminded me of one of those butch security guards in female prisons that you see in the movies. Her shoulders were about as broad as Emmett's were, and I swear, he was probably more feminine looking than this woman. She had a constant grimace on her face as if she was ready to rip someone's head off if they tripped one more of her triggers. Needless to say, I thought for sure I was going to fail.

Forty minutes and an ulcer later, I walked out to meet Charlie with my brand new license in my hand. I was so elated I could barely contain my excitement as we walked back out to the car. When I asked to drive, I got a firm '_no'_ from Charlie but I really didn't want to drive the cruiser anyway. I pulled out my phone as we began the drive home and texted Edward.

_Black Beauty hits the road tonight! Be prepared! _

I got an immediate congratulatory response, so I knew he must have been between classes. As excited as I was about having my license and getting to drive my car, I was actually more excited about seeing Edward tonight. I had spent the last month having such restricted time with him, and now the only permission I needed was Charlie's to see him. "Hey Dad? I know it's a school night and all but would it be okay if I went out with Edward for a little while tonight? I promise I won't be too late."

He nodded and smiled at me gently. "Sure. Just be home by ten."

I felt my smile stretch across my face and I could hardly contain my excitement for this afternoon. After never missing a day of school in years, I honestly had no idea what to do with myself. I wasn't the primping type, and even if I was, I didn't want Edward to think that this was anything more than just two friends getting together for celebratory ice cream. I still had far too much to think about before I could even attempt to make anything more of this. I grab my old reliable Austen book and drowned myself into the world of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Before I knew it, it was two o'clock and I squealed slightly as I grabbed my keys and headed down the stairs. "Dad, I'm going to meet Edward at school. Need me to grab you something to eat while I'm out?"

Charlie gave me an eye roll and shook his head. "Honestly Bells, I can fend for myself for _one night_. Go. Have fun. Just be careful."

I couldn't help myself as I ran over to him, kissing his cheek and then making my way out the door and into my car. The engine roared to life, settling into a gentle purr as I pulled out of the driveway and began driving toward the school. Every eye was turned in my direction as I drove slowly through the parking lot until I found Edward's Trans am and pulled in next to it, waiting for him to come out of the school.

Alice was the first to find me accompanied by Rose. After insisting on mauling me with hugs and seeing my license, I finally got a moment to look up and see Edward leaning against his car with an amused smirk on his face. I quickly moved around the two girls still giggling over my license picture and sprung into Edward's arms, giving him a tight hug. I felt as if I was seeing him for the first time in years, rather than days.

"My girl's all grown up now, huh?" Edward teased as he set me back down on my feet, that infectious smirk still on his face.

"Look Edward, her picture is so cute!" Alice chirped, holding out my license to him.

He took it in his hand and grinned at me. "Leave it to you, Bella. You even blush in your license picture."

I snatched it away from him in feigned anger and slid it back into my pocket. "Yea, well, if you have a morning like _I_ had, you'd be blushing too. So come on, we'll drop your car off at your house and go out for some ice cream. I am _dying_ for some mint chocolate chip."

He smirked and then dug in his pocket for his keys. "Hey Rose," he called out and as she turned to look at him, he tossed his keys to her. "Would you mind driving my car to the house since you're heading that way anyway? Just take care of my baby."

Rose blew a raspberry with her lips at him, surprising both me and Alice; but Edward seemed unfazed as he laughed. "Please, Cullen. I can drive better than you on your best day, with my eyes closed and using my knees."

My eyes widened more as I watched the interaction between the two of them; it was snarky but playful at the same time. It ridiculously stirred the jealousy inside of me, but I quelled it quickly knowing how much she loved Emmett. I just simply wanted time with Edward alone. "Come on let's go. You get to be the first to ride in _my_ baby."

We got into the car and drove to the diner down the street from school, where I noticed Mike and Eric already hanging out in the parking lot. Luckily, they were too busy staring at my car to pay much attention to its two occupants, and we got inside the diner without having to deal with them at all.

"So," Edward started as the server walked away after taking our orders, resting his chin on his folded hands. "What was this 'morning' you had that would have even made _me_ blush?"

I rolled my eyes as I took a drink of water, and groaned after I swallowed. "Oh god, you should have heard Charlie this morning. He was trying to give me the sex talk on the way to the registry."

Edward pressed his lips together, to keep from laughing out loud no doubt, and let his arms fall to fold in front of him. "Oh yea? And how did that go?"

"Let's just say I'm not allowed to garden…_ever_. And I don't think I would want to after _that_ talk," I replied and looked over to find him gazing at me with a raised eyebrow. "I was mortified, Edward! Talking about how I'm supposed to keep my flower away from any water or dirt, and I think bees."

Edward snorted a laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was wincing slightly, so I was thinking that the sip of water he just had in his mouth had most likely ended up in his nose. _Serves him right._ But he was still laughing as the waitress brought our ice cream to the table. "But seriously, Bella. You were _still _blushing after the test?" he laughed as I balled up my napkin and threw it at him. "Aww, I think it's cute. Little Bella's got her license," he chuckled as he reached across the table to pinch my cheek.

"Shut _up_, Edward," I laughed as I playfully swatted his hand away.

He laughed and then turned to his ice cream with one of his infamous smirks. "So, the warden out on good behavior or something?"

I rolled my eyes at him, but my gaze short across the diner as I saw James walk in with a few of his teammates and his little groupie. "Speaking of which."

Edward furrowed his brow and turned around to follow my gaze and his jaw visibly tightened.

James was making his way toward our table and stood right beside my chair. "So you think you're free to go after Cullen now, huh?"

"Just go away, James," I said stiffly, keeping my eyes on my ice cream.

"So Cullen," I heard him start and I looked up slightly to see him glaring at Edward. "You think you can just swoop in and steal my girl?"

I saw Edward's body jerk as if he was about to stand up, but I shook my head. "I'm _not _your girl, James. Get over it."

James leaned over toward my ear, wrapping his arm around my shoulders while I tried to wriggle away from him. "One little fight doesn't mean the end, babe. You'll always be my girl," he hissed slightly and kissed my neck.

I leaned away from him, pushing against his chest but he kept moving closer. "Get away from me, James. I mean it!"

Suddenly his presence beside me was gone and I looked up to see Edward glowering down at him. "I think you should do as the lady asks," he growled, standing in-between me and James. He tried to move around Edward to reach for me, but Edward grabbed his arm and shook his head. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

The two men glared at each other for a moment, and then James shook his head. "I'd like to see you stop me, brainiac. Remember, might messy up your pretty boy hair the slut likes so much."

Edward's eyes widened in fury as he began to lunge for James but I stood quickly and grabbed his arm to pull him back. "Edward, don't!" I called out and then looked over at James. "Just get the hell out of here."

"Is there a problem out here, gentlemen?" The owner Harry came out, looking more in my direction than anywhere else.

I shook my head with my gaze locked on James. "No sir. He was just leaving," I said through gritted teeth.

James' nostrils flared as he slowly backed away, and shook his head as he pointed at me. "This isn't over, Bella. Remember that."

Edward's arm came around my shoulders protectively and I hugged myself against his side until I watched James' car peel out of the parking lot. He kissed my forehead gently before releasing me to sit back down at the table. We were silent for a moment before he finally spoke up. "So, uh. Would you like to explain what just happened here?"

I looked up and his face was far calmer than I had expected, and certainly more relaxed than I felt. I looked back down to the green substance in my bowl and I shrugged. "I uh, was about to tell you. I kinda broke up with James yesterday."

"What?" Edward exclaimed loudly and my head shot up to look at him. His eyes almost looked excited, but still stunned at the same time. I hushed him as people were staring over at us, and his face relaxed some and he nodded. "I mean, I always thought you were too good for him anyway, but what brought this on?"

I shrugged as I took a bite of my ice cream and licked the remnants off my lip. "I don't know. He just didn't do anything for me. He was beginning to annoy me more than often than not, and he was being a jerk on the phone. So I said 'see ya', and I hung up."

Edward hummed softly and took a bite of his ice cream as well, and it was all I could do to not jump out of my seat at how incredibly arousing something as simple as a spoon sliding through those lips was. I sat there staring at him for a while, running over the last few minutes in my head. Was it wrong that I suddenly found his protective nature over me sexy instead of depressing for the first time? It just seemed far more intense here today than it had in the past, but I wondered how much of that was because it was what I _wanted_ to see. He looked up suddenly and caught my eyes and I fought off the blush that was rising from being caught staring at him. "So, are you okay? I mean, he doesn't seem to be taking it very well. And you guys were together for what, a month?"

"Yea I'm fine. I really don't see what the big deal was anyway," I tried to reply casually, picking at my ice cream. "I mean I'm pretty sure he was boinking that redhead anyway, so it's not like it's any real loss to him."

"So you didn't ever…" Edward asked and I gave him an annoyed look, and he held his hands up. "Sorry, stupid question. But still, I mean, he had _you_. Why would he do that?"

I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes and sneering slightly. "A guy has to get it somewhere," I replied sarcastically in the most horrible impression of a man's voice. "I'm not worried about it honestly. I'm just glad I never took it _there_."

"Me too," Edward replied and then his eyes suddenly shot up to mine widely, and I chuckled softly. "I mean, you deserve better than that, Bella. _Way_ better."

I laughed and shook my head. "You _have_ to say that. You're my friend."

Edward's face went solemn and he reached across the table to take my hand and he entwined our fingers together. I looked down at our hands, feeling a wave of warmth and electricity running between us at our contact and I didn't have another care in the world. "Bella, listen to me. You deserve _so_ much more than that. You're smart, funny and beautiful. If it wasn't for that raging temper of yours, you'd be damn near perfect. Any guy would be crazy to let you go."

I raised my eyes to look at him and he was staring into mine with such compassion, it sent a shiver down my spine. And he said I was beautiful. Funny how I should focus on that one little detail. Usually I would focus on the crack he made about my temper, but that didn't matter to me right now.

"You're biased," was the only comeback I could think to make and gave him a small smile which he quickly returned.

"Eh, maybe just a little," Edward replied in a teasing tone but his features quickly turned serious again. "But that doesn't make it any less true. You are perfect just the way you are, Bella. Even with your temper. That's what makes you my firecracker. You need to see yourself more clearly."

I blushed but didn't respond, turning back to my ice cream as he released my hand. I was quiet for much of the remainder of the afternoon, until I had to bring Edward home just before dinnertime since he remembered that he had to study for a Calculus test. Since my evening with Edward was interrupted, I decided to stop and pick up some Chinese on the way home for dinner and still made it home before Charlie. He was surprised to see me home but obviously did not complain.

All week, that afternoon consumed my mind. Beautiful and perfect… two words spoken about me; and by Edward. And it was driving me to distraction. The look in his eyes that afternoon, glaring down at James. The soft gaze telling me I deserved better than all the shit that James had pulled.

Friday rolled around and Alice was excited over a girl's night we had somehow managed to make plans for sometime mid-week. I honestly had no recollection of it, but then again, I hadn't paid attention to much but my thoughts of Edward for the better part of the last four days. She and Rose both noticed the distant distracted look in my eyes all evening and when they finally nodded off, I lay in bed that night trying to sleep but it refused to take me under. My mind was racing and I was tossing and turning until I finally settled on staring at the ceiling.

I let out a heavy breath and sat up, looking over at the clock. It was midnight. _Dammit._ There was no way I was getting any sleep tonight though; I needed to see him. I threw my covers off me and got dressed, quickly scribbling a note to Alice on her bedside table that I was with Edward.

I didn't think on the entire way over there about what I was going to do or say when I got there. All I knew for sure was that there was only one person who I wanted to see right now. Only he could either quell my fears or validate them; and either was better than not knowing at all.

All the lights were off in the Cullen house and I parked as quietly as I could, walking around to the back of the house. And there it was; the ladder. I swallowed hard and took a calming breath as I stepped toward it and slowly began climbing until I was on his window ledge, swinging my legs in. His head shot around to look at me, and he was as wide-awake as I was, with his arm bent behind his head.

"Bella? I thought you were over at Alice's. Are you ok?" he asked in concern, his perfect brow furrowing and even in the moonlight I could see the creasing that formed there.

I nodded and walked over to the bed, climbing in beside him and snuggling against his side. "Yea, I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep," I said quietly, feeling his arms come around me and hold me against him. I listened to his heartbeat pound under my ear and I splayed my fingers over his chest. "Edward?"

He tilted his head down to look at me and the soft light from the window caused a soft glint in them. "Yea?"

I was nervous as hell, but I needed to get this over with; I had been tormenting myself with it all week. "The other day… why did you say I was beautiful? And perfect?"

Edward slowly turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at me. "Because you _are_, Bella. And if James was too blind to see that, that's his loss, not yours."

With that, my hand drove into his hair, forcing my lips to crash against his.


	14. Baby

**Chapter 14: Baby**

**_Bella POV_**

_With that, my hand drove into his hair, forcing my lips to crash against his._

His body stiffened slightly in surprise at my abrupt actions, but I would not relent. I had almost forgotten how amazing his lips were; so soft even with the rigidity present at that moment. His eyes remained open when our lips first met, and then slowly fluttered closed as his mouth began slowly moving against mine. This was not the heated and forceful type of kiss I had accustomed myself to in the last month with James. It was soft, gentle and filled with longing, but still not without some level of passion and as he relaxed into it, it caused my mind and body to soar.

All too soon, however, he pulled away and looked down at me with an indescribable mixture of emotions playing across his face. Though I was disappointed at the loss of contact, not one of those emotions appeared to be disgust. He brought his hand up to my cheek and gazed into my eyes. "Bella, are you _sure_ you're alright?" he asked gently, his voice sounding more concerned than anything else.

I nodded slowly, never taking my eyes off his. I wanted nothing more than to reclaim his lips with mine, but his thumb running over my cheek slowly stopped me. "I'm fine, Edward. I just couldn't sleep, and I couldn't think of anywhere I would rather be than here with you. This is _exactly_ where I want to be right now."

Our lips barely touched again once, when he opened his eyes again and gazed down at me. He seemed to be studying me like he was seeing me for the first time all over again, and I really couldn't make heads or tails of what was happening between us. He gently kissed my forehead, and I started to feel a little defeated. "Come here, I have something to show you."

I furrowed my brow as I watched him push up and climb over me off the bed, reaching down to take my hand. I rolled over and swung my legs over the side to stand with him, and we walked over toward his keyboard. I was a little confused at first, but then I noticed that the cover that had once hidden it from view was now gone. There was scattered sheet music surrounding it, a far different sight than I remembered seeing. He pulled me down to sit on the bench beside him, and I could feel the smile coming through. The one time I had watched him play before was the most beautiful image I had of him. The thought of hearing him play again filled me with anticipation, but at the same time, it worried me. "Edward? You realize what time it is? Aren't you afraid of waking someone up?"

Edward smirked slightly and shook his head. "Believe me, Bella. It is something that they are quite used to by now. Which is why my bedroom is on the second floor, all the way on this end of the house. Most of my playing is done at night. And," he added with a grin, "My family sleeps like the dead."

I sat down beside to him on the bench, and without another word, his fingers began moving over the keys. I stared in awe as he began playing something that had never left my memory. The melody he had been 'composing' the night of our pseudo date; but this time with far more ease and smoothness, and continued where I remembered it ending before. And I suddenly understood.

_He finally finished it_¸ I thought silently, but couldn't force myself to make any movement; even to smile. I was too enthralled with the melody and the movements of his fingers.

The piece gradually slowed to a stop, but not the same sudden cutoff I'd heard last time before his hands fell onto his lap. I hooked my arm around his bicep and slid my hand down to entwine with his, trying to find the words but nothing completely fitting came to mind. "That was so beautiful, Edward. I can't believe you finally finished it. Why didn't you tell me?"

I looked up at his face, but his eyes were still down. "I finished it tonight," he said softly and gave my hand a gentle squeeze before looking over to me. "For months, I just couldn't bring myself to work on it. Then I came back from Alaska and I fully intended on finishing it. But I couldn't. My inspiration was gone."

The look in his eyes was very hard for me to decipher. "Your inspiration?"

Edward nodded solemnly, looking down and taking a deep breath. "That song… is your song. I was writing it for you. And I've missed you so much over the last month that I just couldn't listen to it, let alone add to it. And it left my head anyway; until last Saturday. I laid there for hours just watching you sleep. And it started playing in my head again," he looked up at me with soft eyes, but ones that seemed to be permeating my very soul. "_You_ are my inspiration, Bella."

The way he spoke was so much softer and heartfelt than I had ever heard before. I brought my hand to his cheek and stroked it gently with my thumb, looking into his eyes. For the first time ever, I didn't care about consequences or tomorrow. I didn't want to lose this look, this feeling; everything that was right here in the now. I was in awe of this man. He was the one person who saw me for who I really was. Edward knew me better than anyone else did. We had told each other things that we would never have dared speak of to anyone else. He knew me and cared for me, despite my flaws. In fact, he cared for me _because_ of them. And with him, this thought didn't scare me. I wanted to give myself to him. I wanted to share this one thing with him that I would never give to anyone else. I loved him so much and I knew that in some way Edward loved me too. Maybe not the _same_ way, but it was there nonetheless; and it was enough. I always knew that no matter what, he would take care of me. All the questions and reasons suddenly disappeared as I gazed up into his green eyes, and I hoped he understood. I began to lean toward his lips again but he backed off slightly and kept his eyes locked on mine.

"Bella, there's something you should know…"

I brought my fingertips to his lips and shook my head, silencing him. "No words… please," I whispered, my eyes remaining on his lips as my fingers trailed down his chin, over his Adam's apple. Tracing my hand around his neck to his hair again, I pressed my lips softly to his. I lightly brushed them several times, as I swung my leg over his lap and straddled his legs, pressing my body against his bare chest. I pulled away just enough to stare into his eyes again, waiting for any sign from him that this was okay. That I wasn't crossing any imaginary line or reading his words and reactions wrong. As if he could read my thoughts, I felt his warm hands rest on my thighs and slide all the way up over my hips, gripping them gently in his hands and pulling me closer until I could feel his growing erection between my legs. I let out a soft moan and he sealed his lips softly to mine.

That was all the affirmation I needed. This wasn't just me, he felt it too; this heat and electricity between us, the desire. I leaned into the kiss more, sliding my tongue along his bottom lip as my lips sealed around it. Our kiss deepened and I felt his hands slide up the back of my shirt, his fingertips brushing against the base of my shoulder blades and he let out a deep sensual groan. I had dressed so quickly at Alice's that I hadn't bothered with my bra; and from the reaction of his arousal twitching against the growing heat between my legs, it was a fortunate oversight.

He panted softly against my lips as they parted ever so slightly to catch our breaths, and he slid my shirt up over my head; and suddenly it was the moment of truth. I felt my hair brushing against my bare breasts and back. The feeling was so simple, yet so erotic at the same time. With each of Edward's breaths, the slightly curled waves grazed against my nipples, causing them to tighten and sending tiny shivers through my body and bringing forth the realization that I was sitting topless in front of him. His eyes roamed over my shoulders and my breasts briefly, with an almost worshiping look in his eyes and I was surprised by how natural I felt with him like this. No blushing, no embarrassment. One of his hands came up to cup my jaw as his eyes came back to mine. "God, baby," he whispered huskily just before his lips consumed mine and I melted into the kiss.

He said the magic word that sent fireworks flaring through my body. Not woman, or babe or honey. _Baby_. And said in such a soft, sincere voice, with desire matching my own. With our lips never parting, he lifted me off the bench, my legs still wrapped around his waist he carried me over to the bed. He settled us both down with him resting between my legs. I stiffened slightly and took a shuddering breath at the contact, moaning softly as I tried to pull him closer.

When he pulled away again, I was more than a little surprised. I swallowed hard and bit my lip. "What? Is something wrong? Something I did?" I wanted him so badly my body was literally aching for his touch.

He caressed my cheek with his hand gently, kissing one and then the other. "You didn't do a single thing wrong, Bella. I just…I need…" he said gently, his eyes deeply searching mine and I could almost see an internal battle going on behind those deep emerald orbs. He paused for an immeasurable period of time before taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. "I just never thought I would be touching you this way."

I leaned up to kiss him gently and rested my head back down against the pillow as I spoke again. "You don't know how long I have wanted you to," I whispered softly, tracing his lips with my finger. "I've never wanted anyone else to touch me this way."

His eyes smoldered slightly and I watched his brow tighten slightly as he leaned down to kiss me again tentatively and tenderly. "Are you sure, Bella?" he asked against my lips and I could hear him swallow hard.

I nodded and looked into his eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. No more words," I whispered, running my fingers over his cheek and brushing his lips softly. "Make love to me, Edward."

I felt him take another shuddering breath before his hand moved to my hip again and he leaned down to kiss me gently. I felt the entire length of him press against me and my body shivered with anticipation, as my hands moved into the hair that I loved so much. That I'd dreamed of feeling this way between my fingers for so long. Our lips parted and I felt our tongues glide like velvet against the others, and we both let out simultaneous soft moans of pleasure.

He slowly pulled away from my lips and I let out a cry of discontent, until I felt them return to my neck. I swore I had never felt anything more enjoyable and arousing as his lips exploring my skin. One touch of his lips to the base of my neck sent a fire of arousal that rushed straight through my body, causing my hips to buck slightly against his cloth-covered arousal. After a small groan from him, he began tenderly kissing down my body. His tongue ran circles around my nipples, followed by a breeze of cool air as he blew over each, causing me to bite my lip and writhe slightly beneath him. He kissed a trail down my abdomen until he reached the button of my jeans, which came undone with one swift movement of his long beautiful fingers.

I whimpered softly, wanting to feel him against me again. However, he was taking his time with me it appeared, as he slowly lowered the zipper of my jeans, keeping his eyes locked on mine. He slipped his hands underneath me and lifted my hips to pull my jeans from under them and slowly glide them down my legs. He stood up off the bed to remove my shoes and toss them on the floor before my jeans joined them.

Edward reached out his hands to take mine and pull me up to kneel on the bed in front of him. His fingertips ran up along my arms as his eyes took in my body, until they met mine. His hands held my face gently between them. "You're so beautiful, baby," he whispered softly and then kissed me with such a gentle passion, I felt my knees trembling against mattress and I slowly wrapped my arms around him.

I ran my hands over his back, exploring every soft muscle line tenderly and committing every part of him to memory. The way his skin felt under my hands, the clean masculine scent radiating off him; the way he touched me with such tenderness and spoke to me as if I were the most beautiful woman in the world. I brought my hands to trail down to his sides and slid along the waistband of his pants, tugging at the drawstring and loosening them to fall down his legs to a pool on the floor.

As he stood in front of me in all his glory, I shyly looked down at him. I knew what a man looked liked, I had seen and touched James; but this was different. Edward was…beautiful. Everything about him was perfect. The light from the windows illuminated his body, shadowing and highlighting every muscle and contour of his toned torso. He was long and lean with a light sprinkling of hair across his chest, and down his abdomen that led lower. I didn't really think I was ready to concentrate too much on what was lower yet, so I raised my eyes to Edward. He stood in front of me, as I kneeled on the bed; the only thing between us was the thin cotton of my panties. He kissed me slowly but deeply and we moaned into each other's mouths, his hands fisting in my hair.

He broke away from my lips again to lavish attention on my neck and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding him against me and leaning my head back slightly to allow me to feel more. I felt him hook his fingers around the edge of the last remaining garment and slide it over my hips. They fell to my knees and he lifted his head to look at me again as he gracefully swept me into his arms again to lay me down on the soft pillow.

He sat at my feet and I lifted my legs slightly to assist him in removing my panties, lowering them back onto the bed as the garment joined the growing pile of clothes. He ran his hands along my bent legs, kissing each knee gently before slowly spreading them apart. I was now on full display to him and nothing had ever felt more erotic. The backs of his fingers ran slowly down the inside of my thigh, leaving an exhilarating tingling sensation in its wake until the reached their destination at my folds. They slid easily along me and I heard a strangled groan from deep inside him.

My eyes fluttered closed as he continued to feel my want and desire for him. And I was taken by surprise when he pressed a single finger inside me. Not so much that he had done it, but that it actually felt good. Amazing. Like nothing I had ever felt before. I heard and felt him lay beside me, brushing the fingers of his free hand against my cheek. "Bella baby, open your eyes."

I swallowed hard and exhaled slowly, finally opening my eyes to look up at him. He held my gaze as he added another finger inside me and I winced slightly as it began to stretch me a little. But I tilted my head back slightly, signaling for him to kiss me and he complied without hesitation. It was the same as every other kiss we'd shared tonight; soft and passionate, never hungry or forceful. "Please Edward. I want you," I whispered against his lips.

He seemed to appraise my face for a moment, but slowly withdrew his hand and shifted to settle on top of me. His hands slid into mine on either side of my head, lacing our fingers together and kissing me gently as he began slowly pressing into me.

I took a sharp intake of breath and pinched my eyes closed. I knew this was coming but I was determined to simply fight through it; I wanted this with him. Yet the farther he slid inside me, the tighter I squeezed his hands and I felt the tears welling in my eyes. One betrayed me and slipped out, trekking down my temple. I felt his lips press against it, kissing away the salty trail as I pressed mine against his shoulder to stop the scream as I felt the sharp pain shoot through my body. He then remained absolutely still as I panted through it against his shoulder, murmuring softly to calm me. I finally leaned my head back on the pillow, still crying softly. "Edward?"

He raised his head up to look at me with a tender concerned gaze in his eyes. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked softly.

I shook my head as another tear fell and my hands released his. "No," I whispered faintly and ran my hands up to his shoulders. "Kiss me."

"I promise I'll make you feel good, Bella," he said gently and I closed my eyes again. Edward slowly moved toward my trembling lips with his, brushing them gently as I pulled him closer to kiss him passionately. As he began to move inside me, the burning was slowly subsiding. The feeling of Edward inside of me was indescribable. I had always wondered and fantasized what this would feel like, but I was way off. His head came to rest next to mine on the pillow, his mouth next to my ear. His breath, moist and warm, blew into my hair. There was a slight sheen of sweat on his body and the smallest moans were forming in his throat.

As I ran my fingertips through his hair and down his neck, his movements continued to be slow and gentle and I finally let out my first moan of pleasure. Something inside of me was changing. A tension was building I had never felt before. I closed my eyes and focused on it as it sat there deep inside of me, wanting to break free. The sound of my moan must have been a sign to him that the pain had subsided as Edward's hands were now moving down my body. Gentle fingertips danced across my ribs, the sides of my breasts, down my waist and hips. He moved his palm down my leg and to the back of my knee. He gently grabbed my leg and hitched it over his hip. I let out a gasp, and Edward's eyes met mine. There were no words spoken as we locked gazes, his green eyes seeming to look right through me. Each movement now brought with it a new wave of pleasure, the tension building and causing my head to spin in elation. I arched my back and tilted my head with a soft moan, as his lips moved over my throat. _God_, I was breathless as I felt the sweetest ripple of ecstasy begin to rush through me. His thrusts began to intensify and our breathing filled the room. My hips instinctively met his, pressing him deeper against that spot inside of me that felt so damn good. I didn't want it to ever stop and I let out a deep guttural moan.

My fingers dug into his shoulders as our hips began moving fluidly together. I could feel Edward's muscles flexing and contracting beneath my fingers, our bodies now slick with sweat.

"Bella baby," Edward moaned. The sounds he was making only intensified the need growing inside me, building and threatening to engulf me. Edward's thrusts became faster and I new he was close. I wanted him to come, I _needed_ to make him feel that; to know that I had done that to him.

"Edward," I moaned breathlessly. "Edward. I want to feel you. I want to feel you come inside of me."

That must have set him off, because he thrust even deeper and groaned. "Oh fuck baby!" I felt him pulse inside of me and suddenly the floodgates of ecstasy erupted within me, as the heat flushed through my body. I heard him groan loader as my muscles tensed around him, until he had to bury his face against my shoulder to muffle the sound.

"God, Edward!" I panted as my body trembled against him, until his hips slowly stilled. Yet even as he turned his head toward me on my shoulder and I could see his face, I still wasn't ready for this moment to end. He was mine right now and I was going to embrace it for as long as I could.

Edward slowly rolled off me but kept his arm around me and we lay on our sides facing each other. Our hands linked between us as we stared into each other's eyes and he brought his lips down, placing slow lingering kisses on each of my hands. "Bella, I…"

He began to speak but I shook my head with a small smile. "Shhh...you don't have to say anything. I know," I said gently, kissing his lips softly. I didn't want any words to disrupt this moment between us; to end our perfect bubble we were in. I knew this was only tonight and I was going to enjoy it while it lasted, for as long as I could. And as I looked at his face while he relaxed against the pillow a soft, happy smile gracing his beautiful lips, I knew this was a memory that I would never want to fade. The one night that Edward Cullen was mine and nothing else existed.


	15. Assumptions

**Chapter 15: Assumptions**

**_Edward POV_**

That morning, I woke up with my arms still around Bella as she curled against my side. Her head was resting on my chest, her hair spread over the pillows and every inch of our naked bodies pressed together. She was sleeping peacefully.

Making love to her last night had been, by far, the most amazing and intense experience of my life. Our bodies had fit together as if made for each other. And Bella…she was incredible. I'd never seen that side of her before and I grinned as I realized I couldn't wait to see it again. I looked down at her and a warmth I had never felt before filled my chest. Sharing something that intimate and personal together made our bond even stronger_. _

_You don't have to say anything. I know, _she had said.

She was mine and everything else could be figured out over time; but I wasn't letting her go. I'd never been happier in my life.

I watched her eyes flutter open slowly and she looked at me, a beautiful morning haze present on her features. "Morning," I said softly, nuzzling my nose against hers as she looked up at me and brushing my lips against hers.

A small contented smile came over her lips and her fingertip drew gently along my jaw line. "Morning," she whispered back and pressed her lips back against mine in a deeper kiss. I ran my hand over her hair, kissing her with soft passion until she pulled away and smiled. "I'll be right back. I have morning breath."

I chuckled and shook my head, but released her to rise up slowly from the bed. A pang of guilt hit me as I watched her wrap the sheet around herself and walk uncomfortably toward the bathroom to brush her teeth. She had decided to leave one here after last week. It had filled me with hope to think that she had considered staying with me again. I hated to think that I was the cause of her aching like that; but at the same time, I was glad it was me. She deserved to cared for and a small part of me, one that I would never admit to, felt immense pride as I watched her gingerly walk away. I had been her first. She chose me. A small smile lifted my lips.

A sudden scream from the bathroom broke through my thoughts and I jumped up out of bed, throwing my pants on and hurrying to the door. Before I could reach it, it flew open and tears were running down Bella's cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She began shaking her head violently and moved past me over to the bed, her hands coming up over her mouth as she looked at it. "It really happened, didn't it?" she said in a distressed tone, which I had to admit confused me more than just a little. How did we go from morning breath to tears in such a short period of time?

"Bella, what is wrong?" I asked again, walking toward her and placing my hands on her shoulders, following her gaze to the bed. _Shit._ A small circle of red stood out against the white sheets and it was then that it hit me; it was a heat of the moment thing, and now she regretted it. "I'm so-"

Her head began to shake rapidly again as she pulled away from me, half fumbling to put her clothes on. She kept the sheet covering her as long as possible and turned to face away from me. "No! Do not say you're sorry, Edward! It's not you, it's me! How could I have been so _stupid_ to think that I could handle this?" she began rambling and once she slid on her shirt, she turned around to face me. "I mean seriously, a girl climbs through your bedroom window and practically throws herself at you, what are you supposed to do? Say _no_?"

"Be-…" I tried to speak again, but again cut off by her as she drove her hands into her hair, with more tears falling.

"I've ruined everything! How could I have been so stupid and blind and completely irrational! I mean, hasn't this been what I have been avoiding all this time? What the _fuck _was I thinking last night? Did I really think we would just wake up this morning and everything would just go back to business as usual?" she nearly screeched, and I stepped toward her, reaching out for her; but she stepped back quickly hugging her arms around her abdomen and wincing slightly. I knew she was still sore but I think the frame of mind was such that she hadn't thought about it as much as she would have otherwise. "Don't. You don't have to pretend for me, Edward. I just… I… I have to get out of here."

I moved after her again as she grabbed her keys off my bedside table and walking toward the door. "Bella, don't. Please, let's just talk about this," I pleaded with her as I caught up with her as we both reached the bottom of the stairs and I took her arm.

"Just let me go, Edward," she said in a soft pained voice that struck me deep in my heart, and I felt I had no other option but to comply. _What choice did I have_? She probably just needed some time to grasp the reality of what happened last night and the changes it would entail; the intimate bond we now shared. I could not begrudge her that.

So I let go of her arm without a word, and she rushed out the door without looking back. Everything would be fine. It had to be.

I sighed heavily as I heard her car start and the crunching of gravel as she pulled out. I would not accept that this thing between Bella and I was not meant to be. She felt it just as much as I did; I was certain of it after last night. The way she held me, touched me, kissed me; no one had ever done that. No one had made me feel that way, as if it was more than just a 'good time'. Even the few that had gotten a little clingy were just a little dickmatized. I never failed at pleasuring a girl to the fullest, and _that _is what they wanted more of because _none_ of them really knew _me_.

But Bella did. Bella knew me better than anyone else did and very few things did I keep from her. My plans for the future, for instance. I had mentioned it in casual conversation once and she had chuckled as if I was joking. So for now, I allowed her to believe that. She seemed more content that way. But regardless of what decisions I would have to make now, one thing was definitely for certain; Bella was going to be a consideration in all of them. She wasn't thinking rationally right now and once she was, we would figure it out. _Together_.

**_Bella POV_**

I got out of that house as quickly as I could; ignoring the discomfort I felt. Nothing was more prominent in my mind than the fact that I just fucked up in the worst possible way. One night of listening to my heart instead of my head and I had just destroyed the best thing in my life. He would never look at me the same way again. How could he? I was no longer the sweet, innocent and untouched Bella. I had become just another one of those girls who had climbed up that ladder to experience Edward Cullen, and it was never anything more than that. Why should_ I_ be any different? I may be his friend, but there was nothing special about me that would hold the attention of a guy like him; friend or not.

I drove straight to Alice's, knowing that not only was that where I was _supposed_ to be, but I also couldn't let my dad see me like this. When I got to the house, Alice flew out the front door with an excited smile on her face… until I stepped out of the car. And then her steps quickened as she rushed over to me. "Bella, what's wrong? What happened?"

I shook my head as I walked back into the house with her and to her room. "I'd really rather not talk about it, Alice. Not right now," I replied as we walked in and I flopped down onto her bed face first but as much as I tried, I couldn't hold in the sobs.

I felt Alice come and sit on the bed beside my head, and run her tiny hand over my still mussed hair. _Sex hair. Bella Swan had officially obtained sex hair!_ There was no way I could lie about this; not only because of my hair, but Alice could read into things far too well for her own good sometimes.

"I slept with him, Alice," I mumbled into the pillow and I felt her hand come to a halt on my hair. "I went over there, I threw myself at him and I slept with him. _God_, what have I done?"

"Bella, sweetie? You would be far more intelligible if your face wasn't buried in a pillow," Alice said softly, gently trying to turn me toward her.

As my face turned, I saw that Rose had also joined Alice on the bed beside me, both of them looking at me with questioning glances.

"I love him," I whispered softly as fresh tears filled my eyes. I knew that by admitting that to someone other than Jacob, it meant that I would now have to accept it myself. I saw Jacob maybe once a week. Alice and Rose I saw every single day, and I would now have to face that reality _every day _as well. But my chest was so tight, I felt as if I might explode if I didn't get it out. "I love him so much that I can't and don't want to picture my life without him in it. And now I've gone and done everything I had been trying so hard to avoid. I've become another notch on the bedpost. No matter what last night may have felt like for me, it's never any more than that to him."

Rose stood up abruptly and folded her arms over her chest with a stern look on her face. "Not to sound like a bitch, Bella. But when are you going to take that head of yours and remove it from your ass? Maybe then you could see the big picture a little clearer."

Both Alice and I looked up at her with wide stares; but whereas I was stunned silent, Alice started shaking her head. "Rose, don't…"

"No, she needs to hear this!" Rose snapped at Alice, and then her eyes came back to me, surprisingly softer as she sat back down on the bed. "Bella, are you _really_ that blind?"

I looked at her and narrowed my eyes in confusion. "What are you talking about, Rose?" I asked softly, shaking my head.

"I guess you are," she replied with a slight roll of her eyes but to my amazement, she still kept a calm demeanor without any rudeness in her tone. "Bella, that guy is in love with you."

"Rosalie, please. Don't start with that too," I replied pinching my eyes closed and lowering my head. "I know that Edward cares about me a lot. But you don't know Edward like I do, and you don't know _what _a mess I've made…"

Rosalie's fingers under my chin cut me off, lifting it up to look at her. I hesitantly opened my eyes as she spoke. "Really? And you think I spend all my time waiting for Emmett to get home from work baking cookies with Esme? And have you forgotten that Edward and I are lab partners in Chem this year?" I gazed at her speechlessly; I had not known that. She reached over and took my hand gently, rubbing the back of it. "Bella, Edward loves you. Over the last month, we have sat out in the pool house on so many nights, with him just pouring his heart out to me. He was completely devastated when he came home and found out you were with James. And I don't know what happened last week after your birthday but something changed in him, Bella."

"Nothing is going to change _him_, Rose," I yelled out, my tears spilling over again as I sprung off the bed and faced away from them. "He's never going to love me like _that_ and certainly not now. _Especially _now that I've just become one more girl coming to his bedroom for sex."

"Well, is that why you went there?" Rose asked pointedly, with one of her perfect eyebrows crooked as I spun around to look at her. "It's a simple question, Bella."

"No, god no!" I asked, slightly appalled by her question but then my eyes cast down. "I just wanted to see him, you know. Just tell him how I felt and... I don't know what I was expecting. But these feelings aren't going anywhere and if he's going to reject me, I want him to just reject me now and get it over with before…"

I bit my lip to stop myself from continuing. _Before he left me too._ I had worked on my confidence over the years and tried to hold dear to any spark of happiness in my life that I could. But I had already had one person that I loved so much step away from me voluntarily, leaving me behind without a care. I still had my dad but he was my father; my one constant in life. Even if he didn't love me as much as I knew he did, he was still the only parent I had left. My dad would never leave me.

But Edward was different. Over the last year, Edward had become a part of me and lately he had been the one thing in this world keeping me from losing my mind and holding me together. What was going to happen when he graduated and left?

After 15 minutes of arguing and one death threat to a pair of Manolo Blahnik's later, I was home and in the shower. Standing under the hot water, I allowed myself for the first time to think back on last night. Even with everything that Rose had said, it didn't change anything. Maybe Edward did _think_ he loved me; I suppose anything was possible. Did I think it was anything other than a fleeting emotion for him? No.

I had known Edward for over a year. Hell, sometimes I think I knew him better than he knew himself. In all that time, I had never seen him with someone for longer than a couple of weeks; actually a couple of days would be a more accurate description. As soon as the sex was done, so was everything else. I knew he had been with Tanya for longer. He had cared for her but looking back, I realized it might have just been an infatuation. They had been each other's firsts, and he had felt a need to prove to her that it wasn't just a casual thing.

I knew deep down that Edward would not be an ass about this, but I just couldn't bear to hear the words that were bound to come. He didn't do actual relationships, and I wouldn't do anything _but_. I loved him far too much even to be an occasional casual fling for him. So I ignored every call, every text, every email and even the knock on the door around 6:30 that night. I did not regret losing my virginity to Edward; just the circumstances. And _that _was what was so difficult to bear. It was tender, it was passionate and he was so damn gentle and patient with me. To the casual observer, our heat of the moment encounter would have been easy to interpret as two people in love. But I knew better, and I didn't want to wind up being nothing more than a passing fancy to him.

I also knew that I couldn't avoid him forever, no matter how hard I tried. I was going to have to face the truth sometime… just not now. The longer I put it off, the more prepared I would be for it.

When I pulled up to the school on Monday, after spending the remainder of my weekend in bed with a book, my stomach began to turn. I half considered turning around and going back home as soon as I saw that glint of gold across the parking lot. At least I had two hours before I had to face him in study hall. What had once been my most anticipated class of the day had now become my worst nightmare.

I saw him standing with Alice and Jasper out in front of the school and I walked past them all without a word and jogged inside. I couldn't let anyone see how much it was affecting me to see him or the pain it caused my heart. I certainly couldn't pretend that I was okay; I was far from okay.

The hallway was filled with voices and footsteps all around me, so I hadn't noticed when one particular set came storming out of nowhere and slammed my locker shut in front of me. My head spun to the right and there stood a very enraged Edward. Not exactly what I was expecting to see.

"We need to talk, Bella," he said in a tense voice, every one of his features pulled tight.

I looked away from him and tried to open my locker again, but he only pressed more of his weight on it to keep it closed. He was far stronger than I was and I knew this, but I was not ready to handle any of this.

"Not now, Edward. Please," I pleaded, glancing at him briefly out of the corner of my eye and then back to the floor.

Before I knew it, he had a firm yet still gentle hold on my upper arm and began pulling me along with him down the hall. "Yes, Isabella. _Now_," he replied flatly and with a finality that meant there was no arguing with him.


	16. Illumination

**Chapter 16: Illumination**

**_Edward POV_**

I drove to school this morning on a mission, to confront Bella and set things straight between us. I only let her go Saturday morning because I thought she just needed a little time to think, and she would call me later; but the call never came.

I tried calling her, she never answered.

Email, no reply.

Text, same deal.

The last straw had been when I had gone to her house to make sure that she was alright and she actually had Charlie try to tell me that she was sick. He was about as good of a liar as his daughter was, and he looked regretful for telling me this. I hadn't seen a lot of Charlie but I had to say that I really liked the guy. He was a good man and Bella resorting to this was the last straw for me.

Or so I thought.

When I heard the Mustang pull up, my eyes locked on her as she parked and stepped out. She met my gaze, so I knew she could not pretend that she hadn't seen me. But then she walked right by me as if I wasn't even standing there. Alice and Rosalie both tried calming me but she had already ignited the fire.

_That_ did it for me. Ignore me all weekend; I can handle that. Walk by me like I don't even exist... this shit was getting dealt with _right _now.

I stormed my way toward her locker and when I saw her, my anger rose. I never imagined myself capable of ever having this much anger toward Bella; that anything she could have done would ever push me to this point. But she wasn't playing this game with me anymore. I let her have her way Friday night. I kept everything to myself and this is where it left us. She was going to listen to me this time.

When I made it to her side, I slammed her locker door closed as she was putting her books in her bag. Her head spun around to face me and her eyes widened, almost looking afraid. "We need to talk, Bella," I seethed, and as she again tried to ignore me, I pushed harder so she couldn't open her locker.

I saw her glance at me without moving her head, seemingly pleading with me not to make a scene. "Not now, Edward. Please," she asked softly and her eyes fell to the floor.

I felt my jaw tense and I shook my head. "Yes, Isabella. _Now_."

I took her arm-I'll admit somewhat roughly-and led her down the hall toward the back of the school. I seemed to be on autopilot, barely conscious of my footsteps on the linoleum floor. The rage coursing through me was somewhat frightening. Why was she doing this? Did she regret what we had done so much that she didn't even feel that we could be friends? I intended to have my say. If she was going to push me away anyway, then I might as well go down fighting. I would tell her everything I felt, everything I should have told her the day I got home. I could see that waiting had been a mistake.

A mistake I was about to rectify.

We reached the exit that led out to the football field, and I pushed the heavy steel and glass doors open, practically dragging Bella through them. I was aware of her mumbling something beside me. I caught a 'stupid' and a 'big oaf' in there, but I ignored her. Crossing the field, I led us up the path that led to the forest beyond. The air was cool and wet, but this couldn't wait. I had to say these things now and I didn't want any interruptions.

After several minutes of walking, and seemingly endless stumbles for Bella, we finally arrived at our destination; a small meadow in a clearing of the trees. Her mouth was slightly agape as she took it in and I released her arm, turning her to face me.

"What the hell is going on?" I almost yelled at her. Bella wouldn't meet my eyes and she kept her face down, focusing on the ground and working her bottom lip between her teeth. "You don't answer my calls, my emails, my texts? You had your dad _lie_ and say you were sick? I don't understand, Bella." She didn't answer and I could feel the tension pulsing around us. "Bella, please. Talk to me."

Her eyes still flickered around me, never meeting mine but her teeth finally released her lip and she appeared to be ready to say something. "Edward, we're going to be late for class, can't we just talk about this later?" she stammered slightly with a nervous shake of her head. Her gaze finally came to me, pleading to let this go; but I folded my arms over my chest and stared intently at her. She sighed, dropping her bag on the ground and walking a few feet away, her back facing me and head tilted down.

I walked toward her, stopping right behind her. "No Bella, we need to talk about this now. This has already gone on long enough. I want to know why you have been ignoring me all weekend, and why you walked by me without a word this morning."

"I thought that would be pretty obvious, Edward," she started and my anger hit a new peak, but before I could utter a single word, she began again. "You are who you are and I knew that going in, but I really never intended things to go so far between us. I have no reason to expect anything more from you than any other girl does, and now I've ruined everything. I just…" her voice trailed off and she let out a shuttered breath.

What was she talking about? No reason to expect more from me than any other girl? My mind raced, trying to make sense of her words. Of _course _she was more to me; she knew that didn't she? Suddenly her words from Friday came back to me. "I know," she had said. She thought I was trying to tell her…but she couldn't think that. Didn't she know I loved her?

"Bella, what happened Friday was the most incredible moment of my life." I saw her look back down and shake her head.

"Edward. You don't have t-," she started.

"Yes I do. Just let me talk. Okay?" She let out a deep breath and I moved forward, placing my hand on her shoulder, letting her soft hair brush my fingertips.

"Making love to you," I spoke softly. "Was the sweetest, most intense thing I've ever experienced. You don't know how many times I dreamed about what we did. Touching you, you touching me... I've never felt that way before. But…I think there is some miscommunication. When you wouldn't let me say anything…I thought it was because you knew how I felt, and just weren't ready for me to say the words. If I knew…" I moved closer to her, my chest pressing against her back. It was time to say it.

She winced and shook her head. Her face turned ever so slightly enough that I could see the very edge of her profile and the tear that had escaped down her cheek. "Edward, you don't have to do this or say these things. I told you, you don't have to pretend for me. I just couldn't hear you say that you didn't... that Friday night was just..." She took a step away from me, removing my gentle hold on her shoulder and then finally turned around to face me. "I don't want to make this hard for you, Edward. When I came to see you, I told you the truth. That was exactly where I wanted to be. But when you said those things to me and you played me my song, and you were so sweet... I just wanted you so badly. I just wanted that one perfect night with you. I knew what I was doing and even though I might have messed things up between us... I could never regret or ever want to forget how you made me feel. But I don't want you to feel you have to protect me by saying things you don't mean."

"Alright, that's it," I snapped suddenly and moved toward her, taking her face gently between my hands. She wasn't going to stop me from saying what I needed to say, and what she needed to know this time. "It's my turn now. I _have_ never and _will_ never say anything to you that I don't mean with absolute sincerity. You know me better than that, Bella. Stop running away from me and listen. You could _never_ be just another girl to me_. _I've had many girls in my bed and you know that, but you are the only _one_ I ever _made love_ to. It was never just about having your body, Bella. I wanted _you_.

"I don't... kiss normally during it all because that, to me, is far too intimate. And I _always _use protection. But all of this didn't apply to you because it wasn't about the _sex_, it was about _us_. You wouldn't let me _tell_ you how I felt, so I tried to _show _you. With the song, with every kiss and every touch. Then waking up with you in my arms… I had never felt so happy. Ever. Just looking down and your face being the first thing I saw. Do you understand, Bella? I don't just want you for _one_ night. I want you _every_ night for the rest of my life," I said, watching her eyes tear up slightly but never looking away from me once.

We stood there for what seemed like several minutes until Bella closed her eyes, her forehead wrinkling slightly as if she were thinking hard about something.

"Edward." She opened her eyes and took a deep breath, but something was different. Her eyes were full with tears, but not tears of sadness. She looked up at me, and for the first time since waking up next to her, I felt hope "I was just so scared and I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I know it must have hurt and I never want to do that. I wanted you to be my first, Edward. I've never felt this way about anyone and I could never give that to someone I didn't love."

A slow smile spread across my face, as the meaning of her words sunk in. I stroked her cheek gently with my thumb and leaned toward her slowly to brush a soft kiss against her lips.

And she didn't pull away.

Her lips actually leaned in for more as I gently pulled back to look at her. I took a breath as I prepared to speak, but she surprised me by bringing her hands up to my face and pressing her lips back to mine hungrily. Her body slid against me as her arms snaked around my neck, and she slowly raised herself up on her toes; as if she couldn't get close enough to me. Her kiss was passionate, moving her lips slowly against mine until she broke away and gazed into my eyes.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered. She closed her eyes as our foreheads rested against each other, nervously playing with the ends of my hair. I watched her swallow hard, almost as if bracing herself still.

"I knew you just wanted to beat me to the punch," I chuckled softly, trying to get her to relax some and she opened her eyes to look up at me. I kissed her gently again, sliding my arms around her waist and lifting her feet off the ground to bring her up eyelevel with me; breaking away to look at her seriously. "I love you, Bella. You're everything to me."

She seemed to study my face for several minutes, tracing her fingertips along my cheek and jaw. Her mouth twitched slightly into a tiny smile and then her lips met mine again passionately. At first, it was the same slow and testing movements she was making before, but she gradually melted into it and pulled herself against me as close as she could get.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she whimpered against my lips, wrapping her legs around my waist as we stood in the middle of the meadow.

"Don't."

I captured her mouth again, our lips parting and our tongues gently caressing each other. My entire being soared again; there was no misinterpretation this time. She loved me but she was scared. Scared of being just another number to me, scared I didn't share the intense feelings on Friday and scared of rejection. But she took a chance with me today; put herself out there and trusted me. And standing here in the meadow with her, holding and kissing her, feeling everything I was feeling, I knew this was where I belonged. Here with her, in her arms, always.

Our kiss soon intensified and her hips ground against mine. I groaned as her action ignited arousal within me and I lowered one of my arms down around her hips and pressed back against her; eliciting a moan from her as well. Her hand almost timidly slid down my abdomen between us, and slowed as it came in contact with the growing bulge of my pants. I instantly hardened more under her touch and we groaned simultaneously. She pulled away from my lips and I was almost scared to open my eyes; afraid she was retreating again. The moment I did, I met her desire filled gaze and felt her hand gently squeeze my erection through my jeans. Although she was still somewhat timid, passion and lust soon overshadowed everything. "Will you make love to me again, Edward?"

Hearing her say those words to me sent a thrill of excitement up my spine and I captured her lips again. I wanted to... God, how I wanted to.

"Yes," I replied breathily in between kisses. "But not now, Bella. Not here. It's too cold for you."

She pulled away, running her nails through the hair on the side of my head and a small smirk appeared on her face. "My dad's at work all day," she replied somewhat wickedly, biting her lip in such an irresistibly cute way... she was the lethal combination of sweet and conniving and I loved every moment of it.

I loosened my hold on her slightly to slide back down my body and walked with her to retrieve her bag. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we began to walk, kissing her hair firmly as we did. She hugged herself against my side, peppering occasional kisses on my chest as we made our way out of the woods and back to the school parking lot.

I tried to move toward my car, but she held tight to me. "Where do you think you're going?" she asked and I silently gestured with my hand to my car. She shook her head and smirked, reaching into her jacket pocket and holding out her keys. "I'll even let you drive her and everything.

We pulled up to Bella's house and I was more than relieved to note the absence of the Chief's cruiser in the driveway. A glance down at my car stereo showed it was only 9:15. We had the whole day to spend alone together and I almost chuckled in anticipation. We had spent the entire drive smiling, exchanging knowing glances and stealing the occasional kiss. At every light or stop sign, I would lean over and quickly, or at times not so quickly, and place a kiss somewhere on her adorable face and I was rewarded with huge smiles and laughter; even the occasional squeal. I was acting like a lovesick fool, and I didn't care. I couldn't stop myself and I leaned over the center console, once again claiming Bella's lips in a passionate kiss. Being with her in this way felt so natural and I knew I would never tire of it. Her hands came up to my face sweetly and I felt her smile against my lips. She was just as happy as I was, and my heart swelled with love for this amazing girl.

Before we got too carried away, I broke the kiss and rushed around the side of the car, opening her door and helping her out. Bella surprised me by standing up on her toes, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing me softly. She pulled back slowly and while looking in my eyes whispered, "I love you, Edward."

I closed my eyes, overcome with powerful elation at her words. Then I smiled down at her, "Say it again."

She placed her hands on my face, her eyes meeting mine and smiled back. "I love you, Edward."

I had dreamed of hearing her say those words for so long, and they were more beautiful than I had ever imagined. She loved me, and my entire world was perfect in that moment. Pulling her to me, I lightly brushed her lips with mine.

"I love you," she said again, leaning in and kissing me slightly longer this time. "I love you." Again, she pressed her lips to mine, giggling. "I love you."

This time, I didn't let her pull away. I deepened the embrace, holding her lips to mine; both of us still smiling. She began to push us towards the house, not breaking the kiss, even as I stumbled up the front step. Bella reached for the key and unlocked the door, never losing contact with my lips. Somehow, we managed to get inside and close the door behind us.

Our kiss was soft and playful, filled with the same love and passion we felt Friday night.

"I love you, baby," I whispered, brushing my lips against her soft skin. "I've loved you for so long." I closed my eyes, letting my forehead rest against hers. "Bella? I'm going to ask you something silly, and you have to promise not to laugh at me. Okay?"

"Okay," she sighed happily. "No laughing. Scouts honor."

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

It sounded even dumber than I thought and I found myself chuckling at the absurdity of the situation. We had just professed our love to each other and here I was asking if she would be my girlfriend. But even with the things we had said, I still wanted to make it clear. To her, to me, to everyone that this woman was mine.

No miscommunication.

Bella bit her lip to keep herself from chuckling but when she looked up into my eyes, all of the joking was gone. "There's nothing I want more. I would love to be your girlfriend, Edward."

She took my hand and led me up the stairs. I'm sure if I could have seen my face, I would have laughed out loud. I was grinning like an idiot as we walked into her bedroom.

She turned to me with a devilish smirk on her face. "Now, wasn't there something you said you were going to do to me?"

I felt my heart begin to pound and I became hard instantly. Pulling her to me, I placed my hands on each side of her face and kissed her, her fingers tangling in my hair and a groan escaping her lips. Our tongues glided against each other as I deepened the kiss and she ran her hands down my neck, slowly pushing my jacket off my shoulders until it landed on the floor near my feet. I moved my lips from Bella's mouth and slowly made my way down her neck. My breath caught as she ran her fingertips down my chest and stomach, slipping them under the hem of my shirt and I groaned into her mouth.

"I can't wait to feel you, Bella," I said softly into her ear, placing tiny kisses as I spoke. "I can't stop thinking about how you felt. About how perfectly our bodies fit together, like you were made only for me."

She moaned my name as my mouth moved lower, across her collarbone and over her shirt to her breast. Ever so gently, I skimmed the palm of my hand against her, eliciting a moan from each of us as her nipple hardened under my touch. Opening my mouth, I took the hard point inside, gently sucking on it through her shirt. Her head fell back and with her fingers in my hair, she pulled me to her; as if I couldn't get close enough for her. I lavished the same attention on her other breast and slid my hands down to the hem of her shirt.

"This has to go," I said, desire apparent in my voice. I pulled her shirt up over her head, tossing it somewhere behind me.

"Beautiful," I mumbled into the soft skin between her breasts.

"Then so does this," she said back.

She met my eyes, her bottom lip between her teeth and slowly repeated my movement, throwing my shirt to the floor. _God she was sexy_. I pulled her back into me, pressing my painfully hard erection against her.

"God…I love you, Edward." It came out as a groan and I felt her push her hips into me.

"I love you too, baby," I moaned into her open mouth. Fisting my hands into her beautiful hair, I kissed her harder. Soft sounds escaped from each of us and broke the silence of the empty house. With the lightest touch, my fingertips drifted down the back of her neck, along her spine and to the clasp of her bra. Once unhooked, I let my fingers wander along the edge, around her ribs; pulling it with me as I went. Goose bumps erupted on every inch of skin I passed and I let the straps fall from her shoulders, baring her delicious breasts to me. They were even more perfect than I remembered. Her nipples brushed against my chest, sending electricity through my body. My skin was on fire and I wanted to feel our bodies pressed fully together, nothing between us.

I walked us towards the bed and gently pushed Bella down; our kisses were deep and lingering. She ran her hands along my chest and down to the waist of my pants. I smiled against her lips as her trembling hands struggled with the button.

"Don't tease," she pouted against my kiss, finally managing to undo my pants and pushing them down with her feet, leaving me only in my boxers. "There happens to be a beautiful man here who has me all flustered."

"Oh really?" I chuckled, crawling down her neck slowly and leaving a trail of wet kisses. "Well you better hope I don't find him. You're mine, and I'm not sharing."

She giggled softly in response, but took a sudden intake of breath as my tongue encircled her nipple and my lips closed around it. Her hands tightened in my hair and she arched her back slightly to press her breast more firmly against my mouth, eliciting a deep moan from me.

"Baby, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" I asked, my words muffled by her breasts.

"And do _you_ have any idea how much I love it when you call me baby?" she groaned. Just to emphasize her point, she thrust her hips up against my arousal and let out a long sound that could only be considered a growl.

"Oh you do?" I asked again. "Well, I'm glad because that's what you are to me. I love you more than anything in this entire world and I'd do anything to keep you safe. You're _my_ baby. Only mine."

"Only yours," she sighed, gazing at me with the sweetest expression on her face. Just hearing those words from her set off a primal instinct I hadn't even known I possessed. _She was mine_. The words fueled my lust and my mouth worked its way lower to the waistband of her jeans. I slid my tongue back and forth along the denim edge and moving my fingers slowly toward the button, causing her stomach muscles to tighten and a gasp to escape her mouth. I lowered the zipper and watched as her hips rose slightly off the mattress, seeking out my touch. I pulled her jeans and panties from her body in one movement, running my hands back up her creamy, soft skin. Her legs spread before me and it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I kissed my way up her thighs, moving slowly towards her center. Sensing what I wanted to do, Bella placed her hand on my hair.

"Edward no. I-..." she started but I halted her by placing my finger over her lips gently.

"Baby, it's okay. If you don't want me to, I won't. I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable," I whispered sincerely.

"It's just that…I've never…and what if…and you don't have…" she said timidly, her cheeks blazing crimson. She was embarrassed and I was an ass because I thought it was adorable. I would never rush her, of course, or ask her to do anything she was against, but something told me it was more the fear of the unknown than anything, that was holding her back. I knew she would enjoy it and I wanted more than anything to please her.

I moved up to the side of her body, my fingers delicately tracing her nipples. "Bella, baby," I said softly, looking in her eyes, "I just want to make you feel good. And I want to taste you more than anything but I won't if you ask me not to. Do you think you'd like to try?"

Her breath caught and I felt her nipples tighten. I hoped I wasn't pushing her into this, but it didn't seem as if I was. She just needed to get past feeling as if she were doing something wrong. My fingers moved down between her breasts, over her navel and traced her clit lightly as Bella's eyes danced over my features. I could see it so clearly written all over her face how innocent she still was in so many ways. Her hips began to move against my hand, seemingly craving my touch. Our eyes met and still chewing on her lip, she blushed and nodded. A huge smile crossed my face and I leaned in to kiss her, sucking on her lip as my fingers moved even lower to her entrance.

"God you're so wet, baby," I moaned into her mouth and I gently plunged my finger inside of her.

"Edward," she gasped, throwing her head back into the pillow and exposing her neck to me. I kissed along her cheek to her ear, moving slowly down to her breasts. Taking one pink nipple into my mouth, I teased it with my teeth and earned a long moan from her. Her hands clung to my hair and pushed my head to her other breast and I treated it with as much affection. Slowly I made my way down her stomach, tracing tiny circles with my tongue.

When I reached her center, I felt her stiffen slightly and I looked up at her.

"If you don't like it and want me to stop, just say so. Okay?"

She nodded once, and I placed a soft kiss on the apex of her hip. Gently I ran my tongue along her and when she seemed more relaxed, I lightly flicked her clit with my tongue. She moaned loudly and her hips pushed up against my face, forcing my tongue more firmly against her.

"Easy baby," I said soothingly and used one hand to lift her leg over my shoulder. Slowly, I worked my way up and down and I moaned as the taste of her filled my mouth. The vibrations caused Bella to thrust up again and she began rocking her hips up to meet my mouth, one of her hands running through my hair. I glanced up to find her eyes closed, her head thrown back and her free hand gripping onto the headboard. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen and my mind suddenly filled with another use for that headboard. I could feel myself throbbing at the thought, and I prayed I would be able to make this last for her. Bella began to pant, her head tossing back and forth and her long hair spread out on the pillows. I could tell she was close and I groaned into her. Seeing her like this was fucking killing me.

"Fuck…Edward!" she screamed and I felt her clench around my fingers. I kissed my way back up her body as she tried to catch her breath.

"Bella you naughty girl, you just swore at me," I teased her brushed my lips teasingly over her earlobe. She blushed and placed her hand over her face, giggling. "Hey don't be embarrassed. That was by far the fucking sexiest thing I've ever seen. And I'm not done with you yet." I wiggled my eyebrows and nuzzled her hair, causing Bella to groan and pulled me to her mouth. She sucked on my bottom lip and let her teeth drag as she released it, sending pleasure straight to my erection.

"God, baby." I gasped. "You're driving me crazy, Bella."

"Edward, I want to feel you inside me. I've missed you so much. Please," she moaned into my mouth, panting as her hands moved to the waist of my boxers and began pushing them over my hips.

"Come here, baby," I whispered softly against her lips, sliding my hands under her shoulder blades and pulling us up to kneel on the bed. I removed my boxers the rest of the way as I kissed her gently. "Turn around, Bella."

She gave me a slightly timid look, but eventually complied. I kissed across her shoulder as my hands ran down her arms until my palms covered her hands and I laced our fingers together. I brought them up to the top of the headboard, pressing my body flush against her back and my arousal teasing her between her legs. I kissed up her neck to her ear, drawing a beautiful melody of soft sighs and gentle moans from my sweet Bella. Her body was relaxing, not nearly as rigid and I positioned myself at her entrance.

"I love you... baby," I whispered in her ear, watching the side of her mouth twitch upward slightly until her mouth fell open as I slowly slid inside her. I wanted to take our time and enjoy every moment of this, even more than Friday night. It wouldn't be nearly as excruciating for her and once her body adjusted to me, she would be fine. But God, she was tight around me; like a glove. She sheathed me so perfectly that when I was finally all the way inside of her, we both let out a simultaneous groan of pleasure. I released her hands and wrapped my arms around her body as I began to move inside her, kissing the back of her neck where her hair had fallen aside.

"Edward... ungh..." Bella moaned in a beautiful guttural moan as I began rolling my hips against her, driving myself deeper inside her. I could feel that something was awakening in her, something so natural and primal. I could see and feel Bella's love for me in every look and touch since the meadow, but now I saw something just as amazing. Her lust for me, her body's longing for mine. "God... mmm..."

I watched her biting her lip and pinching her eyes closed, trying to keep quiet. "Baby, there's no one here. I want to hear you. Don't be afraid to tell me what you want," I whispered huskily in her ear and saw her hands tighten on the headboard as I continued thrusting inside her. "You're safe with me, Bella."

Again, she seemed to relax and leaned her head back on my shoulder, as her lip slid out from between her lips. "More... I want... more..." she panted breathily arching her back slightly and shifting her hips slightly so I drove deeper still inside of her. "Oh yes... Touch me, baby... please..."

This drove me absolutely insane and deliciously so. My Bella was so instinctively sexual once allowed to break free. My hand slid down her abdomen and in between her legs, my fingertips lightly teasing her clit.

"Like this, Bella?"

She whimpered softly and nodded, moving her hips more; both to feel me drive deeper inside her and to give herself over to the pleasure and pressure of my fingertips. She wanted release and it made me smile. I pressed a little more firmly and rubbed briskly against her.

"Or this."

"God Edward, _fuck_!" she screamed, her head flying back again as her body began trembling in erotic ecstasy and she clenched around me tightly.

"Bella..." I growled as she shoved me over the edge and I erupted into the most intense orgasm I'd ever had, my hips jerking roughly against hers.

My hands ran over her abdomen and breasts gently as she still clung to the headboard, catching her breath. I moved my body away from hers and lay down on the bed beside her and she crumpled against my side, draping her leg over mine and kissing my chest. We lay there silently, watching our hands come together and intertwine again. Then she looked up at me and I leaned down to kiss her gently, watching her smile grow.

"Mine," she whispered, gazing into my eyes lovingly.

"Only yours," I repeated her words from earlier and captured her lips again in a tender kiss.


	17. The Big Date

**Chapter 17: The Big Date**

**_Bella POV_**

Being a goodie-two-shoes in school really paid off sometimes. Edward and I had been able to spend the entire first day of our relationship completely alone, without the probing eyes and questions of everyone around us. Neither of us had missed a single day of school in months between this year and last. Therefore, no one suspected anything and neither of us received a phone call from the school.

Of course, the downside was that it had completely spoiled me. Being able to spend all day alone like this with Edward, wrapped in our own little bubble that no one could intrude upon was heaven on earth. But the harsh reality of life came crashing back down on us when we had to finally drag ourselves out of that bed and head back to the school to pick up his car.

The next morning however, we knew our peace would be brief. Having avoided the bombardment of questions by taking off before the final bell of the day had sounded; we knew _some_ of our friends would be looking for us. We arrived at school at the same time, smirking at each other before we got out and met at the back of my car.

"Morning," I said with a broad smile, as if I hadn't _just _gotten off the phone with him.

Edward swept me up in his arms, bringing my lips to his as I buried one hand in his hair as the other cupped his cheek. I felt amazing; so light and free. I was Edward's girlfriend. No more pretending or plastered smiles. He was mine and I was his. His lips eventually broke free of mine and I pouted jokingly at the loss. "Morning, baby."

I grinned and bit my lip. I really hoped the thrill would never fade from hearing him call me 'baby', or the happiness I felt with him like this.

But as expected, our own little world was short-lived this morning as we heard the sharp clicking of heels making their way toward us, followed by a "Well well well, look what the cat dragged in."

Edward set me back down on my feet and we looked beside us sheepishly; meeting the gaze of Rosalie as she stood there with her arms folded and eyebrow cocked. He smiled at her as he draped his arm over my shoulders casually. "Morning Rosie!"

Rose raised her fist at him and waved it threateningly a couple of times. "Do _not_ call me that, Eddie!" she replied tensely and was met by his laugh. "Something you care to share with the rest of the class?"

"Yea," a tiny voice sounded from behind her, as an irritated Alice appeared suddenly. "What the hell was _that_ little display all about?"

Edward and I glanced at each other with almost goofy smiles and he hugged me against his side, kissing the top of my head.

Rosalie got a snarky grin on her face and bobbed her head. "Told you," she said looking at me, and then winked at Edward before turning and walking away toward the school.

"Whoa!" Alice exclaimed with wide eyes and when the bell rang, she pointed at me. "You have got a _lot_ of explaining to do!"

Watching her walk away, I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist and looked up at him. "You wouldn't happen to want to go to sophomore Spanish for me, would you?" I asked jokingly, only getting a sarcastic look with a raised eyebrow in response. "Yea, didn't think so."

That first hour seemed to drag, even though it was usually my favorite class. English Lit. We were starting on The Odyssey, a book I loved. Yet for once, I didn't care about some long winded poet talking nonsense about some guy returning from war, assumed dead, finding his wife surrounded by suitors. Since I was well aware that next hour, I was in for the interrogation of my life from Alice; and I really just wanted to have it over.

By the time I reached Spanish class, there was already a note sitting on my desk beside Alice. I tried to act as casual as possible as she pursed her lips, looking at me from the corner of her eyes. I opened the note once her eyes returned to the front of the class.

_You and Edward finally got together, and you didn't even think to call and tell me this? When, how, where...? I want details, you should know that!_

I dug out my pen and began writing as the teacher began his lecture. I gave her a blow by blow of everything from the locker, to the meadow, and every detail of the amazing day in my bedroom. Soon her irritation turned to elation and she could barely contain herself long enough for us to get out of class. Fortunately, my literal knight in shining armor was standing outside the door waiting for me, sparing me from the interrogation from Alice... for now.

However, my relief was to be short-lived. Just when I reached out to take Edward's hand, my eyes met a blazing pair of blue ones.

"Oh no," I whispered softly but loud enough that Edward heard me. He turned to look in the direction I was just before his back met the locker behind him. "James, stop it!"

He sneered at me and then looked back to Edward. "So you really _were _after my girl, weren't you, pretty boy? Sure doesn't take you long to swoop in, does it?"

"Fuck you," Edward croaked out as James' arm pressed against his throat, but his green eyes blazed with fury. "She's way too good for your sorry ass."

I grabbed onto James' arm, trying to pull it away from Edward but they never broke their infuriated gazes from each other. "James, I mean it! Let go of him!"

James laughed almost maniacally, shaking his head and glancing over at me before returning his gaze to Edward.

"Wow, what a man you must be. If you need a woman to fight your battles for you," he replied and then scoffed, casting me an angry glance. "Fucking have her, you won't have any more luck than I did. Can't even give decent head. She's a fucking cocktease."

Edward's green eyes flared even more, to the point he actually scared _me._ His fist clenched and punched James in the stomach to break the hold he had on him, shoving him across the hall and pinning him to the lockers instead.

"You _never_ speak that way about _my _girlfriend ever again. Don't look at her, talk to her; I don't even want you _thinking _about her when you're jacking off at night. Because_ you_ fucked up, not her."

"Alright, break it up you two!" Mr. Whittier came running down the hall, grabbing Edward's shoulders to pull him off James. I quickly took his arm to pull him closer to me. "What is going on here, gentlemen?"

James and Edward continued to glare at each other and I shook my head, looking at Mr. Whittier. "Nothing, sir. Just a misunderstanding."

"Good, now get to class. All of you," he called out to the small crowd who had gathered around us as he turned to walk away.

James pushed off the locker and smoothed a few loose tendrils of his hair back. "Fucking whore," he growled as he moved past us.

Edward began to lunge after him but I held tight onto his arm and placed my hand on his face. I turned him to face me and shook my head.

"It's not worth it, baby," I said softly and as he was about to protest, I pulled his face quickly to mine and kissed him gently to silence him. "It's not important. Let's get to class."

Edward let out a slow breath and kept his eyes closed, trying to calm down. I felt his jaw gradually loosen under my touch, and he nodded slowly. "But if he _ever _calls you anything like that again..."

"It still doesn't matter. You know the truth and that's all that's important," I replied gently and gave him a small smile. He opened his eyes and I kissed him gently once more before we began walking toward class. He walked behind me with his arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders.

"So, I was thinking, since _everyone_ knows now-or _will_ now that Alice does-I think we should actually go on a date," he said suddenly and it was obvious that he was trying to keep his calm.

"A date?" I asked in amused skepticism, gazing at him with a raised eyebrow. "Didn't we already cover that _months_ ago, Mr. Cullen?"

"Actually, _Miss Swan_," Edward teased me back, finally coming to my side so I could wrap my arm around his waist. "I meant more like a date that was _completely_ voluntary. And we pick _all_ the activities."

"Hmm, guess I should kinda fill in my dad, huh?" I replied anxiously.

I admit I was a little nervous about telling Charlie that I had a boyfriend, even though he had already voiced his approval of Edward. What a father says _before_ his daughter dates a guy and _after_ she's already dating him, can sometimes be two very different things.

"You haven't told your dad?" Edward asked incredulously, as if we'd been dating for months. I rolled my eyes as we reached the library and he smirked. "Man, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall for _that_ conversation."

My jaw tightened as I swatted his ass with the back of my hand and he pulled away to jog into the library, laughing. "That_ can_ be arranged you know."

For the rest of the day, my stomach was in knots. During study, we made tentative plans to go skating and play laser tag, one my idea and one his to be fair, and a small intimate dinner. And now the hard part...

Telling Charlie.

I drove home that day and decided to butter him up by making him lasagna for dinner, since it was his favorite. When I heard the cruiser pull up at 5:30 on the nose, I had just pulled it out of the oven.

"You can do this, Bella. He'll understand." My mantra was out the window as I heard my dad walk in the door and hang up his gun belt.

"Hey, Bells?" he called from the front door, as I heard the crumpling sound of leather from his jacket falling down his arms.

"In here, Dad. Dinner's ready," I called out and before I knew it, he appeared in the room with a smile on his face. He didn't have to say a word for me to know that he was excited for dinner. I made him a plate, grabbed a beer from the fridge and set it in front of him. "Dad... can I talk to you?"

His eyes came up to meet mine worriedly and he shook his head. "Please don't tell me you're... pregnant," he hesitated on the last word.

"Dad!" I groaned shaking my head, sitting down in the chair next to him and buried my face in my hands for a moment. "No, I am not pregnant."

I heard my dad's long, heavy breath of relief and he nodded. "So, what is it, Bella?"

I wrung my hands slightly in my lap and then brought my eyes up to him. "I have a date with Edward Cullen," I blurted out suddenly and his eyes met mine. "On Friday. He's... kinda my boyfriend."

Charlie seemed to ponder this for a few minutes while he chewed, and then looked at me. "Can't say I'm entirely surprised, but I thought you said you were just friends."

"We were... last week," I tried to reply casually but Charlie shot me a look with a raised eyebrow. "What? I thought you liked Edward."

"Bella, I'm a father. Isn't it my _job _to be skeptical of every guy my daughter dates?" Charlie pointed out and I couldn't help but nod in agreement. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't care at all about this. He took a sip of his beer and picked up his fork again to resume eating. "Isn't he a little... old for you?"

"Dad," I whined slightly as my head lolled back. "He's eighteen, it's really not that bad. And I _really _like him."

"So where are you two going?" Charlie replied calmly, and continued to eat as I told him our plans for Friday night.

**x-x-x**

I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. _Not bad. _My favorite jeans, layered tees, loosely curled hair and light make-up. I had to admit, I looked pretty damn good.

Alice seemed to be under the impression that I needed her to doll me up for each and every occasion in my life. I_ knew_ how to look like a girl; I just chose not to go through the entire ritual every day. She threw an absolute fit when I wouldn't let her plan my outfit and spend five hours getting me ready for my date with Edward, but I stood firm and put my foot down. If she wanted something to primp and dress up everyday, she could buy a Chihuahua.

_My date with Edward. _My first _official_ date with Edward to be exact. I smiled just thinking about him. This week had been so great, I sometimes had to pinch myself to prove I wasn't dreaming.

I glanced at the clock, 5:40. He would be here in twenty minutes. That left just enough time to go over the rules again with Charlie. Did every daughter have to do this? When I had first told him that Edward and I were dating, he hadn't seemed all that surprised. In fact, it almost seemed to confirm his suspicions, but I needed make sure he remembered our talk. I grabbed my jacket and purse and headed for the stairs.

As I rounded the corner, I stopped on the bottom landing. Charlie was standing in the living room in front of the fireplace, his hand on a small silver frame. His thumb absently traced the tarnished filigree, his brow wrinkled in thought.

"Dad? Everything okay?" I asked quietly, as not to startle him.

He slowly set the frame in its place. "Yea Bells, I'm fine. Just looking at this picture of us fishing down at Tempe Town Lake. You had to have been eight or nine at the time. You remember that?" When he met my eyes, he looked older somehow; sadder. "And here I am about to meet your boyfriend. It's just funny, I don't know where all that time went. Sometimes I just wish..." His voice trailed off, and he seemed lost in his own thoughts.

"Sure dad, I remember," I answered, instantly trying to lighten the mood. I didn't know what he was about to say but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it right now. "I thought sitting and being quiet for hours at a time was boring. So I decided to practice my aim by throwing all the bait in the lake."

I chuckled and walked up to him, gingerly putting my arm around his waist. My dad and I were definitely not what would be considered affectionate, but we were working on it.

He laughed and his face suddenly took on the happy, younger expression that I was accustomed to. "I was so mad at you," he shook his head, placing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me towards him. "We went through two damn jars of salmon eggs that afternoon before you started in on the rocks. We didn't catch a damn thing but the fish were sure happy."

These were the moments I loved with my dad; when we both let down our walls and stopped having to be strong.

"So," He said, standing taller, switching to 'dad' mode. "Edward is coming to pick you up? Where exactly is he taking you?"

I rolled my eyes and moved to sit in the big armchair near the window. "Dad, we talked about this. Edward is coming over to pick me up for our date," I said in a very matter of fact voice. "We are going skating and to play laser tag. I know you've met him several times but he would like to meet you officially as my boyfriend. I think it's stupid and a waste of time, since you've talked to him like a hundred times before, but it's important to him. And dad," I paused, looking at him sternly. "_He's_ important to me."

He stood across from me, looking down at his feet, toeing the rug with his boot. "Bells, you remember the talk we had, right?" He looked up at me then, an uncomfortable look stretched across his face.

"_Dad_!" I exclaimed, throwing myself back into the chair with my arm over my face. "We are not having this discussion right now. Edward will be here any minute and I don't want you embarrassing him. No talk of gardening. _At all_."

Just as he was about to reply, a loud engine sounded out front. I gave him my best 'be nice' look and he lifted his hands, giving me his best innocent 'what?' look, as I headed for the door. Edward looked more handsome than usual, dressed in jeans and a vintage tee, a creamy leather jacket and his hair mussed to perfection.

"Hi," he said releasing a long breath, his grin sweeping across his beautiful face.

"Hi, back," I answered, a matching grin of my own. We must have stood there beaming at each other for longer than was appropriate, because I heard my dad loudly clear his throat behind me.

"Oh!" I started, shaking my head trying to clear it. "Come in."

Edward chuckled and stepped into the house.

"These are for you," he said, holding out a gorgeous bouquet of pink tulips. _How much more perfect could this guy get? _Seriously not fair to the rest of the male population.

"Thank you, Edward. They're beautiful," I rose up to peck him on the cheek and Edward lowered his head and actually blushed; he was too adorable. I almost forgot we weren't alone when a throat cleared again.

"Oh, um…yea. Edward," I rolled my eyes and used my best professional voice. "This is my father Charlie Swan."

Even Edward noticed my sarcastic tone and he gave me a look that had 'behave.' written all over it.

"Father," I said again. "This is Edward Cullen."

I glanced to see Charlie giving me the exact same look.

Edward stepped forward with his hand extended, his eyes never leaving my dad. "Chief Swan, I just wanted to thank you for allowing me the chance to date Isabella. I care very much for her, sir. I promise to keep her safe and treat her with respect."

I glanced from Edward to my dad and back again. Charlie stood straight, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at him and seemingly sizing him up. I was beginning to get nervous when he reached out for Edward's hand, shook it and nodded.

"Be sure you do," he added.

"Yes, sir," Edward replied.

And that was that.

I let out a breath I hadn't even known I was holding as I gathered my things, said goodnight to my dad and walked out the front door Edward held open for me.

A comfortable silence filled the ride to the Fun Center. We talked about our day a bit and our plans for the evening, but didn't feel the need chat endlessly. Edward held my hand on his thigh, his thumb brushing slow circles on my skin. The drive to the skating rink only took about twenty minutes but when we pulled up, I knew there had to be a mistake.

"Edward?" I said confused. "What's going on? The parking lot's empty."

What the hell was going on? It was Friday night, and one of the only places in Forks for teenagers to hang out and act, well, like teenagers, had the appearance of a ghost town.

"Oh no!" I gasped, looking over to him, my eyes wide with panic. "It didn't close down did it? I love this place! How in the world will I ever get my geeky laser tag fix now?" I whined, throwing myself back against the headrest.

I heard soft laughter from the seat next to me. "Bella, calm down. It's fine. Trust me."

And with that, he stepped out of the car, walking to my side and opening the door.

"Trust you? What does that mean? There's no one here, Edward," I asked, looking around the large empty lot as I took his hand and stepped out of the car.

He kissed my forehead and pulled us both towards the large building.

"You do know my dad's the Chief of Police, don't you? I don't exactly think that aiding you in breaking and entering is what he thought you meant when you said you'd keep me safe."

His chuckle was his only response and I glared at him. As we approached the doors however, I swore I could hear music coming from inside. Something was fishy.

Edward reached for the door handle and I was surprised to watch it swing open easily. It was dark inside, but definitely not closed. Classical music emanated from the speakers, soft colorful lighting and reflections from a suspended disco ball gave the large building a cozy intimate feeling. As we stepped further in, I noticed the distinct absence of other people and in the center of the huge oval skating rink was a picnic. My jaw dropped open at the sight.

"What did you do?" I whispered in awe at the sight before me.

A large blue blanket was set upon the smooth, polished floor, with pillows of various creams and blues scattered around to make it more comfortable to sit on. Several ivory candles set the scene creating an intimate glow. A large wicker picnic basket and several vases overflowing with the same pink tulips Edward had given me when picking me up completed the most romantic picture I'd ever seen.

"I want to be angry, but I just can't seem to find it in me right now. This is so beautiful, Edward." I turned to him, my heart so full of love for this man that I thought it might burst and I felt tears pooling in my eyes. "I can't believe you did all of this for me."

Edward pulled me to him, his hands cradling my cheeks. I slowly closed my eyes and felt the first tear slip.

"Hey, no crying," he said softly and bent down to bring our eyes level, his thumb gently wiping my tear away. "You're not gonna go all girlie on me and cry every time I try and be romantic are you?"

I rolled my eyes at his teasing and lowered them slightly.

"I did this for us, baby. I want to take care of you and buy you pretty things, and show you just how special you are. I love you so much, Bella," he whispered, kissing my lips softly and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered at the gentleness. "So, is it too much?"

"It's perfect," I smiled, unable to tear my eyes away from his beautiful face.

The beaming smile he returned was enough to melt my heart.

"Let's eat," I said playfully, leading us towards our beautiful picnic. "I can't wait to see what you managed to come up with. Did you do this all on your own?"

We sat down, arranging ourselves beside each other and propping ourselves up on the fluffy pillows.

"Well, the idea was mine, but my mom did help a little. I am a guy, after all," he rolled his eyes and I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out. Edward began getting out the food; sandwiches, fruit, cheese and crackers. Everything looked amazing.

Just as I was opening my can of soda, Edward cleared his throat.

"There's one more thing I wanted to give you. It's not a big deal but…"

From behind one of the pillows, he retrieved the most precious gift I'd ever received; a beautiful bouquet of colorful bendy straws wrapped in a delicate satin ribbon. My eyes flew up to him, my mouth open.

"How did you know?" I asked, my heart racing.

"Well," he hesitated. "Rose happened to mention that you had a little epiphany on the phone that brought you to the conclusion that you loved me."

His green eyes stared at me with such intensity that I felt myself tremble. That was _exactly_ the moment I had realized.

"That's true," I said, gently taking the bouquet from his hands. I looked down at it lovingly as I continued. "I was talking to James and he was being such an ass. And when I opened the drawer, one of the bags you brought me- that you _always_ bring me - spilled out everywhere."

I looked up to meet his gaze, there were more words passed between us than any sentence could ever express.

"It was you. All along, it was always you that took care of me. Who knew me. And I think…" I trailed off, still trying to acknowledge the thoughts forming in my head. "I think that I always knew. I always knew that you loved me, I was just… scared. Scared of not being _good _enough. Scared of just not being… _enough_. And this…" I said, gesturing towards the straw flowers. "It represents all of that. It's the most wonderful and precious gift you could ever give me. And I could never love anything more."

I leaned in towards him, barely brushing his soft lips with mine.

"Thank you, Edward," I breathed into his mouth and pressed my lips against his once more. My hands wound into his hair, pulling him closer as I deepened the embrace. My tongue traced along his bottom lip, and he moaned and breathed a soft 'baby' before taking it inside his mouth. His hand slid up my neck, entangling itself in my hair as his other rested on my cheek. Our tongues gliding softly against the others; our kisses long, slow and passionate.

After a few moments, our kisses grew shorter and Edward pulled away. His hand still rested on my face while his thumb gently brushed my cheek.

"Thank you, Bella." He spoke so softly, I almost didn't hear him. The moment was so tender; we continued to lay small pecks on each other's faces, whispers of love murmured in the other's ear.

Once we had finally managed to eat, Edward asked if I was done and ready to skate. I had completely forgotten that we were, in fact, in the middle of a skating rink and I chuckled at the thought.

"Sure," I laughed. "Ready as I'll ever be."

He helped me up and led me to the service counter to get our skates.

My fingers fumbled with the laces of the skates regardless of how much I attempted to appear calm. I had never skated before and now I was going to make a complete ass out of myself in front of Edward, as well as probably land on it a half a dozen times or so as well. I heard him chuckle softly beside me and then knelt on the floor to finish tying my skates.

"I am _so_ glad I amuse you, Edward," I replied sarcastically as he stood up and took my hands to help me up and began guiding me out to the floor.

"You know, it's called _roller _skating because you're supposed to _roll_, Bella," he teased as he gestured his eyes to my feet, where I was walking on the rubber stoppers in the front.

When we reached the wood floor, I rested back on the wheels and almost lost my footing before Edward caught me around the waist.

"You're really trying to kill me, aren't you?" I gave a sarcastic chuckle, holding onto his biceps. He steadied me on my feet and took my hands in his and began rolling backwards to pull me with him. "So, why did you do this, Edward? I mean, not that I'm complaining since it's probably the sweetest thing anyone has every done for... _anyone_. But you really didn't have to."

Edward gave me a soft smile and gave my hands a gentle tug until I was once again in his arms while he continued moving his feet. "You mean_ besides _being completely selfish and wanting you all to myself?" I rolled my eyes sarcastically, but not without a smile. He brushed my lips gently with his and looked into my eyes. "I wanted you to be completely comfortable and happy here with me tonight, baby. I didn't think you'd want people staring at you the first time you skated. And you always seem to be a little more comfortable with all this when it's just us."

"Well that's because then I know you're all mine," I replied with a devilish grin and his lips met mine in a tender kiss.

Yet, that's exactly what it was; when we were alone in our own little bubble, nothing could intrude. No one could steal his attention or take him away from me. I knew a lot of this newfound possessiveness was due to the newness of all of this, still trying to adapt to the reality that this wasn't some dream that I was having. I wanted him here with me where I knew he wouldn't disappear.

Suddenly, Edward loosened his hold on me and I tensed in fear until he almost immediately moved behind me holding onto my waist.

"Did you really think I would let you go, Isabella?" he teased me with my full name and chuckled softly beside my ear. "I promised the chief I would keep you safe. Wouldn't want me to go back on my word, now would you? Hold out your arms."

I furrowed my brow, moving my eyes to look at him without turning my head. "What?"

"Hold out your arms," Edward repeated as if instructing a five-year-old.

"This is no time for Titanic reruns, thank you," I retorted sarcastically.

"You really think I'm _that_ cheesy?" Edward asked incredulously, but quickly laughed and secured his hold on my waist. "Seriously, baby. It helps to balance, like on a balance beam in gym."

"Oh so you haven't heard I've been banned from them, then?" I joked but finally did as he requested, slowly beginning moving my feet as he instructed. And before I knew it, we were surprisingly moving fluidly together around the floor.

"Are you ready to go on your own then?" Edward asked, but before I could respond, he had already let go of my waist and took my hand instead.

"No, Edward don't!" I exclaimed in terror; so afraid I was going to fall.

He swirled in front of me again, taking my other hand and returning to our original positions. "What did I tell you, baby? I'm not going to let you go. And I'll catch you if you fall," he said gently as our hands folded together and I stared into his eyes.

He moved so gracefully that under normal circumstances, I would feel extremely inadequate; but tonight, it was simply a reassurance. That once again, Edward would take care of me and never let anything happen that would hurt me. Beyond that, I had chosen my activity for the evening with a purpose.

"So, when do we get to play laser tag, Boitano?" I asked with a grin, squeezing his hand gently.

"Okay, first of all, I'm not a figure skater and I do _not_ wear tights," he replied, giving me a teasing glare. "And second, whenever you want, Bella."

I nodded enthusiastically and knocked myself slightly off balance with the sudden movement. He caught me around the waist just in time and I closed my eyes as I blushed profusely. "I think that would be now. Get me on solid, _non-moving_ ground, please."

Edward chuckled and moved us over to the edge of the floor where it hit the carpet. "Not bad for a beginner," he said reassuringly as we sat down to change back into our shoes. I shook my head and rolled my eyes, slipping my foot back into my sneaker. "So, this laser tag thing. What is the point of it?"

My head spun toward him with wide eyes, gaping. "You've..._never_ played laser tag?"

Edward scoffed with a laugh and shook his head. "Are you kidding? I grew up with Emmett. It was paintball for us."

"Okay, kinda similar, _far_ less messy. Do not even _think _you're going to ever get me to do that," I replied, pointing at him firmly. "I prefer to _not _be picking paint chips out of my hair for weeks."

"Ha, we shall see," Edward taunted, and grabbed my hand to head off to play _my_ idea of fun.

**_EPOV_**

This had been, by far the best night I had ever had in my life; dressed that is. My lips turned up at the corners and my body responded to the thought. Images of Bella naked and…

"Okay, here's your vest," Bella broke into my daydreams, handing me a strange looking, heavy black vest with some sort of computer pack attached to the front and back. "You put it over your head like this and strap it right here on the sides."

Apparently, I wasn't quick enough because by the time I had it on, she was finished and had begun fastening mine.

"This," she pointed out matter-of-factly. "Is your gun, **_never," _**she exclaimed, no trace of joking in her voice. "Aim it at someone's face."

I did my best to hide my amusement but judging by Bella's face, I don't think I was doing very well.

I followed her into the dark room. Normally, I knew there would be someone handling all the instruction and monitoring the game but fortunately, the owner, a friend of my father's, owed him a favor. He was waiting in a back room for us to enter the game area.

"These packs here and here monitor and record each time you get shot. With each hit, they will light up and vibrate, recording the number of hits on that screen over there. The object is to see who can get the most hits and receive the fewest misses in the fifteen minutes of playing time. Any questions?" She looked so serious, I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling.

"Wow," I said with a straight face. "You really are a nerd."

I wasn't quick enough to avoid the jab to my ribs.

"Hey!" I screeched, rubbing my side.

"When you get your ass handed to you at the end of the game by a nerd, maybe I'll _consider_ accepting an apology," she quipped and walked away from me.

The room was very dark, filled with different levels and standing partitions. The game started and Bella was nowhere to be found.

_This is gonna be a piece of cake. _

I began walking across the floor and within seconds, a red light flashed and a vibration sounded on my chest.

_Shit. _Well two could play at this game. I crept down along the bottom of one of the larger partitions, looking for her.

Red. _Shit_! Hit again.

_Damn it, where was she?_

This continued for several minutes, it didn't seem as if my damn vest ever actually stopped vibrating and I had yet to even see her or get off a single shot.

I decided to change my tactic, finding a hiding spot and waiting for her to come to me. I staked out a small ledge in the corner of the large room, and waited. And waited. Any minute now…

Red. _What the fuck?_

I heard a giggle from across the room. I leapt down and before my feet even hit the floor, hit again. _Jesus Christ_!

I took off across the room. Maybe I could chase her and get her to giggle again, giving up her location. _God, am I sweating?_

More red. _What? How is this even fucking possible? What has she had Special Forces training?_

The next ten minutes weren't any different. I ran around in circles trying to find her, while she just giggled and kicked my ass.

When the lights came on, I had never been so happy in my life. I had only shot my gun a total of eight times. I, on the other hand, had been hit eight times in the first two minutes alone. I was exhausted, sweaty and about to apologize to the cutest nerd in history and Bella was nice enough not to tell me her score.

We rode back to her house tired but extremely happy. Even though she had completely wiped the floor with my ass in laser tag, it had still been the best evening of just innocent fun that I had ever had. A _real_ date with Bella; something I never thought I would ever have.

As we pulled into her driveway, I instructed her to wait in her seat as I walked around to open her door and help her out. She slid her arm around my waist and leaned against my side as I secured my arm around her shoulder. "You have fun tonight, baby?"

Bella looked up at me with a tired but elated smile and nodded. "Absolutely. Thank you, Edward," she said, pressing her cheek gently against my chest.

Even though we were both completely spent, it was amazing watching Bella let loose and have fun tonight; smiling because she was actually happy. _I_ was bringing that out in her, just as she was bringing out the best in me. I was completely content simply to stand here on the porch with her, enjoying the last few minutes before her eleven o'clock curfew; just looking at her and holding her.

"You're welcome, Bella," I whispered, bringing my hands up to gently hold her face and brushing my lips softly against hers. Her head tilted back some, pulling herself closer to me to deepen the kiss and I melted into it. After a moment, I pulled away slowly and smiled at her. "You should get in before your curfew."

She nodded with a smile, kissing me briefly once more. "Text me when you get home?"

"Yes, mom," I teased and she poked me in the abdomen and I kissed her forehead with a laugh. "Yes, I'll text you when I get home. But Bella," I whispered softly, brushing her cheek gently with the backs of my fingers. "I love you."

Her smile spread across her face even more and she turned her head to kiss my wrist before meeting my eyes again. "I love you, too. Drive safe."

"Don't I always?" I laughed as she raised an eyebrow at me when she stepped into the house, and I got into my car. I drove home feeling light and happy, better than I had ever felt in my life. I had some serious thinking to do about my future. I couldn't be without Bella; I knew that now more than ever. This was more than just a simple high school crush. She made me complete and I felt the same from her. I was almost sure of it.

As soon as I got out of my car, I pulled out my phone to text her.

_I'm home. Sweet dreams, my little firecracker_.

A few moments later, my phone buzzed on my bed as I was taking my shirt off. I picked it up and smiled.

_Always, when you're in them, my prince charming. _


	18. Decisions

**Chapter 18: Decisions**

**_Edward POV_**

The next couple of weeks seemed to fly by, and I could never remember being as happy as I was now. I looked forward to coming to school every single morning. Even hearing her voice on the phone all the way there couldn't compare to the smile that greeted me when I arrived.

By the second Friday night date with Bella, it was set in stone; this was who I was meant to be with.

We had plans to spend this Friday at Alice's house. Her parents were away for the weekend, so she invited all of us to come over. Bella protested slightly to the change in our Friday night plans at first, but I argued that I had been monopolizing her time and keeping her from her friends. She had no rebuttal to that.

After about an hour of sitting around with our friends, talking and laughing, Emmett suddenly cleared his throat loudly. It was only then that I had noticed he had actually been the quietest of us all tonight, which was uncommon.

"You know, you all are the best friends anyone could ever ask for… even you, butthead." He gave me a slight grin and I jokingly flipped my brother off, causing him to laugh out loud. "So I wanted you all to be the first to know that… I asked Rose to marry me. And she said yes."

I stared blankly at Emmett for a moment to determine if he was joking, but then Bella and Alice both jumped up to rush over to Rosalie; who now pulled her left hand out to reveal a sizable diamond gracing her finger. I shook my head with a laugh and stood up, walking over to my brother and giving him a hug.

"Congrats, man," I said, patting him on the back.

I watched as the girls gushed for what seemed like hours over wedding dresses and flowers, almost sounding as if they were speaking in a whole other language. I stood up and walked outside, breathing in the cool damp air and feeling it fill my lungs. No matter what choices I made, life would never be that simple for Bella and me. I was graduating in eight months and she still had two years beyond that to finish. She was still so young, and while I couldn't imagine my life without her anymore, who knew what two more years could change for her? If I stuck to my plan and left, would that even be fair to ask of her? To expect her to hold out and wait for me? If I stayed, would I someday resent her for it? Although I couldn't imagine now ever resenting her for anything, who knows how I would feel when I was forty or fifty. Sacrificing for love sounds very romantic when you're young and in the throws of passion.

And very naïve.

I suddenly startled by two tiny arms sliding around my waist and a pair of lips pressing against my back.

"You okay, Edward? The big 'm' word scare you off?" Bella teased and I laughed, gently rubbing her arms with my hands.

"No, I'm fine, baby," I replied, bringing one of her hands up to my lips and kissing it gently before placing it back on my stomach. "Just been a long week, clearing my head."

Bella moved around my body to stand in front of me, boosting herself up to sit on the porch railing and hooking her legs around my thighs to pull me closer to her.

"I think I just might be able to help you there," she replied with a sly grin, bringing her hands to my face and gently pulling me into a slow, passionate kiss.

And just like that-all my thoughts were lost.

Once again, the only thing that mattered to me in the whole world was this girl right here in front of me, pressing her soft lips against mine. How I ever thought I could live without her, I will never know.

She pulled away from my lips slowly, but her hands continued to play gently with the ends of my hair as she nuzzled her nose against mine.

"Everyone's gone to bed," she said with an insinuating tone. I grinned as I felt the grip of her legs around my waist tighten, pulling me closer to her.

I smiled at her and brushed her lips gently with my own as I lifted her up into my arms off the railing. It was incredible how much the last few weeks had changed not only me, but Bella as well. Her smile always reached her eyes now, and the relaxed comfort we felt with each other was amazing. Not to mention she had become a little minx behind closed doors, and I had never been more gratified. I set her feet on the ground and she took my hands, biting her lip innocently as she stepped backward toward the door.

We walked hand in hand to the guest bedroom that was ours for the night and the door had barely closed before she pulled me back into her arms. Her lips returned to mine in that same sensual way with her hand caressing my cheek. Quickly shedding my jacket and removing hers, lifting her into my arms bridal style and never pulling away from her lips as I carried her over to the bed. Our bodies met the bed in one fluid motion and her arms tightened around my shoulders. Even though I could count how many times we'd had sex on two hands since we'd been together, I could read Bella like a book when it came to this. When she held me and kissed me like this, it wasn't just about the sex; she needed _me_.

But I also knew that it was in these moments that some of her insecurities would surface, even though she was getting better. Her hand trailed down from my shoulder all the way down to the waistband of my jeans and froze for a moment.

"It's okay, baby," I whispered to her softly against her lips, gently taking her hand and guiding it further down.

She left out a soft moan as her hand cupped around my erection through my jeans and her lips sealed against mine again, my own throaty sound meeting hers. Her other hand weaved through my hair as I began gently massaging her breast through the white wifebeater she had changed into, the one that had belonged to me no more than a week ago. But as with so many things, I could not deny Bella of anything she wanted. Especially with something as simple as that.

I felt her hand move from the bulge in my pants to the button of my jeans and she undid it quickly. _There's my minx_, I thought to myself as, before I knew it, she had my jeans and boxers pushed over my hips and her hand was slowly stroking me. My hands slid up the back of her shirt as I moaned into her mouth; the soft skin of her palm feeling amazing against me but I wanted to be inside her and feel her.

So I nudged her arm with mine as I began lifting her shirt from her body and she pushed my jeans down with her feet. That was the most endearing thing she did during sex, since every other girl had either shoved them from my body while we were still standing up, or I broke away from the moment to remove them myself. But with her, our bodies needed to remain touching. She could continue kissing me as I had only allowed her to do; she was the only one I had ever wanted to.

As soon as she brought my shirt over my head, she immediately slid her arms around my shoulders to pull our bodies together and we both released sighs of contentment. I slid my hand inside her pajama pants and felt her grin against my lips. I grabbed onto her ass and noticed that she was wearing no underwear.

"Oh how you tempt me. I just might have to take advantage of you, Miss Swan," I whispered in a husky voice, gazing at her with hooded eyes.

"And I just might have to let you, Mr. Cullen," she replied in her soft tender voice, brushing my lips gently with hers.

I smiled, kissing her lips softly and then worked my way down her neck; continuing along her body until I reached the tie of her pajama pants. I tugged at it lightly with my teeth, eliciting a soft giggle. She stared at me lovingly as I traced my fingertips along her waist, just enjoying the feel of her skin and felt her hand come up to gently stroke my hair. I slowly tugged at the tie and never taking my eyes off hers as I slowly guided them down her legs. Kicking my shoes and pants off at the end of the bed, I tossed her pants on top of mine and began kissing my way back up her body.

As I reached her thighs, her body began to tense slightly until I kissed up her hip and over her abdomen. Only once had Bella allowed me to pleasure her in that way because, as she explained to me, she didn't want to receive pleasure that she couldn't reciprocate. And each time we made love, I made a mental note to pummel James for dragging her self esteem through the mud like that. When I finally made it to her lips, I kissed her gently.

"Relax baby," I whispered softly, her arms and legs coming up to wrap around me as I slowly slid inside her.

"Oh god, Edward," she gasped softly as her head tilted back into the pillow and her fingers wove into my hair. I kissed along her chin until she finally brought her lips back to mine and I began my movement inside her.

This was heaven to me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed having sex with her but when we were together this way, it was so much more than that. Every cheesy line ever written came to mind at times like these. We were one; connected mind, body and spirit. Like there was no one else in the word but the two of us.

But this time was different and I could feel that already. When I opened my eyes to look at her, I noticed a tear trailing down her temple. I stopped my movements and waited until she opened her eyes. "Bella, what's wrong?"

She merely shook her head and raised her lips to mine. "Nothing. Please don't stop. I just feel so close to you."

She kissed me, not letting me speak and bringing her hips up to meet mine. I began moving inside of her again slowly, our bodies rising and falling to meet each other. And it wasn't long at all before I felt her body begin to arch and tense around me, knowing that both of our climaxes were near.

"I love you, baby," I whispered huskily before kissing her just below her ear.

"I love… you… _God_, Edward!" Bella panted heavily and tightened her hold around me as she came; pressing her lips firmly against my shoulder. And our groans mingled a moment later when I released inside her.

We lay there holding each other for several minutes together, and I felt her kissing along my shoulder and running her hands lightly over my back. When I finally rolled off her, she immediately moved back into my arms against my side and pulled the blanket over us.

She was acting very strange tonight, her moods changing like night and day. And now she was lying silently beside me, staring at her fingers tracing tiny patterns on my palm; but her expression was unreadable. Her eyes came up to mine when I caught her fingers in motion and laced mine with them.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked seriously, staring into her eyes.

They flickered slightly as she looked at me, and then she sighed softly. "It's nothing, really. I told you, I just feel very close to you tonight."

I rolled onto my side and propped my head on one hand, her eyes falling to my chest as I brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Baby, talk to me. You _know_ you're a terrible liar," I replied lifting her chin and offering her a small smile, which she weakly returned.

"It's stupid, really," she replied with a sad laugh and returned her eyes to my chest, starting with the fingertip patterns on it again. "I was just thinking tonight. Watching Alice and Jasper, and then Emmett and Rosalie with their engagement. It's like everything fits with them. But it's never going to be that easy for us, is it?"

Sometimes I swore the girl could read my thoughts; and that scared me.

I traced her cheek gently with my fingers and kissed her. "Bella, no relationship is easy…"

"You know what I'm talking about, Edward." She cut me off, looking directly into my eyes seriously. "For the last few weeks, I've been trying to ignore the elephant in the room and just enjoy this between us. I've been ignoring the very obvious truth that could take you away from me."

"Bella, _nothing_ is going to take me away from you," I replied trying to comfort her as she started to become upset.

"You're leaving," she said suddenly as I was about to continue, shaking her head. "I don't know where or for how long. And I'm going to be here. I won't even get one full year with you before you're gone."

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers, bringing my hand to rest over hers on my chest. "Baby, I'm not even sure what I'm doing yet. I don't want to lose this, but I don't think it would be fair to ask you to wait for me either. You're sixteen years old, with your whole life ahead of you…"

She silenced me with her fingertips on my lips and I opened my eyes to look into hers.

"I know what I want, Edward," she replied as she traced my lower lip with the tip of her index finger. "As much as I wish it could be as easy for us as it is for them, I love you more than I have ever imagined loving anyone. And I'm not too young to know what love is. I'll wait for you. However long it takes. It may sound cheesy but… you're my forever. I know that in my heart."

I looked into her eyes and I was absolutely speechless. It was nearly impossible for someone so young to be so certain about something like this; to know without a doubt that this was what she wanted. But Bella did. This wasn't a passing fancy for her, as it would be for so many other girls her age. She didn't throw out those words to just anyone, and neither did I. I kissed her and then pulled her against me tightly.

"I love you so much, Bella," I whispered against her hair as she snuggled into me.

"I love you too, Edward."

We laid there silently in each other's arms until she finally fell asleep; but sleep evaded me. I had to make a decision now. She deserved it.

I kissed her forehead as I slid my arm out from under her without waking her and dressed, watching her the entire time until I got my jacket on. I hunted around for a piece of paper and then desperately looked in my wallet for an old receipt. I pulled the pen out of my jacket pocket and wrote:

_Bella,_

_Had to run home for something. I should be back before you wake up. Love you._

_Edward_

And with that, I silently left the house and drove home. I looked at the clock and breathed out heavily when I saw it was after midnight. My dad would be home from work, but would be none too thrilled that I was out driving at this hour. All the years in one crazy emergency room after another, he had seen the worst of what came from teenagers driving at all hours of the night. But this was too important to wait; Bella was too important. I hoped that he would understand that.

As I pulled up to the house, I saw that the light in his office upstairs was on but their bedroom light was off. _Perfect_.

I walked into the house quietly and up to my father's office, finding the door open and him behind his desk reading.

"Dad? You got a minute?" I said softly when he looked up at me.

He removed his reading glasses and set them down on his desk with his book. "Edward? I thought you were at the Brandons'. Is everything alright?"

"Yes... no... I don't know," I replied, running my hand through my hair as I closed the office door. I walked toward the desk, sitting down across from him and shaking my head. "I really don't know what to do."

"Let me guess," my father replied calmly, his hands tenting in front of his face. "You haven't told Bella, have you?"

I leaned back in the high-backed chair, shaking my head as I pinched the bridge of my nose. My hand fell and I looked away from him. "Well, yes I did. A while ago. But things were different then and she thought I was joking."

"And you just never got around to telling her that you were serious," he replied as a statement instead of a question, and I simply shook my head again. He hummed in response and I could feel his eyes on me. "Are you?"

"Yes sir," I replied without hesitation and looked back to him. "But I don't know how Bella is going to take it. I don't want to leave her behind but she still has two years left of high school after I've finished." My eyes fell into my lap and I let out a heavy sigh. "How did Mom take it when you told her?"

I heard him chuckle softly but my eyes remained down. "She left me," he replied in the same serene voice and my eyes shot up to him so fast it almost made my head spin. He held up his hand as I was about to comment and stood up from his chair, coming to sit beside me. "Now before you get ahead of me here, just listen, alright? Things were a lot different back then, Edward. I know you care a lot about Bella, that much is obvious. But the longer you keep this from her, the more it's going to hurt her."

"I'm going to hurt her, no matter what, Dad," I replied, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "I _love_ her."

"I figured that much out when she came in the front door instead of your bedroom window," he said and as I looked up at him in shock again, I found him restraining a smile. "Really, Edward. I was a teenage boy once too. Do you honestly believe I never noticed the ladder, or heard the late night visitors?"

_Of all the embarrassing…_

"But if you knew, why didn't you…" I started but I was at a loss for words.

"Son," he started, placing his hand on my arm. "I was really strict with you boys growing up, and I know that. But I also knew that as you got older, I had to start allowing you both to make your own decisions and just hope that you would both be intelligent enough to make the right ones. And I'm assuming you have. Everything came back clear?"

"Yes, sir," I replied with a nod. "Now I just have to decide."

"Edward, I know how much you care for Bella and vice versa. I adore her myself, and nothing would make me happier than to someday have her be a part of this family. But," he paused and I cringed. His 'buts' were never good. "You're both still very young, with a lot of growing up still yet to do and a lot of life yet to experience. You need to make your decision based on what is best for _you_, son. And if you and Bella are meant to be, everything will fall into place from there. But _you_ are the one person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with, and you have to be happy with that first."

I always hated his 'buts'. Like I said, they were never good; but moreover, they were _never _wrong. I nodded slowly and let out a heavy breath. I knew what I had to do and even with her words tonight, I was terrified to do it. I stood up silently and began walking toward the door, but stopped at the sound of my father's voice.

"Soon?"

I turned my head to look back at him from the doorway and nodded.

"Soon," I replied before closing the door behind me and rushing to my car to return to Bella. I watched the clock as I made my way back to Alice's house. It was almost two by the time I got there but it didn't matter; this couldn't wait.

I walked quietly back into the house and back to the bedroom, opening the door to find Bella exactly the way I had left her; sleeping peacefully and hugging the comforter to her body in place of me. I shrugged off my jacket and kicked off my shoes, gently crawling back into bed with her.

"Bella," I whispered, brushing her cheek with my fingers. "Bella baby, wake up."

She stirred groggily, nuzzling her face against my chest and wrapping her arm around my waist.

"Edward," she mumbled through her pouty lips and I kissed her hair. "What time is it?"

Her voice was barely audible and I knew I should let her sleep; but then I would lose my nerve. "Baby, we need to talk."

Her breathing stilled even in her half-awake state and she tilted her head up to look at me.

"What's wrong?" she asked with fear in her eyes, her arm tightening around me. "I'm sorry about earlier, Edward. It was stupid, I just…"

"Shh," I hushed her by kissing her gently and paused briefly, keeping my eyes closed as I responded. "Bella, I'm joining the Army."


	19. Making Memories

**Chapter 19: Making Memories**

**_Bella POV _**

_Bella, I'm joining the Army._

Five words I could not have prepared less for, particularly in my half-awake state. I looked at him shocked, any traces of tiredness now gone.

He had to be joking. He _hated_ the army life; uprooting your life every couple of years, uprooting your _family's_ life every couple of years...

Why would he subject himself to that all over again? I shook my head and pushed away from him.

"No," I replied simply and rose from the bed, feeling the tears burning in my eyes as I wrapped the sheet around my body and walked to the window keeping my back to him. "Why, Edward?"

The bed rustled as he moved across it and I felt his presence close in behind me, while still keeping his distance. "This is something I've been planning for a long time, Bella. Since I was about eight years old."

"I don't understand, Edward," I replied in a tense voice, trying to keep the tears at bay. "You've always told me how much you hated the Army life, and now you're going to thrust yourself right back into it?"

"I hated being the _child_ in an Army household, not the Army itself." Edward finally placed his hands on my upper arms and rubbed them gently. "Baby, I told you all of this…"

I spun around to face him, no longer caring to hold anything back. The tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks as I continued to shake my head. "I didn't think you were serious, Edward. With everything you've said to me about this, what reason did you give me to believe you?"

"Bella, what reason have I ever given you _not_ to believe me?" he asked calmly and I looked down to his chest.

He was right; outside of keeping his feelings for me hidden, Edward had always been nothing but honest. I didn't _want_ to believe him, so I had chosen not to. I kept waiting for him to tell me that he was really just going away to college, or maybe taking some time to travel. Those would have been reasonable.

And temporary.

"Even so, Edward," I started once I found my voice again and lifted my eyes again to meet his. "Why haven't you said anything to me since then? You said, '_Nothing is going to take me away from you'_. How is _this_ 'nothing'?"

His hands cradled my face gently and he shook his head, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. "Bella, listen to me. Joining the Army does not mean that I'm giving up on _us_. But I need to think of my life beyond June, and you still have two more years..."

"So go to college," I interrupted with a shrug, as if it that was the obvious choice. "You're so smart, Edward. Why not apply to UW or something? Or you could get a job, or... something!" I sighed exasperatedly, grasping at every possible option I could. "You don't have to run off and join the Army to make a life for yourself."

He pulled me back toward the bed, sitting down and guiding me onto his lap. I watched his hand gently rubbing against mine, and we were quiet as a thousand emotions ran across both of our faces. I could see the guilt etched in his features; I knew he hated causing me anger or pain in any way. I just couldn't imagine being here in Forks without him. At least if he went to college, even if it was across the country, I could still guarantee holidays and summers with him. You weren't necessarily afforded that luxury in the military.

"Baby," his soft voice broke through my thoughts and I bought my eyes up to his. "I can't _not_ do this. I have thought a lot about this, through every possible scenario. But this is something I have wanted to do since I was a kid, as much as I hated moving around the way I did. I respected my father and I wanted to be like him, I just never wanted to put my own kids though that. I just know that if I _don't _do this, I will regret it for the rest of my life. And I don't want that hanging over either one of us."

I watched Edward's eyes and the torment in those beautiful green depths was heartbreaking. I wanted so much to be angry with him, to scream at him because things were finally so perfect between us; but I couldn't do it.

"You're right," I replied softly, letting my eyes fall back down to our now intertwined hands. I lifted them to kiss the back of his hand and then held it against my cheek. "So does this mean that… you know… you and I will never… have any of those things? Marriage. Kids… anything."

I felt the blush burning in my cheeks as I avoided his gaze and immediately regretted saying it.

"Bella, listen." My stomach clenched at his tone. "I can't say what's going to happen in the future. But I do know that I don't want us resenting each other for things we never did. Just as much as I need to do this, you just need to be sixteen. You're so young, baby. And I want you to _be_ young, not to bury yourself away waiting for me."

I furrowed my brow and shook my head in confusion. "Edward… wha- what are you saying? I just told you tonight…"

"I know what you told me, Bella," he replied with seriousness in his voice that almost scared me. "But that was before you knew all the facts. And I need you to know that if you decide that this is too much... that you can't wait for me, I won't be angry. I will understand. Hell, I _expect_ it."

_Oh no you don't_¸ I growled internally, finally finding the anger inside of me. "Do you love me, Edward?"

His eyes widened slightly in shock. "Of course I do, Bella. Why would you ask me that?"

I shifted slightly on his legs and turned to face him more, placing my hand on his face. "Do you want me?" I asked in a rough whisper, keeping my eyes locked on his.

"You know I want you, Bella. It's just…"

I cut him off, capturing his lips in a searing kiss before he could continue. His body stiffened slightly at the sudden movement but then slowly relaxed as he melted against me, parting his lips to tangle his tongue with mine. I shifted in his lap to straddle him fully, letting the sheet fall from my body; needing to feel him closer to me and pouring every ounce of passion I had for him into that kiss.

Minutes later, I pulled away slowly, keeping my fingers laced in his hair as I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Now _you_ listen to _me_, Edward Cullen. And listen good because I am _not_ saying it again," I said, my voice soft but leaving no doubt to the seriousness of my statement. "I will be here waiting for you to come back. We are meant to be together, Edward. There's not a doubt in my mind about that." His eyes fluttered open to meet mine and I traced his jaw with my fingertips, brushing a kiss against his lips. "If the last year has taught me anything, it is that you are worth waiting for."

His brow knitted together as his hand came up to cup my cheek and without another word, his lips met mine again in a deep kiss that sent a shiver down my spine. How could he ever doubt me? No one else could make me feel this way. He shifted us slightly to lie back down on the bed and we continued to kiss languidly.

When our lips finally parted, he cradled my head against his chest. "Go back to sleep, baby."

I curled my body against his, wrapping my arm tightly around his waist as he pulled the comforter over us. However, even as I listened to his heartbeat slow and his breathing even out, any hope of sleep finding me was completely lost. I regretted more than ever all the time wasted between us, but there was no way I was throwing this away. I felt complete in his arms like this and I would never take it for granted again. I pressed my lips to his chest and whispered, "I love you, Edward."

As I rolled over onto my other side, he drew a deep intake of breath in his sleep and turned toward me. I pressed my back against his chest, hugging his arm that now draped around me.

A few hours later, I heard movement out in the kitchen so I slid carefully out of Edward's arms and got dressed. I was relieved to find Alice in the kitchen making an espresso.

"Be a dear and make me one please," I mumbled as I sat down on a stool at the island bar, and let my head fall onto my arms on the counter top.

"Uh oh." The cup clinked against the counter as she set it in front of me, and I glanced up. "You look like you need this more than I do. What happened, doll? This isn't exactly the basking glow of a girl who just spent all night in bed with her man."

"I don't want to talk about it," I replied as I took the first sip of my coffee, my eyes staying firmly on the counter.

"Look right here, sweetie." Alice gently lifted my chin, forcing my eyes to hers. I tried to keep the tears at bay, but my exhaustion defeated my efforts. "Isabella Swan, tell me what's going on. Did he hurt you? Because I swear, I will beat his ass into the ground if…"

"No, it's nothing like that," I whispered softly, though the very thought of his words last night caused my heart to ache. The two years that we would have to spend apart, never knowing when exactly we would see each other, just seemed so long to be completely without him. With a heavy sigh, I averted my eyes again. "He's joining the Army, Alice."

"What?" she exclaimed loudly, her voice echoing through the silent house and I hushed her brusquely, not wanting anyone waking up yet; particularly Edward. Her voice lowered to a harsh whisper. "What do you mean he's joining the Army? After everything you two have been through to get to this point? And as much as he dislikes it? Oh god, you guys didn't break up, did you?"

She spoke in such a panicked rush that I couldn't get a word in edgewise, until she nearly sprung across the counter to grab my arm. I shook my head quickly and looked back down at my cup.

"No, of course not. It's just that... I finally get what I've always wanted and I'm _so_ happy for the first time in as long as I can remember. Everything is beyond perfect. And then another obstacle gets placed in the way. I thought he'd go to college or something once he graduated. Never this. Never two years without him completely."

"Bella, you know that's not going to happen. He loves you too much." Alice sighed softly as she gently rubbed my arm with her hand. "He'll come back, you know. And they _do_ have such things as leave." I looked up at her as she spoke to me soothingly, and then watched as a wicked smirk appeared on her face. "And you know, if you're ever still in doubt, you can always give him some extra attention between now and when he leaves. Make sure he knows damn well what's waiting for him back home."

My eyes widened as she wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. "Alice!" I hissed, looking behind me quickly to make sure no one else was in the room still. "I am _not_ bribing my boyfriend with _sex_."

I could feel the burning of the blush coming to my cheeks, as she chuckled softly at me. "Silly Bella, it's not _bribing_," she replied, rolling her eyes and leaning forward on the counter toward me. "I sometimes forget exactly how innocent you are still. Now, listen to me and for heaven sakes, don't go all defensive on me. You've already gotten the most important part down. That guy's heart is yours through thick and thin. There is nothing wrong with staking a little claim on his body as well."

I started to protest, but she held her hand up.

"Hey, hey. Listen. If you want to go all girly on me, call it 'making memories with him that he will never forget'. But in real world terms... Bella, he's eighteen, he doesn't think with his brain. You need to blow his mind, no pun intended."

I blushed even more as she winked at me. "Alice, I…"

"I'm telling you, Bella. You give him something to remember you by, and you'll be on his mind even more than you already are. Morning baby," Alice said cheerfully, abruptly ending our conversation as Jasper emerged from the bedroom and made his way over, sweeping her against him for a passionate kiss.

I watched them for a moment, even though it felt completely wrong for me to stare. It seemed like Jasper and Alice had been together forever; they just fit together so perfectly. And the spark between them still wasn't fading. Most high school relationships fizzle and die in weeks or months. But he was still so devoted to her.

I averted my eyes discreetly and bit my lip. "I think I'm gonna go back to sleep for a while," I said as I rose from the stool, ignoring the soft murmurings behind me as I disappeared unnoticed down the hall and back into the bedroom. I stood at the door; leaning back against it with my eyes closed and then slowly opened them to allow Edward to come into my view.

'_Making memories with him that he will never forget'_.

What the hell did I know about giving him unforgettable pleasure? I sighed heavily and walked over to the bed, climbing in beside him and nestling against his body.

He grunted softly and then opened his eyes slowly to look at me, sliding his arms around me to hug me against him.

"Mmm, what time is it?" he mumbled incoherently, and I almost laughed at the vulnerability on his features.

I brought my hand up to run through his hair and brushed my lips against his softly. "It's still early, baby," I whispered softly, pressing another kiss to his chin. My lips lingered there for a moment, but were soon making their way down his neck.

"Bella," I heard him mutter softly, placing his hands on my arms to push me just far enough away to look at me. "What's going on, baby?"

I looked up at him, tracing his jaw line with my finger. "Nothing. Does something need to be 'going on' for me to want my boyfriend?" I asked in the most seductive voice that I could muster on so little sleep, pulling myself closer to him and kissing along his jaw again.

He tried to speak again but I quickly captured his lips with mine, holding the sides of his face in my hands. I parted his lips with my tongue and deepened the kiss, earning a groan from both of us while one of my hands traveled down his chest and abdomen; resting my palm against his very evident morning wood.

His body stiffened slightly and he broke away from the kiss slowly, his hand stopping mine. "Bella, you haven't slept since we talked, have you?"

I furrowed my brow as I looked at him in confusion. "Why does that matter?"

He brought my hand up to rest on his chest and kissed my forehead. "I'm not leaving tomorrow, baby," he whispered, pulling me closer to him to rest my cheek on his chest. I felt his lips on my hair and I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent and sliding my leg between his to bring our bodies closer. "Just sleep. Everything is going to be fine, Bella. I promise."

Yes, it would. I would make sure of it.

The next few weeks passed and though our opportunities were limited, I still made every effort to put Alice's suggestion into motion. But here we were, almost Thanksgiving, and I still didn't feel that I had given him anything more memorable than anything he'd ever had before. We were always either trying to rush through everything before Charlie got home, or keeping quiet and subtle at Alice's. Either way, I never felt completely comfortable.

I never imagined myself having the need to lie to Charlie before, but one week in late November, the heavens aligned and the perfect opportunity presented itself. Carlisle and Esme had gone away for a weeklong cruise for their anniversary, Alice went to see Jasper in Seattle for a gig, and I knew I needed to take this opportunity to spend some alone time with Edward. I knew Charlie trusted me when I said I was going to be spending the weekend at Alice's, so I wasn't worried at all about getting caught.

So now here we were. Just me and Edward, alone in this huge house. And as much as I loved listening to him play the piano, I definitely had something else in mind. He was so damn sexy when he was concentrating on his music. The way that vein in his forehead protruded ever so slightly as his brow wrinkled, his head bobbing lightly with each beat of the music, his hands flowing like satin over the keys…

That was it, I couldn't take this anymore. It still amazed me that just a few short months ago, I was pure and innocent; practically untouched. And now that I had experienced this Adonis of a man beside me and the way he made every inch of my body sing, I was insatiable.

I placed my hand just below his hip and slid it straight down between his legs, grazing him lightly through his jeans as I kissed his neck just below his ear.

"Edward, we're all alone," I whispered, flicking his earlobe with my tongue and then sucking it gently.

I felt his body tense at my actions, and he hardened slightly beneath his zipper. He gave a smirk but never stopped playing. This man had the will power of solid steel sometimes.

"Yea, I've kinda noticed that," he teased, casting me a sideways glance and then looked forward again.

Okay, Bella, time to go for the big guns. I snickered slightly at my internal monologue, but then traced my fingertips over the outline that was growing more prominent as his arousal increased. "It would be a pity to waste it."

"Yes. Yes, it would," he replied in that same tone.

_So he was going to play **that** way, was he?_

I kissed along his neck in soft, peppering brushes as my hand worked the button and zipper of his jeans and then slid inside his boxers. I let out a low moan against his skin as my hand wrapped around his length and slowly began stroking him. I kissed up to his ear and whispered in a low sultry voice. "I want you to fuck me, Edward. Right here. Right now."

His hands came to a halt as he turned to look at me, his eyes smoldering with lust. I had never been _this_ forward before even that night on Alice's porch, particularly when it came to talking this way. But damn it, I was horny and I needed him. His hand moved between my legs and began stroking me through the brand new panty set I had gotten especially for tonight, under my short black mini-skirt I wore only for him. His lips were so teasingly close to mine I could practically taste them.

"Is that so?" he asked in a deep, seductive voice and I moaned softly as he applied a little more pressure through the fabric. "And since when did you have such a dirty mouth, Isabella?"

My free hand took his fingers and slid them underneath the fabric. I pressed them along my slickened skin, and gazed at him through hooded eyes.

"Since this is the effect you have on me," I hissed, dragging my teeth over his bottom lip. He closed his eyes and gave a soft groan, as my hand continued working on his now fully hardened erection. I loved this man with everything in me and I now knew I could show him that. With my free hand, I removed his from my panties, brought it up to my lips and licked his fingertips; sucking gently on each individual one. He twitched beneath my touch and his eyes fluttered.

_So guys really **do **get off on that kind of stuff,_ I thought to myself. _Interesting._

I lifted my body onto his lap, straddling his legs and kissing him heatedly while driving my fingers into his hair. I felt his hands slide over my hips and underneath the hem of my shirt, massaging the skin of my abdomen and finally lifting it up my body. Our lips only parted long enough to discard it onto the floor and he pulled me back against him but it wasn't enough. I wanted to feel _him_; something I never tired of was the feel of his skin against mine. I started grasping clumsily for the bottom of his shirt, but he smirked slightly and assisted me by removing it himself.

I wanted to share everything with him and I would sacrifice anything to make him happy and to pleasure him. After one last hungry kiss against his lips, I slid backward off his lap, lowering down to kneel on the floor; parting his legs slightly to rest between them. I freed him from his boxers and took his long hard length in my hand again, running my tongue from base to tip teasingly slow. I stalled momentarily as my tongue came in contact with the pool of moisture at his tip, but then ran the end of my tongue over it, causing him to shiver. Or was that me? This wasn't as repulsive as I remembered; and didn't taste nearly as bad.

"Baby, you don't need to do this," he asked huskily, tracing his fingers along my cheek. This was how amazing my boyfriend was. From the moment I let down my guard and allowed him to, he had gone down on me countless times and given me numerous mind-blowing orgasms with that mouth; not to mention those fingers, and the incredible sex. And he never once complained about not receiving anything but sex or the occasional hand job in return. All because I had told him that I didn't like it when he questioned me after James' obnoxious comment in the hallway that day.

However, he deserved to know how happy he made me, to receive pleasure as much as he gave. And we were all alone, with no holds barred. I pulled his face gently to mine and brushed his lips softly.

"I want to. I want to taste you, and feel you come in my mouth," I whispered in my best attempt at a seductive voice and apparently, something worked because he let out a shuddering breath and kissed me passionately. This talking dirty thing was fun… and apparently effective. I felt him pulse in my hand while I stroked him as our lips attacked each other.

"_Oh fuck_!" he exclaimed loudly as I broke away from his lips to wrap my lips around the head and swirl my tongue around it. I felt more heat pool between my legs as I watched his face, contorting so beautifully in ecstasy… ecstasy _I_ was causing in him. His breaths became pants as I slowly lowered my lips down his length as far as I could go, filling my mouth.

I came back up, my mouth popping as it released the suction from him and he groaned.

"You like that, baby?" I asked with a wicked grin and he narrowed his eyes playfully at me, until they closed all the way again when my mouth returned to him, gliding up and down in swift movements. The sounds he was making were the sexiest things I had ever heard, and I felt his hands gently weave in my hair. Which in a way was kind of frustrating. Gentle was all well and good, but the desire rushing through my body right now didn't want gentle. A little hair tugging never killed anyone. I sped up my motions, showing him without words how I wanted it. I wanted him to take me, consume me, claim me and mark me as his. He was all I ever wanted.

His fists tightened slightly around the strands of my hair and I pulled off him, looking up to see his face. He was trembling, taking shaky breaths; it was beautiful.

"Bella," he breathed out softly, and I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was aching for release.

"Tell me what you want, baby," I whispered, taunting him with a taste of his own medicine as my hand slowly moved along his length; feeling him twitch and throb against my palm. "Do you want my tongue?" I asked as I flattened my tongue against the newly gathered dewdrop at his tip. "My lips…" placing a chaste kiss against him. "My mouth…" I devoured him in one quick motion but then pulled off again. "Tell me, Edward. Do you want me to make you cum?"

"Bell…"

I leaned forward so that his length rested between my breasts and pressed them together to surround him, stroking him gently and causing him to shudder.

"Tell me, Edward," I said in a little more forceful of a voice, and he looked down at me and nodded. "Say it. I want to hear you say it."

"I… want you…" he paused to swallow hard. "To make… me come…."

"You wish is my command baby," I smirked and released him, closing my mouth around him. His panting sped up as I moved quicker and added more suction to him before he finally let out a loud groan and I felt him spill into my mouth. But it didn't make me gag, or even taste _as_ bad as I had thought it would. It almost had a hint of the peppermint tea he had been drinking earlier.

_Need to keep that in mind for future reference_.

Before I could attempt to form any words, Edward took my face in his hands and crashed his lips onto mine passionately. I moaned in response, wrapping my arms around him and dragging my nails down his back. He shivered slightly and broke away from my lips. "I want you, Edward," I whispered huskily, kissing him again.

I moved to bring my hand back to him to awaken his erection again, but his hand clasped around my wrist and he shook his head, almost looking angry. He stood up, pulling me with him, and lifted me up so that I sat on top on the piano. I heard random notes ring through the room as my heels hit the keys.

"Lay back," he ordered abruptly but as I looked more closely at him, I realized that I knew that look. That was lust and desire, passion so hot it threatened to burn me to cinders. I complied with his request and he unzipped my skirt and pulled it down my legs, tossing it carelessly aside.

I closed my eyes and groaned as his mouth met my skin through the fabric of my panties, his breath heating me all the more. My knees instinctively began moving together and he quickly stopped them with his hands; continuing to assault me through the fabric.

"Fuck… Edward," I hissed in a whisper, grinding my hips against his face.

"I can't hear you, baby." He was practically taunting me. I opened my eyes to look at him again and his expression was almost animalistic. I had never seen this look in his eyes before and it sent a shiver through me; it was so arousing. He slid his index finger underneath the fabric of my panties and began gently caressing me in a teasing motion, leaving me wriggling my hips against him for more. "No one is here to hear you but me, Bella. And I want to, baby. I really, really want to."

I groaned loudly when he slid his finger inside me with his last statement, and my back arched off the piano as he pushed the fabric aside and began massaging me with his thumb. I could feel his hot breath so close to my skin and I bit my lip. He had spoiled me and I now craved it. I lowered my back and lifted my hips toward him.

"Please, baby," I whimpered needily and I looked down at him to see a wicked smile on his lips. Without another word, he ran his tongue lightly over my sensitive skin. "Mmmm, more. Please more."

His moan vibrated my skin and caused my hips to lurch against him. He pulled away from me long enough to slide my panties off and throw them aside, and then secured his lips around my clit, his hands sliding over my thighs. The intensity of his motions knocked the wind out of me, and my hands drove into his hair as I gasped for air.

"Oh god, Edward! Yes," I panted, my teeth still clenched as I felt my climax quickly building as he ravaged my skin with his lips and tongue as he never had before. I was throbbing in arousal and so close that one more flick from his tongue would throw me over the edge. As if he could sense it, he stopped and began gently massaging me again with his fingertips. "Baby, please don't tease me. Make me come… please."

"Oh fuck, Bella," I heard him whisper in the most beautiful growl I'd ever heard, and his hands cupped my ass and lifted me toward him. His lips quickly returned to me and my palms slammed onto the top of the piano, bracing myself for the climax. My quick breaths finally ended in a loud groan as the heat rushed through my body in a sudden wave and my legs trembled with my release.

Edward's hands released my thighs and he began to kiss up my abdomen, sliding along my body and under my shoulders to sit me up. I immediately brought mine to the sides of his face and consumed his lips in a passionate kiss. I took his bottom lip gently between my teeth and gave it a slight tug.

"Lose the pants and sit down."

He visibly shivered and let out an aroused growl as he shoved his pants and boxers over his hips, kicking them aside when they reached the floor. I chuckled as his hands eagerly grabbed my waist and lifted me down from the piano top and onto his lap. Our lips met again passionately as I began rubbing against his already hardened length, his hands gently squeezing my waist. In one of my motions against him, I shifted my hips to take him inside of me.

We both groaned in harmony, echoing through the large empty room until he completely filled me and his lips met my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair as I began to move. His hands lowered to my ass as I picked up speed, my head falling back. Even the tiniest jerk of his hips sent shocks through my body as it caused his thrusts to move deeper. His lips brushed against my throat in between his breathless pants, causing my skin to tingle.

My hips began to roll slightly with each movement and my hands gripped his shoulders, feeling my impending orgasm beginning to build. I wanted him deeper and again it seemed as if our minds were one as he lifted me off the bench, my legs quickly wrapping around his waist. As we reached the couch, he released me and set my feet down on the ground. I watched him lay down with his back against the couch, taking my hand and giving it a gentle tug. "C'mere, baby," he said softly as he guided me down to lay down in front of him, my back resting against his chest. He parted my legs slightly with his hand and then slid back inside of me, resuming his thrusts inside me again.

The angle caused me to yell out into the open space. "Oh yes, Edward!"

"God I love the way you say my name," he moaned as his lips pressed kisses along my neck.

"Edward," I whispered this time, turning my head to brush my lips against his temple. He tightened his hold around me and I could feel the tight muscles in his abdomen contract against my back as he groaned, biting lightly on my shoulder. I was driving him crazy and loving every minute of it. His thrusts increased and then my legs began trembling and I began to clench around him. The last few moments just before release were almost as fulfilling as the release itself; with that increase feeling of friction. A string of expletives escaped my lips as I came hard again, and then rested back against his chest, turning my head to kiss along his jaw line.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered against his skin, feeling the stubble on his face prickle slightly against my lips and my palm on the other side.

Edward turned his head to brush my lips with his, his hand running along my thigh. "God, I love you, Bella," he whispered softly as his lips continued to move over mine, moving in and out of me more slowly now. I smirked against his lips as I squeezed my muscles around him, causing him to groan deep in his throat and his thrusts to become more urgent. I felt him throb inside me a moment later as he came.

Once his hips slowed to a stop, our kiss deepened as his hand threaded in my hair. I turned toward him to press my body against him, draping my leg over his.

Edward's lips left mine, his hand cupping my cheek gently as he stared into my eyes. "Bella? You do realize that you have nothing to prove to me, don't you?"

My brow knitted together and I shook my head slightly. "What?" I asked softly, thinking that this was a very odd thing to ask me.

A small smile came to his lips as he traced mine with his finger. "I heard your conversation with Alice that morning," he whispered quietly and I closed my eyes, feeling the blush take over my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands and buried against his chest, hearing him chuckle gently as he wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. "You don't honestly think that sex is what I'll be coming back for, right?"

"Well it certainly doesn't hurt," I mumbled and then pulled away to slap his shoulder. "You were sleeping!"

He continued to chuckle as he kissed my tightened lips while I tried to glare at him. "I'm a good actor. Why do you think I told you to go to sleep, besides the fact that you needed it?" he smiled, wiggling his eyebrows and then reaching back to pull the soft white blanket from the back of the couch to cover us. He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead, bringing his softened green gaze back to mine. "Baby, when are you going to get it into that silly little head of yours that I wouldn't care if you never had sex with me again. I'd _still_ want you. It's _you_ I love, not just your body."

"Really? Shall we test that theory?" I replied teasingly and wrapped my arm around his waist.

"I'd really prefer if we didn't," he chuckled, brushing his lips against mine. "I may not _only_ love your body, but _damn,_ baby."

I laughed as he kissed me again, this time a little more firmly until I snuggled against his chest again. I was exhausted but amazingly enough, relieved as well. Even through Edward's teasing, I could still hear the sincerity in his words. I could feel it in his kiss and in the way that he held me.

We would be okay.

"Stay here with me tonight. Don't move," I said softly as my eyes closed, wanting to spend the entire night in his arms; feeling his body against mine this way.

"Where am I going to go, Bella?" he chuckled softly, but I barely made it through my return chuckle before sleep began to pull me under.


	20. Dinner at the Cullens

**Chapter 20: Dinner at the Cullens**

**_EPOV_**

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating the evening ahead of me. I had been pondering this evening for a couple of weeks now, and made the decision last week at Thanksgiving dinner. It was time to tell my mother but it was something that I couldn't imagine getting through without Bella. Nothing about tonight was going to be easy. My mother had made no secret about not wanting this life for my brother or me; from the time we were very young. I knew a lot of it was born from the same fear that caused her to leave my father when he enlisted but things were different now, and I hoped that would ease some of her worry. There was no war I was enlisting in, no real danger.

And I had something special at home waiting for me.

I was so lost in thought that I hadn't heard Bella enter the room and jump onto the bed, straddling my hips.

"Hello handsome," she teased with a smile, placing her hands on either side of my face and lowering her lips to mine.

And just like that, even if only for a moment, all my worry melted as it always did when she was with me.

"Where'd you come from?" I taunted back, teasing her lips with mine and sliding my hands into the pockets of her jeans.

She smirked playfully at me, biting her lip. "The window," she replied with an innocent shrug, contrasting sharply with the wicked gleam in her eyes. I gripped her backside firmly in my hands, rolling us over and began kissing her neck, causing her to giggle. "Edward Cullen, we don't have time for this!"

I chuckled and kissed her firmly as her arms slid around my shoulders. "And why not," I whispered in a husky voice against her lips and her body arched against me reflexively.

She smacked my shoulder lightly as I began to kiss the skin just below her ear as she wriggled underneath me. "For one, your door is wide open. Two, your parents are right downstairs. And I am _not_ going to have dinner with your family looking like I've been through a wind tunnel."

I groaned in feigned defeat, raising my head up to kiss her lips gently before resuming my previous position on my back. I bent my arm back behind my head and looked back to the ceiling. The bed shifted beside me and I felt her hand rest on my chest, and brought my free hand up to cover it.

"You're really nervous about tonight, aren't you?" she asked me softly, lacing her fingers with mine with one hand, while tracing them lightly through my hair with the other.

My thumb ran light circles across her hand on my chest and I nodded. "You have no idea, baby. She is going to be _so_ angry. This is the one thing she never wanted for me or Emmett," I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. "She's never going to forgive me for this."

"Edward?" she whispered and kissed me gently as I opened my eyes to look at her. "Your mother loves you, no matter what. I'm sure she'll be upset, just as I was. But not so much that she won't forgive you."

"Bella, you don't understand. She _left_ my father when he enlisted," I tried emphasizing my words to make her understand. "This isn't something that is just going to blow over."

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly in thought as she gazed at me. "Are you having second thoughts?" she asked abruptly.

I shook my head and looked away from her. "No," I replied in a flat, firm tone.

"Then listen to me," she returned my firm tone and I saw her shift in my peripheral vision, as she lifted up to straddle my waist. Her hands returned to my face, forcing me to look at her. "You are her son, her baby. She may not like or approve of everything you do with your life. But she will _always_ love you, and want you to do what will make you happy."

I sighed against her lips as she kissed me again, and I was about to reply when I heard my mother's voice echo up the stairs.

"Edward, it's time for dinner. And we already heard Bella up there. Come on," she chuckled softly.

Bella leaned down to kiss my forehead and then my lips again. "It's going to be alright, Edward," she said calmly and soothingly, as her hand ran over my cheek.

All through dinner, I tried to keep my demeanor as normal as possible, occasionally feeling the reassuring squeeze on my hand or knee from Bella. Once we were all finished, I glanced over at my father who gave me a nod. I reached over for Bella's hand and then looked between my mother and my brother.

My mother must have sensed my unease, her smile fading slightly and a worried expression came over her features. "Edward? Are you alright?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. There's something I need to tell you," I replied hesitantly and her eyes immediately flickered between me and Bella. I closed my eyes to gather my strength and then reopened them to see her leaning forward on the table expectantly. "I'm joining the Army, Mom."

Her face froze and paled, staring at me in disbelief. And suddenly she began to laugh uncomfortably as she reached for her glass of wine. "No, you're not, Edward," she said firmly and then took a sip from her glass.

"Yes, I am, Mom," I replied with a fresh feeling of determination. "I've had my physical and enlisted. I'm being sworn in on Saturday."

I felt Bella's hand fall limp from mine and I looked over to her, a similar look on her face as that which graced my mother's features only a moment before. Her eyes fell to her lap until both of our gazes shot over to my mother when she set her glass back down on the table roughly.

"No you are_ not_, Edward Anthony Cullen. And that's final," she growled through her teeth in a tone I had never heard in my eighteen years. Her eyes burned the dark emerald green that I had inherited with her temper, however rarely shown it was, as she placed her napkin from her lap on the table far too calmly to match her mood. "You are going to just tell them that you changed your mind. You are not sworn in yet, so that will not be a problem."

"Mom, I'm doing this," I gritted resolutely, meeting her gaze.

Tears began to form in her eyes as she shook her head. "Why, Edward? Why do you feel this need to do this? You have your family here. And what about Bella?"

"Bella and I have already talked about this," I cut my mother off before she could continue anymore. "This is _my_ decision to make."

I watched my mother shake her head and then look over to my father. "Did you put him up to this?" she snapped, pushing her chair back roughly and standing up from the table.

"Esme, calm down. Edward is not a little boy anymore and he needs to start thinking about his life and his future. But this is _his_ choice, not mine," my father replied calmly, with a hint of pleading in his voice.

My mother's jaw tightened slightly before she turned on her heel and stormed into the kitchen, with Emmett on her heels. Bella's sigh accompanied mine but there was a strange sound to it and when I turned to look at her, there was a tear in the corner of her eye. I reached over for her hand, but she pulled it away.

"Bella," I started but she rose up from the table and made her way quickly into the kitchen after my mother. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to calm myself and then excused myself from the table, grabbing my jacket by the front door and going outside. I knew tonight was not going to be easy; but I was not counting on Bella pulling away from me too.

**_BPOV_**

_Saturday_. Hearing that word suddenly made this entire thing too real. I knew he was leaving and I thought I had accepted that, until I heard the finality in his voice. And I knew I had to step away for a moment. So I retreated to the kitchen where Emmett was attempting to calm Esme, but I was not prepared for her angry eyes to flash to me.

"You knew about this?" she exclaimed as she gripped the countertop tightly. "And you didn't think to say anything? How can you be okay with this?"

"Mom, come on. This isn't Bella's fault," Emmett said calmly, placing his arm around her shoulders. "This is something Edward wants and we should be proud of him, not condemning him."

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly, shaking my head and looking at the floor. "I just didn't feel that it was my place. This is his dream and his decision."

"This isn't a dream, Bella," Esme said, her tone shifting slightly from fury to almost desperate despair. "You don't understand what it's like, what this family has been through. Twenty years I have lived in fear of losing my husband, and my fears were _not _always unfounded. We nearly lost him in Desert Storm. My boys came so close to being without a father. This is _not _a path I want my son on!"

"It's only four years, Mrs. Cullen. And it's not as if we're never going to see him even in that time. He's not going off to war," I stuttered slightly, shaking my head and shrugging nervously.

"That can change tomorrow, Bella. And _never _believe otherwise!" Esme snapped again, and knocked Emmett's hands from her shoulders as he again tried to calm her. "The moment he takes that oath, there's no turning back. No changing his mind. And I _refuse_ to lose my baby like that! And that's something you will _never_ understand until you're a mother yourself!"

I bit my lip to keep my chin from trembling at her words, until Emmett pulled her into his arms and nodded toward the door; giving me an escape which I gladly took. I re-entered the dining room to find Edward missing and Carlisle nodded toward the front door, his face drawn and tortured as Rosalie held his hand beside him. I grabbed my coat from the rack and quickly made my way outside, the cold wintry air gusting gently against my skin. I immediately found Edward leaning against his car and indulging in his angry habit, two lines of smoke billowing out from his nostrils.

I leaned on the opposite side of the car, facing away from him as I spoke. "I thought you were giving those up?" I began softly, folding my arms around my body to shield from the cold.

I heard him exhale heavily after taking a drag. "Yea, well some days are harder than others," he mumbled deeply, flicking his cigarette sharply and lifting it to his lips again. I turned to face him and said his name, but he shook his head without even looking at me. "Don't, Bella. Just don't."

I stormed determinedly around the car to face him but he still kept his eyes averted from mine, his jaw tight. "Don't what? Don't talk to you? Because really, that's all I'm trying to do here."

His eyes finally met mine and they were hard and cold, something I hadn't seen before; not like this.

"Damn it, Bella. I thought you were behind me on this!" he exclaimed angrily and my jaw dropped slightly in response. "I thought if there was one person I could count on tonight, it would be you. But guess I was wrong, because you ran out on me as quickly as my mother did."

I was taken aback at his sneering expression and his biting words. I had never seen this side of Edward, and frankly, I really didn't like it. "I didn't 'run out on you', Edward."

"Really?" he snarled sarcastically and pointed toward the house with the cigarette still between his fingers. "Then why the fuck were you in there with my mother when I needed you right here with _me_?"

"Alright, you want to play that way?" I retorted defiantly, folding my arms over my chest. "Why didn't you tell me about Saturday?"

"Oh don't start with that, Bella. That is such a minor point right now," he shouted back, shaking his head and took another drag. "You knew this was happening, regardless of when. 'When' is _really_ irrelevant here."

"When is _entirely_ relevant here! If it wasn't, you would have _told _me!"

We both let out heavy breaths and leaned against his car silently. I traced my finger over the light layer of frost coating the metal.

"Edward, why didn't you tell me about Desert Storm?" I asked tightly, keeping my eyes down. "About your dad. I mean, maybe your mom has a point. You know, anything can happen at any time and that could be _you_ next time."

His eyes turned to me again and I felt them on me. "You think I haven't considered that? That's the risk that everyone takes when they go into the military. And my dad did what he needed to do and so will I, if it comes to that," his voice was almost venomous, and I could hardly believe this was actually the same Edward. The same nervous boy from his bedroom just a couple of hours ago; the same guy who had made me feel so adored and precious over the last few weeks. _My_ Edward. "Are you _still_ sure you want to wait for me?"

I tightened my jaw and glared at him angrily, looking him directly in the eyes. I thought I saw them flicker slightly when I began to shake my head, but I was too angry at his statement to care. "Right now? No, I'm really not."

I pushed past him making my way for my car and digging my keys out of my pocket.

"Good to know," he shot out angrily and I turned my head to glare at him as I got into my car.

I fought back tears as I started my engine and began pulling out of the driveway. As soon as I was out of sight of the house, I allowed the tears to trail down my cheeks. Over and over during the drive, the tone he used tonight rang through my head; the icy look in his eyes haunted me. And Esme, the woman I had come to adore like a mother, so angry and bitter with me. The thought of my life without the Cullens in it was nearly as unbearable as the thought of my life without my own father. They were family to me. I pulled into my driveway, wiping my face roughly with my hands and glanced in my rearview mirror. I would just have to try to get upstairs before Charlie had the chance to worry. I got out of the car and hurried into the house, almost running right into my father as he was putting his coat on.

"Dad? Where are you going?" I asked in confusion as my eyes fell to his holster and then back to him.

"Station called. They need me down there for a few hours," he replied and then paused to look at me. "What's wrong, Bells? Have you been crying?"

I shook my head and looked down. "No, I'm fine. Just surprised, that's all," I stammered, until he said my name and I looked up at him. "Look, it's no big deal. I just got into a fight with Edward. Don't worry about me."

"You sure you don't want me to stay home? I can call the station," he asked in concern, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head and pulled away. "No really, Dad. I really would just rather be alone right now," I mumbled and instantly felt guilty; he was trying to comfort me and I was pushing him away. I looked up at him, seeing the uneasy look in his eyes and shook my head, trying to force a smile. "Don't worry, I'm just going to head to bed anyway. Long night."

"Alright, well you have the number for the station if you need me. Don't forget to lock up," he called back to me as he reached the door, and I nodded and waved as he walked out.

I let out a heavy sigh, tossing my jacket haphazardly on the coat rack and locking the door behind him. Slowly trudging upstairs to my room and closing the door, I leaned back against it in thought. This was going to be one long weekend, but I was _not_ going to be the first to apologize. The things Edward had said to me tonight cut me deep, coming from the one person who could hurt me the most. A shiver ran through my body and I glanced at the window, noticing the tiny crack that I always left open in case Edward were to ever come over during the night, which he rarely did; probably too afraid of Charlie finding him here.

_Won't be a problem tonight, Cullen_, I growled internally as I stormed across the room to shut it roughly and locked it, before turning around to change for bed.


	21. Making up is hard to do

**Chapter 21: Making up is hard to do**

**_BPOV_**

_Are you still sure you want to wait for me?_

_Right now? No, I'm really not._

I tossed on my bed again as the words rang in my head, and another tear fell onto my pillow. Everything about tonight haunted me as I laid there; sleep complete evading me. Even his intimate touches before dinner haunted me. I had felt every ounce of his love and desire for me at that moment, and then to be almost completely cast aside by him just a few hours later... I never thought he would make my heart ache like this again.

I had been wrong.

My phone rang from beside me on my bedside table, and I didn't have to pick it up to know it was Edward again. It was now midnight and he had been trying to call for the past hour and a half, but I was not ready to talk to him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, even if it was an apology. Forgiveness is earned, and he had _not _yet. He had expected me to stand behind him tonight without fully know all that I was standing up _for_.

Saturday it was going to be made official, even if he wouldn't leave until after he graduated. Edward would be a member of the United States military and there would be no turning back. He would belong to Uncle Sam above all others and he had expected me to take that final blow with grace. He trusted me enough to tell me before his own mother that he was joining, but not enough to tell me all the details. Then beyond that, he had the _nerve_ to get angry with me when I needed a moment to process it.

I ignored the call and set it back on my bedside table, curling back under my comforter. A tapping on my window a few minutes later startled me out of my moping and I turned to see Edward perched on the tree branch outside. I turned my face away from him and didn't respond at all until he knocked on my window again. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and began texting him.

_I'm not talking right now. Go home._

I pressed send and waited. I heard the rustling of the branches and leaves outside my window, and when I turned my head again, he was gone. I felt another tear trickle down my cheek as I turned back over, hugging my pillow as another sob wracked through my body. Part of me wished I could take back the words that I never really meant in the first place, but another part of me was still so angry with him for not telling me everything and then his words as well. My thoughts were disrupted by the vibration of my phone in my hand and I turned my face from the pillow to look at it.

A text from Edward.

_Bella please, I'm sorry. Please talk to me. _

I sighed heavily and shook my head before I began punching in a response.

_We'll talk tomorrow. Its late, you should go home._

_I'm not going home until you talk to me._

_Well you're gonna get pretty cold out there. _

_Oh well. _

I growled in frustration. This man could be the most stubborn male on the planet when he wanted to be, and I had a serious love-hate relationship with this side of him.

I was definitely leaning more toward the hate at this moment.

_Are you still awake? _he texted a few minutes later when I didn't respond and I clenched my free hand tightly into a fist before rolling onto my back.

_No._

_Bella just open your window and talk to me. _

_What part of I'm not talking right now don't you understand? _

_Haven't you heard it's not good to go to bed angry?_

I closed my eyes and tossed my head back into the pillow repeatedly. I could see his smirk as he typed that in my head, and it only served to fuel my irritation.

_This is not a joke, Edward._

_I'm not laughing._

_Well if Charlie comes home and starts searching the yard for your frostbitten ass, don't expect any sympathy from me._

_Charlie won't be home for hours and I could be long gone by then if you'd just talk to me. _

_My neighbor will call him when they see your car._

_It's down the street. No one will know._

_I'll call my dad and tell him that there's a strange man in the yard, and he'll come home._

_I run fast._

"Dammit Edward!" I exclaimed into the empty space of my room and glanced over to the window. Frost was rimming the edge of the window pain, creating an intricately jagged design. Normally I would lay here and stare at it, watching it grow; but now it only served to remind me how bitterly cold it was outside.

Knowing Edward, he was out there in that damn denim jacket that I told him a million times to get rid of in exchange for a _real_ jacket. I groaned and tossed my blankets aside, my feet hitting the cold wood floor as I ran over to the window, flipping the lock and lifting it open.

"Get your stupid ass up here!" I hissed and stormed away from the window, walking across the room and folding my arms over my chest to wait for him to appear in the window. When he finally climbed in the window and closed it behind him, I felt my heart begin to race uncontrollably. So I averted my eyes from him when he turned to face me. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

He exhaled roughly and I heard the chattering of his teeth through it, and before I could stop myself, my eyes met his. "Bella, I know you're mad…"

My eyes widened as I glared at him, and shook my head. "Mad? You think I'm _mad_? Try _furious_, Edward!" I snarled quietly with my fists now clenched at my sides. "Why did you bother telling me _anything_ if you weren't going to tell me _everything_? And then have the nerve to _yell_ at me because I needed a moment to soak it all in. And _after_ I was already snapped at by your mother."

"You mean like you're yelling at me _now_?" Edward retorted, his body still trembling from the cold but I was still too angry to care.

"Don't you _even_ think about comparing the two! I was attacked from all sides tonight and I hadn't done anything wrong!" I snapped back, my voice now rising in volume.

"So _I_ did? I was expecting what I got from my mother tonight, but I thought _you_ understood," he replied, throwing his arms out in frustration. "Why does something as insignificant as that date make such a difference? It's not like I'm _leaving_ Saturday."

"That doesn't _matter_, Edward! It becomes _real_ on Saturday!" I nearly screamed back at him, feeling the tears fill my eyes again. "This cements that you are leaving me. It isn't something you can take back or change your mind! I will be here no matter what, but will _you_ come back for _me_?"

A stunned look came over his face and he was completely silent for a moment. Then he shook his head gently and took a step toward me.

"Bella…" he said softly, reaching out for me and pulling me toward him. I pushed against his chest, struggling against his hold as I felt him kiss my hair.

"No, Edward. Just let me go," I yelled with one more violent shove against him and he finally released me. I backed away from him immediately. "You just don't get it, do you? _You're_ not the one being left behind. _You _aren't going to be the one waiting and wondering if something bad is going to happen. I will be here, still in high school, while you are out there in the real world with people your own age. _Women_ your own age. What happens when you find something better, someone who can be with you _now_? And I'll be _here_, sitting and waiting because I love you more than life itself." I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from him. The sobs began to shudder through my body again, and I wrapped my arms around myself tightly. I felt his arms come around me from behind, securing a hold around my shoulders and I attempted to wriggle out of his grasp. "Let me go, Edward."

"No, baby," he replied softly and kissed my hair as his embrace tightened around me. I growled, trying to pull his arms from around me but he wouldn't budge. "I'm not letting go, Bella."

"Get off of me!" I screamed as tears streamed down my face, leaning my head to the side when his lips brushed against my cheek. I turned to face him and began pushing against his chest and shoulders with my fists. His hands came to my arms and gripped them tightly, my eyes rising up to his and narrowing slightly.

"Bella, will you stop and _listen_ to me?" he gritted through clenched teeth, visibly trying to maintain his hold through my struggles.

"Why should I bother? You won't tell me everything _anyway_," I snapped angrily as the balls of my hands pushed against his shoulders. "Why bother telling me anything at all!"

"Will you just…" he growled, cutting himself off abruptly when his lips crashed into mine. I was so stunned by his sudden movement that I instinctually responded, bringing my hands up to cradle each side of his jaw. But there was a difference in this kiss from any other he had ever given me. It was angry and needy all at once, but more passionate than anything I had ever felt; and I moaned at the intensity of the pleasure it was giving me.

"No," I mumbled against his lips, pulling away from the kiss when I finally regained my senses and struggling again against his grip. "You can't just kiss me and make it better. It doesn't work that way, Edward. And you haven't answered a single thing I've…"

Once again, his lips on mine silenced the conversation and my nails dug into his shoulders. He hissed through his nose in response, but it only served to make his kiss more persistent and I suddenly felt my back hit the wall. I moaned involuntarily and my hands drove into his hair, gripping it tightly in my fists as I felt the beginning of his erection growing against my stomach. I bit his lip to catch his attention but instead of pulling away, he dragged his own teeth over my upper lip and gripped my hip in his palm.

"I'm sorry," he said breathily in between kisses, but in a rougher voice than I was accustomed to.

"Edward, stop!" I mumbled as I tried to separate my lips from his again, but he was not allowing me to break free. His hand rose up, driving into my hair and his tongue snaked out to trace along my lips. "I'm still mad at you."

Edward opened his eyes to look into mine and nodded his head.

"I know," he whispered huskily as his lids lowered to glance at my lips again. I needed him to stop. I knew that this would not solve anything; but I didn't want him to. I pulled his face roughly to mine, wanting more than anything to feel him against me. A slow burning fire was smoldering inside me and the anger only seemed to fuel my desire. I had never felt anything as confusing as the collision of two such conflicting emotions rushing through me all at once.

He lifted me up to wrap my legs around his waist, my hands moving to his shoulders to dig in to his skin roughly. We landed hard on the bed, our bodies becoming more tightly entwined as our lips hungrily consumed one another. I tugged his hair in my fist and slid my foot down the back of his leg, while kissing along his jaw toward his ear.

"Fuck me, Edward."

**_EPOV_**

My head rose in surprise to look at her while she rolled us over and straddled my hips. I had never seen her look this angry before… or this sexy. Her hands slid under my t-shirt, roughly dragging her nails down my chest and abdomen, and the sensation shot straight to my erection, causing me to harden even more against the grinding of her hips. I had not intended to have sex with her tonight. I had only wanted to talk; to apologize.

"Baby," I said, letting out a heavy breath as her hands came to the edge of my pants. I painfully stopped her and took them gently in mine.

Her jaw clenched tightly as an indecipherable array of emotions flickered her through her eyes.

"What? You don't _want_ to fuck me?" she asked in a tense voice, her eyes boring into mine. She breathed out an angry laugh and shifted her body off me, kneeling beside me on the bed. "So what exactly _do_ you want, Edward? Your moods are _so _out of control tonight and I can't keep up!"

I sat up with a sigh and ran my hand through my hair. "Bella, of course I want you but I didn't come here to get laid," I retorted and turned my gaze over to her. "I want to make things right between us. I couldn't leave things the way I did tonight at the house."

"Then make things right, Edward," she replied, never breaking contact with my eyes as she spoke and then lifting her tank top over her head. She climbed onto my lap again, and began pushing my jacket off my shoulders.

"Show me," she pleaded in a desperate voice, her lips urgently seeking mine. "Show me what I'll be waiting for."

I was taken aback slightly at _her_ sudden shift in mood. She had never appeared or sounded this distressed in all the time I had known her. "Baby, I don't think sex would be…"

"Please," she whimpered softly, leaning her forehead against mine with her fingers pressed against my lips. "It's not the sex. I need _you_."

I watched her eyes as her fingers slowly traced across my lips to my cheek and into my hair. I could still see the anger, but now also pain and fear. Was she afraid of losing me? Did she really think I would leave her and not come back? How could she still possibly think that? I wove my fingers gently into her hair and tilted her head to brush her lips with mine. But after one tender kiss, her lips began seeking mine out again in reckless abandon, pulling me sideways onto the bed and wrapping her arms and legs around me.

In a flurry of movements, we shed the rest of our clothes with her comforter pulled around us to shield us from the chill in the room. As I lay on top of her, feeling her body beneath mine, I brushed her hair back from her forehead and kissed her gently.

"Edward, please. Now," she groaned against my lips, her hands gripping my shoulders tightly and pulling me more firmly against her. I slid inside her, causing her to take a sharp intake of breath through her nose and to dig her nails into my shoulders. Her head tilted back away from my lips as I began to move inside her and she thrust her hips up against mine. "God yes… baby please…. more…"

Everything was different about Bella tonight. She had never had this desperation in her voice; she had never been this needy. As I sped up my rhythm, her hands came to my face, pulling me down against her lips while her legs tightened around mine. Her teeth clenched on my lower lip again and I drove deep inside her, causing her to gasp.

"Fuck yes!" she exclaimed, throwing her head back against the pillow and arching her back. "Do it again… please…"

I repeated my motion and felt her toes curl into the back of my thigh, applying more pressure as I continued at a steady pace.

"Like that, baby?" I panted, kissing her chin and down her throat.

"Ohh… yea…." she groaned as her hands moved to my ass, pushing me deeper inside of her. Sex had never been boring with Bella but this was beyond anything I had ever experienced before… once again. Her need for me was so great tonight, and not simply for the pleasure. She held me tighter; her lips came to press firmly against my shoulder with a whimper.

I slid my hands underneath her hips and thrust even deeper into her, hissing as I felt her teeth bite into my shoulder and her nails claw down my back.

"Come for me, baby," I whispered against her hair and she groaned in response.

Her body began to tense and I knew she was getting close. My hands gripped her hips tightly, giving me more leverage and her whimpering grew louder.

"Ohmygod… Edward…" she shrieked as she tightly gripped the bars of her headboard. Her breath caught as she clenched around me and her body began to tremble. "Please, let me feel you…"

"Shit," I hissed as the sensations she was causing in my body combined with her breathy plea to send my climax rushing through me. Our moans filled the room as my lips pressed against her neck until it finally subsided and my body relaxed against her.

Her hold tightened on me as I moved to roll off her, pulling me firmly against her.

"Don't move," she whispered, her lips brushing against my jaw. "Not yet."

I raised my head enough to catch her lips with mine, kissing her gently.

"Baby, I have to move. But I'm not leaving yet, I promise," I whispered and kissed her forehead as she hesitantly loosened her hold on me. Rolling to her side, I enveloped her in my arms with her head resting on my chest and she snuggled against my side with her leg draped over mine. After several moments of silence, I felt her shaking in my arms. I thought she was crying again until I heard a soft snort and realized that she was laughing. "What?"

She shook her head and then slowly tilted it up to look at me. Her eyes still looked sad but she had a small smile on her face.

"I guess they weren't lying about make-up sex. It really is pretty great," she laughed and kissed my shoulder.

"And I'm assuming by 'they' you mean 'Alice'?" I let out a small chuckle, rubbing her arm gently with my hand.

"Well, yea," she replied softly with a shrug, biting her lip. Her smile soon faded, and that same despaired look came over her face again. I lifted her chin gently with my finger to look at me and there were tears in her eyes. "Why did you start dating me, Edward?"

Her sudden question took me off guard. "What? Why do you think I started dating you? I love you."

She shook her head with a sad laugh. "But you knew you were leaving, and you knew why. You knew you would be leaving me behind. Even if you were to go to college, it would be the same thing. Either way, you would be somewhere I can't be. It's easy now, with you _here_. But I don't want to lose you."

I wiped away a tear that had fallen across the bridge of her nose and kissed her forehead.

"Bella listen to me," he said softly, cupping her cheek with my hand. "You're not going to lose me. I love you and I am going to continue to love you no matter where I am. Even if I am surrounded by women, it won't matter. There's only one Bella. _My_ Bella. You'll always be the only one I want."

She stared into my eyes for a moment and then brought her hand up to my neck, pulling me toward her to capture my lips. Her kiss was different now, more passionate than distressed. Our arms came around each other tightly, pressing our bodies together as closely as we could. When we finally broke away for breath, our foreheads rested together and her fingers played with the end of my hair on my neck. "You promise?"

"I promise," I replied without hesitation, running my hand gently up and down her back. She smiled and her eyes began to flutter as she fought to keep them open. "I should go, baby. Your dad will be home before you know it and I don't think he would appreciate coming home to find his daughter's boyfriend naked in bed with her."

Her arms tightened around me but her eyes never opened. "Just a little longer," she mumbled quietly as she cuddled against my chest.

"Okay, just a little longer," I whispered, kissing her hair.

**_BPOV_**

I was still asleep; I had to be. I could feel his warm body against mine, his arms wrapped around me. I felt warm and safe.

The sudden sound of a car door outside shocked me into awareness, and my eyes flew open to look at the clock. _5:16 am_. And then my eyes shot back to the warm body at my side and panic rushed through me.

"Edward," I hissed in a whisper, shaking his shoulder roughly until he opened his eyes. "Charlie!"

His eyes widened suddenly, shooting his head around to look at the clock as well. "Shit!" he muttered roughly, rolling out of bed and falling onto the floor.

"Shh," I hushed him harshly as I grabbed his jeans and shirt from beside the bed and threw them over at him. "Get dressed!"

By the time I had gotten up and thrown on my tank top and shorts, Edward was already on his way out the window. I ran over to close it and on the way back to the bed, I felt my foot hit something soft and I looked down to see the waistband of Edward's boxers caught on my toe. I heard my father's footsteps coming down the hall and I quickly kicked them under the bed just as he opened the door to look in on me.

"Oh, you're up," he said in a surprised tone.

"Uh huh," I answered, trying to keep the nervousness at bay long enough for him to leave.

"At 5 am… on a school day?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at this out of character action for me.

"Couldn't sleep," I shrugged and chuckled softly. "Do you want some breakfast before you go to bed?"

_Sure Bella, kiss your dad's ass and make him even more_ _suspicious. Good plan._

I felt the lump rise in my throat, and my heart start to race as he began to glance around my room. Then his eyes finally came back to me, and he shook his head.

"No, thanks. I'm just going to hit the sack. I have to be back in at two."

"Oh, okay. Well, goodnight," I said in a hurried voice, hoping he didn't notice. He watched me for a moment before nodding and closing my door. I let out a heavy breath and knelt down on the floor, reaching under my bed for Edward's boxers and ran back over to the window to open it. I looked down and didn't see him. "Edward?"

"Yea?" His voice sounded from beside me and I jumped, hitting my head on the window. I turned my head to look at him as I heard him chuckling and I narrowed my eyes at him sitting on the tree branch. "I'm sorry, are you okay, baby?"

I thrust his boxers into his chest, knocking him slightly off balance, and he laughed as he caught himself.

"Forget something?" I hissed but he leaned forward and kissed me gently. "You don't play fair."

"Never claimed to," he replied, smiling against my lips. "You better get inside. It's freezing out here. I'll call you later."

I nodded and watched as he shifted to begin climbing down.

"Edward?" I said suddenly and when he looked over at me, I reached out for his hand. When he took it, I pulled him back toward the window and kissed him firmly. "I love you."

He kissed my hand and then my lips one last time. "I love you too, baby."


	22. Heart to Heart

***EDIT* By Popular request for a tissue warning... here it is... TISSUE WARNING!**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Heart to Heart**

**_EPOV_**

The next few days dragged on, trying to focus on both school and Bella's continued distance from me even after that night in her bedroom. I knew a lot of it revolved around my impending induction and her fears of what this will entail for us as a couple. As much as I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my life would not be complete without Bella, it seemed that I had a long way to go before I convinced _her_ of that.

And standing here looking at her face as we stood outside the room that would change both of our lives, it became all the more clear. She tried to keep her brave face on but still stood several feet away from me. No matter how much she attempted to pretend that everything was alright between us, I could tell that they weren't completely. My words that night had wounded her deeply, and as much as they may have hurt me, I could not fault her in her angry words in return. I deserved every bit of her anger and the pain it caused that night.

It wasn't until after the talk with my mother that I realized what an ass I truly had been. I walked into the house still fuming from my argument with Bella to find her crying in the kitchen.

_Flashback_

"Right now? No, I'm really not."

Her last words to me before she left. I truly thought if there was one person I could count on tonight, it would be Bella. We had talked about this; she had firmly concluded that she would wait for me. And now, something as seemingly insignificant as a date tossed all our words and promises out the window.

She knew this day would come, why was it such a big deal now?

Walking into the kitchen, the sight of my mother with her head resting on her folded arms on the counter broke me. Her shoulders were convulsing slightly in sobs and it hit me that I was tearing apart the two women I loved more than anything in this world with one simple action.

"Mom?"

Her tear-stained face rose up to look at me and then she quickly turned away to the stove in an attempt to busy herself.

"Where is Bella?" she asked after clearing her throat of the sobs.

I let out a heavy sigh and leaned against the doorframe, folding my arms over my chest.

"She went home," I replied flatly, guilt flooding over me in a sudden rush at the circumstances of her departure.

"How could you do this, Edward?" she asked in a barely audible voice, her head hanging down slightly. "Why? Why would you do this to your family, to Bella? What is so horrible that you feel the need to leave us this way?"

I could hear her voice cracking again with emotion, and I walked over behind her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Surprisingly, she did not fight me off and instead leaned her head back against me.

"I wanted something so much better for you, Edward. Go to college and get married, have a family. Never this. _Why_?"

When I could tell that she wasn't going to continue, I hugged her tighter and kissed her cheek.

"Mom, this is something I have wanted since I was a kid. If I did anything else, I would be settling for something less. I can't go through my life like that."

Her body thrust forward suddenly in a sob, then she quickly turned toward me and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. "I can't lose you, Edward! Please don't do this."

"I have to," I replied gently as my hand rubbed her back comfortingly. "You're not going to lose me. I'm not going off to war, I am making a life for myself. Something I can be proud of."

I pulled away from her slightly and took her hands, guiding her to the kitchen table to sit down and her eyes fell to our joined hands.

"You told Bella?" she asked softly and then slowly brought her eyes up to mine and I nodded. "And she accepted it?"

I took a deep breath and shrugged. "Yea, I guess. I don't know that it matters now though. I said some pretty nasty things to her tonight." A pained looked came over my mother's face and she covered her mouth with her hands, looking down again. "Mom, what is it?"

"You should go talk to her, Edward," she said softly, never raising her eyes as I reached over for her hand again. "She's afraid. Don't let her make the same mistake I did. I think I scared her even more. I've never yelled at her the way I did tonight. I've never even yelled at you boys that way. Please just go make things right with her. We can talk about this later."

She squeezed my hand gently and nodded without ever meeting my gaze and I stood. I immediately dug my phone out of my pocket and tried calling her.

Voicemail.

Shit, I really screwed up tonight.

_Face it, Edward. You flat out **fucked **up._

I really hated it when my inner voice was right. And my mother yelled at her? My mother, who rarely throughout my entire childhood even so much as raised a harsh tone to me or my brother, as she mentioned… had yelled at Bella. I needed to see her, whatever it took.

_End flashback_

And now standing here silently watching the both of them, I could see on their faces how much this had affected them. Under any other circumstances, my mother would be whom Bella curled up against, rather than my brother; and it seemed as if she realized this as well.

The doors suddenly opened and we were ushered into a small room where I and several other young men stood at the front to stand in before a small podium. I glanced back once to see Bella biting her lip but it quickly changed to a small, forced smile that stabbed at my heart.

This was my last chance; there would be no turning back after this. It would be final and I would be leaving her and my family behind. Would she wait? Was I worth waiting _for_? I knew down to the bottom of my heart that Bella loved me; I could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice and feel it when she touched me. But would love be enough?

Her eyes left mine and her hand came up over her lips. I turned forward again as the uniformed officer approached the podium and asked us all to raise our right hands.

_This is it._

**_BPOV_**

Emmett's arm hugged securely around my shoulder as I watched Edward face away from me and eventually raise his hand with the rest of them. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. It was as if I was having an out of body experience, standing back and watching my soul stripped away from my body. My heart and my life was standing up there, taking the oath that would take him away from me.

_I, Edward Cullen, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God._

My throat tightened along with my heart. I couldn't look him in the eye when he turned around to face me; it was just too much. I forced my way out of Emmett's hold and walked out.

Finally breaking into a run, I didn't stop until I reached the doors leading outside and took a deep breath of the fresh air. Sitting down on the low brick wall surrounding several small trees, I hugged his jacket in my arms, inhaling his scent and forcing back the tears prickling in my eyes.

I thought I had come to terms with this already. I may not have completely forgiven him for not being honest with me, but I had laid out my fears for him and he quelled them as best as he could. So why does this hurt so badly? Why do I feel as if a ton of bricks fell onto my chest, crushing my heart? Why do I feel like I've just lost him?

I looked up as I heard the doors roughly pushed open, seeing Edward rushing through them to get to me. I immediately stood up and began walking away from him, almost running toward the parking lot.

"Bella, stop," I heard him behind me, his footfalls growing louder until he caught me close to the curb. He pulled me back against him, resting his lips on my hair. "Baby don't. It's okay."

"No," I cried with a shake of my head, pounding it back against him and finally gaving in to the sobs building up in my chest. "It's not okay. How can it be _okay_? I can't do this, Edward!"

His hold around me loosened and he turned me around to face him as his family finally began making their way toward us. We stared at each other for a moment, and he began shaking his head as he read my face.

"Baby… don't. Please don't do this."

"I can't," I said with a sob, clasping his face between my hands and brushing his lips with mine. I kept my eyes closed as the kiss broke and our foreheads rested together. "I can't watch you walk away from me, not knowing if and when you are ever going to come back."

I pulled back from him and began walking toward the car, leaning my arms on the roof when I got there and cried into them. This car ride was going to be the longest one ever but if watching him only be sworn in, knowing he was still going to be here tomorrow was this hard; I didn't know that I would make it through watching him leave. The doors unlocked and I raised my head to get into the car, startled slightly by the bronze hair my gaze met; as it was not what I was expecting.

"We need to talk, Bella," Esme said softly, holding Edward's keys in her hand and stepping into the car.

This had been the moment I had been dreading, the reason why I had never wanted to tell Edward how I felt about him. I knew there was going to come a point that it was going to be just too much for one of us; but never had I imagined that it would be me. Yet once again I allowed my emotions to overrun me in the moment.

What the hell was wrong with me lately?

I sat crying silently in the passenger seat, not even chancing a glance over at Esme. We had not spoken at all since that night in the kitchen and I wasn't exactly sure what she wanted to say. Nor did I know if I could handle it right now. Some harsh realities were driven home that night and I didn't know if the voice of experience was what I needed right now.

So when we pulled up in front of the house, I got out and ran around to the back, silently grateful that Edward's ladder still rested outside his window. I quickly climbed up and slid into his room, immediately collapsing on his bed and crying into his pillow.

A hand came to my shoulder and I jumped, my gaze meeting the tear-stained face of Esme. I turned my face back into the pillow and I felt her stroking my hair comfortingly, as only a mother could. And regardless of what had transpired in the kitchen the other night, I felt safe and loved.

"He loves you, Bella."

"All Iwant is for him to _leave_!" I exclaimed into the pillow and hugged it tightly. I felt her kiss my hair and I began to cry harder. "I can't sit around and just wait for him to leave me."

"Leaving him before he can leave you is not the answer, sweetheart," her soft voice rang in my ears.

I chuckled sadly into the pillow and finally sat up to look at her, shaking my head.

"How can you say that?" I scoffed slightly, standing up from the bed and turned around to look back at her. "Why did you leave Mr. Cullen then, if this isn't the answer?"

I watched as her eyes fell to her lap and my eyes joined hers as she lightly fingered her wedding ring.

"I made a mistake when I left Carlisle. A mistake I don't want to see you repeat with Edward," she replied quietly and then raised her eyes to meet mine. "I'm not unhappy with my life, Bella. Quite the opposite. I love my husband very much, and my boys. And I'm very proud of them all. I wouldn't change a thing."

My eyes squinted in confusion as I listened to her speak. I tried several times to interrupt, but between the ache in my heart and the enormity of the situation surrounding me, I couldn't find the words. I ran my hand through my hair as my lip quivered slightly.

"If it's not so bad then why did you react that way to Edward's news? Why don't _you_ want him to go? Because he may never come back, right? Isn't that what you said?"

"Bella," she said calmingly as she stood up and quickly walked toward me, taking my face between her hands. She lifted my face but I couldn't bring my eyes to meet hers. When she stroked my cheek gently with her hand, the tears spilled down my cheeks and I met her gaze. "I wanted something more for my children. But I also raised both of my boys to think for themselves and make their own decisions. And for that reason, I have never been _more_ proud of Edward than I was today."

A sob took over my entire body and she pulled me against her tightly, cradling my head against her chest. My legs trembled where I stood and I began lowering to the floor, Esme following with me. I rested my head in her lap and she continued to stroke my hair. I had never missed my mother more than I had at that very moment… but at the same time, I didn't feel completely without either. The soft voice, the gentle touch and the comforting embraces of a mother I was not lacking. And it was then that I understood the unconditional love of a mom.

"It hurts so much," I cried into her lap as she continued to smooth my hair away from my cheek with one hand and held mine gently with her other on her knee.

"I know it does, honey. And I wish I could tell you it got better, easier. It's a tough battle but one that is worth it, Bella. Every experience I have shared with Carlisle in the last twenty-five years I would never trade for anything. Even the painful times. Each one made him and our family what they are. I have never for one day regretted marrying him rather that some other simpler man. I could never be as happy as I am with him. And you remind me so much of myself when I was just around your age."

I turned my face slightly into her thigh, squeezing her hand and then rolled onto my back to look up at her face.

"I can't lose him the way you almost lost Mr. Cullen. I'm not strong enough for that. And you were right, anything can change at any moment and there could be a war tomorrow. And now there's no turning back. If they call him, he has to go." I paused, biting my lip to halt another sob that threatened me. "How did you do it?"

Esme wiped the tears from my cheek gently as more trailed over my temples. "We always find our strength when we most need it and _you_ are stronger than you think, Bella. For me? My strength came from my children." A small smile came to her lips and she closed her eyes for a moment, and a breath of a laugh escaped her. "I really should have seen this coming sooner than I did."

"What?" I asked softly as I watched the strange mixture of emotions pass over her face, until she opened her eyes again and looked back down at me. "Should have seen what?"

"Edward," she replied with a small shake of her head and then glanced down at me. "Come on, I want to show you something."

I sat up front her lap and took her outstretched hand as she helped me up to stand. We walked together downstairs into her drawing room and she let go of my hand to walk over to her desk, retrieving something from one of the drawers and holding it against her chest before she turned back to me.

"The day we got the call that Carlisle's company had been under attack in Iraq, I couldn't stop crying and nor could Emmett. But not my brave little Edward. He was only ten years old and he didn't shed one tear. He said 'Don't cry, Mama. A good soldier never gives up.' Then he stood up, went into his room and grabbed his little American flag he had in cup on his dresser."

She held her hand out to me and in it was a small golden frame. I took it in my hands and looked down at it. I couldn't help the smile teasing at my lips as I saw the familiar bronze locks; even on the young boy in the picture. Traces of snow were still visible on the lawn around his feet where a tiny flag was stuck into the ground. He stood at complete attention with his small hand in a salute. _Already such a little soldier_, I thought and just as suddenly turned my gaze to Esme.

Her finger traced the edge of the frame and she nodded. "I was inside, praying to God to bring my husband home safe. But my brave little boy stood outside saluting a flag with a little note," she said with a smile, pointing to the bottom of the picture. On the flag was a folded piece of paper on a string. Just as I was about to question her about it, she turned the frame over in my hands and opened the back. Inside was a slightly yellowed piece of paper with a hole punched through the corner. She nodded when I looked up at her again, giving me permission to take it out. I opened it and couldn't stop the small chuckle at the sloppy handwriting on it.

_Dear Uncle Sam,_

_Please bring my daddy home soon. We are sad and we miss him. Thank you._

_Edward Anthony Cullen_

We both let out very similar soft laughs and I let my fingers run over the almost scribbled signature of a ten-year-old boy, trying to be so grown up to hide his pain.

"I don't think Edward has voluntarily prayed since he was about five years old," Esme started and my gaze rose to look up at her as she was once again staring at the picture. "But he would stand out there every single day, sometimes for hours at a time, waiting for 'Uncle Sam' to send his daddy back. He would salute that flag every time he passed it. A regular little patriot. And I still never saw this coming."

"Or maybe you just didn't want to believe it," I replied suddenly, not looking in any particular direction. "And then you were forced to."

"Bella," she said my name softly and I looked over at her and brushed my hair back behind my ear with her fingers. "I could not love you more if you were one of my own children. And I can see how much you care about Edward." She paused and chuckled softly, and I couldn't understand what could possibly be humorous in this situation. "I know I should be standing here telling you that you are still young and don't know what love is yet. But the hopeless romantic in me won't allow it. And I see the way my baby looks at you, and you at him. I know you love each other very much. I would never want tell you that you shouldn't be with him or wait for him. Because frankly, I don't know that either one of you would listen to me. But you _are_ still very young, and this doesn't entail ceasing to live or being sixteen. It's not all or nothing. "

Just then, the sound of voices echoed from downstairs, followed by the closing of the front door. I looked back at Esme and she kissed my forehead, nodding towards them. I hurried out of that room as fast as my legs would carry me and ran to the top of the staircase in time to see Edward coming inside.

I watched him take several steps into the house looking very drawn and deep in thought, his hands shoved deep in his pockets until he finally raised his head and his eyes met mine. He halted in his steps and we held each other's gazes for an agonizing moment. Looking in his eyes, I wondered how I ever thought I could think that I didn't need him, that he wouldn't be worth waiting for.

I was the one now needing _his _forgiveness.

I took the first two steps hesitantly, but as I watched him take a slow, nervous breath, I hastened my steps until I was almost running down the stairs. The moment I reached him, I threw my arms around his neck and held him close to me. I thought he might pull away until I felt his arms wrap tightly around my waist, pulling me closer and burying his face in my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and he merely squeezed my waist tightly in response.

"Don't leave me, Bella," he whispered into my neck, neither pleading nor desperate but nonetheless with every bit of need for me that I felt for him.

I pulled away from him enough to grasp his face in my hands and shake my head slightly before brushing my lips on his.

"Never."

* * *

**In the words of Christina, I am the Queen of Cheese. Don't ya think?**

**Please read and review.**


	23. Number 326

**Chapter 23: Number 326**

**_EPOV_**

Christmas was just around the corner and I still had not gotten Bella's Christmas present. I wasn't sure what to get her since she never volunteered information or even really wanted anything. So today, while she was off doing her own Christmas shopping, I decided to head to Port Angeles to do mine. I had already gotten my father and Emmett taken care of, and that only left my mom and Bella.

I knew that their gifts would be the most difficult since I wanted to do something that would be special in its own right. When I passed the jewelry store window, something inside caught my eye and I knew without a doubt that I had found my mom's gift. My decision to join the Army had understandably been hard on my mother, and I wanted to get her something that would help her to feel as if I wasn't so far away. In the glass enclosure, I saw an elegant white gold necklace with a pearl dangling at the end. It was perfect, my birthstone, something tangible to represent me.

As I stood at the register to purchase the necklace, something else drew my attention away from the man behind the counter informing me of my total. I gazed down into the glass case found the perfect gift for Bella.

"You do engraving, right?" I asked distractedly as I continued to stare at it.

"Of course, sir. Which piece do you wish to engrave?" he asked skeptically, probably wondering what some kid could possibly afford in this store besides the necklace.

"That," I replied, pointing down through the glass. "Number 326."

"Very well," he said and reached for a slip beside register. "Fill out the details here, and your item should be ready to pick up in three to four business days."

I handed him my credit card to check out as I filled in the information. I had no idea why I hadn't thought of this sooner. The evening of my induction had been rough, especially when I thought that I had lost my Bella to it. When she kissed me outside and told me that she couldn't do this, I felt numb; unable to move or speak as she ran away from me. I was barely even aware of my mother taking my car keys out of my jacket pocket or my father's hand on my shoulder to guide me toward his car to go out to celebrate. I had hardly felt like celebrating at that moment. The best thing that had ever happened to me had just run away from me because I had hurt her. And no amount of reassurance from my father or my brother that I had done the right thing could truly convince me of that.

It was a sharp reminder of one thing though. Bella was so young, so unsure of life and still _very_ unsure of whether I was ever coming back. I was determined to find a way to assure her that nothing would prevent me from returning to her. She was everything to me, all I could possibly want in this world and as long as she wanted me, I would be hers. I handed the slip to the man behind the counter and grabbed my bag. I had finished my shopping, and I needed to get home.

Turning down the hall from the bathroom, every eye had turned to face me. One of the things that I hated most about small towns was even the smallest news was clung onto and spread like wildfire. Until there were so many versions of it, no one was ever quite sure what the actual story was.

I knew some of what was going around, and none of it was complimentary. Bella wasn't putting out, I was tired of her and one of the best was that Bella was pregnant and Chief Swan was forcing me to join the military. Every one of them grew more ridiculous as time passed to the point that they hardly made sense anymore; but it didn't matter. Bella and I knew the truth, and that was what counted. But it didn't mean I could ignore the almost constant public scrutiny lately. Such as the two guys standing about thirty feet away from me at this very moment, talking loudly about my induction and the rumors surrounding it. It made me almost wish I had done _all _of my Christmas shopping online.

"Well I sure wouldn't mind giving her some practice."

They both laughed, and I couldn't listen to any more. I had to get the hell out of there. I stormed down the hallway, glaring at their shocked faces as I passed. What could I honestly say or do about this?

Once I was out in the parking lot, I tossed my bags into the backseat of my car and sat down roughly in the seat. I immediately reached into my glove box for my pack of cigarettes, but instead of lighting one up, I just sat and stared at the pack. I needed to stop relying on these every time I got angry or upset. Even though I knew I needed to give them up anyway before I left, I knew more than anything it bothered Bella that I still smoked, even if it was only on occasion. I threw the pack out the window and started my car.

All I knew for sure was that I wanted to see Bella, and I wanted to see her now.

The hour drive from Port Angeles to Forks seemed to drag, even with the blaring music from my stereo and driving above the speed limit as often as I could. When I finally pulled up in front of her house, I hurried out of the car and up the front walk, catching a glimpse of her dad's cruiser in the driveway beside her car. Well this would make for a short visit.

Since finding out we were dating, Charlie had been less receptive toward me, not that I could blame him. However, he had gotten slightly more bristled since the news of my induction. I assumed it was because of the pain it was causing his daughter when I should be doing everything in my power to make her happy. Someday I hoped to be able to prove to him that I only want the best for Bella, that I would give anything never to see that pained look in her eyes again; that I loved her enough that if it meant her happiness, I would let her go.

I knocked on the door and heard the heavy footfalls approaching from inside, so I was not surprised when Charlie answered. "Hello, Chief Swan. Is Bella here?"

"Mmm hmm," he hummed in an annoyed tone and turned to the stairs behind him. "Bella! Edward is here."

I smiled as I heard her feet thud against the floor upstairs and hurry across her room and down the hall.

"Edward!" she exclaimed with a smile as she reached the top of the stairs, and I looked up at her from my stance in the doorway. She hurried down the stairs toward me, and I was instantly reminded of why I loved her as much as I did. The smile that lit her face at the mere sight of me, the way she made several attempts to push up the sleeves of the sweater that was several sizes too big for her, the sloppy ponytail and the torn jeans. She was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

"Hey ba... Bella," I corrected myself mid-statement, seeing Charlie shoot me a look as she flung herself into my arms.

She pulled back slightly to look at my face and then rolled her eyes and looked back at her father.

"Ugh, Dad," she growled slightly and took my hand, pulling me outside and shutting the door. "Sorry, he always gets a little extra moody around the holidays. So what's up? I thought you were going to Port Angeles today."

My mind instantly shot back to the creeps from the mall and I slid my arms around her waist, stepping toward her to hold her against me. I felt her raise up on her toes and cautiously wrap her arms around me as I buried my face in her neck. Her fingers came up to run through my hair and I held her tighter.

"I love you, you know that, right?" I mumbled against her skin, nuzzling her hair slightly.

She pulled back from me again and placed her hand on my cheek, looking into my eyes. "Is there something wrong? You seem really keyed up about something."

Her fingers stroked my cheek and I leaned down, chastely kissing her but her eyes remained open and watched me warily. Resting my forehead against hers, I rubbed my hands along her sides as she began to shiver.

"It's nothing. I just wanted to see you and tell you that I love you."

"You know that I'll call you on bullshit, Edward. Tell me," Bella replied sternly, holding my face between her hands. I hated this look almost as much as her tears. Her brow was furrowed, her eyes tense and her lips tight. It was a combination of fear and concern.

"I really hate shopping, have I ever mentioned that?" I said with a teasing smile and kissed her forehead. "Never let me go to Port Angeles alone again."

She chuckled softly and pulled me back against her, rubbing her hand on my back.

"You men are such babies, you know that?" she teased and slid her hands inside my jacket, curling up against my body.

"Baby, why don't you go back inside, it's freezing out here. I've gotta head home for dinner anyway," I said and brushed her hair back from her face as she nodded. "I'll pick you up for school tomorrow. We're supposed to get a storm tonight."

"Edward, I am fully capable of getting myself to school," Bella groaned and pulled away from me, tilting her head in annoyance. I raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed heavily. "Fine, pick me up, I don't care."

She turned to walk away in a huff and I grabbed her arm, pulling her back to me and kissing her again. Her lips pressed together in a hard line, trying not to respond until I tickled her sides. She emitted a small squeal and responded to my kiss, wrapping her arms around my neck. A sudden throat clearing behind us caught our attention and Bella lowered down onto flat feet, her arms dropping.

_Thanks, Chief Swan, _I thought to myself as my hands quickly moved from her waist.

"I'll see you in the morning, Bella," I said softly and then looked over to Charlie. "Goodnight, Chief Swan."

I heard him hum in response as I turned back to head to my car and couldn't help but chuckle. When I got into my car, I laughed even more at the look of annoyance on Bella's face as she spoke to him on the porch before storming inside. I couldn't fault the man for wanting to protect his daughter, though. It really showed how much he truly loved Bella. And as I drove home, I began contemplating ways to someday gain his approval and be worthy of his daughter in his eyes. It was going to be a challenge, but a challenge that was worth it in the end.

**_BPOV_**

I stood on the porch for a moment, watching Edward walk away. Once he was finally at his car, I turned back to my dad.

"Was that _really_ necessary, Dad? Seriously! It was just a kiss!" I growled in irritation with my fists clenched at my sides.

"A kiss appropriate for a sixteen year old girl is a peck on the cheek, not having some boy's tongue down your throat," he replied sternly and I gaped at him.

Never in my entire life had I heard my dad be so blunt about anything like this. Even our 'sex talk' had been full of stutters and mumbles of ridiculous analogies.

"Dad... there were no tongues," I stammered slightly and then quickly collected myself from the shock, trying to get my point across. "Edward is my boyfriend. We are going to hug and kiss and do everything that boyfriends and girlfriends do. That's what _dating_ is."

"Bella," he replied in a calmer voice, and I watched him shift uncomfortably. _Here's_ _the Charlie Swan I know_, I thought to myself. "I just don't want to see you get yourself involved or in trouble, only to get your heart broken. You deserve better than that."

"I'm already involved but that doesn't mean I'm going to 'get myself in trouble'. I love him and he loves me, and that's all that matters," I replied trying to keep my angry tears at bay.

"You're only sixteen, honey. That word is thrown around a lot at your age, and it doesn't always mean anything. You're far too young to shut yourself down when he leaves."

My eyes widened and I shook my head.

"Oh, so now you've gone from 'no dating at all' to 'date more often'?" I almost screeched, waving my arms out in frustration and then brought my eyes back to his. "I could date the entire town of Forks, and it would _always_ come back down to Edward. _He_ is the one I want. And _nothing_ is going to change that."

I stormed into the house and ran upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me and falling onto my bed face first into my pillows. I knew that was a bit bratty and dramatic, but I was so tired of people reminding me of how young I was and suggesting that I didn't really love Edward as much as I thought I did. Even Esme claimed that she knew we loved each other, but in the same breath reminded me of how young I was. I spent so much of my childhood just wanting to go back to being a little girl, back to when my mom was still alive. And now I would have given anything to be just a couple of years older. To be able to leave Forks with Edward instead of being left behind for two years until I graduated, while he was hundreds-if not thousands-of miles away.

I heard my dad's footsteps ascend the stairs and stop briefly outside my room before continuing to his room and shutting the door. I felt slightly guilty about blowing up at him, and I was sure I would end up apologizing for it in the morning. But I knew what I wanted, and that was Edward.

The way he made me feel, the way he touched me and kissed me was something that I knew I would never find with anyone else. Even without much basis for comparison, I knew that I had never felt this connection with James. I had never felt so complete just being in his company. I turn my head on the pillow to look at the frame on my bedside table, smiling when I saw Edward's face in the picture taken at my birthday party. We weren't even together yet but now I could finally see what all of our friends had seen for so long. The way he held me, the visible comfort I felt snuggled against his chest... I couldn't understand how I had not seen this sooner. I could have had so much more time with him.

I hadn't even remembered closing my eyes, but I was suddenly startled awake my the sound of a car horn outside. My eyes shot open and looked up quickly at my clock.

_6:50 _

_Dammit_, the first bell was in thirty minutes! I jumped out of bed and grabbed the first set of clothes I could find before running for the bathroom to change, while trying to brush my hair and teeth at the same time. I screamed in frustration as I heard my phone ring, and I rushed into my bedroom to answer it with my toothbrush still in my mouth. "Ah now, jus gah may toe mo momits."

I heard Edward's chuckle on the other end and I brushed more furiously in response. "So articulate. Oversleep a little, baby?"

"Shaddup," I replied and covered the mouthpiece to spit into the sink, wiping my mouth. This day was starting out just marvelously. "I never oversleep, so don't give me shit."

"Okay," he replied but I could hear the restrained laughter in his voice. "But you might wanna get a step on it. The roads are really icy."

"I'm coming, give it a rest! See, I told you that you should have just let me drive myself to school," I grumbled as I held my phone between my ear and shoulder to slide my boots on.

"Then you'd still be sleeping," he teased back.

"Oh and this is an unappealing thought _why_? Gee, warm in bed sleeping, or braving the cold and ice to sit through a boring Algebra class. Wow, decisions decisions," I snipped sarcastically and grabbed my bag off my desk.

"Bella..."

"Alright, I'm _coming_!" I yelled into the phone on my way down the stairs.

"Don't say that too loud, people might start getting the wrong idea," Edward laughed out loud.

I groaned loudly.

"Ugh! You're a pig, Edward Cullen!" I yelled and snapped my phone shut after hearing him erupt into more laughter. _Men!_ Or more specifically _boys!_ Did they _always_ need to think with their dicks? I walked out the door with my coat in my hand and miraculously did not fall all the way to Edward's car.

He leaned over as soon as I sat down and kissed me gently.

"Good morning, beautiful," he mumbled against my lips and just like that, my resolve melted. I brought my hand to his cheek, kissing him more firmly and his soft groan vibrated against my lips. Maybe it _wasn't _such a bad idea for him to pick me up for school. Our kiss slowly began to deepen and heat up when he suddenly pulled away. "Bella, we're never going to get to school at this rate."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I murmured softly and pulled his mouth to mine again, nipping at his lower lip. My desire for him shot through the roof, the grogginess I had felt not even a minute ago immediately forgotten. Our sex life had fairly diminished in recent weeks. The last time we had been together it was anguished, heated and as a result of anger. It seemed like so long since he had touched me, and I was missing him horribly in that way. I was hoping that our 'honeymoon phase' wasn't over quite yet. I still wanted to enjoy him and have him enjoy me more before he left in eight months.

Edward responded for a moment but then brought his hands up to my face gently and pulled us apart.

"We really need to get to school, baby," he said in a gravelly voice and then turned in his seat to shift the car into gear to back out. I stared at him for a moment in astonishment. Edward Cullen was turning down sex in exchange for school. I turned in my seat and fastened my seat belt. Before we began moving, Edward reached over for my hand and brought it up to his lips. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

I glanced over at him and of course, he was sporting the smirk he knew I couldn't resist and I smacked his chest.

"Just drive," I replied in a half chuckle and shook my head. "That smirk won't get you out of everything. You realize that, don't you?"

He laughed and started to drive slowly. Even with his crawling speed, we still made it to school with minutes to spare. My first two classes dragged as they normally did until third hour when I finally got to my study hall with Edward. He was already sitting there waiting for me when I entered, and I knew I was going to miss this next semester when we had our courses switched around. Once the bell rang, I pulled a sheet of paper out of my binder and began our study hall ritual.

_So, this is what you were dying to get to this morning? Seriously?_

I folded the paper and tossed in on top of his Trig book, watching him shake his head and smile out of the corner of my eye. A breathy chuckle passed over his lips and he bent over slightly, writing back. I pretended to read my book only to be taken by surprise when a ball of paper bounced off my temple. My first reaction was to look up at the librarian, who was conveniently preoccupied. I narrowed my eyes and turned to look at Edward now leaning over his book again, trying to appear busy while he snickered and licked his lips. I continued glaring at him as I lifted the paper from my lap and unfolded it, flattening it out to read.

_Not really. I don't know about you but getting detention right before vacation does not make for a happy Cullen household._

I rolled my eyes and wrote back. _We could have blamed the weather. Where's your sense of adventure?_

I tossed the paper back at him under the table, making sure it hit his crotch. Not really the _best_ defense, but the best I could manage in the current situation. As with last time, he chuckled and reached down for the paper, unfolding it and reading it under the table. I bit my lip as I watched him raise his eyebrows, eyes wide as he barely restrained his laughter. I watched him as he folded the paper again after writing and handed it back.

_Isabella Swan, I'm shocked! When did you become so devious?_

_Since my boyfriend stopped putting out, _I wrote and shoved it back to him. I started reading my book again as he opened it and started coughing. I looked over at him to see that he was masking laughter.

"Mr. Cullen, are you alright?" the librarian asked, and Edward only nodded in return as his coughing continued. "Why don't you step out and get a drink of water?"

Edward nodded and stood, and I watched him leave the room with a triumphant smile on my face. When he came back, I tried to ignore him but kept having to suppress my smirk. A few minutes later, he tossed the paper back at me.

_Touché, Miss Swan. We'll talk later, I need to get this Trig done. _

I nodded as he looked over at me and then turned my attention back to my book. I had become so enthralled in the demented mind of Holden Caulfield and the lies he wove for Mrs. Morrow that I jumped slightly at the sound of the bell ringing. I gathered my things quickly and hurried out of the library. Edward caught up to me quickly.

"So, your boyfriend has stopped putting out, has he?" he asked softly in my ear as his arm slid around my waist and he kissed my neck.

I leaned away from his gesture and lifted my chin slightly. "Yup, he sure has. It's a shame too. I had so many plans for him, but obviously he's not interested," I replied casually and then nudged his ribs with my elbow. I stopped in front of the bathroom and kissed his cheek. "I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

He nodded and I walked through the door, quickly stepping into the stall and trying to hurry so I could get out of there as quickly as possible.

"I can't believe Edward is really leaving. And for the Army. That's pretty fucking drastic."

"Probably can't get far enough away from _her_. She is such a prude, honestly. Did you see her out there after class? God, I'd give my right arm for what she's got. And she's all 'ew, don't touch me!' He could do so much better than that."

I could swear I almost heard her eyes rolling as she spoke, and it only served to make me seethe more. What the hell did they know about me and Edward, or our relationship?

"You know he's only sticking it out because she's the police chief's kid. Don't wanna piss off daddy."

"He could still get some on the side, I mean it's not like she's _always_ with him. And it's definitely not like he couldn't get the offers. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and am totally willing to make a return trip."

"You are such a bitch!"

They both started to laugh and I just couldn't take anymore. I bolted out of the stall, catching their eyes as they stood by the sink and roughly pulling the door open to leave. I knew for a fact that Edward wouldn't cheat on me. I had enough faith in our relationship for that at least, but somehow that fact didn't seem to calm me at the moment. I needed to see him _now_.

I hurried as quickly as I could to the cafeteria and when I arrived I clenched my jaw when I saw Jessica Stanley talking to Edward. I moved closer, straining to hear what was being said.

"So Edward, I hear Bella isn't giving it up like a good girlfriend should. You have that ladder for a reason. She should use it sometime. I'll climb your ladder any day. Just say when," I heard her purring voice and clenched my fists as I saw her touch his arm, rubbing it slowly.

"You know Jess, I was always wondering when you would offer. But Bella..."

I grabbed his arm to yank it out of her hold and stepped beside him, watching Jessica's eyes widen.

"There you are, baby," I said in an overly sweet tone, sliding my arm around his waist as his arm came around my shoulders and he kissed my hair.

"Hey, I was looking for you," he replied with a smile but as he looked down at me, something must have indicated that I was less than amused. His expression fell and his eyes locked on mine. "Excuse us, Jess."

"Yes, excuse us, _Jess_," I seethed at her and dropped my arm from around him, turning and walking toward the doors. I could hear Edward's footsteps behind me, but I didn't stop until I felt his hand on my shoulder once we were outside. I spun to face him, my eyes burning in fury. "Kiss me."

He furrowed his brow in confusion and shook his head.

"Baby, what are you..." he started but I cut him off, grabbing the front of his jacket in my fists and pulling him toward me, crashing his lips to mine. When he tried to pull away, I brought my hand up to hold him against me and clenched his hair in my hands. I kissed him with everything in me, tugging at his bottom lip with my teeth.

"Bella, stop."

I pulled away from him as he mumbled against my lips and opened my eyes to look at him.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something by wanting time with _my_ boyfriend?" I growled through clenched teeth, pulling away from him and walking toward the parking lot.

"Bella, wait. Where are you going?" he called after me, and I walked faster as his footfalls came faster.

"Home. I'm not feeling well," I yelled back over my shoulder.

"You're not walking home, Bella. Stop," he said as he caught up to me and stepped in front of me. "It's not what you think."

I folded my arms over my chest, glaring at him. "Oh yea? Then tell me, Edward, what the hell is it? Because I know exactly what I just heard and saw. Jessica Stanley? _Really! _Come on, I thought you could at least do better than _that_."

I pushed past him and continued walking toward his car. I would stand there all day if I had to, but I wasn't going back inside that school. What those girls had said had been like a smack in the face, only accentuated by Jessica's attempt to steal him out from under my nose; and I honestly couldn't take any more for one day. I was beginning to seriously wonder if there would ever come a time when we could just be happy, just be Edward and Bella. That was never going to happen if he was considering offers from the likes of Jessica Stanley. I leaned back against the car, folding my arms over my chest and trying to force back the tears that were starting to form.

Edward stopped in front of me. He placed his hands on my forearms, but I quickly shook my shoulders to ward him off me. They immediately went to his hair and he sighed heavily. "Bella, it's really not like that, okay?"

"Then why was she talking to you? Why was she _touching_ you? And why the _hell_ were you considering her proposition?" He stared at me wide eyed and began shaking his head, but I didn't want to listen. "Just don't even start. Why don't you just go finish your statement? 'But Bella', what? But Bella might find out? But Bella is who I'm stuck with now? What?"

Edward's jaw tightened, and he suddenly took my face between his hands and kissed me fervently. I closed my eyes to ward off the tears threatening to spill over but did not move to touch him or return his kiss. He pulled away slightly, leaning his forehead against mine.

"What I was _going _to say was, 'But Bella is the only one that does anything for me. No other girl can come close'. You are _everything_ to me, baby. I never for one second even considered it. I love _you_, Bella."

I opened my eyes to look up at him, and I saw _my_ Edward staring back at me. I slid my arms around his waist, pulling myself against his chest, and felt his hand come up to stroke my hair.

"Is this ever going to stop?" I asked softly, snuggling further into him. "Every time I begin to feel secure, safe and okay with everything that's happening, something goes wrong. Something threatening to take all this away, to take _you_ away. I don't want to lose you any more than I already have to."

He kissed the top of my head and tightened his hold around me.

"Bella, look at me." I raised my chin slowly to meet his gaze. His lips lowered to meet mine, touching so softly but still conveying so much. "You're not losing me. I'm always going to be yours, no matter where I am. I promise."

I nodded as I stared into his eyes and he bent down to kiss me.

"I trust _you_, Edward," I murmured against his lips as I brought my hand up to weave in his hair. "I don't trust _them_. I know they are waiting for me to screw up enough that you won't want me anymore. I just never want that to happen."

"They aren't you, baby. And they never will be," he replied seriously, shaking his head. I pulled him back against my lips, kissing him fiercely and pressing my body against his. I knew he loved me, but I wanted him to _need_ me; to want me the way I wanted him. To know without doubt that those girls were wrong.

We were interrupted by a clearing throat behind him, followed by a loud, "Get a room". We broke apart to find Jasper smirking at us with Alice standing beside him.

Edward chuckled and shook his head as the couple walked away from us toward the parking lot. "I guess we should get inside and get to class."

I whined softly, tugging at the front of his jacket to pull him back to me and kissed his chin. "What's one day without science? And history. And Spanish. I can think of other things I would rather be doing."

He chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose, shaking his head. "Baby, the chief is home today, remember? And my mother wouldn't think too highly of us leaving school for that."

"No one has to know. We could just drive around for a while," I pleaded with him, peppering kisses on his lips. "I want you... now. Please."

I kissed him more firmly and arms tightened around my waist, pulling me against him as he deepened the kiss with a soft moan. Then the bell rang and he hesitantly pulled away, his hand rubbing the small of my back.

"As tempting as that offer is," he paused, kissing my lips again. "We are _not_ going to do this in my car. I have something special planned for us over vacation, but for now, we need to get to class."

I sighed heavily, although intrigued by his mention of 'something special' as he walked me back to the school with his arm around my shoulders. I held him tight around the waist as we passed by Jessica and her passel of minions, all staring at the gorgeous guy at my side. _My_ Edward. That thought made me smile as I heard their whisperings, and I found I actually felt invigorated instead of enraged. None of them had ever experienced what I had with Edward, and they never would. I had nothing to prove to them and neither did he.


	24. Merry Christmas, Baby

**Chapter 24: Merry Christmas, Baby**

**_BPOV_**

So many thoughts raced through my mind during that last week of school as I tried to sort out my feelings once and for all. The gossip didn't bother me anymore; that was just high school. But the last few weeks and all that had changed was still something that I struggled to come to terms with at times.

The night of Edward's induction was probably the worst I'd had to endure since the night he told me he was joining the Army. His departure was no longer a matter of _if_; it was a matter of _when_. At least now I knew I had until August with him. There was no more uncertainty, and in some respects, it was better this way. I wasn't dangling in midair anymore. I had my feet firmly on the ground with a definite direction. Now the only worry I had was making the next eight months count, making sure he knew what was waiting for him back home. And that night, as I stood at the bottom of those stairs in his arms, feeling him hold me as if I were his lifeline; I decided exactly what I was going to get him for Christmas. The holiday had snuck up on me with the overwhelming rush of events surrounding me these past few months.

I had just finished wrapping it and putting it in the bag to take to the Cullens tomorrow when I heard a car door close outside and footsteps coming up the walk. By the time I reached the top of the stairs, the front door was swinging open.

"Bella?" Charlie called into the house, setting down several bags in the foyer.

I came to the bottom of the stairs and placed my hands on my hips. "Nothing like waiting until the last minute, huh?" I teased and laughed as he gave me a sarcastic look. While my procrastination around the holidays was somewhat odd, it was nothing new for Charlie.

It was almost as much of a tradition as Christmas itself. Every year, he would come home on Christmas Eve with armfuls of bags, and then after dinner, he would disappear into his room for hours. Around midnight, he would emerge to find me sleeping on the couch in front of _It's a Wonderful Life_ and set the presents up under the tree before waking me up to open them.

"You need help with anything?"

"Nice try, Bells," he replied with a smirk and I snapped my fingers in feigned disappointment, causing him to laugh softly. My relationship with my dad had changed dramatically over the last few months. The fact that his little girl was not only driving, but now also dating had hit him hard at first. Soon it would be college and starting my own life; leaving my dad alone. Although he was a quiet man, I knew that he was not particularly looking forward to a completely silent house. Though he was trying harder not to show it, I caught the glances he would give Edward whenever he would drop me off after school or from one of our dates. He was going to have a bad case of the 'empty nest' syndrome when the time came, that was for sure.

"I got everything on your list for dinner though."

My smile widened and I think I may have even bounced lightly before hurrying over to grab the bag to which he had nodded. If there was one tradition I truly did enjoy about Christmas, it was making dinner for us, curling up on the couch to eat and watching the lights on the tree. The only time of the year we ate anywhere but the kitchen. I unpacked everything from the bags and laid them out over the counter and I went about making dinner.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and I had made my pies both for my dad and for dinner tomorrow at Edward's house. I brought our plates into the living room and stopped in the doorway.

My dad stood in front of the tree, fingering a familiar ornament. It was a small crystal frame; inside was a family picture with my mom taken the last Christmas we spent together. I set the plates down on the coffee table and walked over to him, placing my hand on his arm and he turned his head to look at me.

"She loved you so much, Bella. She really would have been so proud of you," he said suddenly in a soft voice. I looked up at him slowly, finding it odd that he had brought up my mom so willingly. He kissed my forehead and tears were trailing down his cheeks. "I'm sorry I've been so tough on you lately. I know that Edward is a nice boy but you have to understand, you're still my little girl. And it's just a little hard to watch you grow up."

"I know, Dad," I whispered gently and stared at the picture of my mother. "She'd be proud of you too. You've done a great job."

"I know I need to let you go a little more than I do," he replied and I wasn't entirely sure he heard what I had said, or if he was blocking it out again. I didn't know that there was ever going to be a time that he would feel fully comfortable talking about my mom, as it was still obvious in his eyes how much he still loved and missed her after all these years. He looked down at me and brushed his hand over my hair. "I'll try harder when it comes to Edward. I can see how much you mean to that young man and vice versa, and with the exception of this Army business, I have never seen you happier. All I want is for you to be happy, Bella. I just don't want to see you rush into something that you will end up regretting."

"I'm not rushing into anything, Dad," I said and shook my head, taking his hand and bringing him over to the couch. We sat down slowly and I grabbed his plate, handing it to him. "I still have two and a half years of high school left. It's not like I'm rushing off to Vegas to elope and start popping out babies."

Charlie chuckled and shook his head, settling himself in to eat.

"Well, that's good," he replied and I could see his face begin to redden slightly while his eyes focused on the plate in front of him. "So what time are you leaving tomorrow?"

I looked over at him curiously at his change of topic and stumbled for a moment on what to say. "Umm, I'm not sure. I guess I'm just going to call Edward when I'm ready to go in the morning. I'm not seven anymore, I like to sleep in even if it _is _Christmas."

He smiled softly and nodded as we ate the rest of our dinner in a comfortable silence, watching the flickering lights on the tree. Charlie's words tonight actually meant a lot to me. I wanted him to like Edward and for things not to be so awkward whenever he came to see me. Even though it wasn't a promise, he _was_ going to try. I couldn't expect him to stop being a father wanting to protect his daughter.

After dinner, the routine began. Charlie went upstairs to wrap presents and I curled up on the couch to watch my movie. My eyes began to droop halfway through _It's a Wonderful Life_ and once again, the sound of my father coming downstairs with the presents woke me slightly. I felt a gentle shake of my shoulder, and I peeked my eyes open to find my father's smiling face. "Time to wake up."

I sat up and stretched slightly, and he set the first present in my lap. I pulled at the ribbon and opened the box to reveal a leather case. I pulled it out and opened it to reveal an expensive charcoal and pencil set. I teared up slightly and looked at him. I had wanted one of these for a long time but had only mentioned it once a few weeks ago.

"Dad, this is... gorgeous. But it's so much."

He interrupted me by shaking his head and resting his hand on mine. "I've noticed you've been drawing a lot more lately. You have such amazing talent, Bella. You shouldn't squander it."

I smiled at him and stood up off the couch, rushing over to the tree to grab one of my presents for him. He opened the long flat box; inside was a framed drawing I had been working on for months. It was of my favorite picture of us, that picture from the baseball game when I was a little girl. He looked at me and wordlessly thanked me with a hug, and we turned back to finish opening the presents. I had gotten him a new tackle box since the latch broke on his old one and a gift certificate to the sporting goods store. I got numerous books and cds and a beautiful white winter coat.

When we were done, we set the gifts aside and I lay back down on the couch to watch the remainder of the midnight showing of _A Christmas Story_ with my dad. Once again, I fell asleep. I woke slightly to the feel of his weight shifting on the couch at my feet and I pulled the afghan tighter around my body, closing my eyes until I felt myself being lifted off of the couch and carried up the stairs. I soon met my soft mattress and felt the covers pulled over me, followed by a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

But I was too far under to respond.

I woke up the next morning and my eyes popped open to the smell of something burning. I bolted out of bed and ran down the stairs toward the sound of the smoke alarm going off in the kitchen.

"Dad, what are you doing?" I asked, waving my hands in front of my face to ward off the smoke coming from the pan on the stove.

"Cooking breakfast," he replied sheepishly with a shrug. "Or at least trying to. You always make breakfast on Christmas morning."

"And there's a reason for that, Dad!"

I laughed and hurried over to the stove, looking down to where the black substance that used to be bacon was now smoldering in the pan. I turned the burner off and walked over to the refrigerator, grabbing the muffins I'd made yesterday afternoon and set them in the microwave to heat. "You should have woken me up. You had the heat too high."

"I should just stick to cereal," he laughed and shook his head, walking over to the table to sit down. We ate a quiet breakfast of muffins and orange juice and once he was done, he looked up at me. "Did you happen to look in the living room on your way down?"

I furrowed my brow and shook my head and he nodded toward the doorway. I got up to see what he was talking about and my breath halted in my throat as I stepped into the living room, finding a tall easel standing in front of the tree. I walked over silently, running my hand along the smooth beams with a smile. "Dad, when did you get this? I didn't hear you come in with it."

"It was your mother's," he said softly and when I looked over at him, for once I saw a small hint of a smile. "When you were about two, she decided to start painting on a whim. She got pretty good at it too but then she just suddenly stopped. She always looked so happy with a brush in her hand and when I watch you draw, you remind me so much of her. Everything that I _want_ to remember. And that's why I could never bring myself to get rid of this, knowing that someday you might like it and be able to use it."

I bit my lip trying to refrain from crying and walked over to him, embracing him tightly. His hand smoothed my hair as I cried into his chest.

"Thank you, Dad. I love it," I whispered tearily as he rocked me gently back and forth. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he replied and then rubbed my arms gently to break the embrace. Some things never change with Charlie, particularly with the emotional things, but he was getting better. "You should probably go get ready and call Edward. Shouldn't keep the Cullens waiting all day. I'll get this upstairs to your room when I get home from work today."

"Okay," I said softly and headed toward the stairs. I paused briefly and turned my head to look at him. "You're going to be nice to him, right? Remember, it's Christmas."

I smiled as he feigned annoyance by rolling his eyes and crossed his chest with his finger, and then ran up the stairs to call Edward and get ready.

Charlie was polite as promised when Edward came to pick me up a half an hour later, taking him completely by surprise. Then the drive to his house was spent with him trying to figure out what was in the small box I held with his name on it. He poked my sides, tickling me all the way from the driveway to the door before finally pulling me into his arms and into a passionate kiss.

"Merry Christmas, baby," he murmured against my lips when he pulled away.

"Merry Christmas. Is that my present?" I teased, tightening my arms around his neck and enjoying the last few moments with only him for who knows how long today.

"You wish, Bella," he snickered and kissed the tip of my nose before turning to open the door and leading me inside.

I spent the whole day in anticipation after the initial gift exchange, as Edward and I had agreed to give each other our gifts in private. By the time we were heading up the stairs to him room, I was a wreck. What if he didn't like it? What if it was too cheesy and cliché? After watching the beautiful and expensive gifts shared among this family, including a delicate gold bracelet for me from the entire family, my gifts seemed small in comparison, but they loved them regardless.

He squeezed my hand gently as we got to his door, and I looked up at him and realized how lost I had been in my thoughts. "You alright?" he asked with a slightly furrowed brow, brushing my cheek lightly with his fingertips.

"Uh huh," I squeaked, closing my eyes and then nodding. "I mean, yes. I'm fine."

He raised his eyebrow at me briefly before opening the door, and the sight in front of me astounded me. The only light in the room were the strings of white Christmas lights around the edges, randomly twinkling. We walked over to settle on the bed and he lifted a small box with a ribbon tied around it, and then looked down. I reached into the bag at my side but he grabbed my other hand, catching my attention.

"Me first, please?" he said with a level of uncertainty that I was not accustomed to, and after the last few weeks, it was starting to make me nervous. I laced my fingers with his, the bag at my feet quickly forgotten.

"Bella, I know that things for us haven't been easy and it's pretty much been entirely my fault. But I hope you know that I never set out to purposely hurt you. I love you so much," he said softly and placed the box in my hand. I freed my other hand from his and pulled the ribbon loose; opening it to reveal what was unmistakably a ring box.

My eyes shot immediately to his and he began shaking his head. He opened the lid and inside I found the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It was white gold, with an aquamarine heart set in the middle, and along the right side of the heart was a row of diamonds. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and looked back up at him with tears in my eyes.

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Bella. I think we are both just a little too young for that. If in two years, we are still together and I am still what you want, I have every intention of doing this for real. But for now, this is my promise to you. No matter what happens in the next two years, no matter what gets thrown at us, I _will _come back. You are all I am ever going to want, and my heart belongs to you."

He pulled the ring out of the box and held it out to me, showing me the engraving on the inside of the band.

_Don't ever forget, I love you._

My hand came to my mouth as I read and then he slowly slid it onto the ring finger of my right hand. Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at the ring on my shaking hand, and he leaned over to kiss my forehead.

"Oh god, Edward," I whispered tearily, grasping his face with my hands and leaning forward to kiss him.

Edward grasped my hands on the side of his face and pulled away, looking into my eyes with concern.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, stroking my skin with his thumbs and wiping the tears away from my cheeks.

I shook my head, looking down and sighing.

"Nothing, Edward. Nothing is _wrong_," I answered, reaching into the bag again and I felt the butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. I pulled out the box and hesitated for a moment before finally handing it to him_. _

_Rip the bandaid off, Bella_.

He tore away the silver paper and opened the box, pulling out a set of dog tags.

"I know it kinda stupid, but I also know that I have been really difficult about this whole Army thing... _far_ more than I needed to be. I guess this is just my way of saying that I'm really okay with it. I know what I want, and it's you. Every part of you, even the things that are difficult."

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, never taking his eyes off mine.

"Look on the back of them," I replied simply, gesturing toward the tags with my eyes. He turned them over and realization came across his features.

On the back of one was written _Don't ever forget_ and on the other _I love you_.

I chuckled lightly and shook my head. "Are we really going to be one of the cheesy couples that finish each other's sentences and all that?"

He returned my laugh and placed the chain around his neck before leaning forward to kiss each of my cheeks, my forehead and then finally my lips in a deep kiss.

"I hope so," was all he said, whispering against my lips and then kissing me until we were lying across his bed, a tangle of arms and legs. I could feel his arousal growing against my hip and my fingers tangled in his hair as I ground myself against his thigh.

"Edward? Emmett is leaving. You want to come say goodbye?" Esme's voice filtered up the stairs.

Edward sighed heavily and fell back onto the bed beside me. "Perfect timing, Mom. Just perfect."

I couldn't help but chuckle as I rolled onto my side to face him, kissing his cheek. "We've got plenty of time, baby. Right?"

He smiled up at me and kissed my hand gently. "Yes. Plenty of time. Come on, let's go say bye to the big oaf," he replied, taking my hand and springing off the bed, causing me to giggle as he pulled me up after him. I felt lighter and more assured than ever that everything was going to be okay, and that we were going to make it through this.

**x-x-x**

All week, I had been trying to get out of Edward what this 'something special' was that he had mentioned before vacation started, but he wouldn't budge. He would just grin like and quickly change the subject. Now the day had arrived and I could barely contain my anxiety. He was coming to pick me up at Alice's and had told me to pack an overnight bag.

"Somebody's gonna get laaaaid," Alice sang as she skipped behind me in her room while I packed.

"Shut up, Alice," I chuckled softly and shook my head. "You don't know that, and I've told you how he's been lately. I'm not counting on anything."

Alice scoffed and rolled her eyes as she hopped up on the bed beside my bag.

"Please. He's eighteen years old with a pulse, right? You're gonna get laid," she whispered, leaning toward me and tucking a package from her hand into my bag.

"What did you just put in there?" I asked and was met by an innocent shrug and a smile. "Alice..."

She squealed in laughter as she grabbed it off the bed and ran out of the room. "It's a surprise, you can't see," she called back at me as I chased her down the stairs. I jumped on her back when she reached the door, stretching my arm around her to grab my bag. When she opened the door, a low chuckle caught our attention and we both looked up to see Edward with a crooked eyebrow. Alice and I both froze in place.

"Hi baby," I smiled innocently.

"If this is a bad time, I can always come back," he teased, tilting his head slightly at the sight of me still on Alice's back.

Then I realized where my right hand was, and apparently so did she. I quickly removed my hand from Alice's chest as I slid off her back, trying to maintain any dignity I could after being found groping my best friend's breast by my boyfriend. I nervously tucked my hair behind my ears until I heard him start to laugh. My eyes narrowed at him as I took my bag from Alice and thrust it at his chest.

"It's not funny. Just let me grab my jacket."

Alice followed me to the closet and took my arm. "You better be prepared to tell me_ everything _when you get back tomorrow."

"What's in the package, Alice?" I hissed through clenched teeth as I slid my arms in my jacket.

"Not telling and you will thank me for it, but you can't look until tonight. Promise me," Alice replied and then took my shoulders to face her directly. "Promise me, Bella."

"Alright alright, I promise," I sighed in annoyance, but she hardly noticed as she squealed and hugged me tightly. I couldn't help but smile and hug her back before I broke away, heading for the door to join Edward.

As we walked out to the car, my brow furrowed. It wasn't his car; it was Emmett's jeep. "What happened to your car?"

He gave me a quirky smile as he tossed my bag into the back seat of the immense beast of a vehicle and held his hand out for mine. "Emmett let me use his in exchange for borrowing my baby for the weekend. Where we are going, my car would never make it."

I placed my hand in his and bit my lip innocently. "And where would that be?" I asked, wrapping our clasped hands behind my back and raised up on my toes to kiss him. "You never even said hi, by the way."

He rolled his eyes and laughed, pecking my lips gently. "Hi. And I'm not telling, so just get in."

He smacked my ass playfully as I climbed in and laughed loudly when I glared at him, shutting the door. When he got in and started the Jeep, I turned to look at him and couldn't help but smile. He appeared so relaxed today, more so than I had seen him in weeks and it was a beautiful sight. I couldn't even pretend to be irritated with him when he was in this good of a mood, but that didn't mean I couldn't tease him. "You know, someday you're going to get it through that pretty head of yours how much I hate surprises."

"You'll like this one, I promise," he replied with a smile, reaching over to squeeze my hand. The hour-long drive was almost completely silent with the exception of the soft music coming from the stereo. When we turned off the main road, I understood why the Trans Am wouldn't have made it. We were now on an unpaved, uneven dirt road and if not for the shoulder harness I was wearing, I probably would have had a concussion from bouncing into the roof. Finally, we reached a small clearing with a cabin sitting peacefully in the center.

My breath stopped at the beauty of our surroundings and I hardly noticed that we had come to a stop until Edward was on my side of the Jeep, unfastening my harness.

"What is this place?" I asked in a soft whisper, afraid to speak too loudly and disturb the tranquility around me.

"Jasper owed me a favor for covering his ass a few weeks back when he ditched," he replied with a wink and lifted me out of the vehicle. He grabbed our bags out of the back seat and took my hand, leading me toward the cabin. "His parents went away for the holiday, and he lent me the keys."

I could only nod in response and take in the beauty around me. Everything smelled so crisp and clean with the untouched and freshly fallen snow, mixed with the heavenly wood scent of the cabin, creating an almost surreal feeling. I took a moment to appreciate it all as I waited for Edward to unlock the door. When we stepped inside, I found it was just as picturesque as the outside, like walking into a painting; from the fireplace and patchwork quilts in the living room, to the wood-burning stove and water bucket by the back door of the kitchen.

Edward's arms came around my waist from behind, and I leaned my head back against his chest. I felt the tears stinging my eyes and I bit my lip. Ever since I was a little girl, I had always wanted to come to a cabin just like this and it never ceased to amaze me that somehow, Edward always knew these things without ever asking.

"This is beautiful," I whispered, hugging his arms around me tighter.

"So am I forgiven for this surprise?" he asked, looking down at me and then furrowed his brow in concern. "Baby, you alright?"

I smiled and shook my head, turning in his arms and holding his face between my hands.

"I'm fine," I replied and pulled him down to kiss his lips gently. "Not all my tears are bad, Edward. And I have, without a doubt, _the_ most perfect boyfriend in the world. How could anything be wrong?"

He chuckled softly and kissed me again, tightening his hold around my waist.

"Good, I'm glad you like it, Bella. I wanted some time alone, just you and me. We don't have enough of that lately and I'm sorry. But we have all night," he started and began kissing down my neck. "All to ourselves... to do whatever we want."

"Mmm, you know what I want?" I moaned softly and ran my fingers through his hair as his lips moved over my skin. He hummed against my neck in response and I brought my lips to his ear and kissed it gently. "I want to make a fire and some hot cocoa."

His movements stopped suddenly and I felt his eyelashes flutter against my skin before he raised his head to look at me.

"You're serious, aren't you?" he asked with a smile teasing at his lips, but his brow knitted together.

"You bet," I replied, pecking his lips and laughing as his arms dropped from around me and he shook his head in disbelief. I took his hand and began pulling him toward the kitchen. "You get the fire going and I'll make the hot cocoa. They_ do_ have hot cocoa here, right? What cabin doesn't have it?"

**_EPOV_**

I couldn't help but smile as I watched her excitedly pull me toward the kitchen. One of the many things I loved about Bella was her unpredictability. Anytime I expected her to do one thing, she would turn around and do the complete opposite.

When I had asked Jasper about the cabin last week, it really had been to have time alone with Bella. With everything that had been going on lately, we really hadn't had much opportunity to just enjoy the first few months of being together the way most kids our age did. I had thrown her a hurdle that most girls would have turned their backs on and walked away. Yet she remained here and still wanted me. She deserved a break from the reality around us, and this was the best thing I could think of.

I stepped outside to the back porch to grab some wood for the fire and took a quick look around. It was quiet up here normally, but over the winter, it was almost silent with no birds or rustling leaves in the wind. This was just the escape that both of us needed from the madness.

I walked back into the house to the sound of Bella humming as she moved around the kitchen. I smiled at the sight; she seemed completely in her element here. I could just stand here all day doing nothing but watching her, but instead I continued through to the living room and started the fire.

Just as I was finishing, she walked into the room with two mugs and a smile on her face that she hadn't worn in so long. I walked over to the couch and took one of the mugs from her, sitting down and she immediately curled up against my side. We sat in silence, just enjoying the crackling of the fire and the serenity of the evening as the sun slowly began to set.

Once she drank her last sip, she took my cup, setting them both on the table and then leaning back against me. Her head rested against my chest as she pulled my arm around her, remaining silent for several minutes until her head turned slightly to kiss my shoulder.

"Thank you for doing this, Edward. This is perfect," she said softly and then laid her head down to rest in my lap, staring up at me. Her pale skin in the dim light of the room from the fire was breathtaking, and she closed her eyes as my fingers began running through her hair. "Mmm, I've missed this."

"Me too, baby," I said softly, feeling the silky strands slide through my fingers. She gently stroked the arm that rested across her stomach and when she suddenly stopped, I thought maybe she had fallen asleep. I shifted slightly to move out from under her to carry her into the bedroom and her hold tightened on my arm, her head turning to kiss my stomach. "You're tired, let's get you to bed."

"I'm not sleeping, Edward. Just thinking," she replied softly and then opened her eyes to look up at me. She rolled over onto her knees and began to kiss up my abdomen to my chest, finally brushing her lips against mine. "I'll be right back."

I nodded slowly as she stood from the couch and disappeared through the doorway, grabbing her bag on the way by. Just that small gesture of hers had gotten me so aroused, it was almost painful. Circumstances lately had not allowed for very much intimate contact between us, which left me wanting her desperately. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself when the soft scent of lilac struck me and I turned my head to find Bella standing in the doorway.

She looked so amazing and innocent as she bit her lip, wearing a light pink satin nightgown with thin straps at her shoulders that stopped mid-thigh, showcasing just enough of her beautiful arms and legs. The soft fabric billowed around her curves and she walked toward me until she was standing right in front of me.

"God, baby."

"You like?" she asked when my eyes roamed her body and let out a giggle when I gripped her waist and pulled her down to straddle my lap. She rolled her hips against me, pressing her warmth against my aching arousal. "I'll take that as a big yes. I really need to remember to thank Alice when we get home."

I growled softly, my hands moving to grab her hips through the fabric. I ground her more firmly against me, providing more of the friction that both of us had been too long without. Her head fell back and her mouth fell agape as the muscles in her thighs tightened at the contact. She pushed lightly on my chest and slid off my lap, beginning to back away from me toward the door with a wicked smile.

_My little vixen_, I thought as I stood up off the couch and slowly stalked toward her.

I was still several feet away from her when I quickly closed the distance, pinning her against the wall and attacking her lips with mine. I'd had every intention of taking our time and enjoying each other tonight, but I could see that wasn't going to happen yet. We both needed each other too badly.

"That's a _very _big yes. Damn, I love you."

As my lips returned to hers, I felt her fingers at the button of my pants, hurriedly working to unfasten them. Her teeth dragged over my lip and her eyes were glazed over with lust as she looked up at me.

"I need you... _now,_" she hissed as she shoved them down over my hips.

I slid my hands up her thighs and underneath the satin to find that she was wearing nothing underneath that nightgown, and I groaned as I twitched against her stomach. I lifted her up to wrap her legs around my waist and gripped her hips tightly as I entered her, causing us both to gasp at the sensation. _Fuck_, I forcefully had to still her body as I tried to gain a bit of control.

"Baby, you need to give me a second," I said, the neediness of my own voice surprising me. She nodded slightly and wound her hands into my hair, trying to help calm me. God, it felt like forever since I had been inside her.

I felt every move of her body, every breath she took and I prayed that I could make this last long enough for her. Feeling slightly more in control, I began thrusting into her, already having to fight off the urge to release. My movements increased as our eyes locked, and I swore as I felt her hips rock back against me. Her moans gradually began transforming into needful whimpers as she slowly began to build towards her climax.

"Baby, I'm not gonna last like this," I panted suddenly, feeling the familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach.

"You feel so good, Edward. Please, wait for me." Her words tore at me as I tried to hold off my orgasm wanting desperately to bring her to hers first.

"Please, Bella. Please, come," I begged, knowing I was only seconds away.

Reaching between us, I groaned as I felt her wetness coat my fingers. This was not helping. I began rubbing small circles across her clit and tried to focus on anything other than the way the friction of our bodies felt. My muscles began to contract and I knew I couldn't hold it off any longer. With one last deep thrust, my body seized and I spilled myself into her.

"Oh God, Bella," I panted against her shoulder. "I'm so sorry." I couldn't believe I had come so quickly. My hips pushed into her a few more times but I could already feel myself softening.

My forehead rested against the wall beside her and I felt her unhook her legs from around my waist and slide down my body. I repeatedly apologized, feeling like complete shit. The intention of coming up here was to make _her_ happy, not to lose myself like a fumbling virgin at the mere sight of my already beautiful girlfriend in sexy attire. I felt her brush her lips over my chest repeatedly as she kissed over to my shoulder.

"Edward?" she said softly, and I raised my head to look at her to find her gaze much softer than I had expected. Her finger traced slowly along my jaw line, and she kissed my lips gently. "I might be forced to forgive you if you take me into the shower and make it up to me."

She grinned wickedly against my lips and giggled as I lifted her into my arms again and carried her into the master bathroom.

I spent all night making it up to her, showering her with every bit of my want and desire for her. I touched and tasted every inch of her body as if it were the first time again, making the most out of this night together. Finally, she collapsed back on the bed exhausted, curling up against my chest and draping her leg over mine. She was almost immediately asleep and I spent the next hour just watching her, watching the flush slowly dissipate from her cheeks and her eyes flutter in her sleep, enjoying the feel of her skin against mine, and dreading the moment we would have to leave this bed and get dressed again.

Morning came far too quickly, and I squinted as I opened my eyes, hardly remembering closing them the night before. I looked out the window and saw heavy snow falling.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath and shook Bella's shoulder. "Baby, you gotta wake up. A storm crept in, and it wasn't supposed to. We have to get out of here before they close the road."

She groaned softly in displeasure but finally rolled away from my embrace, standing up and hurried across the room to retrieve her bag. The morning wood I was already sporting throbbed slightly at the sight of her naked body, and I had to remind myself that we didn't have time for this. I hurried to get dressed and grab our things, and get out to the car as the storm began to pick up. When I turned on the radio, it was as I thought; an unexpected storm swept in off the ocean and was going to dump eight to twelve inches on us. So much for my careful planning, but at least Bella and I had last night, and it was amazing.

We drove in silence as we started slowly making our way down the mountain, the road already thickly coated in wet snow. She turned her head to look at me once we reached the main road and reached over to stroke my cheek. "Thank you, baby. That was one of the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. I just wish we didn't have to leave so soon."

"You're welcome, Bella," I replied with a smile and took her hand, brushing my lips on her knuckles. "We'll do it again sometime, I promise. It's just as amazing up there in the spring."

My hand returned to gear shift and hers dropped to my lap, her thumb tracing small, distracted patterns on my thigh. As we drew closer to town, Bella's phone began to vibrate as did mine as we picked up signal. I took my phone out of my pocket and handed it to Bella so I could concentrate on the road.

"Oh no," she whispered as she looked down at her missed calls and checked her voicemail. "My dad was trying to call last night at Alice's and wanted me home because of the storm. Shit!"

I ran my hand through my hair and echoed her curse.

"Baby, I'm sorry. Fuck," I growled and gripped the steering wheel tighter when we stopped at a light. She unhooked her harness and leaned over, turning my head to face her and kissing me gently.

"Whatever happens, don't be. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat," she whispered against my lips, kissing me again firmly. "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, opening my eyes to look at her to see her smiling at me. I couldn't keep from smiling back. "Buckle up."

I laughed as she pouted and moved back to her seat, beginning to fumble with the harness again when the light turned green. I slowly began to relax until we drove up to Alice's house where Charlie stood in the driveway, leaning against the cruiser; his arms folded over his chest and his tense glare locked on me. I looked over at Bella when we came to a stop to see her biting her lip. She sighed and stepped out of the Jeep and into the snow.

"In the car_. Now, _young lady."


	25. Consequences

**Chapter 25: Consequences**

**_Charlie POV _**

The ride home from Alice's was long and silent and every so often, I could feel Bella's eyes on me from the other side of the car.

I had been out of my mind with worry when I had arrived at her friend's house last night to find that Bella wasn't there. Alice had tried to insist that she would be back soon and she would have her call me, but the years in law enforcement had given me a keen sense of deciphering when someone was lying. I knew that she was essentially a good kid, and she finally broke down when Bella hadn't come back in two hours and told me that she was with Edward.

Throughout the night, my anxiety and anger continued to rise until I finally saw that jeep coming down the road this morning. As it pulled to a stop in front of me, aside from the hurt I felt, every instinct inside of me urged me to extricate that boy from his vehicle. I knew what that would lead to, and it was nowhere good. However, I was startled when I saw the look on my little girl's face as she glanced over at him one more time. It was a look that knotted the pit of my stomach and I had to push it away quickly and refocus on the situation at hand.

I was having difficulty grasping the fact that I had been deceived. My little girl had deceived me. I had thought that Bella was a responsible girl, that she would never pull something like this on me, but I had been wrong. She had been with this boy all night, doing who knows what. _My little girl and a teenage boy._ The same little girl that I once changed diapers for when she was just a baby, that I used to take to baseball games. My little princess that would climb up into my cruiser on Sundays so that we could go for ice cream together.

Disappointment was creeping through me the more I thought about this. How could she do this to me? I wasn't sure how to handle this. There was no doubt in my mind as to what was happening between them now and I really wished that I could have been kept in the dark about it. Obliviousness on this facet of a parent's life was a very valued treasure. One that I no longer had, because today, her pretense had come crumbling down the moment I saw that boy pulling up in front of Alice's house with my daughter beside him.

Obviously, I'd had my suspicions about the nature of their relationship, though never truly allowing myself to accept it; but now it was confirmed. They were having... _sex_ and I couldn't do anything about it. The knowledge that they were protected to a point offered me little comfort. Did they not realize the emotional consequences this would bring to them? Didn't she realize that the more she gave, the harder it would be to let go?

On one hand, I was saddened; but on the other, I was furious. She had made me look like a fool, as if I never paid _any_ attention to her. There had never been any other time that I had been this angry with my daughter, but I knew that anything I said or did right now I would only regret in the long run. My knuckles were white from my grip on the steering wheel, but my eyes were fixed on the frozen road; keeping me conscious of the fact that I needed to drive slowly.

When we finally reached the driveway, she leapt out of the car and quickly trudged through the freshly fallen snow leading up to the front door. I knew she was probably trying to avoid this conversation, but this was the last straw. I was fuming by the time I had reached the house and caught her just as she reached the first few steps leading up to her room.

"Not so fast, Isabella. Sit. Now."

She stiffened slightly at the sound of my voice, which had remained amazingly calm... too calm. And she seemed to know this as she slowly pivoted around on the balls of her feet to descend back down, dropping her bag at the foot of the stairs before sitting in the chair that I was pointing to. I stood in front of her with my arms folded tightly across my chest as she timidly sat down.

"Would you care to explain to me where you have been all night? Why I have been up all night, imagining the worst possible scenarios as to what could have happened to you when you weren't answering your phone?" She opened her mouth to reply and I shook my head, holding my hand up to her. "Just when I begin to put a little bit of trust in you, Bella, you take off all night to who knows where, doing who knows what with that boy..."

"I know, Dad," she interrupted softly, her eyes still lowered to the floor.

I inhaled deeply through my nose in an attempt to reign in my anger, but it was futile.

"No, you _don't _know, young lady!" I snapped in a stern voice, startling her into looking up at me. I hadn't lost my temper like this with her in as long as we both could remember and I watched her hands grip the sides of her seat as she swallowed nervously. "You have _no_ idea how terrified I was when you weren't where you were supposed to be! And when your phone repeatedly went to voicemail all night! Do you know how close I came to sending a search party out for you and taking that boy in for kidnapping this morning, effectively destroying his future?"

"Dad, you can't do that!" Bella exclaimed, her eyes widened in shock as she shook her head vehemently. "Edward didn't kidnap me! Please, don't! Ground me or whatever, just please don't do that to Edward. This is all he's wanted since he was a kid. Please!"

"You are sixteen years old, Bella! You have no business being anywhere unsupervised, let alone overnight with a boy! _Any _boy, not just that one!" My voice was echoing through the small expanse of our living room, followed by the thundering of my hand slamming down on top of the television. She jumped slightly at the sound and bit her lip nervously as our gazes locked. "And I will do whatever I see fit when it comes to my child!"

Surprisingly her eyes narrowed, and she suddenly stood from her chair.

"Dad, has it escaped your notice that I'm not a child anymore?" she exclaimed, waving her arms out and shaking her head.

"You are still _my_ child and it is my job to protect you," I retorted firmly but she still didn't back down.

"And what exactly are you protecting me _from_? From Edward? From being loved?"

"From being hurt, Bella," I retorted angrily, silence following as my voice echoed.

"Maybe I _need_ to be hurt, Dad!" she cried out and my eyes flew open to see tears streaming down her face. "Maybe I _need_ to feel what it's like to have my heart break when he leaves. And the joy when he comes back, and everything in between. The love and pain and happiness and sadness... it's all a part of life! I can't stop living the way _you_ did because something hurts me like Mom hurt you."

I was mute for a few minutes, her words hurting me for the first time in so long, and only because of the direction this conversation had turned. This was not the moment to talk about this, and I was certainly not in the right mindset to bring this up now. Just as I was opening my mouth to stop her, Bella beat me to it.

"It's been ten years, Dad. _Ten years_ isn't enough time to be able to talk about m-my... _my mom_?" Her small frame was trembling with emotion and her fists clenched tightly at her sides, as if she truly were the proverbial time bomb. "You were no older than me when you met Mom, and just a little older when you had me. Would you go back and change that if you could? If it could have saved you from the hurt, would you rather you hadn't met Mom or had me?"

My eyes widened slightly at the tone she was taking with me; she had never spoken to me this way before. It wasn't the defiant tone of a teenager. It was laced with pain... deep seeded pain. I could almost feel something coming that I wasn't ready to face. Ever since I had spoken of my beloved wife on Christmas, the memories and pain that I had been trying to bury all these years had come back in full force. I couldn't deal with this now.

"Isabella Marie Swan, now is not the time for this! Go to your room!"

"But Dad.."

"Now!" I snapped, pointing toward the stairs. Bella only gazed at me for a moment, her head shaking slightly before turning and running up the steps to her bedroom. I heard the door closing roughly, making the walls creak from the force of it.

As I heard her soft cries echoing from above me, my heart clenched in my chest. I drove my hands into my hair as I attempted to collect myself, my body tense from what had just transpired in this room. Suddenly I felt my legs trembling and threatening to give out beneath me, the emotions that I was feeling finally sinking into my brain. I reached for the couch, lowering myself down and burying my face in my hands.

What Bella said had hurt but I should have realized the reason behind it. It hurt because it was the truth. My little girl was not so little anymore, and she had pointed out to me what a mediocre father I have been for her. Not only was she able to lie to me but she shook me into realizing what my mistake had been all these years. _Avoidance._

I had been avoiding the reality of the situation. I had been comfortable with my numbness, neglecting the one thing I knew I should have done years ago. Talking about my feelings concerning my wife's death. Freeing myself of this burden I've been carrying which had also affected my daughter, stretching the gap between us. Creating this pink elephant that had been standing between us for far too long.

I realized that the pain I had been feeling and keeping to myself is what brought this upon me. I was the one responsible for keeping my daughter at an arm's length, feeling unable to truly connect with her. For so long, I had blamed it more on her just being a girl and never really understanding them well in the first place; but I had no difficulty understanding her now. She was hurting... and I was to blame for that.

I hadn't understood that all this time, all she had wanted and needed was to talk about her mother. To talk about her loss, her missing motherly figure, her lack of guidance. I hadn't been there for her when she needed me. I hadn't been there for her at all, and this pained me beyond anything else because now it was clear that without Renee, I had failed. I hadn't provided the only thing that Bella had ever demanded of me. Now looking at it more clearly, it was the only logical solution. We both were hurting; we had both lost the same person. We had been a family once, and I needed to be the one to bring us closer together again; because after all, I was the head of this household.

My daughter needed me.

I stood and began walking toward the stairs, ascending them slowly as I felt the weight of what I was about to face pressing down on me. I took a deep breath before knocking at her door softly, hearing nothing from the inside.

"Bella?"

The silence continued from the other side, and I felt my heart begin to pound erratically. With a sharp intake of breath, I opened her door slowly and prepared myself for anything that I might find. I closed my eyes with relief when I found her sitting in the middle of her bed, her head down and tears falling from her cheeks, creating a darkened circle on her jeans underneath her. I walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge, neither of us making eye contact with the other as we remained in silence for several moments.

"Bella," I began calmly, keeping my eyes focused on my folded hands in front of me. "I want to talk to you. I need you to understand a few things."

She disregarded me as if I was not in her room; but I knew she was listening, so I continued. I wanted to erase the misconceptions that my daughter might have.

"Please hear me out," I said, sighing heavily. "I never want you for one second to believe that I have ever regretted having you. You are the best and most important thing in my life, and I wouldn't trade you for anything."

There was a small pause while I allowed her to gather her thoughts.

"But you regret meeting Mom," she mumbled in a soft tearful voice and I turned my head toward her briefly to meet her eyes, only to let out another heavy sigh. I had no idea how to respond to that. "See, this is exactly what I mean. We can never just sit down and talk about Mom without you changing the subject or getting edgy. Everything still revolves around her, but she remains that one thing that we can never talk about."

"I could never regret meeting your mom," I replied softly with the only response I could conjure. "There is nothing that could make me regret that. Without her, I wouldn't have you."

"Then why are you trying to prevent me from living my own life? Making my own mistakes? You've _always_ done this, ever since Mom died," she replied, her voice cracking slightly as spoke. "Dad, I know I will always be your little girl in your mind and heart, but I haven't been a little girl for a long time. I had to try to understand something as a child that most adults couldn't comprehend. Did you know that Edward was the first person I have _ever_ talked to about Mom? Or how good it felt to finally get it all out? To finally be free of this enormous weight on me because I was too afraid to talk to _you_ about it?"

As each of her words hit me, I realized how mundane my role as a father had been. I should have left my comfort zone and reached out to her. I had never sat down with Bella and asked how she was feeling. It felt as if I was just beginning to know my own daughter right now, and it hurt. In my place, this boy had listened to her, listened to how she missed her mother as every other girl her age was oblivious to the privilege of having one.

After a few seconds of silence, I inhaled as Bella continued.

"I didn't just lose my mother that day. I lost a part of you too. When was the last time we went to a baseball game?"

Her sudden question again took me off guard, and I lowered my gaze from hers.

"Bella, you hate baseball," I said softly, unable to meet her eyes again. The pain in her words struck a chord in my heart and I could feel my own tears welling.

"Yes, I do. _Now_," she replied tightly, hugging her knees to her chest. "Because that's something I used to do with my _dad_. There was a huge ballpark built in Phoenix, and we never went _once_. You've been shut off from me since right after the funeral."

"Bella, I can't talk about this right now," I replied, my chest tightening more with the pain in her voice. "This isn't the situation at hand..."

"You need to, Dad! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you definitely do!" she replied firmly, shaking her head. "It's never going to get any better until then. For either of us. I'm not trying to get out of anything or saying any of these things to make you feel bad. I know what I did last night is not 'proper behavior for a young lady' or whatever, and I know I'm probably going to get grounded for it. God, I even _expect _it! But don't you think you are overreacting just a _little_ when you start talking about arresting him? You are so afraid of me being hurt the way that you were that you are villianizing him when he wouldn't harm a single hair on my head. He's in love with me, Dad. And I am _so_ in love with him."

Hearing the words from her lips solidified what I guess I had already known subconsciously, and it hit me like a blow to the gut. The thought alone was enough to send a tremor of fear through my entire body and I leaned forward to rest my face in my hands.

"Bella, you're so young," I said softly, pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes in an attempt to force back the threatening tears. I felt her presence as she crawled over to kneel next to me, and her hand rest gently on my shoulder.

"I may only be sixteen but I need you to realize that I have grown up, and I have fallen in love with a wonderful person. You even thought so yourself before we got together," she began in a gentle tone and I lowered my hands to look over at her. "Edward isn't just my boyfriend, he's my best friend. He is the first person who has really made me feel whole in _so_ long, and I need him in my life. I love you, Dad and I always will, but I need you to allow me to have my relationship with Edward. I may make mistakes, and I know it will definitely hurt when he leaves in eight months. But I need to experience this and make those mistakes in order to grow and learn from them. And most of all, I need my dad."

When I looked into her eyes, I knew in the back of my mind that she was absolutely right. The way she spoke of him did not sound like a young girl with her first teenage crush, but a young woman in the throes of first love. And in that moment, she reminded me so much of her mother at her age that it tugged even more at my heart. It also filled me with a strong sense of regret that she had been forced to grow up so fast because I was too weak to see past my own grief and loss to truly see hers.

I had convinced myself that by burying away any thought of her mother that I was protecting her from painful memories, when in reality, I was doing her a disservice by trying to guard myself and shutting myself down. I was not the doting and attentive father I started out to be and instead detached myself immensely from the one thing in the world that meant the most to me; my little girl. I slowly and hesitantly raised my hand to rest on hers, and it drove her point home even more. I was struggling with physical contact with my own daughter, and hers with me as her head nervously lowered to rest on my shoulder.

And as I pressed my lips to the top of her head and the small smile appeared on her lips, I made a decision. I was going to do whatever it would take to be the kind of father I started out to be, the one that Bella deserved.

"I love you, Bella," I said softly against her hair and she pressed herself a little closer to me in response. "But you're still grounded."

Bella unexpectedly began to laugh, hiccoughing slightly through her tears. "I know," she replied and raised her glistening eyes to meet mine. "And I love you too, Dad."

We stayed in our embrace for several minutes, until I straightened slowly and patted her knee, raising up of the bed to stand and making my way to her door. Before I left, I turned back to look at her with my hand on the doorknob. "I do think it's time Edward and I had a little talk, however."

Her eyes widened and her mouth open and closed in quick succession as I closed the door behind me.

**_BPOV_**

To say I was nervous was an understatement as I paced the front hallway, waiting for Edward to arrive. I had been running around the house, cleaning like a maniac, doing all the laundry; anything to keep my mind preoccupied all afternoon until I ran out of things to do. It was Friday, the day I had been dreading since I told him on Monday at school that my father wanted to talk to him. Not knowing exactly what my wanted to say to him was probably worse than the thought of him and my father in the same room together, especially after the events of last weekend. But if Edward was nervous, he never really showed it. He even kissed me goodbye with a smile after school today with the promise of seeing me in a few hours.

My dad was calm as well when he got home from work tonight.

_Okay, I was terrified_.

I jumped slightly when a knock came to the door and I rushed over to it, opening it quickly and throwing my arms tightly around Edward. He hugged me back gently and kissed my temple.

"It's going to be okay, baby," he whispered soothingly into my ear before his hold on me loosened, and I could sense my father's presence behind us.

I stepped back from Edward and turned to face my dad, biting my lip nervously.

"Chief Swan," he greeted him in a respectful tone, holding his hand out to him.

"Edward," my dad replied in an emotionless voice, shaking Edward's extended hand before turning his eyes to me and gesturing them wordlessly toward the stairs.

I glanced at Edward briefly, and he gave me a reassuring smile before I turned and headed up the stairs to my room, closing the door and pressing my ear against it to try to hear anything I could. All I heard were the footsteps disappearing down the hall to the back of the house and into the kitchen. I growled in frustration and began pacing my room, knowing I would never be able to hear anything that was happening_._

_Please please don't bring out the gun, Dad. Please_, I silently begged as I returned to the door to listen again.

No yelling. That was a good sign, right?

Twenty minutes passed, and I noticed the cuffs of my sweater at my wrist beginning to fray from the constant tugging. And still nothing from downstairs.

Another twenty minutes, and I swore my palms were going to have permanent half-moon indents from my nails digging into them_. Silence_.

I lay on my bed ten minutes later, staring at the ceiling and contemplating if this was what an ulcer felt like when I heard my name called out from the foot of the stairs. I shot up out of bed and bolted across the room and out the door, immediately spotting both my dad and Edward standing down there looking up at me. They both appeared calm and relaxed, and I hesitantly descended the stairs, eyeing them warily.

When I reached the bottom, my dad's eyes turned to Edward and he uttered two words. _Ten minutes_.

Once he moved into the living room, Edward reached out for my hand and we walked silently out to the porch and closed the door behind us. Before uttering a single word, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, holding me against his chest. But my anxiety was still too great, and I pushed against his chest gently to look up at him.

"Edward, you're killing me here. What happened? What did he say? What did _you _say? Wh-"

He cut my rambling cut off by bringing his fingers up to press against my lips. I sighed softly and his hand fell away to gently brush my lips with his.

"We only have ten minutes, Bella," he said seriously and I felt my stomach tighten until his smile slowly spread across his face. "For now. You're still grounded until the end of the semester and of course, no more sleepovers at Alice's until we can earn his trust again. But..."

I watched him expectantly, urging him to continue with my eyes, but my impatience won out. "But what?"

Edward chuckled and kissed my forehead, tightening his hold around my waist. "After that, I can come over to see you after school once your dad gets home from work and we can go out on the weekends, providing you're home by eleven."

I smiled widely as I took his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his in relief. My worst fears were not coming to light. Our foreheads rested together in silence as I closed my eyes and slid my arms around his neck, enjoying this moment of peace between us that I hadn't felt in almost a week. We weren't going to be forced apart, even if there would be some restrictions placed on us for a while. I could live with that as long as I didn't have to live without Edward. My fingers played lightly with the hair at his neck and while his hands gently ran over my back.

"Thank you for doing this, Edward."

"Your dad is a good guy, Bella. And he loves you. I can't possibly hold that against him. He just wants to protect you, and I already know what you are going to say, but just try to see things his way for a while. In the long run, we will all benefit from it," he said with that smirk that I loved so much as I opened my eyes to gaze at him again. He lifted my chin with his fingers and brushed my lips gently with his. "So let's not press his generosity right now, what do you say?"

I gave him a feigned pout with my hands grasping the front of his jacket, causing him to chuckle.

"Okay, I'll see you Monday," I replied softly, a smile breaking through and raising myself up to meet his lips again before he pulled away.

I waited on the porch until he was in his car and I waved before he pulled away, and then headed back into the house. When I reached the kitchen, I found my dad seated at the table with a strange expression on his face. His hands folded around his beer can, his eyes intensely focused on it. I wasn't sure if I should say something, or what; so I walked over to the oven to retrieve the casserole I'd had warming inside and went about serving our dinner.

"He's really a nice boy, Bella," my dad said suddenly from behind me and I turned my head to see his expression hadn't changed at all. He finally raised his eyes up to mine, where I finally caught a hint of sadness. "He really does love you."

Suddenly it all seemed to make sense. I'm sure there was still a part of him that almost hoped to find a flaw or some hint of insincerity in Edward, and he almost appeared disappointed when he had difficulty finding it.

Eventually his eyes creased slightly at the edges and a small smile teased at his lips.

"Yea he is and he really does," I replied as I set his dinner down in front of him and sat down beside him so we could start eating.

We stayed in a comfortable silence for a while and just as we were finishing, he set his fork down on the plate and casually took a sip of his beer. "So I made a few calls today, and I am being set up with a counselor."

I paused mid-bite as I raised my eyes to look at him, his gaze never lifting from the table again. His unease was written clearly all over his face, and I knew what a huge step this was for him. I leaned across the table and reached my hand over to take his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"This is a good thing, Dad. I'm proud of you."

He took a slow breath and brought his gaze up to meet mine warily. I could see the uncertainty still lingering there but a small smile teased at the corner of his mouth, and he nodded silently.

"It gets easier," I said simply and then returned to finish my dinner.

**x-x-x**

The next couple of months were uneventful outside of going to school and my dad's numerous mood swings as he began grief counseling. I would always try to make him something special for dinner whenever it seemed that he would have a particularly rough session. I had met with his counselor, Margaret, at her request and during our meeting, she prepared me for the long road ahead of my father. Nothing was going to change overnight, and where I had always had the outlet of my drawings and now with Edward, it had been festering inside my father for the past ten years. He took the path that many widowers would of avoidance; if they didn't think about it, it was a little less real and it made it a little easier to cope. And in my father's case, the loss combined with the severe feeling of abandonment, of not being enough for her, was just too much to bear; so he buried it inside.

But tonight was different. The semester had ended and I was waiting excitedly for him to come home from work, eager to show him my progress report. If being separated from Edward had resulted in anything, it was my extended periods of time in my room studying; thereby improving my grades exceptionally. And I now sat with a near perfect progress report on the table in front of me.

My smile did not leave my face all afternoon, as I knew that this would mean that my plans for tonight would materialize. I would have my first date with Edward since that night at the cabin, and I could barely contain my excitement. When my dad finally arrived home and entered the kitchen, I was relieved to see that he was in a good mood as he immediately held his hand out for the piece of paper. He perused it calmly and expressionlessly, although I could just barely make out the slight twitching of the corners of his mouth.

"Good job, Bella," he said in a composed voice, while I bounced slightly in anticipation. He reached into the front pocket of his shirt and pulled out my cell phone, obviously expecting this just as much as I was. "Go on, go call him."

I shrieked lightly as I leapt out of my chair and took my phone, and he chuckled as I kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Dad!"

"You know the rules, Bella," he called after me as I was already running down the hall toward the stairs, punching in Edward's number.

"I know!" I laughed and ran up the stairs, and I swore I heard him laugh in response while he began ordering a pizza for dinner for himself.

Being with Edward again outside of school walls was heaven; but where he took me felt like paradise. He brought me back to the same meadow where he first told me he loved me, and first kissed me of his own accord without any reservation... where he became mine. We rested on the grass together with me seated between his legs and resting back against his chest, staring up at the darkening sky and the hints of stars appearing. Our hands never stopped touching the other; but for once, there was nothing sexual about it even in the complete seclusion and privacy afforded us.

It was just us... enjoying being _us_.

I was exploring and learning the little things about him again that I could only know by touch. Like the slight indent below the knuckle of his right index finger, from where he had broken the bone there when he was eight during a Little League game. And how his left kneecap was ever so slightly off center, though Edward always insisted that I was imagining that. All the tiny details that made him unique; my Edward.

I don't know how long we sat there, lacing our hands together and enjoying the peace and quiet around us, before Edward brought one hand over to illuminate his watch. He sighed and kissed my temple, murmuring against my skin that it was time to go. So little had been said tonight, but it had still been one of the best nights I had ever spent with him; and now it had to end. But I would not leave without the promise that we could come back here anytime I wanted, now that my punishment was over.

My eyes began to drift closed on the short drive home, and I hummed softly as he said my name when the car came to a stop. But his voice was off and I opened my eyes to find his gaze locked on my front porch. I followed his line of vision to find a hunched over Alice seated on my front step, rocking back and forth in quick succession.

"Oh no, this can't be good," I mumbled to myself and leaned over to gently kiss Edward. "I'll call you tomorrow."

He nodded briefly before I got out of the car and made my way up the front walk toward her.

"Okay, what did Jasper do now?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light to gauge her mood.

But when she lifted her head, the vision that reflected back at me was one I had never seen on Alice. Her cheeks were puffy, and her eyes were red with the evidence of the many tears preceding the ones now trailing down her face.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked in alarm, hurrying to crouch in front of her and taking her hands.

"Bella," she rasped out in response before another sob wracked her body. "I think I'm pregnant."


	26. Building Up A Future

**A/N: And here we are, the end. This chapter really was an emotional rollercoaster for me, and definitely turned out longer than I **_**ever **_**expected. Hope that makes up for the long wait. I simply could not put this part of story to rest with even one thing that I was not satisfied with. **

**I truly need to thank my 'multiple eyes' on this chapter, for keeping me focused and not allowing me to give up. Christina, Lindsey, Karla: I would be **_**so**_** lost without you and I appreciate you more than I could ever say. Rachel(americnxidiot): you truly are the best beta in the world and thank you so much for everything you have done for this story and for me as a writer. I can't thank you enough. Chri: Love ya bb, and thank you for always being there for me. **

**And all my readers, whether you've been there from the beginning or just joining the ride, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and love for this story. **

**There were a few songs that I was listening to during the process of writing this chapter, and they really helped set the mood for me. **

**Through most of the chapter (particularly the last night) - **

**"Good Enough" by Evanescence**

**"Halo" by Beyonce**

**"To Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks**

**For the very last scene of the chapter -**

**"Catch Me When I Fall" by Daniel Cage (thanks a LOT Army Wives lol)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters, I own everything else.**

* * *

**Epilogue: Building Up A Future**

_"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked in alarm, hurrying to crouch in front of her and taking her hands. _

_"Bella," she rasped out in response before another sob wracked her body. "I think I'm pregnant." _

**BPOV**

With those four words, I felt my stomach drop as well as my jaw and I was stunned silent. Her tiny form hunched over, pulling her hands from mine to cover her face as the sobs now consumed her. I rose to sit down beside her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and instantly felt hers cling around me tightly. In all the time I had known Alice, I had never seen her so much as frown and this left me at a complete loss for words.

"I'm so scared, Bella," Alice cried, her trembling voice and her shuddering body in my hold breaking through the shock.

"Are you sure? Does Jasper know?" I asked, only to be answered by the tightening of her arms around my waist and her sobs increasing. I felt the cold skin of her cheek radiating through my shirt from the unseasonably cool April breeze hitting her damp skin, and I squeezed her gently.

"God Alice, how long have you been out here," I asked and only received a small shrug in response. "Come on, let's go inside and talk."

She nodded and we stood, walking up the remaining steps and into the house where we were met by Charlie in the hallway, who blanched at the sight of Alice in tears.

"What's going on?" he asked in a cautious voice, his unease in the same room with a sobbing girl still far beyond his comfort zone.

"Fight with Jasper, girl stuff. Would it be okay if Alice stayed tonight?" I inquired quickly as I began guiding her up the stairs, earning a shrug of indifference from Charlie as he continued onto the living room.

I followed Alice up the stairs and closed my door behind us as she fell onto my bed face down. I sat down beside her and gently rubbed her back, just waiting for her to say something.

Her tears never sated, so I drew in a deep breath. "Do you know for sure, Alice?"

She shook her head and finally sat up and looked at me. "No. I'm too scared to take the test, but I'm late, Bella. I am _never _late. I thought maybe it was just stress but..."

"How late?" I asked abruptly when her eyes cast down to her lap and she bit her lip. Alice was never one to be evasive, so when she suddenly became particularly occupied with the hem of her shirt and refused to meet my eyes, I began to worry. "_How late_, Alice?"

"Three weeks," she replied almost meekly, her eyes shifting to the side. "But I mean I could be over reacting, right? Could be just one of those fluke things?"

I opened my mouth to attempt to console her, wanting desperately to ease her fears, but found myself unable. "There's only one way to know for sure."

I moved to stand and Alice grasped at my hand, shaking her violently. "No please. Not right now."

Hugging her again, I rubbed soothing circles on her back and leaned my cheek on her hair. "It's only delaying the inevitable, Alice. Better to know than to worry all night over potentially nothing. It'll take me ten minutes at most to get to the store and back. And then whatever the outcome, I'll be here for you."

Alice pulled away slowly, nodding her head and I stood to make my way over to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of pajamas for our impromptu slumber party, setting them on the bed for her and grabbing my purse from the back of the door.

Making the excuse to my dad that this called for "comfort food", I hurried out to my car and to the only place that was open at this time of night; the small gas station a few miles away. Shielding my face with my hair as I walked in and recognized the clerk behind the counter, I realized the flaw in my plan. I rushed to the back of the store, grabbing two pints of Ben & Jerry's and the two pack of tests on the way back up the aisle to the register.

"No way, Bella," the astonished voice sounded from in front of me as I was grabbing my wallet from my purse, and I sighed.

"They're not for me, Eric. It's for a friend," I replied flatly; the last thing I needed right now after finally attaining my freedom was for a rumor to reach my father that I was pregnant.

"Hey, no worries. No one will hear a peep from me," he said and I glanced up to see his friendly smile reflecting at me. He reached down for a small brown paper bag and slid the box inside before placing it in with the ice cream. "Plastic is pretty see-through."

I returned his smile appreciatively as he took the money from me.

"Tell your friend I said good luck," he said as he handed me my change and with a soft thank you, I hurried out of the store and back to Alice.

My mind raced on the drive home and my stomach turned with nervousness as I walked up the stairs to my room where Alice sat motionless on my bed. She silently took the box from my outstretched hand and with a deep breath, stood to disappear into the bathroom.

Three minutes seemed an eternity, and it wasn't even my life that would be turned completely upside down if those lines appeared. I could not even imagine being in Alice's shoes right now; facing an even more life altering experience than _anything_ I had ever been through with Edward. To be so terrified. I could hear the distant sniffling from the room across the hall, and I began pacing the floor anxiously thinking of both possible outcomes. If it was negative, there was nothing to worry about and we could just hang out tonight, eating our ice cream in relief. But if it wasn't...

I hurried down the stairs toward the kitchen to grab spoons and napkins, anything to distract my mind from that thought; but it didn't stay away for long.

What if Alice _was _pregnant? One of my closest friends was going to be a mom at sixteen, something you think you only see in cheesy after school specials, never imagining that it could ever happen in your own life. For the last two years, Alice and Jasper had been the exciting, carefree couple; never paying much mind to the future. Always living for the moment, and having fun with each and every one and this would change everything.

As I reached the top of the stairs, I heard a small shriek from behind the closed door of the bathroom. I rushed over to open it, finding Alice curled in a ball on the floor with her head resting on her knees. I stood in silence as I waited anxiously for the answer it was obvious she already had.

Her swollen eyes rose to mine, bloodshot from the tears and she hugged her knees tighter. "What am I going to do?"

_Oh God, no. It was positive, _I thought to myself, closing my eyes briefly as her sobs resumed. I rushed over to her, helping her up off the floor and bringing her back to the bedroom.

"I think I need that ice cream," she whispered in a voice hoarse from her tears and I quickly handed her one of the pints. She began to eat in silence, but I could see her thoughts racing behind her flickering eyes. I opened my own and took a few bites, contemplating what I could possibly say to her at this moment. It was something I had never thought about or even considered the possibility, so I was at a loss. Finally, her eyes rose back up to me and she shook her head. "I can't do this, Bella. My parents are going to kill me, and Jasper... oh god, how can I do this to Jasper? He has such huge plans, and this will ruin everything. God, how did this even happen? We were always so careful. _Always._"

I set my carton aside, allowing her words and fears to fill me, trying to imagine everything she was feeling. What would I want or need her to say to me if the roles were reversed?

"You need to listen to your heart, Alice," I said softly, reaching over to rest my hand on her knee. "What does your _heart_ tell you to do?"

Alice shook her head slowly, staring down at her melting ice cream. "I don't know. I've been thinking about this all day, running every possible scenario through my mind. I'm _really_ not cut out for this. What the hell do I know about being a mom? When my own spends ninety percent of the year in Paris or Rome, and her idea of parenting is showering me with clothes and a Porsche to assuage her own guilt. And my father's no better, having a better relationship with his scotch than his daughter," she quipped with a venomous tone I had never thought possible from someone as seemingly happy and delightful as Alice. It was also the first time she had ever really mentioned her parents at all. I had to admit that I had always wondered in the back of my mind what teenage girl had the freedoms and free reign that Alice did; the constant absence of any parental figure in her home. Her eyes suddenly returned to the distressed gaze from before and her head shook slowly. "I can't do this to another child. But at the same time, I can't even begin to imagine getting rid of this baby. God, I'm so confused."

"You have your answer right there," I replied softly as her head lowered, shaking it slightly and I gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "

Alice, you don't have to _be_ your parents. You are _so_ much better than that. You are capable of being a fantastic mother and loving this child unconditionally, just as you do everyone else around you. I have watched you take care of everyone, even me. I would have been lost without you when I first moved here, and I _never_ would have met Edward. I will _always _be here for you and support you in any decision you make, but this isn't one you can make on your own. You need to tell Jasper, and soon."

Alice tensed slightly and I took the ice cream from her and set it aside, and grasping her chilled hands in mine.

"He loves you, Alice. And while I admit that there is a slight chance that he may not want this, and in that case you would have to prepare yourself to raise this child without its father," I began, her eyes widening and she moved to speak, but I held up my hand cutting her off. "_But_ I really don't think he is anymore capable of being without you than you are without him. And you might be underestimating how much Jasper truly loves you."

More tears welled in her eyes as she crumbled against me and I leaned back against the headboard, enveloping her in my arms. We sat in silence for several minutes as I gently rubbed comforting circles on her back while she cried softly against my chest. Her breathing began to even out and her gentle sobs quieted, and for a moment, I thought she had fallen asleep until she hugged me around the waist.

"How do you do it, Bella? As much as I love Jasper, I wish I could be as confident about him as you are about Edward. This probably wouldn't even scare you at all, would it?" she said softly, her voice beginning to trail off at the end.

I glanced down at her to see that her eyes had closed. "Alice?" I whispered softly, but she didn't stir at all. Stroking her hair gently with my hand, I rested my head back against the headboard and stared up at the ceiling. Her last words hung in the air around me, and for a moment, my mind wandered to what something like this would be like even years in the future. Edward's impending departure had consumed my thoughts for so long that I had never given much contemplation to anything beyond that, and in the long run, that held nothing on this. _Would _something like this scare me if it happened to me? If I had suddenly found myself pregnant? How _would_ I feel? What would be going through my mind? No matter how many ways I thought about it, I could not find it in myself to be afraid in the slightest, even of Edward's reaction. _Or_ my dad's.

Now for the first time, I was thinking beyond the immediate future and I surprisingly felt myself oddly at peace.

The next several weeks flew by in a rush.

The one thing that had terrified Alice the most about unexpectedly becoming pregnant turned out to be the easiest thing that she had encountered so far. Jasper had not disappointed me at all and stood beside her, and despite the circumstances and the uncertainty that lay before them, remained very level headed about it all.

Even after assuring her that telling his parents would be the easiest of anything they would still need to face, her unease only increased throughout the entire day before that family dinner.

While they were obviously less that ecstatic about their son becoming a father at such a young age, his parents were respectful of Alice and Jasper's decision concerning the pregnancy. Only insisting that Jasper "step up and take responsibility, get a job immediately and set up a suitable home". Being of old Southern roots, his family believed in the strong bonds of the family unit but stood firm on him standing on his own to support his new family.

Telling my dad, on the other hand, was not nearly as easy. The silence that followed Alice's timid announcement was nerve-wracking for her, having always adored and respected Charlie as if he were her own father and valuing his opinion of her. When he stood and walked out of the living room, I thought for sure she was going to collapse into hysterics.

Returning with a beer in his hand five minutes later, he sat down beside her and truly amazed me. He remained remarkably calm, stating that while disappointed, it was not the worst thing that could ever happen. And for the first time ever, talked about what it was like when he and my mom found out they were having me, almost as young and just as unprepared as Alice and Jasper. She gazed at him with an almost reverent look, soaking in every word from a voice of experience. By the end of their conversation, Alice was enclosed in my dad's arms and the sight was heartwarming, though short-lived. The game was coming on and to his - and my own - surprise; she asked if she could join him. And from that night on, she became a permanent fixture in front of our television for every game and even giving my dad a run for his money in enthusiasm.

Yet not all worked out so well.

Alice had decided it best to wait until she could not hide her pregnancy any longer to tell her parents. This had been her greatest fear since finding out she was pregnant, and at least wanted to give Jasper a chance to save some money and graduate. However, because of her small frame, the swell of her stomach began to show near the beginning of June, and she decided it was best to tell her parents when her mother returned from her business trip the following week.

An hour after hanging up with Alice, my phone rang again with Jasper on the other end. Alice's sobs could be heard clearly in the background and he explained to me that her parent's had thrown her out after she had refused to have an abortion.

There was only one thing I could do.

I immediately told Jasper to bring her over and I ran down the stairs to talk to my dad. I knew he would have too big of a heart to turn Alice away, even with as tough as he tried to appear. After promising him that it was only temporary until Jasper could acquire them a place for their own, he agreed to allow Alice to stay with us as long as they were settled into their own apartment by the time the baby was born.

When a broken Alice arrived not five minutes later still wrapped in Jasper's arms, my heart froze at the sight of her. Her tiny body was trembling, her face buried into his chest as her audible sobs tore through her. And as we sat and listened to her choke out everything that had happened in that short time she was at her parent's house, I watched the two men in the room visibly restraining their anger due to their mutual adoration for this girl. She had been called everything from a disgrace to a whore, and accused of 'slumming' with someone unworthy of their social status.

"Fucking snobs," she growled uncharacteristically before her eyes shot up to my father in horror. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, Chief Swan!"

My father merely chuckled and hugged around her shoulders gently, before requesting a word with Jasper in private. Alice's wide eyes shot to me and I reached over for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"If Edward survived, I'm sure Jasper will be _just_ fine," I smiled reassuringly and guided her upstairs to clean up and change.

Once Jasper had come upstairs briefly to say goodnight to Alice before going home for the night, my dad sat in my room with us, discussing the living arrangement. Alice would stay in my room while I would sleep on the sofa, despite her initial protests. We would both have a curfew, and finish out the school year; though Alice was undecided as to whether she would return in the fall.

We fell into a comfortable routine of living together very easily; both abiding be my dad's rules concerning 'the boys' and of course focusing on passing our finals.

The finals themselves were something that I had been avoiding thinking about for a while now, having only one meaning for me. _Edward's graduation_. Just one more step toward that next fateful day that I was now counting down to in weeks rather than months, anything to make it appear farther away than it actually was. I could not believe how quickly the school year had passed and as I walked out of the school on that last day of finals, I nearly knocked Edward over as my body collided with his.

"We've got all summer, baby," was all he said as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my hair before taking me home.

Surprisingly, even the thoughts of our impending separation could not overshadow the pride I felt on the day of Edward's graduation. The 'hot shot junior' I had met nearly two years ago was now standing before us accepting his diploma and graduating Summa Cum Laude. And the moment he spotted us waiting for him outside after the ceremony, he accepted the hugs and congratulations from his parents and brother and took a few pictures before whipping off his cap and gown, and engulfing me in his arms.

And so began our summer.

_Eight weeks later..._

I sat on my bed, both looking forward to and dreading what I was about to face. This was my last night with Edward for three long months, and while we were both determined to enjoy it and not think about tomorrow, I could already feel myself failing miserably in my attempts. And hearing his voice downstairs only reinforced my discouraging mindset; thinking of how much I would miss that voice arriving to pick me up for our Friday night dates. The summer had flown by so fast, and while I had enjoyed every moment of the time I had with him during this time, reality was now setting in once again and weighing down on me more than ever.

"Bella?" Alice's soft voice echoed through the door, following her gentle knock. When my voice failed me to respond, she cracked the door open and I could not raise my eyes from my folded hands in my lap. It clicked softly and I felt the bed shift beside me, Alice's arm coming around my shoulders. "He's waiting."

I let out a shuddering breath with a nod, smoothing my skirt with my hands. "I know, I'm coming," I replied in a barely audible voice.

"Bella listen," she started, lowering herself onto the floor in front of me with a soft grunt and her hand resting on the small swell of her stomach from the movement. "I am not going to pretend that I know what you are going through, or that I would be handling this much better if it were Jasper. But I can't allow you to torture yourself either. This isn't forever, he _will_ be back. And do you really want to waste even one minute with him right now that you will regret every day for the next nine weeks?"

I raised my tear-filled eyes to meet hers and held her gaze for a moment, then shook my head solemnly. "No, I don't. I just needed a moment to collect myself before I walked down there and burst into tears," I replied and allowed a small smile to break through. "I know how much trouble I'd be in if I smudged my mascara or left streaks on my face."

"You best believe it. Just remember who asked who to get her all prettied up for her boyfriend tonight," Alice shot back teasingly with a wink and pushed herself up off the floor again, using my knees for leverage.

I laughed lightly as I remembered the minor anxiety attack I had experienced earlier when I realized I had no idea what I was going to wear tonight, and actually begged for Alice to help me. I wanted to look absolutely perfect for him tonight; everything about this last night with Edward needed to be memorable with no mishaps. To not only remind him of what he had waiting at home for him, but also to see the look in his eyes when he saw me, that smile that was reserved only for me; to remind myself of what was coming home to me.

I took Alice's outstretched hand and stood, leaving my room with her and began heading down the stairs. I felt a smile stretch across my lips as my eyes fell on Edward talking casually with my father, catching sight of me in his peripheral vision and doing a double take. And there was that look; like I was the most beautiful woman in the world and even in my simple white dress, I felt more radiant in his eyes than a goddess. My heels clicked as I reached the hardwood floor in front of him and a tiny smirk appeared on his lips as he leaned toward me to kiss my cheek.

"You look amazing, baby," he breathed softly in my ear before pulling away, his hand falling to take hold of mine. "She won't be out too late, Chief Swan."

My dad turned his eyes to me, offering me a small smile. His eyes showed his understanding of how much tonight would come to mean to me for a long time to come, and his attention returned to Edward. "She can have an extra hour tonight. Just drive carefully, there's a big storm brewing."

I bit my lip and released Edward's hand, stepping toward my dad and wrapping my arms around his neck as I fought back tears. "Thank you, Daddy," I whispered faintly as I hugged him, and his arms tightened around me at the term of endearment. He patted my back gently but it was not the uneasy gesture that I was used to. It was comforting and I pulled back slowly to look at him, and his smile remained.

"Have fun," he said softly, motioning his head toward Edward and the door, encouraging me.

I nodded and turned back to Edward, reclaiming his hand and waving to Alice on the way by as she settled onto the couch to watch the game tonight with Charlie. Stepping out onto the porch, I paused before we hit the steps causing Edward's eyes to return to me. I stood silently and squeezed his hand, but stared down.

He stepped in front of me, raising my chin gently with his finger to bring my gaze to meet his. "We promised we weren't going to do this, Bella," he said in a soft voice, stroking my cheek gently as I leaned into his touch. "It's just another Friday night, nothing more. No other thoughts than that. Okay?"

I opened my mouth to protest, silenced hastily by his fingertips. I desperately wanted to argue that it was easier said than done; but in the end, I knew he was right. Dreading tomorrow would only ruin tonight and I didn't want that. So I nodded slowly instead.

"You look pretty good tonight yourself," I said with a soft smile, running the fingers of my free hand down the lapel of his black sports jacket. "A little formal though, don't you think? You know, for just another Friday night."

He chuckled and kissed my forehead gently as my eyes ran over him. It was nothing more than a white shirt and black tie under the jacket, and black dress slacks; but still a far cry from the casual jeans and t-shirt, or even occasionally a button-down, that I was accustomed to. "Well, it _is _a special occasion, you know."

I narrowed my eyes at him as he gave me a small smirk and a gentle tug on my hand, guiding me down the steps and to his car. "Edward," I started with a warning tone to my voice.

He opened my door for me and held his hands up. "I never said _what _occasion, now did I?" he replied with a wink and let out a laugh as my lips pursed in irritation. "Come on, get in."

I rolled my eyes and settling into the car, waiting until he got in beside me and leaning over to rest my head on his shoulder. He kissed my hair gently as he started the car and then began backing out. When he began heading in the opposite direction we usually went, I raised my gaze to his face. "Where are we going?"

I watched his smile grow and he glanced over at me briefly, winking before turning his attention back to the road. "Surprise."

I sighed heavily but my smile stayed in place as my cheek rested back on his arm. I had learned that Edward never acquiesced regardless of what tactics I used to wheedle surprises out of him; and found that I very rarely minded any surprises from him. He always planned things out so meticulously, with so much thought behind everything he did; I'd be selfish not to appreciate it. However, I did find my curiosity peaked by this, as I could only think of one place outside of school that was in this direction; our meadow. I closed my eyes, content with that thought as I just enjoyed the feel and scent of him.

When the car finally stopped, I opened my eyes again and furrowed my brow at what stared back at me. "The motel, Edward? Really?" I asked dubiously and shook my head.

He brought my hand up to his lips briefly and smiled. "Don't be so quick to judge. Not _everyone's _mind is in the gutter, young lady," he replied with a slight eye roll, but never losing the playful smirk on his face. We both stepped out and he grabbed a cooler from the backseat, meeting me at the front of the car.

Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved a small key ring and guided me over to room number four.

"Close your eyes," he said softly and after casting him a questioning glance, allowed my eyes to flutter closed.

I heard the door click open and felt his hand rest on the small of my back, urging me forward where my feet met soft carpet just as the first rumble of thunder sounded in the sky. His movement around the room was barely noticeable until I heard a familiar flicking sound.

"Edward, please don't tell me you're smoking again. I thought you..."

I froze as a delicate, yet discernible scent of vanilla began to permeate the air around us after a moment. Everything was nearly silent in the room for what seemed like several minutes, until I once again felt his hands resting on my waist. I leaned my head back against his chest, enjoying the closeness of his body and his arms slid around my waist. My hands ran along his arms, feeling his warm skin and the bunched fabric of his sleeves by his elbows. I smiled. _He had taken off his jacket already. Can't keep him dressed up for long._

"Open your eyes, baby," his low voice rumbled in my ear and I slowly opened them and looked around the room.

Sparsely situated candles, creating a romantic, flickering glow, dimly lit the space and spread on the floor was our blanket for our visits to the meadow with pillows on either side of it and the cooler set in middle. I turned my head to gaze up at him.

"This is amazing, Edward," I said, my hand coming to his face and raising my lips to brush against his, our foreheads resting together after the soft kiss.

"It's drier than the meadow will be tonight, and more private than a restaurant. I wanted it to be us tonight," he replied softly and I opened my eyes to find his still closed, until he gazed down at me again. "_Just_ us."

The intensity of his words nearly brought tears to my eyes and I turned in his hold, pressing my cheek to his chest and hugging him around the waist. His arms enclosed around me and I felt him rest his head atop mine, enveloping me in warmth and safety.

"Thank you," I whispered against him, running my hands over his back as he swayed me back and forth.

With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he pulled back slowly and guided me over to the blanket. I knelt down on the pillow beside him as he unzipped the cooler and the distinct scent of Chinese food wafted toward me and I hummed contentedly. He pulled out one of the Styrofoam containers and handed it to me with an actual metal fork, knowing I hated the plastic take out silverware.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath and stood up, walking across the room. Just as I was about to question the sudden outburst, he bent over into the small fridge in the corner and retrieved two cans of Coke. "_Knew_ I was forgetting something."

I smiled as he settled back down in front of me and opened my can, unable to suppress the chuckle as he slid a bendy straw into the opening before retrieving his own container of food with a pair of chopsticks. I shifted slightly and tucked my feet beside me, taking my first bite of the sweet and sour chicken. Glancing over at him, I wrinkled my nose and shook my head at him. "Lo Mien? You mean people actually _eat _that?"

He smirked and rolled his eyes. "Have you ever even _tried _it, Bella?" he asked challengingly and I shrugged, shaking my head in response. He grasped a few noodles between the chopsticks and held them out to me. "Don't knock it until you have."

I warily leaned toward him and parted my lips as he guided the food into my mouth. I chewed slowly, trying to concentrate on the taste as I stared into his eyes. I swallowed and licked my lips, tilting my head in contemplation. "It's not _bad. _But not _this _either," I said and speared a piece of chicken with my fork, and held it out to him.

He laughed and shook his head, humoring me by taking the bite off my fork with his teeth. Even the knowledge that he had definitely had this before did not take away from this for me. There was something so intimate and personal about this moment, sharing everything together.

"It's not _bad,"_ he replied with a wink, imitating my earlier statement. "Bit more sweet than sour for my tastes."

"This coming from a man who is now taking a sip of soda that probably has more sugar in that one mouthful than in my entire meal," I retorted sassily as I popped another piece of chicken in my mouth, and restrained a chuckle as he snorted softly and covered his mouth with his hand. The remainder of the meal continued this way; playful banter about our meal choices, trying to convince the other of why ours was the 'obvious' choice.

When we were done, he lifted a small paper bag and retrieved our fortune cookies. Holding one in each palm, he held them out to me. "Ladies first."

I took a deep breath and delicately took the one from his right hand. I had never held much stock in fortunes, but tonight I actually felt a gripping around my heart as if what resided in my palm held my entire future inside. Removing the plastic from our cookies, I lifted my eyes to meet his again. "One, two..."

On three, the cracking filled the air as we both simultaneously opened our cookies and pulled the slip of paper from the inside. I inhaled slowly again with my eyes closed and finally looked down to the words.

"Love is for the lucky and the brave," I said softly, reading my fortune aloud and then glanced at him.

He licked his lips and began reading his. "A single kind word will keep one warm for years."

They were such simple and random words but a prime example of how you can associate just about anything with your own life as well. I always felt so lucky to have Edward in my life, but I had never been happier than I had in the last eleven months. Nothing had faded between us and it had actually grown more than I'd ever imagined possible. I _was _lucky. Even with all that we had been through together and all that was still to come, I knew that what we shared should never be taken for granted.

"You think that's true?" Edward asked suddenly, pulling me from my reverie and my eyes met his again. He was resting on his elbow with his long legs now stretching across the floor, having cleared the remnants of our dinner from the space between us. He looked down briefly at his fortune as he slipped it inside his wallet over his driver's license, before returning his attention to me.

"Absolutely. I've learned firsthand," I smiled, tracing my fingertip gently over the back of his hand. "Both of them actually. But yours... just one thing you said the day we met still gives me the goosebumps it did almost two years ago."

Edward's lips twitched slightly in an amused yet uncertain chuckle. "What?"

I bit my lip to suppress a smile, leaning toward him to brush a gentle kiss against his cheekbone. "Firecracker," I whispered against his skin, and allowed a giggle to emit from me as he reached for my sides and tugged me gently to him. He lowered me onto my back, hovering over me and placed a long lingering kiss against my lips.

"That's a nickname, not a word," he chuckled softly but I could sense the lack of humor behind it.

As his forehead rested against mine, I opened my eyes again to take in his expression. His remained closed as his hand gently stroked my side.

"It still counts," I replied, nudging his nose with mine and coaxing an all too brief smile to grace his features.

He finally gazed down at me, bringing his hand up and gently caressing my cheek with his fingertips. "No," he said, his voice soft but serious. "It barely grazes the surface. And beautiful doesn't do you justice. Amazing. Perfect..."

"Yours," I whispered, saying aloud the one word that warmed me above all others. My finger traced his lower lip slowly, thinking of just one singular word that could accurately describe all that Edward meant to me; all he was. Only one word repeatedly came to mind.

"Everything."

He drew in a slow breath before his lips returned to mine once more in a gentle but firm kiss. My arms slid around his shoulders and pulled him flush against my body. Suddenly the overwhelming feeling of not being able to get close enough seem to engulf us both as our embraces tightened, pouring every ounce of passion we felt for each other into the kiss.

When he finally pulled away again, his eyes began flickering over my face as his fingers lightly ran along my arm. He rolled onto his side and pulled me with him, my head resting on his arm and our free hands linked together between us. I hummed softly as I felt his other hand gently playing with my hair and I snuggled closer to him, brushing soft kisses against his chin.

"I love you," I whispered softly and his eyes locked with mine as his head tilted down slightly to kiss me gently.

"I love you too, Bella. So damn much," he replied with emotion heavy in his voice and his fingers laced further into my hair, taking my lower lip between his. Our hands simultaneously squeezed the other's as my leg slid in-between his, unable to get close enough to him and our kiss deepened.

Finally, our hands unlinked and I slid my arm around his back, and he pulled me more firmly against him in a tight embrace. We became a tangle of arms and legs, almost desperately clinging to each other.

"Edward," I whispered breathlessly between kisses, looking up at him. I wanted... needed to be closer to him.

While we certainly hadn't been abstinent over the past several months, stealing moments whenever we could in our need to make every moment count with each other; this was different, more intimate. And as he gazed into my eyes when I bought my palm to rest against his jaw, our wordless exchange seemingly assured him of this. I needed the connection with him above the pleasure, and his tender responding kiss spoke volumes to me as well.

He needed me just as much.

His body shifted to kneel beside me, never breaking the contact of our kiss as his arms slid underneath my knees and shoulders. My hold tightened around him as he lifted me up, feeling the muscles in his arms contract beneath me as he stood and carried me over to the bed.

Lightning illuminated the room brightly as he set me down, skewing my vision for a moment until my eyes adjusted back to the darkened room and Edward's face above me. He gave me a brief chaste kiss before slowly moving down my neck while his hand slid to my thigh, bending my leg at the knee as he continued down to unhook the buckle of my shoe. My hands wove through his hair as he made his way down my body, enjoying the silky sensation between my fingers until he left my reach. He kissed just above my anklebone softly as he lifted my foot to remove my shoe, and repeated the motion with the other.

He was taking his time and enjoying every moment of this as much as I was.

I smiled as he set my foot back down on the bed, raising myself up to kneel in front of him and taking his face between my hands. We gazed silently at each other, the only sound being the crack of thunder and the rain beating against the windows. Normally, these violent storms would unnerve me, but as we sat in front of each other; touching, memorizing every inch of the other's features as if we wouldn't know each other if we were struck blind that very minute, I hardly noticed. Everything I needed to feel safe and protected at this moment was in front of me now, caressing my face and stroking my hair reverently.

My hands slowly lowered to his chest, tugging gently on his tie. Loosening the knot for me, he breathed a soft laugh as I continued pulling the two ends free of each other and finally lifted it over his head, tossing it aside. His lips came to press gently against the skin just below my ear as he brushed my hair back over my shoulder, clearing the path for his lips to pepper soft kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. His fingers gently pulled at the ties of one of the straps on my dress, loosening them and allowing them to fall to either side.

As he placed soft open-mouthed kisses in their wake, I tilted my head back, taking in every touch and sound as my trembling fingers traced lightly down his throat. His lips raised to meet mine again with a tenderness that took my breath away as I came to the collar of his shirt. Fumbling with the first few buttons, I felt his hands gently cover mine and pull them aside, moving them back between us and slowly working the buttons loose. As I gently pushed aside the fabric over his shoulders, my thumbs grazed a cool metal chain contrasting with the heat of his skin.

I pulled away from his lips slowly as his shirt fell behind him and my eyes fell to his chest, where the chain disappeared beneath the undershirt he wore. I bit my lip and slid my finger beneath it, lifting it free and the tears began to pool in my eyes as the dog tags I had gotten him for Christmas appeared above the neckline of his shirt. A shaky breath shuddered through my body as I closed my fingers around them, feeling him kiss my forehead with his hands resting on my waist.

"I never take them off," he whispered softly against my skin and my eyes rose to meet his intense gaze. "You're always with me this way."

I bit my lip gently as my palm flattened on his chest, running it along the tiny balls of the chain and my gaze met my own Christmas present from him. The silver band and the stones of the ring gracing my finger glistened in the soft lighting. "Same reason I haven't taken this off since you put it there."

His hand came to his chest to cover mine, raising it to his lips to kiss it gently. Pressing my palm to his cheek, he leaned his face against it and brushed his lips against the inside of my wrist with his eyes closed tightly and an expression of longing and sadness on his face. His gaze finally held mine again and the depth of emotion in his eyes was breathtaking.

Edward slowly backed away from me and stood beside the bed, his fingers lacing with mine as he pulled me gently to kneel at the edge of the mattress in front of him. Our lips met again, moving slowly together as I felt the tug on the ties on my other shoulder and my dress finally flowed down my body to pool at my knees. My fingers unlinked with his, trailing up his arms and back down his chest to his belt. A contented sigh left his lips as his hands held my face gently while we kissed, while I began shedding the remainder of his clothing until we were left in only our underwear. My breasts pressed against his bare chest and I felt the warmth of his embrace engulf me, sending a shiver through my body.

"Come here, baby," he said softly against my lips and pulled me closer until my feet hit the floor. His kisses trailed down my neck and chest as he leaned over to pull back the covers on the bed, and then motioned for me to lie down again.

In my movement, I hooked my fingers in the chain of his dog tags and held his gaze as I gently pulled him back down to me, our lips meeting again as his body settled against mine. My arms slid around his shoulders and covered us over with the blanket in one motion, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss as much as possible. I started to push his boxers downs his thighs; even skin to skin, I still didn't feel close enough to him and they were in the way. Once I couldn't reach with my hands, I ran my feet up along his legs and used them to remove them, unwilling to relinquish my hold on him or his lips on mine.

"God, I love you, baby," he whispered softly against my skin, kissing along my jaw as I ran my hands over his back and his lips began moving down my neck and chest until he disappeared under the blanket. I felt his fingers tracing along my abdomen and gentle kisses brushing on my hip as he slowly removed the last barrier between us.

When finally he made his way back up my body, I wove my hands into his hair again as he began placing soft kisses over my skin and gently cupped my breast with his palm. As his hands and lips tenderly caressed me and my fingers tangled in the soft strands, nothing else in the world mattered. Not the rain pounding against the windows, the world outside this room or even tomorrow. Everything was about right here, right now... with each other. With a final brush of his lips, his face rested against my chest and his arms slid around me. I could feel his heart pounding against me as I watched my hand running through his hair, my other arm holding him just as tightly as he was holding me.

After a long silent moment, his lips brushed the inside of my breast before coming eye level with me again and kissing me gently. My hands slid under the blanket covering us to trace my fingertips over his back, the soft sheets rubbing against the backs of my knuckles as I stared into his eyes.

His kiss deepened and I pulled him closer, letting out a contented sigh. The feeling of his body pressed so firmly against me, his mouth moving enticingly with mine, the look in his eyes as he never took them off me; it truly was the most perfect moment and it all overwhelmed and consumed me. I brought my hand to his cheek, tracing the contours of his face with my fingertips as he continued peppering kisses on my lips; committing every one of his features to memory.

Our gazes locked as he slowly slid inside of me and I gently pulled his shoulders toward me to join our lips as he entered me fully, our hips flush with each other. Everything about this moment was amplified; the feelings, the sounds and even the scents surrounding us. Something so amazing and pure between us, it left no doubt in my mind the depth of this connection we shared. He was mine and I was his, and no one or nothing was ever going to change that. No one could ever bring me to life this way; make me feel this beautiful and adored. With every kiss and movement of our bodies, I could only feel our connection growing stronger in the tenderness of this moment. It brought tears to my eyes with the intensity and they escaped, trailing down over my temples.

My lips tightened against his with the emotion rushing through me, and I tried to pull him closer but he gently retracted from the kiss and stilled his movements. He gazed down at me, running the backs of his fingers along my cheek.

"Baby, what's the matter?" he asked in a voice heavy with concern, gently brushing away the fallen tears. I shook my head slowly and lifted my lips to meet his, pulling gently on his shoulders and pressing our bodies against each other again.

"Don't stop," I whispered softly against his lips, trailing my fingers down his arms and sliding them beneath his hands. I felt the gentle tracing of his fingertips over the palms of my hands, before sliding between mine and lacing them together.

My lips parted as his body moved against mine again, his hands raising mine above my head on the pillow as he kissed along the exposed skin of my neck. I could feel the flush begin to spread over every inch of my body, far above than anything I had ever felt with him before. This moment, this experience, his touch, his kisses, everything about him was like nothing we had ever shared.

His body continued to rock into mine, our movements becoming more frantic, both searching for that one moment of completeness. His thrusts were more urgent, my hips lifting to meet him as I tightened my grip on his hands.

"Bella," he breathed out heavily, brushing my lips with his once before resting his forehead against mine. His eyes closed and his face was tense in concentration.

"Hey," I whispered as I gently nudged his nose with mine, coaxing him to open his eyes. His chest heaved more drastically as our lips met again and I released one hand from his hold, lacing it in his hair. "Look at me, Edward."

Without stalling his movements, he slowly raised his lids to reveal his own slightly misted eyes and gazed into mine. The emotion evident in their depths reflected every single emotion passing through me and I pulled him gently down to press his lips to mine. I moaned softly against him as he released my other hand, moving his to slide around my hip to the back of my thigh while the other moved underneath me, pressing us impossibly closer.

Suddenly I felt my body being lifted up, my arms holding tightly around him as he sat up and pulled me back against him, straddling his legs. We held each other's gazes as I settled back down on him, wrapping my legs around him. I felt his hold on me strengthen as he kissed down my neck, our bodies beginning to move fluidly together again, meeting each other and molding into one. In this position I could feel him hit deeper into me than before and the feeling was indescribable. It was exactly what I needed in this moment, to be closer to him. I needed to feel that he loved me and cared for me just as much as I did for him; and now I did. And in that moment I knew that I would never feel this way for anyone else, that I could never have enough of him. I knew without a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with the beautiful, caring man beneath me.

As those thoughts passed through my mind, I felt my body tensing as my head fell back while he continued to move along my neck to my ear. Our torsos pressed together, the cold from the dog tags radiating straight into my heart, creating a painful but beautiful reminder of the moment I was sharing with this man_; the love of my life._ Having the strong urge to voice out my love for him, I opened my mouth. No words could escape as heavy pants were being released against him.

"I love you, Bella," he softly whispered in my ear as if reading my mind. All the emotions, our situation, him leaving, the tangled sheets around us and our hearts pounding together; unraveled me completely in his arms. My hand gently gripped his hair to hold him close to me as the first wave of my undoing started crashing into me, clinging to it and him for as long as possible. My legs tightened around him, my lips parting as the shuddering breaths escaped me. I was rendered silent by the sensations he was invoking in me, causing me to tremble in his embrace, holding onto my only grasp of hope, his love for me.

I was so lost in him, _in us_, as wave after wave of the overwhelming feelings went through us. When he followed me a moment later, his lips sealed to the spot below my ear and a shiver ran through my entire body, intensifying the sensation.

"I love you too," I murmured against his hair, our movements gradually slowing and finally settling into each other's embrace. We stayed like that for several minutes until he pulled back slightly, staring into my eyes as he laced his fingers in my hair to pull me closer into a passionate kiss. He slowly lowered us down against the pillows and pulled the covers back over us, gathering me into his arms and holding my head against his chest. Our breathing eventually slowed and we resumed our tender touches and explorations of each other. We still had a few more hours before I had to be home and I wanted to enjoy every moment of it. My mind began to wander as I lost myself in the feel of his hand playing lightly with my hair.

"Edward?" I said softly as my finger traced in slow circles on his chest, tilting my head up to look at him. When he hummed softly in response, he turned his eyes toward me and I shifted slightly beside him, folding my hands on his chest and resting my chin atop them.

"What did you mean? When you said 'it _is_ a special occasion'? I mean, if it wasn't the _obvious_," I continued, still avoiding the looming reality of tomorrow. "What was it?"

Edward tilted his head slightly on the pillow, running his fingers down along my cheek and then over my lips. "You really want to know?"

I nodded slowly and pressed a kiss to his fingertips as they came to a stop. He took a slow intake of breath that made me feel slightly nervous until his face relaxed, his hand now cupping my cheek.

"I know we've never talked much about Alaska, and I understand why. But I don't regret going," he began and it was my turn for discomfort, stiffening slightly until I felt his hand gently stroking my back. I relaxed slightly under his touch and nodded for him to continue. "Everything happens for a reason, Bella. Even the things that seem like stupid mistakes at the time, and we all know that I've made plenty of them. But I really think that if I hadn't gone there last summer, we wouldn't be here right now. Because it was a year ago this week that I realized just how in love with you I was, and made my decision to find a way to tell you someday. I never would have known what it was like to live without you if I hadn't done it, or that I _never_ want to do it again."

"But you will be," I replied sadly, my gaze falling to his chest again.

"No, I won't," he whispered in a hushed tone, hooking his finger under my chin and raising his lips to meet mine briefly and then rolling me gently onto my back. He gently brushed a few stray hairs from my forehead before placing a soft kiss on the skin there. "We weren't going to do this, remember?"

I sighed heavily and shook my head. "I can't just forget it, Edward. Whether it's for twelve weeks or twelve years, _you won't be here_. You're leaving tomorrow and I can't just pretend otherwise like it doesn't exist if I don't think about it. I can't forget that when I wake up tomorrow, it will be the last time I wake up to the prospect of seeing you. For the first time in a year, I'll have to relive what that was like for three _more _months."

He silenced me with his lips, kissing me deeply as tears continued to stream down my face and my arms slid around his neck, pulling him closer. I arched my neck toward him when he began to pull back, unwilling to separate from him so soon. His thumb traced over my lips and I hesitantly opened my eyes to look at him.

"It's different this time, baby. This isn't all about me anymore, it's about us. I'm building up something for our future," he replied seriously and I ran my hand up along his arm to his hand, grasping it gently and pressing a kiss to his palm. "You're everything to me, Bella. I want you, always. I swear, I'm gonna make you proud of me."

More tears welled in my eyes as I gazed up into the pure devotion showing in his eyes and I placed my hand on his neck, gently guiding him to my lips again. "I _am _proud, Edward. _So _damn proud. Never doubt that," I whispered, shaking my head and sliding my arms around him again with my cheek resting on his chest. "I'm just going to miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too, baby," he replied softly and kissed my forehead, rolling back onto his side and pulling me against him. I snuggled against him until every part of our bodies were in contact. Breathing him in, touching him, taking in every little detail of this moment.

What seemed like minutes later, I felt Edward shaking my shoulder gently and saying my name. When I tried to open my eyes to look at him, they were far too heavy and I realized that I must have fallen asleep.

"We have to get up, Bella. I have to get you home," he said, placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"What? No," I protested, shaking my head and looking around the room to find it dark without a single candle still lit, and then raised my wrist to glance at my watch. I closed my eyes in defeat to find that it was indeed 11:30, and I had to be home at midnight. "How could you let me sleep away our last night?"

"Enjoying the view," he replied shamelessly and I raised my eyes in annoyance to find him smirking, quickly kissing my lips. "It's not the end of the world, baby. I like holding you while you sleep and it's given me time to realize one more thing I'm adding to my list of things to come home for."

I furrowed my brow in confusion and he kissed me gently again.

"The chance to do it again," he answered my unspoken question and I couldn't help smiling against his lips, kissing him more firmly for a moment before he reluctantly pulled away. "But we really do have to go."

I stole one last kiss before nodding, wrapping the sheet around me as I gathered my clothes. By the time I was finally pulling on my dress, Edward stood behind me fully clothed and helping me re-tie the straps. Once the task was completed, his arms encircled my waist and his lips rested on my shoulder; enjoying one last moment of silence together. I gently brushed a kiss against his temple, hugging his arms tighter around me until we both loosened our hold, and he took my hand.

"What about the room?" I asked curiously, as I bent down to pick up my shoes and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Come on," he replied and began walking toward the door, with me in tow.

As we drove back to my house, Edward never let go of my hand but he also never said a word; but then neither did I. Keeping my head resting on his shoulder, I hugged against his arm as close as I could until we pulled into my driveway.

"Stay there," he said quietly and got out of the car, walking around to my side to open the door and reaching out for my hand. I placed it into his, stepping out of the car and into his arms.

He held me there for a moment until the rain shifted from a drizzle to a steady fall and then hurried me to the cover of the porch, his arm remaining around me.

As we stood in front of the door, I could hear my father's television just inside and knew he was in there waiting for me; but we still had a few more minutes. Edward gently took my face in his hands, gazing at me for a moment before lowering his lips softly against mine. Pressing his forehead against mine, his thumbs gently grazed my cheeks until he finally opened his eyes again.

"I'll see you in the morning, Bella. Love you," he said barely above a whisper while my hands gently moved along his sides.

"Love you too," I replied and kissed him gently one more time before he backed away, taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze as he turned to walk back down the steps. He quickly made his way to his car and I waved one last time before he stepped in and then I walked back into the house. Knowing that if I stayed out there a second longer, he would witness the breakdown I could feel emerging from deep inside of me; and that was the last thing either of us needed.

I hurriedly closed the door behind me and leaned back against it, barely making it before the sobs consumed me and my chest felt as if it might explode.

"Bella?" I heard my dad call from the next room and I pushed myself off the door, stepping into the doorway and spotting him on the recliner.

Running my hand through my damp hair, I walked in and sat down on the arm of his chair. I sat quietly for a moment as he watched me calmly, and I leaned down to rest my head on his shoulder. When his arm came around me to hold me against his side, the final barrier was breached and I completely succumbed to the tears and the pain. With everything that Charlie and I had been through this past year, this was the first time I was selfishly grateful for it. I didn't need Alice or Jake, or even the Cullens. Right now, I needed my dad; to hold me through my tears and tell me that everything was going to be okay.

"I love him so much, Dad," I cried uncontrollably into his chest, his hand stroking my hair.

"I know you do, honey," he replied gently and I hugged him tighter around the waist as he pulled me down completely into his lap, cradling me as he did when I was little. Nothing else was said as I continued to cry, but nothing else was needed.

And for the first time in over ten years, I cried myself to sleep on my dad's arms.

Sitting in the back seat of the car beside Edward the following morning, I hadn't even bothered to buckle up. I held onto him tightly, resting my head in his chest and keeping it down to prevent him seeing the tears as he kept his arm wrapped tightly around me shoulder. I could feel his breath in my hair, smell the clean scent of his t-shirt, hear his heart pounding against my ear.

And soon it would be gone. All of it.

I tried to wipe my face with my sleeve as the car came to a stop in front of the bus depot, attempting to assemble my brave face for him. The clearing of his throat caught my attention but as I glanced over at him, I noticed that this had probably not been his intent. His eyes were focused above him, rolling back slightly as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly before bringing his gaze back to mine.

"Ready?" he said softly in a deep voice filled with emotion.

My lips pressed together tightly as I attempted to keep the tears at bay, shaking my head slowly and placing a kiss on his shoulder. "Not in the slightest," I whispered against the fabric, feeling the soft pressure of his lips on my temple.

I sat up and collected myself, knowing that I was not making this any easier for either of us but especially him. I promised myself that I wasn't going to give him any reason to regret his decision, so I offered him as much of a smile as I could manage and kissed his cheek.

"Come on, you'll miss your bus."

I took his hand and opened the door to step out of the car, where his parents were waiting. We all took our time walking toward the bus despite the pouring rain, all of us obviously in no hurry to say goodbye. If life without Edward was unimaginable for me, I could only imagine how this would be for them. Especially Esme, who never wanted this for her son in the first place; but I had to give her credit for being the most collected of us all today. Even Carlisle had been slightly teary this morning, as much as he attempted to hide it. And Emmett had said his goodbye in private this morning before Edward left the house.

And of course, I was a mess.

Standing under the cover of the depot, I hung back to allow Edward a moment with his parents, even trying to avert my eyes to give them privacy; but the sight was difficult to ignore.

Esme placed her hand on his cheek briefly, giving him a small smile before pulling him into her embrace and only then did the tears make their appearance. He buried his face into her shoulder and tightened his hold around her waist.

"I love you, honey. Call us when you get there," she said softly, pressing her lips against his hair as he nodded against her and returned the sentiment in a mumble into her shoulder. They parted and he kissed her cheek, and then turned to his father.

I had to bring my hand to cover my lips to keep the sob from escaping as I watched them both stand at attention before each other, and Carlisle raised his hand to salute his son. Edward's jaw tightened slightly with emotion, but then raised his chin slightly and returned the gesture. When his father finally lowered his hand, he pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"I'm proud of you, son," he choked out and then gave Edward a pat on the shoulder as he pulled away.

"Thank you sir," Edward replied, but allowed a small smile to break through, showing how much his father's statement meant to him.

When he finally turned toward me, he took another deep breath as we continued to stand with several feet between us, our eyes locked.

"We'll give you two a moment," Esme said softly, taking her husband's arm and leading him inside the depot.

The tears would not remain at bay as I began taking slow steps toward him until I collided gently with his chest, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. He hugged me against him, slowly rocking me back and forth until I pulled back enough to look up at him. His hand came to my cheek, wiping my tears away with his thumb and kissing me gently.

"I love you," I said tearily against his lips, my hands splaying over his back and pulling him closer.

"I love you too, baby," he whispered softly, continuing to stroke my cheek. His movement suddenly stopped and I opened my eyes to look up at him, praying that our moment wasn't quite over yet. "I have something for you."

I reluctantly loosened my hold on him, allowing him to bend over to the bag at his feet and watching as he pulled out a small leather bound book. A journal of some sort. I furrowed my brow slightly, but took it gently from his hand as he held it out to me. I ran my fingers over the cover and brought my eyes back up to meet his.

He shrugged slightly and nodded toward it before speaking. "I started it a while back. Just little thoughts and such," he said softly, placing his hands on my hips as I resumed taking in the book in my hand. "So you never forget how much you mean to me, no matter what. And I'm counting the days, too."

I brought my hand up to his neck, pulling him down to meet my lips again and kissing him firmly. I felt his grip tighten slightly on my hips, returning my passion but eventually pulling away and resting his forehead on mine.

"I have to go, Bella," he whispered regretfully and I nodded, pinching my eyes closed as he pulled away from me with a final kiss to my hair.

As I heard him lifting his bag over his shoulder and begin to walk away, my throat tightened emotionally and teary eyes raised up abruptly to find him already standing outside the bus in the line to board.

"Edward!" I called out to him and he turned in time to catch me in his arms as I ran out to him, capturing his lips passionately with mine. One hand drove into his hair while the other held the journal tightly against my chest, the rain pouring down around us but neither of us seemed to care. "Thank you."

With a few more brief kisses, he pulled away and and began backing toward the bus again, holding onto me as long as possible until I was out of reach.

I brought my hand up to wave as he looked back at me once before boarding the bus and mouthed 'love you'. He waved back and blew me a kiss as he mouthed it back, and then stepped onto the bus.

Hugging the book tightly against me as it began to pull away, I could not keep tears welling in my eyes from falling, mixing with the rain on my face. I watched until it turned the corner at the end of the road and only then, allowed my eyes to fall to the journal in my hands. I walked back into the depot, before I opened the front cover to find his beautiful handwriting was scrawled across the page.

_This isn't goodbye, Bella. It's see you soon._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

_Who am I but one person?_

_Who am I but one half? _

_Who am I but one piece of a puzzle?_

_Who am I without you?_

_Without you I am strong_

_But with you I am stronger_

_Without you I am alone_

_But with you I am loved_

_Without you I am incomplete_

_But with you I am whole_

_Who am I?_

_A friend, a brother and a son_

_But only you can make me_

_A companion, a lover and a man_

_Who am I? A half of our soul._

Despite my tears, a smile came to my lips as I closed it, hugging it back to my chest. I would miss him every moment that he was away; there was no doubt about that. But he also left no shred of doubt in my mind that I was the one who held his heart, was the one that made him smile; that made him happy.

And I would be here waiting for him when he returned.

* * *

**Special thanks to ericastwilight for the beautiful poem at the end of this chapter. Very beautiful and fitting. **

**Hope it was worth the wait, and again I want to thank you all for your support. The next part of this journey, "Don't Ever Forget", will hopefully begin by mid to end October **_**at the latest**_**. So if you don't have me on Author Alert already and would like to continue to follow this story, please be sure to add me to be notified when the sequel begins it's posting. **


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